Changes Read online

  Take the example of Bill struggling with career transition and productivity. Upon looking through the different lenses—relationships, lifestyle choices, career choice, environment, self-care, belief systems, etc.—we see how each of these lenses affects the balance (or imbalance) of the others.

  At our core, we all want to know how to create meaning in our world. To do so, we need to explore how we think, feel, act, and take care of ourselves. We also need to assess the strengths we have and with whom and what we surround ourselves.

  I’ve created the CHANGES method to help you evaluate the different parts of yourself and discern what may be helping or hurting your progress.

  Before we dive into this model, let me tell you about the process of creating the acronym, which followed the creation of the ideas.

  Throughout my work as a professional coach, therapist, and organizational consultant I’ve spent thousands of hours exploring how people create change in their lives, both effectively and ineffectively. I’ve seen what stresses them out and what impacts their goal accomplishment as well as their failure. There are common threads in these processes.

  There is already lots of information out there on how the various parts of our human experience impact each other. The biopsychosocial approach, for instance, is a model that looks at how biology, psychology, and social factors impact our general health.1 I have spent a long time contemplating these questions:

  What are the key elements that influence our ability to create the kind of change we want?

  What are the ruts, stumbling blocks, and pitfalls that show up, over and over, and keep us from reaching our goals?

  What are the various parts of ourselves that when integrated increase the likelihood of achieving our goals?

  In regard to all of these questions, I focused on three dimensions: how we think, how we act, and how we feel. Seems pretty intuitive. After long consideration, I realized that the dimensions that are the most common predictors of effective change making actually total seven. After I had these seven dimensions in mind, I did some serious spreadsheeting (imagine reverse-engineering an acrostic) and found an acronym that would serve as a mnemonic device.

  I think it’s important to clarify that most of the content of this book predates the gimmicky title. Let’s be honest, acronyms work, and I want you to remember this stuff!

  CHANGES represents:

  C Cognition

  H Heart

  A Action

  N Nourishment

  G Guts

  E Environment

  S Spirit

  Each part of this acronym has important components to consider.

  Cognition – The way we think

  Do you make decisions quickly, not quickly enough, issue strong judgments, think poorly of yourself or too highly perhaps? These are just a few ways to consider how you think. The important part is to critically evaluate your unique cognitive process as it relates to the changes you wish to create in your life. Both the way we think and what we focus on will impact our ability to change.

  Heart – How we feel

  Our emotions play a big part in our ability to succeed. If we remain confident, happy, grateful, curious, and positive, then we will have a greater chance of achieving change. If we are negative, depressed, sad, angry, reactive, or closed off from our emotions, we may have a harder time moving toward positive change. How we feel also relates to our relationships and how they impact our ability to change. Exploring our emotional self in all its variety helps us understand what emotions are influencing us, what we might be avoiding, and what we can do to realign.

  Action – Our habits and routines

  Thinking and feeling are important, but it is the actions we take that guide our thoughts and feelings. Our action, or inaction, plays a significant role in our ability to push toward our desired outcome.

  Nourishment – How we take care of ourselves

  It is not news that the way we eat, how much we exercise, how well we sleep, and our general lifestyle all influence us from day to day and over the course of our lives. This influence is especially pertinent to the process of seeking and maintaining positive change. How we treat our body affects our motivation, energy, creativity, strength, and focus. Considering how we nourish ourselves is vital.

  Guts – Our courage to seek out and act according to our most authentic self and truth

  When moving through a change, consider if you have the guts to ask the hard questions. Can you explore the important depths of yourself? The depths that include your strengths, but also your fears, insecurities, blind spots, and shadows? Can you do what’s necessary to allow your most authentic self to come forward? Guts are required.

  Environments – Whom and what we surround ourselves with

  Jim Rohn, the well-known author, personal development guru, sought-after speaker, and trainer has said, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” When it comes to self-development, our environment goes beyond the people we choose to be around. Our environment includes our family members, workspace, city, and community, but it also involves other aspects, such as how our home looks and feels. For example, if you know you function at a higher level when things are organized, then keeping your living space clean and orderly may be an important factor in your growth and development.

  Spirit – Our belief systems and how we find and make meaning

  These are very important questions to consider. You can be a Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Agnostic, Atheist, etc. No matter how you define yourself, your set of values contributes to your identity. Moreover, your sense of meaning and belief system informs how you go through the demanding process of creating change. Examining how your belief system plays out in your life is always helpful. How we frame the world and grapple with the hows and whys of our existence is a core component of how we interact, make decisions, and apply meaning. Considering this aspect of yourself in the change process is crucial.

