A Year to Clear Read online

  First world problems aside, if you're a parent or a surrogate parent, you'll know that an email like this doesn't always sit well. No matter how old the “kid” is.

  Notice what goes through your mind the next time you get hijacked by fear. Can you enter into the experience without getting lost in it?

  Explore

  When my best plans come up empty, I feel . . .

  One thing that can help me stay present in my discomfort is . . .

  DAY 212

  SHIFT HAPPENS

  As I read about my only child sitting stranded in a melted heap in a foreign railway station, I watched my helpless “mommy monkey mind” jockeying for a spin down the familiar rabbit hole of anxiety and fear.

  Out of somewhere came the strength to reply with what I knew deep in my bones was the real truth: that it was all going to work out somehow. I said a prayer and waited for something to change.

  Less than five minutes after my daughter and I had spoken, up popped this email from her:

  Found a hotel around the corner that is offering amazing last-minute discounts on their premium rooms. And I got one! All good.

  Shift happens. Especially when you make room for it.

  Explore

  If I wait a little longer for difficult situations to sort themselves out, I notice . . .

  What it feels like to let things be . . .

  DAY 213

  WAIT IT OUT

  Is there something you're noodling on, something that's unsettling you or keeping you up at night? If so, take a step back. Pause. Breathe. Give the situation some space to play itself out. Allow the nudgy feelings of frustration, overwhelm, or even despair to arise.

  Sit with the discomfort, like you're sitting with a dear friend, until something shifts. See if letting things be for a bit doesn't resolve the situation or create an opening you didn't see coming.

  Explore

  Something I'm noodling on is . . .

  When I wait and watch what happens, I notice . . .

  DAY 214

  GOING YOUR WAY

  I love how we can input a street address into our cell phones and instantly see the various routes to our destination. Some are more direct and faster, others more scenic and slower. We get to choose.

  If you think of life as a continuous, unfolding adventure leading you toward one destination—the realization of your purpose here on earth—it really doesn't matter which path you ultimately choose. You can't lose.

  Next time you find yourself at a big crossroads—stressing about a career path, or a move that could radically change your life—give it some space. Don't exhaust yourself trying to figure out what has not yet been revealed.

  Trust, and take heart. Divine intelligence is at work and has your back. All paths will take you where you want to go. Can you allow yourself to be led?

  Explore

  I believe my purpose here on earth is to . . .

  Given a choice between a direct and indirect route to the realization of my dreams, I prefer to take . . .

  DAY 215

  THINGS ALWAYS WORK OUT

  If you were to look back on your life, you might just notice that things have always worked out for you. Yes, even things like pain and loss have worked out to give you insight and perspective.

  In hindsight, have you noticed if things work out better if you don't try so hard and let go of attachment to the outcome?

  Take a look back and reflect in your journal how life has unfolded for you. Use this opportunity to discover what pathways tend to work best for you.

  Explore

  One of the ways that things have worked out for me without my having to try so hard is . . .

  Things work out better for me when . . .

  DAY 216

  BEST ESCAPE

  When the comedian Amy Poehler was asked to fill in the blank for “Best Escape” in an issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, her reply was:

  My closet. A lot of people forget that you can go hide in there next to your favorite sweater, close your eyes, and reset. All you need is ten minutes.

  What helps you press the reset button in your life?

  Explore

  My best escape . . .

  I know I am “reset” when . . .

  DAY 217

  CHECK IN—WAITING IT OUT

  The focus this week was to notice what happens when you give things space to sort themselves out.

  What does it feel like to take your time? What happens when you hang in there just a little longer in those “crisis” situations? Have you noticed a pattern to how your life has unfolded so far?

  Explore

  When I take my time, I feel . . .

  It is safe for me to take my time because . . . (Notice the part of you that isn't quite sure.)

  It is safe for me to trust that things will work out because . . .

  WEEK 32

  SINGING PRAISES

  You are a marvel.

  —Pablo Casals

  DAY 218

  VALIDATION

  There's an adorable video on YouTube that's been around for years called “Validation.” It never fails to lift me up. I've watched it about fifteen times.

  Professionally made, it is a parable on the power of positive reinforcement. It features a parking garage ticket validator whose mission is to cheer people up by telling them how awesome they are. Once he's filled up each person with his praises, he stamps their ticket with a big VALIDATED stamp. He becomes so popular that people stand in line for hours to see him.

  How does what you say (or don't say) affect those around you? Try it with praise: Give someone a compliment today. You might want to stretch with this a little by choosing someone you don't know, don't like, or feel a bit squeamish around.

