A Year to Clear Read online

  Explore

  The statements that hit a nerve . . .

  What would help me accept and allow my flaws . . .

  DAY 194

  LET IN THE GOOD STUFF

  Can you feel it?

  If you really stop and tune in for a second, can you feel the “good stuff” bubbling and forming just below the gucky stuff?

  It's right there, just waiting for you to discover, experience, and embrace it.

  What will it take for you to uncover it?

  If you don't know, ask your higher self to show you in ways that you will readily recognize and feel.

  Explore

  Just beneath the discomfort I can feel . . .

  When I ask my higher self to show me answers, and wait for them, I notice . . .

  DAY 195

  MAKE LIGHT WORK

  You don't need any tools to create a joyous, spacious, clutter-free life besides this amazing package we call the human body and this elastic generator we call the mind.

  In the end, clearing is working with light. We are light workers in this way:

  We shine light by being a witness.

  We receive light by being vulnerable.

  We become light when we bring the two together.

  What does light mean to you?

  Explore

  I feel light when . . .

  When I am light, I notice . . .

  DAY 196

  CHECK IN—LETTING IN THE LIGHT

  The focus this week was to play with energy a bit more, exploring different frequencies of light and offering up examples of how we might clear a difficult situation and make life a little bit easier for ourselves.

  In what ways do you feel lighter, brighter, or clearer this week? In what ways have you become more of a witnessing presence in your life?

  Explore

  Ways that I feel lighter, brighter, or clearer this week . . .

  I've been able to witness more of (and react less to) . . .

  WEEK 29

  BEING BOLD, BEING VULNERABLE

  Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.

  —Brené Brown, Daring Greatly

  DAY 197

  QUEASY VULNERABILITY

  Last year I was invited to give some talks in the Netherlands as part of the Dutch release of my first book. How could I say no? It sounded so fun.

  It wasn't until I was on the plane hurtling across the Atlantic that the doubts began to fly. Will my workshop design work for this audience? Will my contact recognize me at the airport? Do I have to dial the country code if I'm already in the country?

  A large knot of fear began to form in my belly as I headed to a place I had never been, into the hands of people I had never met, to teach audiences who might not get me or my message.

  Stop. This. Plane!

  From all my years of clearing (and traveling), you'd think I'd remember that something always happens when you deliberately step into that messy netherworld of not knowing. What happens is vulnerability—that quivery, queasy wave of energy that strips you to the bone and exposes everything.

  What also happens is magic—that thrilling rush that comes when you open yourself up to the boundless love and support that is out there, just waiting to rush in when you soften your grip of attachment long enough to receive it.

  Explore

  A time when I felt vulnerable . . .

  What vulnerability feels like to me (as energy) . . .

  DAY 198

  IT TAKES COURAGE TO LET GO

  In one of my workshop retreats, we spend two and a half days embracing the myriad ways we hold on, both excruciating and comical. We talk about how our stress and stuff makes us feel. Then, we release it ceremonially with love.

  Here's an excerpt of one of my blog posts about the effect of this exercise:

  One person's pledge to delete the 4,000 emails from 2009 was met with a collective gasp. Our clammy hands clapped enthusiastically to her resolve and courage. Another talked about how he was going to change his answering machine message to “If your call is important to me, I will return it.” For a third it took everything she had to simply breathe more deeply.

  It takes courage to really let go. It takes courage to feel the feelings that come up when you take a decisive step and face your fears. It takes courage to commit to what really matters.

  Courage—as in “heart”—if you go by the original meaning of the word.

  If you were to pledge to do something that is outside of your comfort zone, what would it be? What would en-courage you to take that step? Remember, it doesn't have to be dramatic or crazy big. Any one baby step you take with awareness that moves stuck energy is courageous.

  Explore

  One thing I'm ready to do (let go of) that is a stretch . . .

  What encourages me to take that step . . .

  DAY 199

  LIVE WHOLEHEARTEDLY

  In her 2010 TED talk “The Power of Vulnerability,” social work researcher Brené Brown shares the story of how she came to understand what separates those who live wholeheartedly—that is, those who have a strong sense of worthiness, love, and sense of belonging—from those who struggle for it. She suggests that if we want true connection to happen with another person, we have to allow ourselves to be seen. Really seen.

  In what ways are you allowing yourself to really be seen (or not)? What would help you feel safe to come out of hiding?

  Explore

  What happens when I allow myself to be really seen . . . (and what scares me is . . .)

  What would help me feel safe to come out of hiding . . .

