A Year to Clear Read online

  Explore

  When I slow down, it feels like . . .

  One thing I can do today to “actively not do” is . . .

  DAY 12

  NON-IDENTIFICATION—BE THE OBSERVER

  Can you witness a disturbance without taking it personally? Can you feel discomfort without feeding the story that created it? What can you do on the spot to unplug from a drama that is pushing your buttons? This is the work of dis-identifying.

  Non-identification is the pathway of becoming the silent observer of our experience: to accept things as they are, take things less personally, witness without judgment. It takes patience and practice not to get plugged in.

  Try it: If something or someone challenges your equanimity today (i.e., pisses you off, pushes your buttons), give the situation a number from 1 to 10, with 10 being the red zone of activation and attachment. See if naming and feeling the problem doesn't reduce the charge and lower the number.

  Explore

  Someone or something that has gotten under my skin lately is . . . (and the number I would give it is . . .)

  One thing I can do to unplug from this situation is . . . (and the number I would give it after naming and feeling my discomfort is . . .)

  DAY 13

  COMPASSION—CULTIVATE SELF-CARE

  Compassion, as it relates to clearing in this book, is not just that altruistic, openhearted Mother Teresa quality that we all wish we had more of. The focus here is not about embodying selflessness, but rather cultivating self-more-ness—as in more self-kindness, self-acceptance, self-worth. It means allowing yourself to disappoint and be disappointed; having it be okay to make mistakes and fail; setting clear boundaries.

  Compassion means holding a space for yourself by practicing nourishing self-care. Only when we've fed ourselves fully can more be made available for others. Compassion is the feel-good principle of clearing. When we feel safe, supported, and good we are more likely to let go. Without self-care there is no clearing.

  Are you being an advocate for yourself? What is something you can do for one minute today that would feel really good?

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  Some ways that I am my own best friend are . . . (Notice the part of you that struggles with this.)

  One thing I can do today that would feel really good is . . .

  DAY 14

  CHECK IN—CLEARING MADE EASY

  The focus this week was to shift and expand the way we clear with a model that balances active doing (yang) with receptive non-doing (yin). The Four Pathways work together to soften the hardwiring of our past, create openings, and promote a way of being that is effective, nourishing, and lasting.

  If you applied the Four Pathways to sorting the mail, for example, your clearing practice might look something like this:

  Intention—Set aside one minute a day for a week (for starters). Breathe into the task, and invite ease.

  Action—Sort the day's mail for one minute, with awareness.

  Non-identification—Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up with no attachment: notice the jarring resistance when you see a utility bill, or the judgments that are triggered by junk mail.

  Compassion—Be kind and gentle with yourself: give yourself props for sticking with the task, or notice how good it feels to put the mail where it belongs.

  What is one thing you could do today that incorporates the Four Pathways?

  Explore

  One thing I can do today to integrate the Four Pathways is . . .

  When I do, it feels like . . .

  WEEK 3

  GAINING AWARENESS

  At the still point, there the dance is.

  —T. S. Eliot, Burnt Norton

  DAY 15

  HIDING IN PLAIN SIGHT

  Do you love it? Do you use it? Does it have a home?

  My favorite three-part mantra for clearing works like a charm every time. Unless, of course, you don't see the stuff that you are trying to release.

  You don't see the things you once loved, the clothes that once fit, or the files you feel obligated to save “just in case.” Why? Because seeing them would also mean feeling them.

  Feeling the overwhelm, the shoulds, the guilt, the shame, the blame, the fears, the despair—feeling all of the emotional and energetic buildup encoded in the stuff that settles in like a layer of smog over everything.

  Ouch. Yes, I know. There is more going on than meets the eye.

  You see, it's not about the clutter at all. At the heart of it, clearing is not about tackling the unsightly messes, the clothes that don't fit, the emails that invade your inbox, the to-do lists that get longer by the second, the neighbor who won't turn his music down, the boss who's inflexible with your hours.

  Clearing is not about fixing a problem or reaching for a solution. It is about how you relate to the experience. The real goodies—and where the real clearing happens—are in the space between the issue and the outcome.

  So how do we pry our hands off and get our eyesight back? We begin by bringing compassionate awareness to the resisting patterns, one thing or thought at a time. In present time.

  What are you noticing right this second? Are you aware of your breathing? Tightness in your body? Are you distracted by your thoughts?

  Explore

  At this moment I am aware of . . .

  If I were to describe what some of the emotional and energetic buildup in my life looks like, it would be . . .

  DAY 16

  IN THE ZONE

  The best way I know to release what isn't working is to enter that sometimes-scary zone called feeling. Feeling the resistance and attachment without judging them as good or bad or taking them personally.

