Emotions Series 03 Forgotten Emotions Read online

  Tom opened his blue eyes squinting at the harsh light that lit Sickbay. Finally his eyes adjusted to the brightness and could see a man standing at a table not too far away. He resembled the man who he met before he had gone to sleep.

  The Doctor's program informed him that his patient had awoke and he quickly went over to the biobed to check up on the Lieutenant.

  "Good morning, Mr. Paris!" the EMH chirped.

  Tom stared at him his eyes still slightly unfocused with the effects of the drug, though his mind was clearer than it had been in a long time.

  "I said good morning!"

  "Morning," the pilot replied very softly.

  *Well* the EMH mused *I guess I have to remember that while he looks like Tom Paris that drug has affected his system to such an extent that the real Tom Paris is lost, but hopefully not forever.*

  The Doctor cleared his throat and visually scanned him before he reached for his medical tricorder and examined him thoroughly. After several minutes he replaced the tricorder. "Mr. Paris, ah ...Tom?" He waited for a response but Tom only stared at him waiting for him to continue. "I am happy to report that you're almost as good as new. I've called B'Elanna to come down to Sickbay and take you home." The Sickbay door slid open. "Ah, there she is now." A smiling B'Elanna came breezing through the doors of the Sickbay and headed over to her husband's side.

  "Home?" Tom questioned, his eyes never focusing on his wife, never looking at the doctor. His breathing became rapid and he began to sweat. Home to him meant back to Daylia, back to the injections and the pain. "Home? I-I-I don't want to go home. I don't wa-want to go back to the planet. Please don't make me." Tom pulled himself out of bed, stood up and clutched the Doctor's sleeve. "Please don't send me back," he pleaded.

  "What is he talking about?" B'Elanna asked the Doctor. Hearing her speak, Tom turned his attention to her. He immediately averted his eyes to the floor, hoping that he did so quick enough, he didn't want to be punished. "I repeat Doctor what is he talking about?"

  The EMH looked puzzedly at the pilot. "I told him that he could go home with you, but he thought that I meant that we were sending him back to the planet."

  B'Elanna understood and reached out to grasp Tom's arms in her hands, she bent down a bit and peered up into his eyes. She almost released her hold when he tried desperately not to look at her. "Tom, look at me. Please look at me?"

  Instinctively, he felt somehow that he could trust her. Besides he was hers now and she had given him an order, so he looked into the chocolate depths of the eyes of lady before him.

  "Listen to me Tom. You are back home on Voyager. You do remember me telling you about Voyager before we landed the shuttle yesterday don't you?"

  Tom nodded.

  "And you remember me telling Daylia that you were my husband and how I fought for you?"

  He nodded again.

  "Well it is all true Tom. You are my husband and you have come home and now it is time for you to come back our cabin. In fact I have a surprise for you. You will come with me won't you."

  "Of course. I obey."

  B'Elanna clutched his face between her hands. "Listen Tom, you are not my slave or anyone else's. You are my husband and I love you. Do you understand that? I'm asking you to come with me. But I only want you to come if YOU want to, not because you feel that you have to obey some order. Okay?"

  Tom thought this over. There was so much she said, so much to absorb. But he knew one thing he did want to go with this woman. "I'll come."

  "Great!" B'Elanna beamed with joy.

  "Before you leave," the EMH piped up. "I just want to give Mr. Paris a little shot of a nutritional supplement."

  Tom seeing the hypospray in the Doctor's hand did has he had been trained. Without question he walked over the to Doctor and turned his back to him. With one hand he reached up behind his back and pulled down his shirt to reveal the back of his neck. His eyes closed and his teeth clenched in anticipation of the excruciating pain that always followed the injections.

  B'Elanna's heart broke. The EMH gently removed Tom's hand from his shirt and with the other hand turned him around to face him and showed him the hypospray. "This is what we call a hypospray and it is painless, I assure you." The EMH moved the hypospray to the side of the pilot's neck and painlessly injected the nutritional supplement into his blood stream. All the while, Tom looked at the Doctor nervously. "You don't have to get those injections in the back of your neck any more."

  "No more?"

  "No more, I promise."

  Tom looked over at B'Elanna as if for confirmation.

  "He's telling you the truth, Tom. He's a very good Doctor and wouldn't hurt you."

  "Promise?" he asked sounding all of eight years old.

  B'Elanna smiled at her husband, walked up to him and lovingly slipped her arm around his waist. "I promise. Now let's go home. Okay?"

  "Okay."

  B'Elanna and Tom walked down the hall en route to the cabin. The corridors were deserted upon orders from the Captain. The EMH didn't want Tom to be too overwhelmed by too many people too soon.

  They finally reached the outer door to their quarters. "Here we are Tom--home sweet home." B'Elanna opened the door and they walked in.

  Tom looked around. *So this is my 'home',* he thought. *I don't remember it. This all seems so strange.*

  "Hello, B'Elanna, is that you?!"

