Until Then Read online

  * * * *

  Five hours and forty rocky minutes later, the three disheveled travelers arrived at their destination. Anna was seemingly fresh, snapping her gum to the sound of Rhianna in her ears. Grant, despite a relaxing two-hour nap, looked anything but rested, with his salt and pepper hair sticking up every which way. Ruby, just happy to be alive after the turbulence during landing was overly irritated, to put it mildly. After gathering their things, they made their way through the crowded planks of JFK to find their suitcases rolling around a baggage claim crowded with weary travelers.

  Grant barreled through to collect his only additional piece of luggage before retreating to the back wall to wait. Anna openly scoffed at his lack of gentleman’s behavior before grabbing both her and Ruby’s bags from the heap. A small tear near the zipper of her brand new suitcase was the least of Ruby’s problems when she saw the line for a cab. She marveled as Anna worked the crowd, landed herself up front and smiled sweetly at the man holding the golden whistle. Within seconds, a bright yellow, New York taxi was curbside and Anna was beaming.

  Three Michiganites, nine suitcases and one stuffed to the brim cab later, they were speeding along JFK Boulevard. Anna, sitting cheerfully in the front seat, winked at the cab driver before adjusting the radio to a station more age appropriate. He didn’t seem to mind.

  It was only when the Manhattan skyline unfolded in front of Ruby that her breath caught.

  There it is, she thought.

  She had never been to New York, only watched an occasional episode of Sex in the City over Anna’s shoulder, which she always deemed inappropriate. The thought of the city, in fact, scared her tremendously. There was so much mishap and danger rolling through those streets. Any one person could pick her wallet off her without her even knowing it. She had wrestled with the idea of even imagining a gun to her head. It occurred to her to force Robert into going, but he couldn’t leave his patients. It wasn’t like a heart transplant could wait. Thank God for Grant. He had no idea just how thankful she was to have him with her.

  Yet, here she was. The window rolled down, letting surprisingly fresh air ripple through her straight hair. It was stunningly beautiful. She almost wanted to cry at the way the sunlight reflected off of the tallest buildings she had ever seen soaring to the sky. The East River was piercing dark blue with sailboats speckling the water. If she squinted hard enough she could make out a water taxi, and it made her smile. There was so much power and prestige filtering off of that skyline. If there were ever anyone who witnessed its majestic beauty and wasn’t inspired, she would be astonished.

  “You look awfully happy for a woman about to find out her father was in the Holocaust,” Grant muttered.

  She slapped him on the arm and then smacked him again for good measure. “How dare you! How dare you take away from the only moment of this journey I wasn’t afraid of! I knew if I saw that skyline that I might have the strength to do this. And how dare you question the significance of this trip to me!”

  “Lighten up, Ruby.” Grant shifted in his seat and pulled out his phone to check for missed calls.

  “When was the last time you and Liz talked?” Ruby snapped.

  “This morning.”

  “No, I mean really talked.” She reluctantly turned away from the skyline to her brother.

  “Enough. That’s enough. This isn’t going to be some weird bonding trip where I tell you all about my marital problems and you fix them and then we cry, okay. Just leave it be.”

  “Fine.” Ruby turned back to the view, a small smirk on her face.

  Oh yes it is, she thought.

  * * * *

  “Oh my God!” Anna was about to jump out of her skin at the view. “It’s amazing. Really, Mom, I could just pee my pants right now.”

  “Please don’t,” Ruby groaned. She was lying flat on the bed, the silken sheets providing stability.

  “Mom, you better pull yourself together! No time for sea sickness. There’s way too much city to see.”

  Ruby sat up and pushed her hair back out of her face. She gingerly slipped her shoes from her aching feet and rubbed them absently. There was so much to do that she could barely even focus on going back out into that city. It was as if she were an outsider peering in on someone else’s journey. It was too big, too complicated by her standards.

  Anna plopped on the bed after pouring herself a glass of probably ten dollar bottled water.

  “I’ve got it all figured out. Two of them live right here in Manhattan. The other one is in Brooklyn, which as the New Yorker puts it, is the new Manhattan!”