  Notice how complimenting someone else makes you feel.

  Explore

  When I compliment someone, I notice . . .

  Complimenting someone I don't know (or don't like) feels . . .

  Complimenting others makes me feel . . .

  DAY 219

  YOUR UNIVERSE TALKING

  Here's a message from your universe by the highly acclaimed cellist, Pablo Casals, in his book Joys and Sorrows:

  Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique. . . . In all the years that have passed, there has never been another child like you. Your legs, your arms, your clever fingers, the way you move.

  You may become a Shakespeare, a Michaelangelo [sic], a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything.

  Yes, he's talking about YOU. Take it in.

  Explore

  The last time I received a compliment from someone was . . .

  It was easy (or hard) for me to receive it because . . .

  DAY 220

  PRAISES LIGHTEN

  I can't think of a single person who doesn't light up even just a teeny bit after being praised. We humans need genuine acknowledgment, right up there with water and air.

  So why is it so hard for some of us to take in praise or recognition when it is freely offered? Or give it?

  Explore

  When someone compliments me, I feel . . .

  It is easier (or harder) to give a compliment than to receive one because . . .

  DAY 221

  50 AMAZING THINGS

  Today is a big day! We're going to take a tip from Dr. Wayne Dyer and do an exercise from his book I Am that'll fill up your tank really fast. Consider this quote:

  Any time you start a sentence with I am, you are creating what you are and what you want to be.

  Now, take out your journal and download fifty amazing things about yourself beginning with the words “I am . . .”

  Don't think about it too much, and don't be bashful. Go for the gusto, lay it on thick, and notice any stuck energy that is moved by naming and writing it down. (Bookmark this page in your journal and return to it anytime you're feeling down, out of sorts, or under the weather. It will help you come back to your center.)

&n
bsp; Explore

  It was easy (or hard) to come up with fifty positive qualities about myself because . . .

  The bottom-line most amazing thing about myself is . . . (Write this one on a sticky note and place it in a location where you'll see it every day.)

  DAY 222

  CURSE OR BENEFIT?

  Using a four-letter word reduces the stress response. True or false?

  I can see how cursing as a way to vent can be a useful tool. I certainly have been known to reach for a few choice expletives to release pent-up frustration and emotional charge before.

  Cursing can also injure if it is used as a weapon to hurt another, or to avoid taking responsibility. As a low-vibrational frequency, it can backfire and create more stress in the environment if it isn't used consciously.

  Not about good or bad. In my view, it boils down to energetics. Four-letter words carry an energetic charge. Used in a safe, contained way, they come in handy sometimes to off-gas and release charge.

  Explore

  Cursing works (or doesn't work) for me because . . .

  Curse words that help me vent . . . (and what it feels like to write them down . . .)

  DAY 223

  YOU ARE LOVEABLE

  How are you loveable? How do you know you are loveable?

  In his book Loveability, Robert Holden says, “The goal of this journey is not to find love; it is to know love. This knowledge exists in you already. I call this knowledge loveability.”

  Does this subject bring up any queasiness? Can you allow squeamish resistance to surface without giving it any energy? The path to self-love may be riddled with bumps, potholes, and detours, but no one can walk it for you. If you're willing to put one baby step in front of another, and feel your way through to the sweet, loveable self that you are, it will be the most rewarding journey you will ever take.

  Explore

  I am loveable because . . .

  When I repeat the phrase “I am lovable,” I feel . . .

  DAY 224

  CHECK IN—SINGING PRAISES

  This week we studied the power of validation and the energetic impact that positive and negative words can have on us.

  How does what you say affect those around you? Can you feel the energy change (in the other person, yourself, the space) when you compliment someone versus when you critique them?

  What did it feel like to make a list of fifty positive things about yourself? Did you feel you could keep going, or did you feel like you had to fake it to come up with the full fifty?

  If you didn't do the exercise, take a moment today to consider why, and ask yourself why you're not making time for yourself. (If that invitation just pressed a button, congratulations. You get to clear more squirmy stuff by hanging out with it.)

  Explore

  Words that lift my spirits and lighten my load . . .

  Doing the Fifty Amazing Things About Me exercise revealed . . .

  I'm not doing the exercise(s) because . . . (Notice any twinges of guilt, resistance, or shame, and breathe into them.)

  WEEK 33

  CULTIVATING SELF-CARE

  I was going to work-out, but then realized . . . this nap isn't going to take itself.

  —someecards.com

  DAY 225

  SAY YES TO NO

  I love the Anne Taintor card of a woman lounging in bed in her silk nightgown and satin sheets, looking upward at nothing in particular, contemplating her exquisite and uncomplicated life. The caption reads, “I love not camping.”

