As We Speak Read online

  This book is not about learning to relax. As Jerry Lewis said, “If you’re not nervous, you’re either a liar or a fool, but you’re not a professional.” You’re never going to be relaxed in a high-stakes situation—nor should you be. Olympic athletes, martial artists, and Broadway actors are not relaxed before they go on. Everyone experiences a rapid surge in energy before an event.

  The difference between performing and choking is determined by what you do with that energy. An amateur locks the energy in her throat, and chokes on the fear. A top performer interprets the energy as a sign that she is ready, and releases it with her breath. German psychotherapist Fritz Perls put it this way: “Fear is only excitement without the breath.” You will learn a method for turning your fear into excitement.

  This method is based on principles of human behavior. They are universal laws like the laws of gravity, which have to do with the ways that human beings in every culture respond to certain stimuli. Like good cooking ingredients, once you know how to apply these principles, you can combine them in any number of ways to suit a specific situation.

  This book is not just about ideas; it’s about putting ideas into action. We will explain a concept, show you how it works, and give you the techniques that will enable you to master it. The point of this training is not just to make a little improvement in your communication skills. It’s about producing transformational results that will have an immediate impact on the quality of your relationships.

  How can you learn to communicate from a book?

  High Performance Communication requires three things:

  1. A clear strategy.

  2. Practice.

  3. Feedback.

  This book will give you the strategy. But we can’t make you practice—you’re going to have to do that yourself. If you want to build muscle, you’re going to have to go to the gym and actually lift the weights. Just thinking about it won’t do the trick.

  You’re also going to have to get feedback from your listeners. When you’re communicating, the only thing that really counts is the listener’s experience. Trying to improve your communication skills without getting feedback is like trying to fly a plane without instruments—you don’t have the information you need to chart your course. We’ve provided forms in Appendix One, at the back of the book, to make that process simple and specific. Ask your colleagues, hire a coach, beg your friends, or phone us. But one way or another, get feedback!

  Although you can read the book on its own, we’ve designed it as a multidimensional learning experience, with interactive things for you to see, hear, and do. All of these supplemental items are available for you to download. Before you begin Chapter One, go to http://www.stand anddelivergroup.com, where you’ll see a prompt for “As We Speak.” Along with the forms you’ll find some bonus audio tracks there to supplement the reading.

  Your success in this area, as in any other, depends on your commitment. Read this as if you were taking a training with us, and allow us to be your coaches. Lean into the training, grab it, and pull it toward you. Do the activities. Participate in the exercises. Download the forms, and fill them out. Be willing to stretch to your outer limits. That’s how you develop new capacities.

  HOW TO USE THIS BOOK

  The good news is that there are only three things you have to master in High Performance Communication. They are:

  1. Content.

  2. Delivery.

  3. State.

  and they work together, as diagrammed below:

  Part One focuses on Content, which is the sum total of the information you want to convey. You will learn to rapidly construct a clear and lucid architecture of ideas designed to lead your listener through a memorable emotional experience.

  Part Two is all about Delivery, or the art of expression. You will learn the principles of performance used by professionals—how to use your body, voice, eyes, and hands in a way that naturally supports your message. You will expand the range and effective use of your voice with the help of vocal techniques that are included in the downloads accompanying this book.

  HIGH PERFORMANCE COMMUNICATION

  Part Three is about the element that drives both your content and your delivery: your State. State is the way you feel when you speak, and it is both the most powerful and most frequently overlooked component of communication. Your state speaks louder than your words. Every professional performer has ways to jumpstart his system into peak performance condition before stepping onto the stage or field, or into the conference room. High performance communicators learn to direct their state to meet the demands of the event.

  Part Four applies the principles you’ve learned to specific situations. How do you handle a difficult face-to-face conversation? How about using technology—what’s the most effective way to use the different media of phone conference, video, or e-mail? How do you communicate in a crisis, when all eyes are on you and emotions are running high?

  Finally, Part Five supplies you with some powerful tools that will help you to create a compelling personal vision, organize and clarify your engagements into a relationship dashboard, and enhance your ability to collaborate and innovate with others.

