God, I Hate That Man Read online

  Ashley smirks at me. “Yes, I learned from experience and bought something to wear for the dinner,”

  I realize I haven’t been as subtle as I thought I was. “It suits you.”

  She doesn’t respond but her lips tilt up a bit as she brings her glass to her lips again.

  “Dare I ask where we are with the wedding planning?” I ask quickly. The temperature in the room just rose by a few degrees.

  “You can ask, but you’d need to call Damon or your mom if you want a halfway sensible answer. All I know for sure is I’ve chosen a champagne sponge cake with French vanilla buttercream and strawberry compote filling for our wedding cake. It’s going to be five tiers and it’ll be white with ruffles and edible silver leaf decorations.”

  “Ruffles?” I ask.

  “You sound like me.” She laughs. “They look nicer than they sound.” She reaches up with one hand and rubs her neck, wincing slightly. “Oh, and I settled on Melbourne Hall for the location. I hope that’s okay. The cathedral felt wrong knowing this is a sham, and your parents’ house seemed too daunting.”

  “It’s fine,” I tell her. “You know, this is starting to feel like a real wedding.”

  She freezes and raises an eyebrow.

  I laugh at her expression. “Well, isn’t this how it goes? The bride makes the choices and the groom just agrees with everything.” I chuckle.

  Ashley laughs with me and nods. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. I’ve got a dress fitting next week too and your mom has invited herself along so that’s not going to be terrifying at all.”

  “Don’t worry I’ll get you out of it. Your own mom should be with you to get a wedding dress. Right?”

  “Mmmm.” She’s still rubbing at her neck.

  Something happens inside me. I take a big swallow of Cognac.

  “She should be, but I haven’t actually told her about the wedding yet, so I guess I’ll just go with your mom. At least that way, there won’t be any surprises on the big day if she hates the dress.”

  I nod absently, not paying much attention to her words now. My eyes keep going to her hand on her neck. “Have you hurt your neck?” I ask, trying and failing not to be distracted by the way her hand kneads her skin and the way her collar is coming more and more open.

  “I just have a knot there. It always happens when I’m stressed out.”

  “Turn around and I’ll get it for you,” I offer without thinking.

  Ashley raises an enquiring eyebrow at me.

  “Oh, come on Ashley. It’s not like I’m suggesting we have sex. Surely, you trust yourself to let me massage your neck.”

  She looks at me for a second too long, then nods, and turns her back towards me.

  I shuffle closer to her and raise my hands, suddenly afraid to touch her.

  “Come on, Finn. It’s not like you’re jumping out of a plane or anything,” she teases with a chuckle.

  Her tone is light and teasing and there’s that chuckle to end it all, but I can still hear the tension behind it and I know she feels it too. The way the air in the room is suddenly charged. And the certainty that if I put my hands on her, this isn’t going to stop with a massage.

  I reach out and gently push her collar further down, exposing her creamy white skin. I place my hands on her shoulders and work my thumbs against her neck. My skin tingles where it touches hers and when she moans under my touch, I feel my cock getting hard. I ignore the desire I can feel spreading through me, reminding myself how we both agreed this can’t, won’t and shouldn’t happen again. I try to tell myself it’s just a natural response, a primal thing really… it means nothing.

  I don’t believe it at all.

  Ashley isn’t helping matters at all. She’s opened a few more buttons of her blouse and pushed her blouse further down her back and arms, exposing the milky white skin there. Then she pushes the straps of her bra down her arms.

  My cock jerks in my pants. Shit. Suddenly, her exposed skin, my fingers rubbing firmly into her flesh, that small involuntary sound she makes, feel taboo and… like the hottest thing I have ever done.

  Ashley moans again and a wave of desire pounds through me. I know then that I can’t do this. I stand up abruptly. “Right, that should do the trick.” I start to walk away, but her hand grabs my wrist, stopping me and turning me to face her. Her eyes go to my crotch and I know she can see how hard my dick is. I wait for the accusation I know is coming, how we said this wouldn’t happen again, but Ashley surprises me once more. She doesn’t accuse me of anything. She doesn’t speak at all.

