Emotions Series 03 Forgotten Emotions Read online

  B'Elanna woke to find herself alone in bed. She sat up, and looked around the bedroom. Tom was nowhere in sight. She quietly called his name as she slipped out of bed. She heard mumbling below her, and she cautiously looked down to see Tom lying on the floor, asleep. She knelt beside him, and gently shook him awake.

  "Tom, wake up," B'Elanna whispered.

  Tom mumbled again, and opened his eyes. He rolled over onto his back, and looked up to see B'Elanna.

  "Why are you on the floor again, Tom?" She asked, concerned.

  Tom looked at her strangely, "The Lady always said that the floor was for me to sleep on. She only allowed me on her bed when we were coupling."

  B'Elanna's eyes flashed. She was angry, not only because that p'taQ of a woman made Tom sleep on the floor, but also because he had sex with her. B'Elanna snarled.

  *Calm down, Torres,* she told herself, *Tom was pumped full of that drug. He didn't know what he was doing. He probably barely remembers.*

  B'Elanna looked down at Tom, who was calmly staring at her. She could forgive him for sleeping with Daylia. Besides, she had more important things to do. That being helping him remember his life on Voyager.

  She gently smiled at him as she ran her hand through his hair, at least he looked better this morning. She knew she had a lot of work ahead of her, but she was going to attack it like she did any problem she faced.

  "Get dressed, Tom," B'Elanna said, "We're going for a walk."

  Several minutes later, Tom and B'Elanna were walking down the corridor. B'Elanna was pushing their twins along in the stroller. He was still confused about them, even after she told him all about them. He still couldn't remember anything about her or their children. She was getting worried that he might never remember, but she refused to give up.

  Tom though kept looking around at his surroundings. Occasionally, he would get flashes of something, but it was gone before he could grasp it. Sometimes, he would hear voices, but could not place them.

  Last night, he had another troubling but wonderful dream. He looked over at B'Elanna. She was in his dream, and they were coupling. Then a shadow would take him away as she reached out to him.

  Tom would also get a sense of familiarity every time he was near this woman. A couple times, he got an overwhelming feeling of possessiveness. This confused him even more. How could he feel this when he was the one that was a possession?

  The family entered the Mess Hall, and Tom stopped in his tracks.

  Another flash of something sparked before his eyes. A familiar smell came to his nose afterwards. He scrunched up his brow, shook his head, then followed B'Elanna to a table. He sat down and watched the children as B'Elanna went to get their food.

  The babies kept calling to him. He didn't know what to do. He felt he should so something, but his training prevented him from doing anything without being told first.

  "You can hold one of them if you want, Tom," B'Elanna's voice came to his ears.

  Tom looked at her. She held a tray with two meals on it. She set it one the table, picked Lucas up, then handed him to Tom. She sat down, and watched Tom stare at his son. She hoped holding the child would trigger something.

  Tom stared into the boy's intense blue eyes. The pilot recognized the eyes. He looked at B'Elanna, confused. "Lucas has your eyes, Tom," the half-Klingon explained, "Kyle has your hair. They both have your mischievous smile."

  The last sentence cause a lump to rise in B'Elanna's throat. She wished so much to see that smile again. When everyone thought he was dead, she was sure she would never see his smile again, except from their sons.

  Tom looked at Kyle. He then ran a hand through his own blonde hair. He shook his head, confused and frustrated.

  "I don't know," he grounded out, "I don't remember any of this!"

  B'Elanna reached out, placing a hand on his arm, "It's all right, Tom. Take your time. It'll come back to you."

  *Soon, I hope,* B'Elanna silently added.

  After their meal, the family went Holodeck Two. B'Elanna decided to show her husband the very program that brought them together. She believed the forest program would trigger many memories. She hoped it would work. She tapped in the commands, took a deep breath, and walked through the doors, Tom followed.

  When the doors closed, they were completely surrounded by a lush green forest. A waterfall sounded in the distance. B'Elanna looked at Tom, hoping to see a glimmer of recognition in his eyes.

  Tom stared at his surroundings in awe. The place was beautiful. He breathed in the "fresh" air and smiled.

  "It's wonderful. Where are we?"

  B'Elanna offered a small smile. He clearly didn't remember.

  "This is your holoprogram, Tom. The forest is from Canada."

  Tom looked at her. He created this? Canada? He shook his head. He hated not remembering. He ran hand furiously through his hair.

  "Canada?" he forced himself to remember, "That's on Earth, isn't it?"

  B'Elanna nodded, glad he remembered something. It was a start.

  "You programmed the waterfall a couple months later. You made this especially for me, Tom."

  Tom stared at her then at the forest. He must have loved this woman very much to create something as lovely as this.

  Suddenly, a flash of light penetrated his eyes. An angry voice came to his ears. A woman's voice.

  B'Elanna's voice. Then his voice. Tom shook his head as he saw himself and B'Elanna standing by the waterfall. They were arguing about her Klingon side. Then they were kissing. Then B'Elanna hurriedly left. Then the images and voices were gone as if they had never happened.