  START WHERE YOU ARE

  Chances are, you’re reading this book for one of two reasons. Either:

  1. You’re already getting results from your communication. The success that you’ve had so far has given you an appetite for greater possibilities. You understand that the ability to speak well is ultimately the deciding factor between who gets the job or promotion, and who stays behind. For you, this book is about moving to the next level of your potential, and creating the conditions for a breakthrough.

  or

  2. You’ve had a bad experience, or are afraid of having a bad experience when you stand up to speak. Something might have happened to you that is so painful, you’ve decided never again. The pain has motivated you to gain some expertise. Maybe you’ve decided that there’s something holding you back, and it’s the way you talk. You might be undermining your own authority and sabotaging yourself, because you haven’t yet learned to communicate your best ideas with power and speed. For you, this book is about identifying ineffective habits, and getting out of your own way.

  Either way, in order to move ahead, you need to know two things:

  1. Where are you now?

  2. Where are you going?

  To accomplish this, fill out the self-assessment on pages 22 –23. This will give you specific information about what you’re already doing well, and what’s holding you back. Go through each question and score yourself, assigning yourself the appropriate number value. Be rigorously honest.

  Self-Assessment

  CONTENT

  PLEASE RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING WITH:

  5 = almost always true

  4 = usually true

  3 = sometimes true

  2 = usually not true

  1 = almost never true

  I bring insightful analysis and relevant detail to my presentations. I support my ideas with evidence and examples to illustrate my points.

  I speak to the emotional as well as intellectual needs of my listener.

  I use stories and vivid imagery to help people feel and see what I am describing.

  I create powerful closings that come full circle with my opening—reinforcing my key point and leaving the audience feeling satisfied.

  I create a strong opening by talking about what the listener truly cares about, and rarely begin by talking about myself.

  My talk resembles an engaging narrative more than a series of slides, bullet points, and lists of data.

  I typically open a conversation or presentation with a central theme or sentence, which I reinforce throughout.

  I organize my ideas in an integrated and sequential narrative flow with ideas building upon each other, making it easier for the listener to understand.

  I use brevity, and never go on too long. People leave my presentations knowing clearly what I
was saying.

  I focus on my objective when I’m speaking. I know why I’m speaking and what I want from a particular audience or listener. My listener is consistently moved to new insight, decision, or action.

  My language is fresh, active, and easy to understand. I rarely use vague or confusing jargon, acronyms, or clichés.

  < CONTENT TOTAL SCORE

  DELIVERY

  PLEASE RESPOND TO THE FOLLOWING WITH:

  5 = almost always true

  4 = usually true

  3 = sometimes true

  2 = usually not true

  1 = almost never true

  I am fully aware of what is happening in the room when I’m speaking to people; I can see and read their responses, and I adjust as needed.

  I am comfortable using gestures in front of a group and never feel awkward about using my hands.

  I always listen to people and demonstrate that I care about their point of view.

  I take time to prepare myself mentally and physically, so that when I speak to one person or one hundred, I am in an optimum performance state.

  I begin by gaining rapport with others. I start by creating common ground before jumping into my agenda.

  I maintain eye contact while speaking to groups.

  My language and tone are generally warm, personable, and conversational.

  I use slides, handouts, or media only to support my presentation; I don’t let my slides become more important than my presence.

  When I speak, I know that I vary my tempo, pitch, and volume to enliven my content with nuance and variety.

  < DELIVERY TOTAL SCORE

  Now take the following steps:

  1. Add up your scores. You will have two separate totals: one for the content, and one for the delivery. For example, you might end up with a score of 30 for content, and 20 for delivery.

  2. Take that score, and plot it on the performance grid below. Content is on the vertical axis, delivery on the horizontal. Put a solid dot where you are now.

  Interpreting Your Score

  If you’re in the lower left box, you’re in trouble. You’ve scored yourself low on both content and delivery. Chances are that the listener is having difficulty connecting to your ideas, as well as your style. The result is that they are bored. The danger is that they’re disengaging, falling asleep, or getting angry. You need to work on both content and delivery.

  If you’re in the lower right box, you’ve scored yourself high on delivery, which means that your style—your posture, expression, and voice—are engaging the listener, but the substance is lacking. You may need to work on developing more clarity, relevance, and brevity. People are engaged and maybe even entertained by you, but they’re not being nourished intellectually.

  If you’re in the upper left, you’ve scored yourself high on content, but low on delivery. Most likely your thinking is strong, but your voice and body are not supporting your message in a dynamic way. You are articulating clear points, organizing information well, and targeting your message effectively to the listener—but your delivery is possibly flat and dull, making it difficult for people to stay engaged. The danger here is that the listener wants to hear your good ideas; they are working so hard that they’re frustrated. At its worst, there is a level of tedium that produces a negative impact.