  Instead, she pulls me towards her.

  She releases my wrist and her hands go to my sweatpants. She pulls them down together with my boxers.

  “Ashley…” I start as my cock is released from its material prison. The words die in my throat when she moves to the edge of the couch and stretches her lips around my cock. As she moves her mouth down my length, I couldn’t protest even if I wanted to. I groan as her tongue moves over the tip of my cock, flicking back and forth and sending shockwaves through me.

  Then she sucks my cock deep into her mouth, and putting her hands on my ass cheeks, pulls me roughly closer to her. She keeps a tight hold on my ass as her head begins to bob, faster and faster, her rhythm perfect.

  I am moaning and gasping with each breath now as Ashley pushes me towards the edge. I can feel my stomach clenching, my cock going wild. I reach down and push my hands into her hair, moving her head even faster.

  She doesn’t resist my direction; she just ups her pace.

  My mouth hangs open, my eyes are closed, and my head’s thrown back as I feel my climax building in the base of my cock. Suddenly her hot, wet, velvety mouth is gone. Where there was warmth, there is now a chilly breeze.

  I open my eyes and look down at Ashley.

  She looks back up at me, a wicked grin on her face. She runs her tongue over her lips and makes an ahh sound that makes me growl in frustration. She gives a soft laugh and stands up.

  For one awful second, I think this is over, but Ashley has other ideas. She hitches her skirt up over her hips and pushes her panties down, kicking them away.

  She sits back down on the couch and grabs my t-shirt, pulling me down on top of her as she lays back. My lips meet hers and her tongue moves into my mouth as our kiss becomes passionate, desperate. I can taste myself on her tongue as our tongues entwine. I move my mouth from hers and kiss the side of her neck.

  Her hands push beneath my t-shirt, moving over my back, sending shivers through me. She drags the t-shirt off me, throwing it over the back of the couch. “Fuck me, Finn,” she orders in a low husky voice.

  I don’t need telling twice. In this moment, I barely remember why we thought this was a bad idea. How can anything feel this good, be anything but a good idea?

  I reach down and run my fingers through her slit, moaning when they come away dripping wet. Ashley is as ready for this as I am, and I don’t waste any more time. I push my cock into her wet, tight pussy and begin to move my hips. Ashley wraps her legs around my waist, opening herself up to me and letting me go in deeper.

  As heat envelopes my body and pleasure floods my veins, I let go of any concerns and just enjoy the moment. I am already close to coming, Ashley made sure of that when she took me into her juicy mouth. Ashley is close too. I can tell by the way her breathing has grown ragged, by the way her hands are all over me, like she wants to caress every single spot on my back, my sides.

  I lean down and kiss her, a hungry kiss that makes her moan into my mouth. I move my hips faster as I feel my orgasm starting to take over. There’s no going back now and I moan loudly. As I start to come, I feel Ashley’s pussy clench and she screams my name, coming with me. We both come hard, a blending of juices, and moans.

  I feel my muscles tightening as I hit the peak of my climax and then I relax, my muscles turning to jelly, my heart beating hard.

  Ashley shifts slightly on the couch so I can fit in beside her. We lay on our side
s, facing each other, our eyes searching each other’s faces.

  I know I should move, go to bed or something, but right now, I feel too tired to move. I wrap an arm around Ashley and kiss her forehead. I wait for her to pull away as I kiss her head, to start telling me we made another mistake and run from the room, but she doesn’t. She snuggles closer to me, wrapping her own arm around me.

  This feels dangerous, like more of a mistake than the actual sex, but I don’t care. It feels good to lay here beside Ashley and when my eyes start to close, I don’t fight it, I just let myself fall asleep in her arms.

  13

  Ashley

  As I wake up, I try to stretch, but I feel like I’m confined. I open my eyes and see Finn lying so close to me that almost every inch of our bodies are touching. Last night rushes back in.

  We had sex again. Sex that I instigated. Right here on the couch. After the sex, we laid in each other’s arms, something that felt awfully a lot like crossing the most forbidden of lines.