  Tom blinked then he shook his head again. He ran a hand through his hair again and closed his eyes. He remembered something. That had to be it. He remembered something, but he didn't know what. He gritted his teeth and growled.

  "Tom?" B'Elanna asked, concerned.

  Tom looked at her. Her brown eyes were full of worry. What could he tell her? That he remembered something, but didn't know what it was? He shook his head. He didn't want to give her any false hopes.

  "I'm just frustrated," he answered. He looked away, into the forest. He tried to bring back the images, but nothing came. He sighed and shook his head again.

  B'Elanna's hopes fell. Clearly, he wasn't remembering anything.

  *Those aliens must have done a number on him,* B'Elanna thought, *That drug must have really erased his memories. I won't give up on him, though. He will remember.*

  "It'll come back to you, Tom," B'Elanna vowed, "You must believe that. Don't give up, Tom."

  Tom looked back at her. He could see that she was just as frustrated as he was. He offered her a small smile and nodded. He wanted to remember his life here. It must have been a whole lot better than being on that planet answering to every whim of Daylia. He was starting to believe more and more each day that he had been used by The Lady. She never cared for him at all, only herself and her meaningless pleasures. He held back a snarl, but his blue eyes flashed with anger.

  B'Elanna caught that flash and felt her heart leap for joy. He was finally showing some emotion! She smiled at the small victory.

  "What's wrong, Tom?" She asked, trying to keep the joy from her voice.

  Tom shook his head, not looking at her, "I want to remember my life here. Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe if I just go with the flow something will come back to me unexpectedly."

  He looked at her then. She appeared hurt, but she nodded her head.

  "I'm sorry that I'm not remembering anything," Tom apologized.

  B'Elanna smiled slightly, "Don't worry about it, Tom. They pumped you so full of drugs, it might take some time before you remember anything about your life aboard Voyager."

  Tom nodded. He then offered her a smile, "Why don't we take a walk? I doubt you'd want to waste this wonderful program by standing around."

  B'Elanna smiled. That sounded just like Tom. She took his hand and the family walked into the forest.

  ********


  The small victory she had on the Holodeck was a small one indeed. A few hours later, Tom was back to being apathetic and confused. She wanted to take him back to the program and leave him in there until he remembered everything, but that idea was quickly discarded. She knew that what Tom needed was time -- time that was quickly becoming non-existent. She was getting frustrated and agitated with the lack of progress. She was beginning to wonder if he would ever regain his memory.

  The next morning, B'Elanna found Tom again lying on the floor asleep. A wave of anger then sympathy came over her. She wanted to kill Daylia for doing this to him. Her once robust, full-of-life husband had been reduced to an insecure, solemn man by the Lady. She wanted to kill the whole village for doing this to him. She wanted to kill the people who took him away from her and sold him to that p'taQ.

  Looking down upon him she could see his eyes moving beneath the lids and his head move first to one side and then the other. *He's dreaming* B'Elanna thought as she crawled out of the bed. B'Elanna knelt down beside him and noticed that his breathing was becoming very rapid. She saw that it wasn't just a dream he was experiencing, it was a nightmare. She gently shook him awake. She soon regretted it when his eyes opened wide and he screamed.

  "No! Stop! I'll do whatever you want, just stop!"

  "Tom!" B'Elanna became alarmed. She gently shook his shoulders, coaxing him to wake up. Finally, he slowly opened his eyes and stared at her. She saw the fear and pain in those eyes, and she took him in her arms to comfort him.

  "It's all right, Tom," she whispered, "It was just a dream."

  Tom froze. He never received such sympathy from the Lady. In fact, Daylia never showed him much of anything, except possessiveness. He didn't know what to do now that he was faced with such compassion. He was confused.

  B'Elanna felt him tense up. She knew he didn't know how to handle this. She released him and stared into his eyes. He was truly confused.

  "Do you feel better now, Tom?" B'Elanna asked.

  Tom nodded, "I thought I was back on that planet. I'm sorry if I frightened you."

  B'Elanna placed the palm of her hand against his cheek, "It's all right, Tom."

  Tom grabbed her hand and held it. They stared into each other's eyes for several minutes. Finally, B'Elanna removed her hand from Tom's grasp and stood up.

  "Get dressed, Tom," she said, falling into a routine that they had develop to help him adjust. She knew that she had to tell him what to do, or else he would just sit there. She hated doing it, but she hoped he would break away from this and do things for himself. At least, she mused, she didn't have to help feed him.

  The past couple of days, though, Tom was starting doing things for himself. He took showers, which at first, he was in complete awe of. Now, he loved them. On occasion, she would catch him singing.

  She smiled at this. It was another small sign that his memories were resurfacing. Now, if the bigger more important memories would show themselves.

  *Just be happy of the small victories,* she told herself, *The larger ones will come soon.*

  B'Elanna decided to take Tom to Engineering. She knew it wouldn't trigger anything big, but she hoped he would remember the little things he did when he was down there. She knew he had helped her on numerous occasions in Engineering. She hoped he would remember one of them, at least.