  If you’re in the upper right, your ideas are clear, relevant, and organized. Your delivery is dynamic and compelling. You’re bringing an appropriate level of energy, passion, and clear thinking that brings value to your listener. You’re not only inspiring people, but you’re creating results. After listening to you, people are ready to act—to do something. That’s High Performance Communication.

  See the diagram on the following page for a fuller explanation of the performance grid.

  Note: The closer you are to the center of any quadrant, the milder the effect you’re having on the listener. As you move to the outer edges, the effect becomes more extreme. In other words, if you’re in the “frustrated” quadrant, and you’re close to the X-Y axis, your listener is mildly frustrated. If you’re at the outer edges, they’re grinding their teeth when they listen to you!

  THE LISTENER FEELS:

  FRUSTRATED

  INSPIRED

  APATHETIC

  ENTERTAINED

  - Great Content

  - Great Content

  - Poor Content

  - Poor Content

  - Flat Performance

  - Engaging Performance

  - Flat Performance

  - Engaging Performance

  - Audience is interested in the message but has difficulty staying focused.

  - Audience is stimulated by ideas and moved to take action.

  - Audience daydreams or performs tasks while pretending to listen.

  - Audience is pleasantly engaged but dismisses event as superficial.

  Notice that the upper right is the only quadrant in which you get positive results. Every other quadrant produces a negative experience for the listener.

  What Next?

  1. If you want to create growth, you need a clear and compelling goal. What are the results you want to create in your relationships at work, at home, and with your friends? In order to achieve that, where does your communication need to appear on the performance grid? Put an X on that spot. (Hint—it should be somewhere in the upper right quadrant!)

  2. Draw a line between the solid dot that marks where you are now and the X that marks where you need to be.

  3. Note the angle of the line. If the line is vertical, you need to work on content. If it’s horizontal, you need to work on delivery. If the line is at an angle, you need work on both content and delivery.

  Let this analysis guide you as you go through the book; it will tell you where you need to concentrate your focus first. You become a cocreator in your own curriculum by directing how you want to learn. We want you to get results. If you have a limited amount of time, go straight to the place where you need the most work.

  But the elements of content, delivery, and state are linked. If you want to achieve a breakthrough in your communication, you need to master all three.

  If you want to go deeper and take the assessment process to the next level, we’ve included an additional tool in Appendix One at the back of the book. This is an assessment survey that you hand out to people you know, so that you can get a 360-degree survey of exactly how listeners are experiencing your communication. The results you get may surprise you! Use the communication feedback data to determine the order in which you pick up the skills.

  After two decades of coaching, we know that when you’re learning something new, it’s essential to acquire one skill at a time. Don’t try to focus on everything at once. Keep the book on your desk and use it as a handbook, a guide, and a reference tool. Like any muscle group, the new skill sets that you are developing will be strengthened over time with practice. If you’re stepping into the spotlight within forty-eight hours, go straight to delivery and finish with state. If you are facing a presentation that is a week or more away, start with content. Move on to delivery and finish with state.

  OUR COMMITMENT TO YOU

  If you’re not under a deadline, start by going through the full assessment process. Evaluate yourself, then get the key people around you to complete the assessment in Appendix One. Apply and practice this technology for thirty days. Then hand out the assessments again, to the same people.

  Compare the results.

  You’ll be amazed at the difference—we promise.

  Now, let’s get to work.

  Part One

  * * *

  CONTENT

  CONTENT IS WHAT you say. It’s your words, images, stories, statistics, metaphors, messages, pie charts, and data, all arranged in an order that makes sense.

  What makes great content?

  Let’s start by looking at what can go wrong. In twenty-six countries across the world, the people we’ve spoken to during our trainings a
ll make the same complaints about horrible presentations they’ve suffered through:

  1. Too much information.

  2. Not relevant.

  3. No point.

  When it comes to content, the challenge is that once again, we are hardwired to get it wrong. Here’s why: most of the time we are talking about what we want to say. Makes sense, right? We might even talk about our own point of view, as if it actually mattered to our listener. And we may be tempted to add every piece of data we can think of, just to try to impress the listener with how smart we are.

  But that’s not going to work, because the listener does not automatically care what you want to say, or how many facts you can throw around. Your listener cares about himself. What’s in it for him? If you’re trying to influence someone, it’s not about what you want to say. It’s about what the listener needs to know and feel. High Performance Communicators ask this question: what does the listener require, in order to make a new decision?