  ~

  All of these factors within the CHANGES system are important to address during any dedicated shift you are making, whether the subject is personal or professional. When I work with clients, this is part of the process I take them through.

  Unless we focus on all the potential areas that may be influencing our ability to make a change, we are leaving opportunity on the table.

  It is important to remember that to realize any change you may be working toward takes time. Change works at its own particular pace. We’ll explore this pace later in the book. For now, just be patient with yourself along the way.

  INTRODUCTION ACTIVITY

  Using the CHANGES acronym as a guide, develop a short outline of how each letter is reflected in your life. Write a few sentences about each. Then write down two personal strengths in each of the seven areas and two opportunities for growth. This exercise will develop some insight into how you can set yourself up for success in creating the change you desire, starting right now.

  SECTION ONE: COGNITION

  “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people.”

  —Eleanor Roosevelt

  How we think about our lives and what we spend most of our time thinking about are two factors that influence our ability to change. Exploring the thoughts we get stuck on, our perceptions of situations, and how we process information all come into play when creating change.

  Some people make monumental changes by shifting the way they think. Others are unable to move toward their goals because of their unbreakable tie to their current thinking patterns.

  I encourage you to examine how you think and to determine honestly if it is helping or hurting your ability to seek the change you want in your life. This is not necessarily a book about positive thinking. Though you will explore some of your thought patterns and learn to modify them to create an optimistic space in which to create change, my goal is broader than that.

  Seek the opportunity, not only in the new tho
ught itself, but also in your ability to adapt to new ways of thinking. In other words, focus on adjusting the process, not the product. You can gain more momentum in change-making by evaluating how you think before you pursue the latest new idea. It’s the difference between the pursuit of self-discovery and simply acquiring new information. Since you’re reading this, kudos to you for your information gathering. With this book, you’ll gain a greater ability to self-evaluate rather than just get some new tips and tricks.

  Adapting your cognitive abilities can propel you to success. Experience the liberation of getting unstuck.

  In this section, you’ll have an opportunity to reflect on where you tend to focus and what occupies your thoughts. You’ll detect patterns you have developed over time, assumptions you make, and the perspectives you’ve relied on for too long. Just like taking care of your eyes, perspectives need adjusting. Imagine sticking with the same eyeglass prescription that you had as a child. The world would appear fuzzy because your way of seeing it would be outdated. Challenge your status quo and let new ways of thinking sharpen your vision.

  1

  The Victim or The Master

  The road from Arica, Chile, to Cochabamba, Bolivia, winds through terrain that is mostly arid, desolate, and rugged. After driving for hours, looking out into nothing, I would marvel when we came across one lonely house in the middle of nowhere. We’d stop to pick up someone waiting by the road, and I wondered, not only where they were headed, but also how they accessed food and water in such an isolated area. From my perspective, the whole situation seemed surreal.

  A friend and I had started our journey in Santiago, Chile and slowly made our way up the coast. The bus ride through the desert eventually took us to the Bolivian border, near the Parinacota Volcano and Chungará Lake. The view of the dormant volcano rising above the lake in the middle of the desert is as stunning as it is unusual.

  Spending so many hours on the bus, we had a chance to learn about our traveling companions. They had come from Germany, Australia, South Africa, and other places around the globe. There were about 40 of us in total; I think we were the only Americans on the bus. When we arrived at the border to cross from Chile into Bolivia, we exited the bus and in single file, headed into a small, two-door building. We were to enter through one door, speak to a border guard, and exit through the other door into the other country. Seemed easy enough.

  As we made our way up the line, we became familiar with the routine. The guard assessed each traveler with an expression of stoicism tinged with irritation. He asked for their passport, gave it a quick glance, stamped it, and handed it back. Then the traveler would exit door number two and Voilà! Welcome to Bolivia.

  I should note that the guard at the desk was flanked by two others standing behind him, each toting a very large automatic weapon. It’s uncertain if the guns were just for show, but either way, they lost little of their power to intimidate.

  When we stepped to the desk, we presented our passports to the seated guard. He opened them up, glanced at us, down at the passports, back at us, and then opened a drawer, tossed in both passports, and slammed it closed. He stared at us as if daring a reaction. As soon as we took the bait and started to formulate a question in Spanish, he motioned for us to move along. Our most polite efforts to reclaim our precious document only elicited an explanation that we would get them back at our next stop. Oruro was the next city in Bolivia on our journey, and it was here where we were supposed to change buses and head to our final destination of Cochabamba. It was another five-hour bus ride through the emptiness of Bolivia just to get to Oruro. Bear in mind that at this time, Bolivia was the second least industrialized country in South America. We were nervous, to say the least.

