A Year to Clear Read online

  DAY 162

  EXPANDING AND CONTRACTING

  I remember when Hurricane Sandy delivered a massive punch to all of us on the East Coast. With the winds gusting upward of eighty miles an hour, amazingly, our home did not lose power, our basement stayed dry, and no trees fell down. We were the lucky ones.

  That said, this storm affected me deeply. For days before the storm hit I felt out of sorts. I was having wild dreams. My lower back hurt. My body ached. I felt nauseous. I could tell something big was about to blow . . . unhinge . . . release.

  Whether you too ended up on the lucky side of Sandy's wrath or not, the truth is, this was a massive space clearing for all of us here on the planet. Sometimes it takes a gigantic, real-life hurricane (tornado, fire, flood) to move us—to lift us out of our coma and clear out what isn't working in our lives.

  Birthing hurts sometimes.

  What's brewing in your life right now? What are you ready to move through to birth?

  Explore

  Something I can feel is wanting to be born . . .

  Gentle steps I can take to make it more real . . .

  DAY 163

  PAIN IS ENERGY

  We have all experienced physical pain. It is part of our human condition. Like with everything we've been talking about in this book, pain is a form of energy too—wave patterns that form, un-form, and in-form.

  If pain is energy, isn't it true then that we can work with pain by following the same Four Pathways of Clearing—intention, action, non-identification, and compassion—to ease its disturbing effects?

  We'll spend the next two weeks exploring this question. Be gentle with yourself.

  Explore

  How physical pain tends to show up in my life . . .

  Where in the body I tend to feel this pain . . .

  DAY 164

  EASE THE PAIN

  Practicing non-identification helps us shift from a fixing mode to an observing mode; from willing things to happen to allowing them to happen. There's no better teacher to help us cultivate spacious detachment, I believe, than pain.

  I have used my own physical aches and emotional weather as my private laboratory, and it continues to be one of my most valuable teachers. Because I see pain as a signal of contraction (versus expansion), I want to follow the pain to the tender place from where it came.

  To the degree that I am able to enter the hurt or the wound with compassionate awareness, more often than not I find that the pain eases or goes away altogether. This is advanced clearing.

  What has worked in the past to help you ease pain—mindfully (not chemically)? Have you ever tried observing the pain and breathing through it before?

  Explore

  What has helped me ease pain more mindfully . . .

  When I observe pain without immediately trying to “fix” or medicate it, I notice . . .

  DAY 165

  PAY ATTENTION INWARD NOW

  In my practice of not identifying pain as “my” pain, I've noticed that many garden-variety sensations recede almost as quickly as they come. A muscle spasm in my foot or calf, which has had the effect of bolting me up from the deepest sleep and disabling me with agonizing ferocity, for example, now passes in less than five seconds. Stomachaches and headaches generally pass quickly, too. Using physical sensations to practice detachment—from simple annoyances to unmitigated agony—has been a profound lesson in spacious detachment.

  This awareness approach to managing pain did not happen over-night. Neither am I a glutton for punishment. My threshold for physical pain is pretty low, in fact, and I'll be the first to go after the usual medical protocols for pain relief if they are warranted and advised and I just can't stand it anymore.

  What I'm suggesting here is that the body offers us an opportunity to go within, pay attention, and feel. Iyanla Vanzant even created a handy acronym for this idea: PAIN = Pay Attention Inward Now.

  What ache or pain—physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual—is calling you inside?

  Explore

  An ache or pain that has been calling my attention . . .

  When I bring all of my awareness to it without judging it (or myself), I notice . . .

  DAY 166

  LEAN INTO PAIN

  Today, lean into any pains, aches, or heartaches; any impulses to contract, cringe, shut down, push away, space out, digress, interrupt, or tamp down. This is your chance to go deeper—to find the tender part of you and embrace the pattern before the body goes into lockdown mode.

  Allow these wise teachings of Pema Chödrön to help you:

  Take an interest in your pain and your fear. Move closer, lean in, get curious; even for a moment, experience the feelings without labels, beyond being good or bad. Welcome them. Invite them. Do anything that helps melt the resistance.

  A word to the wise: This practice of “being with,” or dis-identifying, from pain does not replace the role of health care professionals to diagnose and treat physical or emotional conditions. It is very important to remember that if at any point any symptom or disturbance persists in your journey, you need to pick up the phone and get help!

  Explore

  A situation that causes me to hurt (contract, cringe, recoil, shut down, space out, digress, tamp down) . . . (and what it feels like exactly from a sensory perspective . . .)

  When I lean into this energy even more, I notice . . .