  B'Elanna laughed at the voice that emanated from the boys' bedroom. "Yes, it's me and I brought home a surprise!"

  Alera came out of the bedroom holding Kyle by one hand and Lucas by the other, each trying their best to keep up with the half- Betazoid.

  "Tom!" Alera said and then stopped dead in her tracks.

  Tom upon seeing the woman, as he had been trained, immediately averted his eyes to the floor.

  Alera starred at him, not just surprised by his actions but startled by the flood of feelings that coursed through her. Feelings that she could sense from Tom Paris.

  B'Elanna could see that the half-Betazoid was sensing emotions from him but determined that now, in front of Tom, was not the best time to ask her about them. Later when he wasn't around or in bed, would be a better time.

  "Alera, thanks for staying with the boys," she went over to her friend and picked them both up, one in each arm. "We'll talk later."

  "Any time. And if you need anything, let me know?"

  "Of course."

  Alera quietly left and B'Elanna sat down on the sofa with her twins still in each arm. The boys normally so talkative were puzzled by the man that stood before him. Because she didn't want to confuse them, B'Elanna had yet to show them the holoprogram that she had lovingly created of their father, they had only seen pictures of him.

  "Tom, she's gone. You can look up now," B'Elanna suggested gently.

  Tom raised his eyes to focus on the woman on the sofa with the two boys on her lap.

  "Tom, please come over here and sit down beside me."

  "Yes m'lady," he said softly and obeyed.

  B'Elanna's breath caught in her throat. "Tom?"

  He looked at her.

  "Don't ever call me 'm'lady' ever again. I'm your wife, not your mistress. Do you understand?"

  He nodded. It seemed the correct response.

  "It's okay Tom. You have a lot to get used to," she said and she smiled at him. He blessed her with a slight turn up of the lips. The first trace of a smile since they had seen him on the planet.

  The blue and brown eyes from the boys focused on the man. Each silently questioned who he was. Tom too looked at the pair wondering who they were as well.

  B'Elanna could see her three men all in equal states of confusion.

  Kyle removed his fist from his mouth and extended his wet chubby left hand towards the man on the sofa. He turned his head to look at his mother. "Dada?" he questioned.

  Lucas turned his blue eyes toward and brother and grinned.

  Tom looked at the two boys intently.

  "Tom, this
one is Lucas," said placing a kiss on the dark hair boy's forehead, "and this little trouble maker is Kyle," she explained bestowing a similar kiss on the blonde boy's right ear.

  Kyle squealed with delight. Her kiss had tickled his ear.

  "Tom do you know who these boys are?"

  Tom looked blankly at the beautiful woman who sat beside him. "No." He looked at the boys that sat on her lap. "Should I?"

  B'Elanna's heart sank a bit. She had hoped that she might be able to perform a little miracle. That as soon as Tom saw his sons his memory might come back, but obviously that was not to be.

  "These are your sons, Tom. Our sons."

  He had sons? He didn't know what to say, so he said nothing.

  "I've showed them your picture every day. I never wanted them to forget you."

  *I not only have a wife, but I have sons?* Tom tentatively raised his hand to touch the blonde haired child but just before his fingertips would have touched the boy's hand he stopped and brought it back. *This is too much. How can I be a husband and a father? I hated being with the Lady but at least it was simpler, easier. Gods what do I do.*

  B'Elanna noticed his puzzled expression and cursed herself for introducing him to the boys this soon. She had hoped for a miracle, but instead only succeeded in confusing Tom. The last thing she wanted was to cause him any more pain--he had suffered enough during the last three months without her being the one to hurt him.

  "I'm s-s-sorry," he stammered and buried his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do, what to say."

  "No, I'm the one who should be sorry, Tom. This was much too soon for you."

  "Dada--sad." Lucas said his eyes bright with tears and his lower lip stuck out in a pout reflecting his father's sadness. For comfort, he buried his face in his mother's neck though his eyes never left his father.

  "Yes, Lucas, your Daddy is sad and part of it is my fault," she told her son. B'Elanna thought. It was still too early for the boys to go to bed, maybe Alera would come back and take them for a few hours. "Tom?"

  Tom brought his hands down away from his face.

  "Tom, I've laid out some of your clothes on the bed," the motioned with her head to the right. "Why don't you go change? I'm going to see if Alera will come get the boys and keep them for a little while."

  Following the direction of the nod, Tom arose from the sofa and entered the bedroom to change. B'Elanna called Alera and shortly Alera showed up to take the boys on a holodeck walk. Tom was still in the bedroom while the women settled the boys in their stroller.

  "I'm so worried about him," B'Elanna whispered to her friend.

  "I am too," Alera admitted softly. "I could sense it earlier, B'Elanna, his emotions are very strong and disturbing. He's terribly confused. It's like he's lost."

  "I know," B'Elanna admitted tucking a blanket over the boys' legs. "But what can I do to help him?"