  Sex with Finn and me, is rough, fast and hard, and while we’re doing that, I can convince myself it’s just physical. That we’re just fucking. But laying in each other’s arms after it? It feels tender, like something two people who want to do more than just fuck each other’s brains out would do.

  I could see how tired Finn looked after we fucked and I knew he wouldn’t be awake for long. I remember smiling to myself, telling myself I had worn him out. I felt pretty tired myself, but I told myself I would just wait for Finn to fall asleep before I would disentangle myself from his arms and legs then go to bed.

  Except when he did fall asleep, I found I didn’t want to move. I told myself I was just waiting a while, to make sure he was in a deep enough sleep, so I wouldn’t wake him up and have to have an awkward conversation with him, but I knew it wasn’t really that.

  The truth is, it felt nice lying there in his arms, and I didn’t want to move away. Now, I wish I had. Because this is a mistake. A huge mistake. We’ve crossed a major line here. We really should have just stuck to avoiding each other. It seemed to be working out pretty well for us. That’s what we’re going to have to go back to doing.

  I gently lift Finn’s arm up and very carefully slip out from beneath it. I get to my feet, holding my breath for a moment, praying he won’t wake up.

  He rolls onto his front and makes a little snorting sound.

  I can’t stop looking at him. He looks soft and vulnerable— like a man I would want for myself. Forever.

  Then his breathing settles down again, and he stays asleep.

  Thank God, for small mercies.

  I pull my skirt down, unrolling it from around my hips and pull my blouse up onto my shoulders then fasten one button to hold it in place. I look around for my panties and find them poking out from beneath the couch. I scoop them up and start to creep out of the room, but I can’t resist stopping for a moment to watch Finn.

  He’s still on his front, his head turned to the side. He looks like all of his worries have floated away. He must have kicked his sweat pants and boxers right off in the middle of the night because he’s completely naked now. I can’t help but notice how good he looks. And then my mind wanders back to last night, to how he made my body feel alive like no one ever has before.

  It’s a dangerous thought and I find myself tempted to run my hands over his body, to wake him up and ride him hard. But of course, I don’t. Instead, I turn around and practically run from the room before I do something else I’m going to regret.

  I go through to my room and hop into the shower. I’m conscious of the tenderness between my legs, a physical reminder of how big and thick Finn is. I ignore the thoughts crowding my mind and focus on the day ahead of me. I have a couple of meetings today, meetings which could decide the fate of the charity, so I should be giving them my complete and undivided attention.

  I get dressed, pulling on a black pantsuit with a pale blue blouse, then adding a pair of black flats. I know Finn wouldn’t approve of this outfit. What was it he said? Oh yes, I dress like I’m actually trying to repel people. Clearly, it didn’t work on him.

  I grin at this thought, then I push Finn from my mind and go to stand in front of the mirror. Regardless of his opinion, I know this outfit is the right choice. It says professional, but it doesn’t say I spend thousands of dollars on clothes, because what sort of message does it send when the person running a charity could support half of her charges simply by selling some of her designer clothes?

  I check the time and I’m shocked to see it’s barely five in the morning. I knew it was early, but this is really early. Finn is always in the office by seven. I debate sitting in the armchair in the corner of my room and reading my book for a bit. I smile to myself when I realize I had no trouble falling asleep without it last night.

  I shake my head, trying to stop thoughts of Finn infiltrating my every other thought. I decide against sitting down with the book. I’m just going to go to the office early and prepare for my meetings. There’ll be other stuff I can do as well, there always is and at the office I’m not risking running into a naked, disheveled and sexy as fuck Finn.

  This last thought does it and I flee. I hurry through the living room, barely glancing at Finn. As noiselessly as I can I grab my purse and the files I brought home last night. I am at the door of the apartment by the time I allow myself to glance back at Finn just one more time.

  I smile to myself as I stand and watch him for a moment. He hasn’t moved since I left him and I still find myself wanting to go to him, to wake him with a kiss. I slip out of the apartment before I let myself do it.