  To feel fully and completely with your six senses without getting emotionally attached to any sensations may sound counterintuitive. But so is riding a bike. How do you glide on two wheels without falling?

  Feeling with spacious detachment is like balancing on two wheels. As humans we are capable of feeling deeply a full spectrum of sensations and not get plugged in by them. To the degree that you can feel unbearable loss, pain, or despair and not get plugged in by it is called mastery.

  Explore

  The feelings that most activate me are . . .

  It is possible to unplug from these feelings by . . . (Name and feel the part of you that doesn't quite believe it is possible.)

  DAY 17

  MIND THE GAP

  “Mind the gap.” All over the UK railway and subway system, you'll see this phrase that cautions you to watch your step as you board a train. I love it because it brings me back to the only space that matters: now.

  Use today to mind the gap of your experience. Whenever you notice yourself getting lost in worry about the past (which is over) or the future (which is yet to be determined), bring yourself back to the present. And breathe.

  How do you feel in this in-between space?

  Explore

  The times I catch myself going into auto pilot are . . .

  To mind the gap of my experience feels like . . .

  DAY 18

  IF YOUR BODY COULD SPEAK

  Most of us spend a lot of our time in our heads. Our fast-paced lifestyles don't make it easy to connect with our physical structure, our internal organs, our heart (both the literal one and the figurative one). It's like we're one big walking, talking head.

  The body is infinitely more intelligent than we give it credit for. It has a way of letting us know when we're hungry, tired, stressed, afraid, out of balance, and yet we don't listen to its silent messages until we get sick. Or tired. Or both.

  With this book you'll get to rewire this pattern—beginning right now: Close your eyes and notice the sounds, smells, curiosities, and nudges around you. These could be external sounds, smells, curiosities, and nudges, or they could be internal. Allow any and all sensations to arise and exist, without trying to do anything to fix, manage, or judge them.

  If your body could speak, what would it say to you rig
ht now? If you ask your body what it needs, what does it tell you?

  Explore

  When I close my eyes, I notice . . .

  My body says it needs . . .

  DAY 19

  LOOK AROUND

  Have you ever considered how much time you spend looking? Really looking?

  Try it: Look up from this book for a moment and scan the room you're in. What is one thing of beauty that calls your attention? It could be anything—the light coming through the window just so, the steam from your cup of coffee undulating upward, the curve in the sofa, the rhythmic motion of your ceiling fan, a bird's song.

  For one minute allow your awareness to rest on the details: the shape, color, texture, sound, smell, weight. Notice if your attention changes what you see or how you feel. Has your awareness changed?

  Explore

  Today I rested my awareness on . . .

  When I gave X my full attention, I noticed . . .

  DAY 20

  FULL-BODY FEELING CHECK

  Today I invite you to slow it down even more and do a full scan of your body, mind, emotions, and spirit using the prompts that follow. You've been cultivating awareness all week, but this is a new day, feelings change, and you're not the same person you were yesterday.

  Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in and a slow, emptying breath out. When you feel centered, open your eyes and scroll down the list that follows. Identify any sensations that apply to you (and/or add your own). If you can, notice what they feel like and where you feel them in the body.

  Physical

  How's your breathing? Is it shallow, halting, full, relaxed?

  Are you thirsty? Hungry?

  Are your hands hot, cold, tingly, sweaty, tight, clenched?

  Are there any knots in your shoulders, neck, back, stomach?

  Are you tired, bored, attentive, excited?

  Do you feel heavy, light, constricted, expanded, congested, fluid?

  Mental

  Is your mind analyzing, chattering, multitasking, problem solving, obsessing?

  Are you feeling critical, nitpicky, judgmental?

  Are you worrying about something, or someone?

  Do you feel fuzzy-headed, clear-headed, sharp, dull, rattled, peaceful?

  Emotional

  Do you feel annoyed, grumpy, stressed, overwhelmed, fried?

  Do you feel a pang of something—sadness, resistance, fear, excitement, joy?

  Are you holding a grudge?

  Are you feeling relaxed, still, steady, unattached?

  Spiritual

  Do you feel lonely, alone, lost, adrift, unsupported?

  Do you feel valued, acknowledged, held, supported?

  Are you feeling hopeful, purposeful, grateful, in the flow?

  When you feel complete, notice if you feel differently now than when you began the exercise.

  If, for the remainder of this book, you can allow yourself to make frequent feeling checks like this one: to stop, breathe, name, and feel whatever you're feeling in the moment—without personalizing any of it—you will gain the true spirit of the clearing journey, called awareness!

  Explore

  After doing a one-minute feeling check I noticed . . .

  My body, mind, emotions, and spirit are teaching me . . .