  DAY 200

  LEAN INTO FEAR

  What is one thing that scares you? Go with your first impulse. Keep it simple. Choose something that doesn't overwhelm or fry your circuits. Allow any discomfort to arise to the degree that you can handle it.

  There. How bad was that? Is it possible to lean into the discomfort of it just a teeny bit? And breathe?

  Repeat the process every day and watch the resisting patterns begin to dissolve.

  Explore

  One thing that scares me right now . . .

  Leaning into the fear feels . . .

  DAY 201

  TELL THE TRUTH

  The way I see it, just closing your eyes, diving into a task, and hoping for the best is not going to cut it.

  For clearing to be sustainable, you need to take measured (baby) steps to bypass the fear response.

  You also need to tell the truth about your experience. When you add conscious awareness to your courage, you create space to feel.

  Explore

  What is true for me right now . . .

  One baby step I can take today to face a truth I've been avoiding is . . .

  DAY 202

  WHY YOU MATTER

  While we're on the subject of truth telling, notice what happens when you breathe in and complete the phrase, “Why I matter . . .”

  Try it: Sit in quiet contemplation for a few minutes and allow all thoughts and sensations to arise. Notice and allow all the squirmy bits to come up too.

  When you allow yourself to drop into the truth of why you exist and why you matter, it cuts to the chase. And the heart.

  Explore

  Telling myself that I matter makes me feel . . . (Notice any weather that arises and breathe into it.)

  Without apology and hesitation, I would like to declare . . .

  DAY 203

  CHECK IN—BEING BOLD, BEING VULNERABLE

  Courage is derived from the word coeur, which means “heart” in French. The focus this week was to explore what it means to live a wholehearted life, to see how courage and vulnerability work together to complete you.

  What helps you move through fear and embrace vulnerability? In what ways do you feel more courageous now? How do you know the truth when you hear it?

  Explore

  What helps me move through fear and embrace vulnerability . . .

&nbs
p; Ways that I feel more courageous . . .

  How I know the truth when I hear it . . .

  WEEK 30

  ALLOWING IMPERFECTION

  To Taoism that which is absolutely still or absolutely perfect is absolutely dead, for without the possibility for growth and change there can be no Tao. In reality there is nothing in the universe which is completely perfect or completely still; it is only in the minds of men that such concepts exist.

  —Alan Watts

  DAY 204

  MOVING BEYOND FEAR

  Back in the eighties, we had a next-door neighbor who was a preeminent emergency room doctor. During his off-hours Jerry would practice piano, study Russian, and direct plays in his tiny basement home theater (yes, complete with stage, sound, and lighting) for select audiences.

  His example puts into sharp contrast the countless times I've resisted acting on a deeper yearning because of fear: fear of failing, getting it wrong, not being liked. Fear that I'll be rejected, ridiculed, or shamed. Fear that I'm taking up too much space, making too much noise, asking too much.

  Or just the plain old memory of fear.

  All that fear! God, it's exhausting and nauseating to see it laid out like that. I can feel my entire body and breathing contract.

  Perfectionism is a tyranny of the worst kind.

  Explore

  Some of the ways that I've allowed fear to stop me from doing something I really wanted (needed) . . .

  One fear that could use some “loving up” (acceptance and forgiveness) right now is . . .

  DAY 205

  IT'S NOT OVER

  The important appointment you missed. The call you forgot to return. The email you sent that you wish you hadn't. The favorite sweater that shrunk beyond recognition . . . You know, those heart-stopping moments when you realize that you have royally screwed up.

  Yes, we've all gulped and gasped and OMG-ed. We've all been in that gnawingly awful space of wanting to turn back the clock so bad and not being able to. We've all thrashed around in the messy, imperfect wreckage that we helped create, where it's all over and too late!

  Or at least that's what it feels like when we're in a high state of alert. It may be too late to reverse a wrong, but it's never too late to reverse a crisis in our head: to quiet the mind and nourish the heart. It is never too late to admit the error of our ways, apologize, and cut ourselves some slack.

  It may take some extra work, but there is something we can do when we've made a mistake. We can simply be with it.

  What is one thing you wish you could reverse? Allow yourself to just be with that.

  Explore

  One thing I wish I could reverse . . .

  What it feels like to just be with the memory of it . . . (Observe and allow all the squirminess, frustration, disappointment to arise for as long as you can handle it.)

  DAY 206

  MESS UP

  Screwups or opportunities? When was the last time you made a mistake that you owned fair and square? When was the last time you (or someone else) made a mistake and you just let it be?