  DAY 167

  CHANGING THE FREQUENCY OF PAIN

  On Day 73, I listed five simple truths about energy. Here are some of them again, reframed in the context of pain:

  Humans are like radios: We receive and transmit information as energy all the time.

  Not everything we feel is ours. The body processes information that it picks up in the ether, and it only becomes “ours” the moment we believe it to be ours.

  Pain shows us our blocks.

  Physical pain is a good indicator that we are resisting the natural, free flow of universal energy, or well-being, which is always available to us.

  Ease feels good; unease (dis-ease) does not.

  If pain is energy vibrating at a specific frequency, we can relieve it by changing the frequency. What are you ready to change up today?

  Explore

  Pain that I know is not mine . . .

  When I tune in to the contracted frequency of pain and compare it to that of spacious ease, I notice . . .

  What I am ready to change up . . .

  DAY 168

  CHECK IN—EASING PAIN

  This week we saw how pain can be a teacher. It shows us patterns that no longer serve us, and gives us practice leaning into them and letting go. Because pain can be so immediate and unequivocal, it can show us the way out.

  How does pain usually show up in your life? Is it physical, mental, emotional, spiritual? All of the above? Do you notice an impulse to numb the pain—with denial, distraction, food, alcohol, drugs, or something else?

  Explore

  The kind of pain I tend to experience . . . (and how I deal with it is . . .)

  What pain is teaching me about me . . .

  The way out is . . .

  WEEK 25

  BREAKING THE CHAIN OF PAIN

  Hurt people hurt people. That's how pain patterns get passed on, generation after generation after generation.

  Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles. Forgive and forget about finding fault.

  Love is the weapon of the future.

  —Yehuda Berg

  DAY 169

  HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

  “Hurt people hurt people.” That is one terrific memory aid if I've ever seen one. It's a lifeline—with a lot of slack—that can help us move through layers of blame and shame.

  And yes, moving through takes work: It takes courage to be vulnerable, to name and feel the tangled mess of hurt, to embrace years of painful buildup and let it all hang out, as one of my online studen
ts, Aryel P., so poignantly shares here:

  I just got to the lesson [on “Hurt People Hurt People”]—or should I say, it got to me! I felt the tears stream down my face as I journaled and I heard my inner voice, self-talk saying: “Yeah, but . . .” And it says inside me, “Gee, I am sorry about their hurt, but did it have to cost me my youth and joy; my job and reputation? Did it have to break my heart? Did their hurt and problems have to undo my security and life dreams? Did their hurt have to hurt me so that I would hurt others?

  I wipe away the tears and blow my snotty nose and turn to the front of my journal, where I keep my copy of “If” by Rudyard Kipling, and I read it yet again.

  Everything is indeed attached.

  I feel the walls of my old self crumbling down in a new way. It is as if the cement binding each stone I have put so carefully in place is dissolving, and the stones slowly lose their place in the wall and begin to slip and tumble.

  What hurt are you ready to let go of (dissolve) today? What happens when you name and feel it without blame and attachment?

  Explore

  A hurt that I'm ready to release today . . . (and what it feels like when I name and feel it completely . . .)

  How I see that my hurt hurts others . . .

  DAY 170

  IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

  Whenever you feel a rant or shame wave coming on because someone has offended you, overlooked you, neglected you, challenged you, abused your trust, or even abused you in unthinkable ways . . . guess what? You can shift the energy of attack with this simple four-word reminder: Hurt people hurt people.

  The pain that is being flung about is not about you.

  Explore

  Saying “It's not mine,” or “It's not about me” feels . . .

  What can help me remember to be bigger than the pain . . .

  DAY 171

  LOW-FREQUENCY VEILS

  As horrible as some people may act sometimes, it helps to remember that their actions are filtered through their own low-frequency veil of hurt, stuckness, and pain.

  What is one transgression that you've been holding on to? What would it take to let it go?

  Explore

  I'm ready to let go of . . .

  I am bigger than this because . . .

  DAY 172

  NIP IT IN THE BUD

  One of best ways to nip a deep-seeded pattern in the bud begins with you noticing it as soon as it happens, before it takes root. It begins with being (fiercely) vigilant of the thoughts you spin—those fearful, derailing, low-vibrational energetic weapons that not only keep you stuck, but have a way of sticking around.

  As Abraham-Hicks so wisely tells us, “Your choices of action may be limited—but your choices of thought are not.”

  What is one thought you've been spinning around for a while? Now would be a good time to nip it before it leaves a sticky residue. (Keep nipping it until it no longer holds a charge.)

  Explore

  A painful thought I have been holding on to and spinning is . . .

  What would help to “nip it” before it does more damage . . .

  DAY 173

  MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

  A little mindful detachment repeated over and over again goes a long way in shifting (and lifting) things for everybody—for good.