  Ruby groaned.

  “I think we should take it easy today, do a little sight-seeing, maybe grab some dinner and then hit it hard in the morning. Like I’m talking seven a.m., we are up, we are rearing to go! Do you want to call them first or just show up at the doorstep? This is your rodeo cowboy, I’m just a passenger.”

  Ruby laughed a little at that one. She had to laugh. They were in Manhattan for God’s sake, tracking down poor little men in their eighties and nineties about to pepper them with incessant questions from the past.

  “No,” she said when her thoughts formed one concrete word.

  “No?” Anna repeated.

  “Yes, I mean, no. I want to start today. How far is the first James?” She felt her hands shaking, but if she didn’t jump out onto that street this very second, she would talk herself out of it by morning. She didn’t feel like tiptoeing anymore; she was ready to leap.

  Anna jumped to her feet, “This is so exciting! Let me check…hold on.” Feverishly, she fumbled through a stack of papers she’d rested on her end table. “Here it is. Okay…looks like he’s in the Matena Apartments at 431 W 37th Street. Oh these are the fancy apartments. It’s…yep, just one point six miles from our hotel or eight minutes by traffic’s standards.” Anna straightened her papers and took a deep breath.

  “How? How did you figure all of this out? I could never have done this without you.” Ruby looked pale again.

  “Because, Mom, I’m damn smart,” Anna teased.

  “I’ll say that again, but watch that mouth of yours. Guess I better get ready then.” Ruby rose to her feet and made her way to the bathroom to change.

  “I’ll let Uncle Grant know we are leaving in a half hour, okay?” Anna called out before leaving the room.

  * * * *

  A fresh coat of powder on her nose and a brush through her hair and Ruby felt much better. After all, she wasn’t in this alone, she had Anna and Grant. They would be with her every step of the way, she assured herself in the mirror. She swapped out her patent leather pumps for a nice set of loafers. They might be doing quite a bit of walking in the next few hours.

  When she made her way down to the lobby to meet Grant, she found him drinking a stiff glass of whiskey at the hotel bar. He looked remarkably out of place. Through the wide open windows behind him, the little shops were absolutely charming.

  “You doing okay?” She rested a timid hand against his back.

  He huffed and took another swig of his drink.

  “This is hard for me and Anna, too.”

  Another grunt.

  “Grant, don’t be like that. We really need you. Whatever we find out tonight will bring some closure for Daddy, for us. He deserves this.”

  Grant scooted his barstool out from under him and rose to his feet.

  “Whatever he needed doesn’t really matter anymore, don’t you think? He kind of left us a shitty mess to clean up.”

  Ruby’s eyes shone in the dim bar light. The sun seemed to be fading much quicker than in Michigan with a wall of concrete buildings around them.

  “Get up. Let’s go,” she said flatly.

  * * * *

  A quiet, almost morose cab ride delivered them to exactly what Anna had described as the “fancy apartments.” A giant high-rise, comprised of sparkling windows touched the sky. Ruby’s gaze kept lifting as she climbed out the cab, and the building’s height took her
breath away. Puffy little cumulus clouds spotted in and around the tip top of the building reminded Ruby it was indeed daylight. A perfectly manicured row of Red Maples dotted the entrance. Apparently, nature did exist within the confines of this concrete jungle, more than likely for the pure use of dogs relieving themselves.

  Whichever James lived here, lived well, she decided, following Anna into a grand lobby, complete with doorman.

  “Good day, Miss.” A tall, gentleman dipped his hat in their direction.

  “Hi, I’m Anna and this is Ruby, my mother, and my Uncle Grant. We’re here to meet with a gentleman by the name of James Schulz.” Ruby watched her daughter with pride. She was so confident. It was such a relief that she had taken charge, allowing Ruby to walk quietly behind.

  “Allow me, Miss Anna. I’ll just buzz Mr. Schulz and see if he wants you to go up or if you are to meet him down here. How might I explain the nature of your visit?” He smiled sweetly.