  "Just love him, but don't push him," the half-Betazoid recommended.

  "The first part is easy, but I hope I have the patience for the second."

  After Alera left with the boys, B'Elanna went back to the bedroom to see what was keeping her husband. She found him dressed in the clothes she had laid out for him but standing in the middle of the room holding his dirty clothes.

  "What's the matter, Tom?" B'Elanna asked. She reached to take the clothes that he had worn from him. "Are you hungry? Do you want to eat?"

  He nodded his head. He was hungry.

  "Come on then you can help me." B'Elanna led and Tom followed her back out in to the main room and over to where the kitchen area was. "What would you like? You can have anything you want."

  He looked at her puzzled. He couldn't remember anyone asking him what he wanted.

  "How about some pizza with caterian olives? You always used to like that." He nodded and she placed an order large enough for the two of them.

  As soon as the meal materialized she picked up the steaming pizza from the replicator and brought it to the table.

  "Smells good doesn't it?" B'Elanna asked her husband.

  Actually it did smell pretty good, a lot better than the food he had eaten on the planet. He nodded his head and waited for B'Elanna to sit at the table and he prepared to serve her. He placed a clean napkin on her lap and a slice of the food on her plate.

  "Do you want me to feed you now?" he asked.

  "Do I want you to what?" B'Elanna asked incredulously in a loud voice.

  Tom cleared his throat. "I asked you . . ."

  "I know what you asked me. And no, I don't want you to feed me!" B'Elanna roared.

  Tom immediately dropped to one knee as he had been taught. "I'm sorry if I've offended you, B'Elanna. I await your punishment." He shut his eyes tightly and waited.

  "Gods Tom, I'm sorry," B'Elanna breathed. She pushed back the chair. He trembled in anticipation of pain. But instead of the anticipated retaliation, she kneeled in front of him and embraced him. "What did they do to you?" she asked.

  He opened his eyes and saw that the woman's deep brown eyes were brimming over with tears. She was crying, he realized, crying for him. The Lady never showed this kind of emotion, only lust. He gave into the moment and embraced her as well while her tears flowed. Finally she stopped and looked up at him, but his eyes still looked clouded devoid of the passion that she knew he possessed.

  B'Elanna brought her right hand up to his pale left cheek and stroked it tenderly. "Tom, this is your cabin as much as it is mine. And I'm your wife, your partner, not your mistress. Now both of us going to sit at the table and eat--together. Okay?"

  He nodded his head and helped her up from the floor.

  After they ate and cleaned up B'Elanna noticed that Tom looked exhausted and suggested that maybe he would like to go to bed. She showed him back to the bedroom, turned down the covers of the bed, and told him that he would sleep there for the night. She shut the door. Soon Alera brought the boys back and she settled them down to the night as well. Finally, B'Elanna stretched out on the sofa and after a while slipped off the sleep herself.

  The next morning B'Elanna rose from the couch, folded up the blankets. She peeked in at the boys and found that they were still sound asleep. She opened the door and looked in at her husband and saw that the bed was untouched from the night before. He was curled up and shivering on the floor beside the bed.

  She took the extra blanket from the bed and knelt down beside him and covered him. The Doctor had warned her about the withdrawal symptoms.

  Feeling the weight of the blanket fall over him, Tom opened his eyes and found that B'Elanna was there beside him tucking the blanket around him.

  "Is that better?" B'Elanna asked.

  "Yes. Thank you."

  "Why didn't you sleep in the bed?"

  "Because my place is on the floor," he explained simply.

  Even though she wanted to know more, B'Elanna left it at that. "Are you ready to get up? Or do you want to sleep more?"

  "I'll get up."

  B'Elanna handed him a clean set of clothes to change into and pointed him in the direction of the bathroom while she changed herself. She knew that the boys would probably sleep for another couple of hours before they would be ready to get up. When she returned to the main living area she could hear sounds of retching from the bathroom area. More withdrawal symptoms, she concluded and went to join him.

  When she opened the door. Tom was sitting cross-legged on the floor, his head in his hands. His face was sweaty and pale and he had started shaking again. She wet a face cloth and lovingly washed his face. All the while, he looked up at her with his beautiful blue eyes. If this was an example of what today was going to be, it was going to be a very long day B'Elanna thought.

  And the day was.

  Shortly after the boys arose and had there breakfast. She had one of the female ensigns take the boys for the day. She knew she would have enough to do taking care of her husband. The withdrawal symptoms seemed to follow a cycle. First the shaking, then the vomiting, and t
hen the sweats, and though he didn't complain of it, from the pinched expression he wore, she knew that he had a headache as well.

  Finally late in the evening, after Kyle and Lucas had returned and were put to bed, Tom started to feel better, though he was very tired.

  Not wanting to leave him along during the night, B'Elanna slipped under the covers of their bed and asked Tom to lay down beside her. Before long both of them had drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter 9