  DAY 21

  CHECK IN—GAINING AWARENESS

  The focus this week was to practice mindfulness and presence by being more aware of the messages we get from our body, mind, emotions, spirit, and surroundings.

  When we slowly drip compassionate awareness into any resisting pattern we create a tiny peephole of space that wasn't there before. This peephole becomes larger over time and opens up to a universe of possibilities beyond our wildest imaginings.

  What is your peephole revealing? What changes are you aware of after this third week?

  Explore

  When I am more aware, I notice myself, my home, and my life are . . .

  Since starting this book, I'm aware of these changes . . .

  WEEK 4

  COMING OUT OF THE CLOSET

  You must go into the dark in order to bring forth your light.

  —Debbie Ford, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers

  DAY 22

  CHANGE IT UP

  If I could take one object with me when I die, it would be my cashmere shawl. I simply adore the feeling of being enveloped in the delicious warmth of something so supremely soft . . . hmm, kind of like I imagine heaven might be all the time, come to think of it.

  What can you wear today that would feel really good? Can you wear it with gusto even if it's not stylish or color coordinated? Try it: Put something on that is pure pleasure in body and spirit. Notice and allow any pesky judgments to float above it all.

  After you've donned your special something, consider this contemplation: Wearing something that feels good effectively raises my vibration and energy level.

  Explore

  If I could take just a few pieces of clothing with me when I die, I'd choose . . .

  Wearing something that feels good changes my mood to . . .

  DAY 23

  OUT FIT

  Raise your hand if you are wearing something today that you don't love, that doesn't fit, or that doesn't feel good. This includes your underwear.

  Explore

  A piece of clothing I'm wearing today that I don't love, that doesn't fit, or that doesn't feel good is . . .

  Realizing this makes me feel . . . (Try to allow the squirminess of judgment, guilt, embarrassment, or shame to simply be there without doing anything to fix or manage it.)

  DAY 24

  THROW OFF

  Napoleon Bonaparte is quoted as saying, “Throw off your worries when you throw off your clothes at night.” When you undress tonight, imagine that all the stresses of your day are being released completely with your clothes. Allow this “second skin” to be your vehicle for letting go.

  If you wear pajamas or a nightgown to bed, imagine that you are stepping into a new you when you put them on. If you don't wear nightclothes, use the action of climbing into bed as your anchor for climbing into your lighter self.

  Explore

  Shedding my worries when I remove my clothes each night feels . . .

  Lightening my load feels . . .

  DAY 25

  WEARING OR WEARY-ING?

  When it comes to clothes, it basically boils down to this: Clothes that don't fit, feel good, or make your heart sing are a form of stuck energy (aka clutter). When you squirrel them away for that mythical day when you'll love them again, or fit into them, or they'll come back into fashion, you perpetuate the stuck pattern.

  It doesn't matter if you've paid a small fortune or made it from scratch, if a garment is not a vibrational match to you (i.e. it fits, it is suitable to your lifestyle, and it makes you feel good), it will not lift and lighten you. Nor make you feel attractive.

  Are your clothes a vibrational match to you? Do you wear your clothes, or do they wear you?

  Explore

  My clothes are/are not a vibrational match to me because . . .

  My clothes make me feel . . .

  DAY 26

  BEING A-WEAR

  Today I invite you to take a peek inside your closet and do a quick scan of your wardrobe. Do you love most of the items in there? Do you feel oppressed by them?

  Simply notice how you feel without doing anything to fix, manage, or change anything: Notice the thoughts, the judgments, the resistances. Notice the impulse to rid yourself of some things, or the sentimental tug to hold on to others. Notice your breathing. (Is it shallow? Is it relaxed?) Notice where in your body you feel some stuckness.

  Nothing to do but observe.

  Awareness is the first important step of clearing. Tomorrow I'll share a simple one-minute clearing process you can do in your closet to release what's holding you back.

  In the meantime, if you feel moved to release (or purge), by all means, go for it. All I ask is t
hat you bring as much awareness to the experience as you can.

  Explore

  The overall feeling I get when I look inside my closet is . . .

  Scanning my wardrobe makes me want to . . .

  I am ready to let go of these items in my closet . . . (because . . .)

  DAY 27

  A-WEAR-NESS PROCESS

  It might be helpful to remember that the focus this week is not about the clothes that don't fit or feel good. It's not about the stuff spilling out of the closet, nor having a pristine one. It is how you relate to the experience of clearing—with no attachment. Try the following exercise. It's a simple way to practice detaching and releasing stuck energy.

  Identify an item of clothing in your wardrobe that isn't working for you. It could be the pants you bought because they were half price but that don't flatter you and never have. It could be the shoes that give you blisters every time you wear them. It could be the shirt that you love but won't wear because it's missing a button.