  They left the children with a babysitter, and left to go to Engineering. B'Elanna was a little nervous. This would be Tom's first appearance in Engineering since he had returned to this ship. She hoped it wouldn't be too much for him. B'Elanna had warned her staff in advance that Tom would be coming him down. She told them to act normal and not to overwhelm him.

  The couple left the turbolift and headed down the corridor to her realm. She hoped that they would soon venture to the Bridge. She believed, really believed that maybe seeing the helm would trigger his memories. He loved to fly, but somehow even that had been erased. Or at least, buried by that godforsaken drug. She continued to curse the Lady everyday, everyday that she came up with a memory or feeling that Tom was missing. She truly wished Tom had never gone down to that planet with them. He should have remained on the ship, safe and away from those predators that took him to be sold.

  They entered Engineering and Tom stopped at once. He stared at the warp core in complete awe.

  His mouth was open and his eyes were wide. He looked at her. An expression of, "What is that?" planted on his face.

  "That is the Warp Core," B'Elanna explained, "It's the reason we can go so fast. It moves us along in space. This is Engineering," she added with a wave of her hand, "It's where I work and keep this ship going. I'll show you around."

  B'Elanna showed him around Engineering. She kept on eye on him as he stared in total awe and wonder at his surroundings. She shook her head. It was almost like showing a primitive being around the ship. If she didn't know better, she wouldn't have believed it. She saw him looking at a console, and she could have sworn she saw a flash of knowledge spark behind his blue eyes. She almost thought he was going to punch in some commands, but he only stared at it.

  "Those are the navigational relays," B'Elanna told him, "You've been down here many times to look at them. I don't know how many times you've messed with them."

  Tom looked at her, strangely, "What do you mean? I worked down here?"

  B'Elanna smiled, "No. You worked on the Bridge. You flew this ship."

  Tom's eyes widened at that, "I what!?"

  B'Elanna almost laughed at his surprised expression. She sobered, though as she remembered that he didn't know.

  "Before you were taken, you were a pilot on this ship," B'Elanna explained, "You were-are the best pilot we have. You used to make sure no one forgot that."

  Tom stared at the consoles before him. They looked familiar, but he couldn't place them. He wished he knew. He wanted to know, but a huge wall was blocking his memories from resurfacing.

  He growled and slammed his fist on the console. "I can't take this anymore!" Tom shouted, causing most of the staff to look his way, "I can't remember anything, and it's driving me crazy!"

  Tom stared at B'Elanna, his eyes a dark cloud. He then stormed out of Engineering, leaving her distraught and frustrated.

  That night, she returned to their quarters after several hours in Engineering. B'Elanna had to explain to her staff about Tom's outburst. They told her they understood and sympathized with her. She was glad that they understood. She was having just as hard a time as Tom was. He was trying so hard to remember, but nothing came. She wondered if she was pushing him too hard to do so.

  B'Elanna stripped off her uniform and went into the bedroom. She was not surprised to see Tom lying on the floor. She sighed and went to kneel beside him. She brushed a stray lock of hair off his forehead. He stirred and rolled over on to his back. She heard him mumble something, but didn't understand what he said. Then she stood up and climbed into bed.

  B'Elanna stared at the ceiling, trying to figure out a way to get him to remember. She was almost at the end of her rope, but she was determined not to give up. She had to get him to remember. The little things were not enough anymore. She wanted him to remember something important. Then it hit her.

  *Tom has to remember the first time we made love,* she thought to herself, *I know that must have been a very special time for him, after all that's he been through.*

  Chapter 10

  B'Elanna looked over the edge of the bed. Tom was fast asleep, but this was important enough to wake him up.

  "Tom," she whispered.

  Tom stirred, but didn't wake. She called his name louder and he opened his eyes. They stared at each other for several moments. Even in the dim light, she saw a flash spark in his blue eyes, and she hoped he was remembering something.

  "Come up here," she whispered.

  Tom looked at her strangely, "You want me up there?"

  "Yes, Tom. Please."

  Tom slowly sat up and looked at her. They were mere inches apart. B'Elanna cou
ld smell his familiar scent and she inhaled it deeply. She reached out a hand and buried it in his blonde hair. She pulled him closer and kissed him. He responded quickly. She didn't know what to think about that. Was it because of his "training" or because of some deeply buried emotions that demanded to be remembered? She deepened the kiss, hoping that the buried emotions would break through.

  Tom ran his hands through her dark hair. This felt so much better than coupling with Daylia. He felt something coming to the surface as his tongue danced with hers. He tasted her sweetest. He felt an overpowering sense of joy and belonging. He wanted more, he embraced B'Elanna as he stood up and moved to join her on the bed.

  B'Elanna felt the familiar jolts of emotions as she wrapped her arms around Tom. She laid down on the bed, bringing her mate with her. She moved her lips to his jaw then his neck. She nibbled on his earlobe and was amazed to hear him moan. She smiled, *He has to remember this.*