  Mistakes go with the territory of clearing. They come in all shapes and sizes. The good news is that they offer us an opportunity to grow and evolve by showing us where, and how, we hold on.

  In spacious-speak, the concept of wanting to get something right is simply the mind doing its efforting dance when it doesn't like something, or is attached to something, or is remembering something . . . from the past.

  Next time you do something embarrassing or second-guess yourself, use it as an opportunity to do nothing about it for one minute.

  Yes, nothing. No fixing, no changing, no improving, no managing. Just notice it simply as weather passing through you for you to observe. And allow.

  What does screwing up feel like, and where in the body do you feel it exactly?

  Explore

  What it feels like to sit with a mistake . . . (and where I feel it . . .)

  Watching a mistake play itself out while still owning it fully feels . . .

  DAY 207

  “BE WITH NOW” MEDITATION

  How about now? Would now work? Can you accept and allow things to be just as they are in this very moment?

  When it comes to present time, there is nothing special you need to be, or do, or make happen. Now is all there is. And you're living it. The real question to ask yourself is, can you live in it with full awareness?

  If you have trouble being the zone of now, today's meditation will help. Reach for it especially when you're feeling impatient, anxious, frustrated, or overwhelmed, and follow these steps for at least one minute. They will help to quiet the mind and pull you back from the brink.

  Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in and a slow, emptying breath out.

  When you feel centered, slowly breathe in the phrase “I am here,” and breathe out the phrase “I am now.”

  Repeat the sequence a few more times until you feel your breath slowing and your nervous system calming.

  When you feel ready, switch to a second set of phrases: Breathe in the phrase “I accept,” and breathe out the phrase “I allow.”

  Again, repeat a few more times, alternating between the two sets of phrases.

  Open your eyes when you feel complete, and reflect in your journal on the following prompts.

  Can you accept and allow things to be just as they are?

  Explore

  It is safe for me to accept and allow things as they are because . . .

  The part of me that doesn't feel so safe . . .

  DAY 208

  SAY YES TO NOW

  Take a minute today to consider this question by Brené Brown:

  What would you be glad that you did, even if you failed?

  Would it be okay to say yes to something even if you failed?

  Explore

  What I would be glad I did even if I failed . . .

  What it feels like to say yes to something that might not work out . . .

  DAY 209

  HEART SPEAK

  I love Maira Kalman's beautiful, stream-of-consciousness book, My Favorite Things. Here's an excerpt:

  Naps under trees.

  Blurry thoughts.

  Breaths.

  Angry thoughts.

  Breaths.

  Trees.

  In just a few words, she takes us inside her heart. It reads like breathing itself.

  Try it: Take one minute today to write down your own stream of consciousness “poem” that reflects what you are experiencing in the moment. Don't censor yourself. Just let the pen go and the heart speak.

  What does being present feel like? What does it reveal?

  Explore

  My one-minute now “poem” . . .

  What my one-minute now reveals . . .

  DAY 210

  CHECK IN—ALLOWING IMPERFECTION

  The focus this week was to allow and experience imperfection as a fully formed, legitimate state of being, and to use it as a pathway to clearing some of the crusty stuff that holds you back from realizing a deeper yearning.

  In what ways do you feel that you need to be in control? What does it feel like to enter into the quiet space of accepting and allowing things to be as they are? And what gets in your way? Do you notice any shifting of energy by simply giving your discomfort some witnessing space?

  Explore

  Some of the ways I need to be in control . . . (and what that feels like . . .)

  Ways I can honor myself (especially after screwing up) . . .

  What I notice when I give my imperfection some space . . .

  WEEK 31

  WAITING IT OUT

  You can't plan everything.

  —Lorne Michaels, executive producer of Saturday Night Live

  DAY 211

  MOMMY MONKEY MIND

  How many times have you put your best foot forward and still come up exhausted and empty-handed? You know those days when all your carefully crafted plans suddenly go poof! and
you're left standing there wondering what the heck happened and asking yourself, “What do I do next?”

  A desperate email from my daughter, who had just missed her train connection while traveling abroad, reminded me of the times when world systems conspire against me despite my best intentions; times when I've pushed through tears and fears to keep from completely collapsing in a heap on the floor. This email from her brought it all home:

  I am exhausted from running through the stations with my luggage. Almost cried at the ticket window for no reason when I missed my train. I alternate between: It happens and I kind of want my parents. I know I am 20 and I can handle this. It happens, it really does, and I really do understand it. But I miss you. And after 4 train switches today, 4 different stations to navigate, and not sleeping at all in my hostels the past few nights, I feel the adventure but I also feel tired, and a little sad.