  Anna, Ruby, and Grant exchanged awkward glances. Grant coughed loudly and walked away from the group to study the indoor fountains, filled with giant lily pads.

  “You may tell him.” Anna puffed her chest out slightly. “That we are the family of a dear friend he once knew by the name of Eli Wienbaum. We have come to see if he could tell us more about his time with him, as he has since passed away.”

  “That’s quite a lot to tell him over the speaker, ma’am. Mind if I just tell him old family friends?”

  Anna laughed politely and nodded.

  A few moments later, a small elderly man, relying way too heavily on a shaky cane, came shuffling across the lobby. Short spikes of wispy white hair sprouted from his faded hairline with determination and his face was fixed in a permanent frown.

  “Who are you?” he practically shouted across the lobby.

  “Anna, Ruby, and Grant.” Anna extended her hand to shake his. “Sorry to bother you, Mr. Schulz, but you see we have traveled a very long way, from Michigan, in fact, to see you.”

  “Why?”

  “Nice to meet you, sir,” Anna continued. “We have come to see if you remember my grandfather and grandmother, Eli and Sophia Wienbaum. They had a dear friend when they lived in New York before moving to Michigan named James Schulz.” Anna paused, hopeful to see a spark at the mention of their name.

  “No.”

  “No, you don’t remember them or no, you never knew them?”

  “Both.” He peered up at them with beady and uncertain eyes. “Is that all?” Before they could answer, he turned on his feet and waved a hand.

  “Wait, Mr. Schulz?” Anna trailed after him.

  Grant threw his hands in the air. “See! I knew this would never work.”

  “Grant, calm down, he’s only the first person. There are still two others.”

  “Only three people, Ruby? Those aren’t very good odds. I mean come on, this guy wasn’t even willing to try and remember and for all we know, isn’t even able to remember!”

  Ruby grabbed Grant’s wrist and held it tight. Her voice came out almost pleading. “I am begging you Grant James Weinbaum, to try. Try and pretend, just for a moment that you at least give a shit about our father’s dying wish.”

  With that, she turned on her heels and made her way out into the sunshine.

  * * * *

  When they returned to Westin Grand Central, Ruby leapt out of the taxi and stormed off to her room, leaving Grant to pay and Anna to stare at him crossly.

  “What did you do?” She folded her arms.

  “This whole thing is silly and you know it.” He thumbed through a few bills from his wallet.

  “Why do you do that?” She inadvertently tapped her ballet flat against the gum-encrusted concrete.

  “What do you want from me, Anna?” He slipped the cab driver a few extra dollars for a tip and tucked his billfold back into his slacks.

  “Uncle Grant, come on. You know better than that! Mom is desperately holding onto this final wish, this last glimpse of Grandpa Eli and seeing it through is the only way she’ll ever heal and move on. She might not find anything. That’s a fact we’re going to have to face.” Anna gingerly slipped her arm through his and leaned her head on his shoulder, softening.

  “So then why are we doing this?”

  “Why don’t we pop over to the bar and you can buy me a Moscato?” She smiled wryly and led him to the bar.

  Grant laughed at his relentless niece and pulled a bar stool out from under an empty rich, Red Oak table. The cast iron stool squeaked loudly in the nearly empty bar as it scooted. Small orange glass vases held vanilla candles glowing in the dim lighting. The same large-pane windows revealed the streets of the bustling city. He turned back to Anna who was smiling at him. For a moment, he could see her as all elbows and knees, age six or seven, with an oversized gap in her front teeth and freckles that only appeared in the summer. She had always been such an ornery kid.

  “I’ll start, okay?” she said.

  “Take it away kid.” He motioned to the bartender.

  “Let me get my wine first.” She laughed easily and pulled a tube of lip stain from her purse.

  “Good evening, may I start you with a drink?” A young man, early twenties flashed a grin at Anna.

  “Double scotch on the rocks,” Grant said.

  “Your best Moscato please.” She smiled sweetly, flashing her dimples. “He’s paying.”