  It hits me as I run to the elevator so hard that I come to a dead stop. I don’t regret sleeping with Finn because I don’t like him. I regret it because I’m slowly starting to fall for him. I take a deep breath. This can lead to only one thing. Me getting hurt. I have to go back to avoiding him until I figure out some way to stop myself from falling more and more deeply in love with him. And I think, or at least I hope, it’s not too late for that.

  14

  Ashley

  I’ve done a good job of avoiding Finn over the last couple of days. It’s day three since our episode on the couch, and I’ve managed to slip in and out for work, staying later at the office each night and going in earlier each day, without running into Finn. He works long hours himself and it’s been surprisingly easy to time it, so we don’t have to see each other. I’ve even caught up on a lot of those pesky admin tasks that need doing but aren’t a priority and tend to get ignored, so it’s been a win, win situation for me.

  Tonight though, I’m so tired I decide to just come back home, and yes, I’m now starting to think of Finn’s place as home. It’s almost six and I know Finn isn’t due to come home for at least another four or five hours so I feel pretty safe when I decide to go to the kitchen and grab a soda. Finn wasn’t kidding about not keeping food in the apartment, but he has a surprisingly varied range of drinks and not just alcoholic ones.

  I slip into my new pajamas, I bought a pair and returned Finn’s shirt, then head out to the kitchen. I’m humming to myself as I pull the fridge door open and look at the soda. I settle for a can of sparkling pineapple juice. I straighten up and close the fridge.

  “Hey,” Finn calls from behind me.

  Shit. Fuck.

  “Hey,” I call, smiling as I turn around while hopefully hiding my surprise at him being here. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

  “I was in ninja mode.” Finn grins.

  “Clearly.” I laugh as I lift the soda can awkwardly. “I was just grabbing a drink. So I’ll… I guess… just go back to my room.”

  He starts to say something, but he changes his mind and nods.

  I scuttle out of there as fast as I can without actually running and I don’t stop moving until I’m back in my room. I close the door and lean against it for a moment, sighing loudly.

  I stupidly hoped that when Finn and I did see each other again, that I woul
d feel differently about him. Not see him as being hot anymore. Go back to seeing him as the arrogant douchebag I thought he was when we first met. But the thing is, I can’t see him like that anymore. Now don’t get me wrong, he is still arrogant. In fact, he’s one of the most arrogant men I’ve ever met, but there’s more to him than that.

  Beneath the arrogant exterior, there’s a genuinely nice guy. When he forgets to be a dick, he really isn’t one. Like the other night when he could see I was stressed out, so he gave me a drink and a shoulder rub. And I don’t think for a second he was trying to seduce me. In fact, when he realized the effect the massage was having on him, he tried to leave and it was me who stopped him.

  It was me... who seduced him.

  Or like the afternoon we spent in the soup kitchen. I really saw a different side to him there. He tried to play it cool, to act like he was only doing it because he had something to prove, but I saw the way he was with the kids, the way their stories moved him. He’d acted compassionate and sweet then afterwards, when he caught himself showing his softer side, he started talking about buying a new shirt, I knew what he was doing. He acted like a dick again because for a moment, he’d been stripped bare and allowed me to see who he really was.

  So yeah, my plan to see Finn and not feel anything anymore is well and truly dead so to speak. I move away from the door and go to perch on the end of my bed.

  So here’s the deal, I tell myself. You like Finn. You let yourself go there. And you can let yourself not go there just as easily. You can’t help liking him, but you can help acting on it. Acting on it is only going to get you hurt. Finn might not be who you thought he was, but he isn’t really into you and if you give yourself on a platter to any man, he is going to take it. Then if you keep on letting him fuck you, he’s going to break your heart.

  It really isn’t fair to either of us if I let anything happen between us again. It isn’t fair to me because I will get hurt. It isn’t fair to Finn because inevitably, it will paint him as the bad guy when I get my heart broken. It won’t be his fault, as far as he is concerned, I still hate him, but as much as I know he’s not into me, I don’t think he would like to think he was hurting me.