  Given the firepower on the other side of the table and the uncertainty of what these guards might do if we didn’t move along, we decided to cross our fingers and hope for the best. We passed through door number two, climbed aboard the next bus with our fellow travelers, and headed out into the desert, passportless.

  Looking back, I think my friend and I were each trying to play it cool, probably in support of each other. Later, in a more candid moment, we both admitted that we were barely holding it together. Adding a little more adrenaline to the mix, about two hours into our ride, in the middle of nowhere, the bus blew a tire. We were stranded on the side of the road while the repairs were made. At that point, I think something shifted. We didn’t know what was going to happen, but we both realized that panicking was not going to get us anywhere.

  I remember sitting on the side of the road, looking out into the distance, and feeling the heat of the sun on my skin. For a brief duration, I was able to be in the moment and reflect on the beauty in front of me. It was as if I was finally allowing something in that, consciously or not, I had been keeping out: gratitude.

  I had just spent the last month traveling through South America experiencing a new environment, making wonderful new friends and connections, and learning of the cultural richness throughout the region. Furthermore, I was at the front end of another month of travel with a good friend. If I had been able to sustain this sense of presence, or if I had arrived at it earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of panic, anxiety, and fear.

  A few hours later we arrived in Oruro. We found the building where we were meant to pick up our passports. The guys behind this desk were very friendly and had no guns. But neither did they have our passports. They apologized and told us to check back in a few hours.

  At this point, panic set in again and dissolved all the serenity I had mustered sitting on the side of the road. Were our passports stolen? All communication thus far had been in Spanish. Did we misunderstand something in translation? Was it a case of cultural misunderstanding? All these questions and more ran through our minds and in and out of our conversation. We tried our best to keep the fear at bay. We had heard stories of the corruption in Bolivia from a friend who was a resident. Losing our passports and getting stuck in this small town in rural Bolivia was one thing, but knowing when and whom to bribe and when and whom not to was something else.

  We did know one thing, we were starving. We had not eaten all day and were feeling it. We decided to see if we could find a place for pizza. Maybe some comfort food would do us well. And, as luck would have it, we found a pizzeria only about a ten-minute walk from where our passports were supposed to arrive.

  Now why is this detail important, you might ask? Well, the pizza represents something much more important—letting go. The meal was a welcome distraction from fixating on the problem. It benefited us to take a few breaths, have some food, and gather our thoughts. Plus, truth be told, I eat when I’m stressed and pizza is my go-to food indulgence.

  After we finished what was a decent attempt at a New York style thin crust pie, we felt a little better and could chat about contingency plans. When we checked back at the passport office, we braced ourselves for the worst. What was next? More automatic weapons? An arrest for not having proper identification? Some sort of bribe that we could not afford? As soon as we walked in, all eyes were on us, but it was because our passports had arrived!

  Now what happened to our identities in the hours between our passports being confiscated and then landing back in our possession, I can’t say. If you hear of another Michael Diettrich-Chastain out there in the world, please let me know.

  When I look back at this experience, I take from it the lesson of identifying what was in my control and what was not. When we consider what happens to us, we always have a choice concerning how to perceive the situation, what to internalize, and how to act. It is in this decision-making process that one may succumb to something rather damaging and toxic: victimization.

  What I want to say here is simple: we are not victims, ever. I realize this statement alone carries a lot of weight, and will probably evoke strong reactions, but let me elaborate. Of course, I recognize that there are all kinds of suffering in the world. Pain, misery, corruption, and injustice are re
al. But just like with every other experience in our lives, there are opportunities for positive change in our suffering. Even in the worst circumstances, there are opportunities for growth, education, and development. If we can recognize these opportunities, then we can transcend victimhood. Adverse situations may exist, but what I am referring to is our perception of the world around us. Our power lies in what we choose to take away from each situation and how we let it mold who we are. We have the choice to be The Victim or The Master.

  We can see examples of this dichotomy—victimization vs. mastery—in both everyday life and the most horrific of ordeals. The famous story of Victor Frankl, as told in his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, explores a man’s fortitude while helplessly watching as a majority of those he knows and loves are killed in the concentration camp beside him.2 He miraculously survives the camps and goes on to develop an entire therapeutic approach largely informed by his experience. His approach, Logotherapy, is based on the pursuit of meaning in one’s life, which we play a role in creating.3 Even in the most unfathomable circumstances, human resilience can prevail. This resilience is founded on perception. As Frankl himself recounts, his perception pushed him through a horrific situation, and his choice of response made him the master of it, not the victim.