  Fifties glamour and electric blanket aside, this card says it all on so many levels. How often do we feel remorseless about taking time to do something just for ourselves? Or have the clarity to know what we don't really want? Or have the courage to opt out of doing something that feels like a “should” and might disappoint someone?

  What is one thing you can say no to today that doesn't serve or support you? And what can you do instead that feels super good?

  Explore

  One thing I can say no to . . .

  One thing that I can opt for that feels super good . . .

  DAY 226

  SAY YES TO SELF-CARE

  What is one act of self-care that nudges you out of your comfort zone?

  Perhaps it's taking a nap in the middle of the day. Or watching one of your guilty pleasures on TV without having to apologize for it. Maybe it's letting a family member sort out a problem on his or her own.

  Whatever it is, say yes today to self-care, and no to anything that does not serve and support you.

  And allow the squirmy monkey mind to not like it one bit.

  Explore

  It's easy (or not easy) for me to satisfy a guilty pleasure because . . .

  What I can say yes to today (without apology) . . .

  DAY 227

  SELF-CARE IS THE BALM

  Self-care is not an extracurricular activity. It is not something we do when we're sick or everyone else in the house or workplace is taken care of. It is a necessity. Like food and breathing.

  Self-care goes hand in glove with clearing. Every time you step out of your comfort zone to clear things and thoughts, you are bringing in more light, moving more energy, and triggering the stress response.

  Self-care is the balm. It works to calm down the nervous system, help you feel safe, and bring you back into balance.

  PS The “self” part of self-care means precisely that: by yourself, for yourself—not for your spouse, mother, child, dog, neighbor, or best friend! We cannot possibly be of service to anyone when we are overextended and our circuits are fried.

  Explore

  The thought of applying self-care like a balm to anything that ails me makes me feel . . .

  It feels good (or not good) to choose myself over the needs of others because . . .

  DAY 228

  WHY SELF-CARE WORKS

  The self-care model works because it moves beyond the mind's capacity to rationalize and into the part of us that knows: the heart.

  The monkey mind, with its endless litany of well-crafted comebacks, is unhinged in the presence of pure ease: It's not that simple; If you knew what my life was like; I've tried slowing down, taking baths, lighting candles, but they don't last; I'm back to being stressed again . . . the list goes on. When you're going up against all this noise, it's important to stop, take a deep breath, and remember that this is a stressed-out mind talking, not the real you.

  What do you do to sabotage your ease? What can you do right now to shift it?

  Explore

  Some of the stories I tell myself that sabotage my self-care . . .

  Reframing these excuses and doubts feels . . .

  DAY 229

  CREATE CLEAR BOUNDARIES

  There's a funny cartoon of a woman sunbathing on the beach. She's a complete blob of exhaustion, soaking up a much-needed vacation. Her husband is handing her the cell phone, saying, “It's the hospital. They want to know if it would be too much trouble to fly back to work a shift.”

  Managing a request while you're miles away on vacation may be a no-brainer. But what about the countless times you're just about to sit down for a quiet moment over dinner and the phone rings? Or your boss has you stay longer because this assignment “just cannot wait”? Or your email inbox is invaded by messages you never subscribed to?

  I would wager that your boundaries have been crossed hundreds of times. And here's the tough-love truth that may be a bit harder to hear: You've allowed it to happen.

  Take a few minutes today to reflect on what it would take to set clear boundaries, and what gets in your way.

  Explore

  My boundaries that have been crossed . . .

  What I need to do to set a clearer boundary . . .

  DAY 230

  WAYS TO OPT OUT GRACEFULLY

  For some of us who have been brought up to be polite and not rock the boat, saying no can feel like a dagger to the heart. We would rather contort ourselves into pretzels of unease t
han speak our truth.

  If it's hard for you to say no and set clear boundaries with others, consider these gentle approaches to grow your self-care muscle:

  Decline graciously with, “Thanks for asking. I'm sorry it's not going to work for me this time.”

  Turn it over to voicemail: Put a message on your voicemail letting callers know that it may take a few days for you to return their call.

  Add an away message: Put an auto-reply message on your email saying that you will be out and will not be responding to any emails until a certain date.

  Unsubscribe from email lists that no longer serve and support you; cancel your subscription to a newspaper or magazine that you never read.

  Opting out doesn't have to be onerous. Put yourself first and keep it simple: no fuss, no charge, no guilt. And if you do feel twinges of missing out, guilt, or remorse, use it as an opportunity to clear (embrace) the discomfort with compassionate awareness.