  * * * *

  When she had a long and thorough sip of her chilled wine, she shrugged off her light jacket and folded her hands around the stem of her wine.

  “Here goes nothing. Listen if you want to, my dear Uncle. I may be young, but I know a thing or two about women—especially my mother.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  “And stop with the rolling of the eyes! Are you twelve or something?”

  He laughed.

  “So, as I was saying…Mother. You have known her just about your whole life right?” He laughed again. His humor was giving way to annoyance any moment, so she pressed on.

  “If you knew her, really knew her at all, you would know that this is the biggest thing she has ever done in her whole life. Her days consist of taking walks at sunset, golfing with Dad and maybe, if she is feeling adventurous, she might just try out a new spice on her chicken for dinner. She isn’t complicated. She is good-natured and would do just about anything for those that she loves.”

  “I like your mom, okay? You don’t have to sell me on her.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” She waved her hand at him. “But you don’t act like you know her. She’s lived her whole life in this sweet, suburban bubble. She’s afraid of the unfamiliar and the fact that she just lost her father, which basically destroyed her, and now is potentially about to find out that she has been living a lie? That her perfect little childhood and life now were based on something she has no idea about? Talk about rocking her world.”

  Grant swigged the last of his scotch and beckoned for another from the bartender.

  “The fact that I even got her out here just…blew my mind!” Anna paused for reaction. Nothing.

  “But, what is important is that she’s here. You are here. And together, we might just have a shot at cracking this thing wide open. Grandpa Eli made it pretty clear that he was afraid of what she might find out, that it might, quote ‘destroy’ her. That’s my greatest fear, you know?”

  “What? That she might be more depressed than she is now?”

  This time Anna rolled her eyes and swallowed the last sweet sip of her wine. She shook her head when he offered her another.

  “No, don’t you get it? She might not recover. If it’s as big as I think it is, Mom isn’t equipped to handle these things. She may never return to the woman she was.”

  “That’s life, Anna. You have to learn to stop protecting your parents. It isn’t your job.”

  “No, but I can do my part to help her through this. And…”

  Grant tilted his head in confusion. “What?”

  “You c
ould help her, too. If only you could just play nice in the sandbox, you know? Be a brother. That’s all she is asking.”

  * * * *

  “Be a brother…” Grant grunted and watched his reflection develop in the elevator stainless steel doors after Anna had long gone up to her room, and he downed two more drinks to help him forget this day ever happened. “I’m a God-forsaken brother.”

  He fumbled in his pocket for his room key and swiped it angrily at the reader. The door opened and the cool air from the room’s air conditioner rushed toward him. He let the door close behind him as he stepped toward the window. Mesmerized at all of New York’s grandeur, he laid a hand against the glass to steady himself. It didn’t seem real. For once he took a deep breath and let it sink in.

  “Be a brother,” he repeated.

  Did Ruby agree with Anna? Did she think that he wasn’t there for her? What more did she want? He was there, after all. When she left his house that day, storming off in a frantic fury, muttering something about it being worth the risk, he almost punched another hole in the wall. It physically pained him to picture their father as the type of man who’d keep a secret like this.

  It bothered him that he may have had to go through something like that. Their sweet, frail father, lying under that sterile hospital sheet. His arms tucked against him, with that awful, shaky blue ink an ever-present reminder that maybe there was something they didn’t know. He hated it.

  He’d outgrown their father at age fifteen, skyrocketing with domineering height that he often tried to use to intimidate Eli. It never worked. His father was calm and patient as the ocean at sunset and he refused to let even Grant’s worst tantrum ruffle his feathers.

  His sweet little Ruby Pie—that’s what Eli called her. Grant always hated that. Maybe because he didn’t have his own nickname coined from their father, or maybe it was the way he always laughed a little bit harder at her jokes or celebrated her successes a little bit more.

  “Ruby Pie,” he spit out and ripped the mini bar open. Shuffling through the travel-size bottles of flavored vodkas and rum, he selected the tequila from the back row and chugged it down. He would drink his dinner, he decided.