  Can you imagine a world where we are all compassionately minding our own business (as it were), and allowing others to mind theirs?

  Explore

  What helps me remember that other people's stories are not mine . . .

  One way I can mind my own business today . . .

  DAY 174

  RELEASE PAINFUL MEMORIES MEDITATION

  Today's meditation is designed to release pain from the past. Do it when you have ten minutes to be alone.

  Close your eyes, and take a deep breath in and a slow, emptying breath out.

  When you feel centered, recall a time when someone you care about did or said something deeply hurtful. What happened? Who was there? Did you react or respond? Did you get small and collapse? Or did you puff up in vengeful or defensive anger? Take a minute to bring up many of the sensations that were true for you that day and notice if they still push a button.

  Imagine all the pain—the physical sensations, mental entanglements, and emotional charge—as a big ball of energy swirling in and around you. Is there a shape, color, smell, or sound associated with this swirling mass?

  Allow this energy to lose its grip on you, and watch as it melts away (or evaporates, dissolves, lifts, sloughs off—whatever feels best).

  Take a step back (in your mind's eye, or a real one) and watch the energy ball recede from your personal space until it disappears from your field and diffuses completely.

  When you see that the energy has disappeared, take a deep breath in and out and notice how you feel.

  Open your eyes and write down your experiences in your clearing journal and bookmark it to return to in a month's time. If the ball is still there, repeat the steps above.

  Explore

  What the swirling ball of pain looked and felt like . . .

  What it feels like to release pain from my energy field . . .

  How I feel now . . .

  DAY 175

  CHECK IN—BREAKING THE CHAIN OF PAIN

  In these past two weeks we looked at physical, mental, and emotional pain as energy and a pathway to releasing old patterns.

  In what ways have you moved beyond seeing pain as “yours”? Have you noticed that by simply bringing awareness to the pain, it shifts, or melts completely? How do you feel today after yesterday's clearing of a painful memory?

  Explore

  I have moved beyond seeing “pain” as mine in these ways . . .

  Inserting compassionate awareness shifts my pain by . . .

  After yesterday's clearing meditation, I feel . . .

  WEEK 26

  TAKING TIME TO PAUSE

  Looking behind I am filled with gratitude.

  Looking forward I am filled with vision.

  Looking upwards I am filled with strength.

  Looking within I discover peace.

  —Prayer, Source Unknown

  DAY 176

  REST STOP

  This week marks the halfway point in our journey together. Whether your experience has been one of daily revelations, slow and steady progress, or an interminable slog, I'm here to tell you that you've come a long way.

  Yes, we've gone through fog and muck. We've climbed hills. We've moved mountains. Even if it doesn't feel like much has happened.

  Take today to put the backpack down, put your feet up, take a sip of water, and look around at where you've landed. What do you see? What are you grateful for?

  Remember, you are not alone. We are all in this together.

  Explore

  In this moment of pause I can see . . .

  I'm grateful for . . .

  DAY 177

  GOOD AMNESIA

  One of the things I always tell my clients after a consultation is to notice the changes in their life and write them down. This is because the difficulties that prompted them to call me for a session begin to disappear like magic. Yes, disappear. Out of home, out of head, out of life.

  Once you've released physical and emotional baggage, it's easy to forget that you were ever burdened. The junk in the garage, the difficult relationship, the bad job, money troubles, a painful past—all will feel like a distant memory, or like they never happened.

  It's a good type of amnesia to have. The good memories of your past will always remain intact, while the painful ones will seem irrelevant and begin to melt away.

  If you're wondering how that might be so, consider this: When you vibrate at a higher frequency as a result of clearing, those low-frequency energies that used to disturb and define you are no longer supportable.

  Raise your frequency and everything will change.

  What old habits have become unsupportable in your life? Have you noticed yourself b
eing less interested in engaging in certain activities, or connecting with certain people, or eating foods that don't feel good? Is it easier to move clutter out of the house?

  What is starting to fall away from your life? Notice that.

  Explore

  I've noticed these things starting to fall away . . .

  Habits (activities, people, foods) that no longer support me . . .

  DAY 178

  IT'S A JOURNEY

  You may have noticed over the past six months that the inner work of clearing can be messy and inscrutable sometimes. You may feel like you haven't made much progress, or you've had days where you just want to go back to snuggling with your old comfortable habits. Maybe you've even fallen off the wagon a few times. What I wrote in Your Spacious Self bears mentioning again:

  There is no crash course on how to evolve. You cannot buy clarity and wisdom at the store or manufacture it in a lab or train for it. Life does not always lend itself to being tidied or packaged, and our experiences do not always add up at the end of the day.