Until Then Read online

  She’s sweet though, he thought.

  Even when he tried to anger her, as he’d done his father, she never took the bait. She certainly had his temperament.

  There was one night, almost forty years ago, her sixteenth birthday to be exact, that she did take the bait. She was all dolled up with her new dress to go out to the beach with her girlfriends. Eli and Sophia insisted they have a nice dinner, cake and ice cream before she found her freedom for the night. With little resistance, she agreed, whispering to Grant that they surely had wonderful presents to give her.

  Grant stood idly by, watching Eli light the candles, Sophia race around with ribbons and glitter wrapping paper to make it just perfect. And when Ruby came in to the sound of them singing happy birthday, he refused to sing.

  “Happy birthday, dear Ruby Pie…” Eli bellowed, holding his cigar in his right hand, his left arm around Sophia.

  “Happy birthday to you! Now blow out the candles!” Sophia was practically jumping up and down. Grant folded his arms, on the verge of anger at the ogling and doting.

  Ruby closed her eyes, covered in a light blue shadow and pursed her lips, smudged with a bright pink lipstick. She drew in a breath, paused to make a wish and…

  Grant blew out her candles.

  It wasn’t that he was so heartless to steal a sweet sixteen year old’s birthday wish. It wasn’t that he was so cold that he couldn’t even sing happy birthday to his big sister on her special day. It wasn’t even that he stood in the back of the room with his grown-out hair covering his eyes, arms folded. It was that this is who he was. He never allowed Ruby to shine. He never wished joy and happiness for his sister. He lived to sabotage.

  Eli and Sophia stood dumbfounded as Ruby opened her large, expressive eyes, peered at Grant and then lunged at him across the lime-green metal kitchen table. Eli didn’t try and stop her, didn’t intervene, instead he slipped from Sophia’s waist, pulled his lighter from his pocket and re-lit the bright pink candles.

  “Happy birthday, dear Ruby Pie. Happy birthday to you. Now make a wish and blow out the candles, sweet girl.”

  Ruby now sitting on his Grant’s backside with her dress in disarray, stopped walloping on her brother and started to cry. Eli extended his hand, helped his daughter to her feet and pointed to the candles.

  “Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

  Grant always wondered what her wish was. Maybe she wished for a real brother or for Grant to just go away? He wiped his shirt off and cowered away toward his bedroom as his sister blew out her candles and his parents cheered in delight. That was the first time she was ever truly mad at him, and he never forgot it.

  Somewhere between surface level sleep, Grant drifted away to a pain in his heart at hurting his sister.

  * * * *

  Robert awoke early on Saturday with energy far greater than coffee would ever provide. He had less than forty-eight hours to get everything just perfect. It was no longer a question of if this was the right thing to do, but rather what he had to do. They were drifting apart; he could feel it in his bones. Perhaps he should have done something many years ago, even before Anna went off to college. Ruby was so strong and hard to read; he had allowed himself to be convinced that everything was okay.

  But somewhere along the lines, he stopped reaching for her hand during their walks along the water’s edge. For that matter, they stopped taking walks at the beach altogether. He was never overly romantic and certainly nothing like Eli, but he had his moments. Ruby even made jokes at his expense noting the irony of him being a heart surgeon, but knowing hardly anything about the soul. Throughout the years, he had been careful to mark their anniversary and her birthday on his calendar and he always came through with flowers and a nicely written card. He put thought into those cards, each time trying to avoid the generic message of “I can’t even put into words how much I love you…” or an overly simplified “Happy Birthday”. Ruby deserved better than that and there was a tiny moment of pride and adoration from his wife when she read each unique message through the years. Her face would soften and a timid smile would melt into tears so gentle that he almost didn’t notice.

  Beyond the typical expectations, his workload had rarely allowed for him to be present. He wanted to, that was a fact, but life got in the way. Ruby was always so busy being the perfect catalog cut-out of a suburban housewife. He never meant that as an insult, it was just true. She was always so put together, dressed up in starched white shirts, crisp dresses and high heels. Her hair, a neat short haircut was always in place and she wore the most adorable black frames that she secretly considered too trendy for her. Yet, she rarely spent time grooming or making herself over. Instead, she could be found reading to children at the library, racing Anna and Ryan around town to various recitals and soccer games. Each night she had an elaborate meal waiting for him; chicken cordon bleu or prime rib with hand-smashed garlic mashed potatoes.

  She excelled in her lifestyle; she was good at being perfect. Perhaps that was why it was so easy to overlook doing things for her. She made it look too easy, with everything always in place and a cheerful greeting. He often wondered if she got tired, needed a nap for Heaven’s sake. Even on their vacations, she ran like the wind through the white sands of Mexico, chasing the kids with unknown energy, while he sat tucked under an umbrella reading a crime novel. They didn’t vacation much, he sadly regretted. Work always came first, and she never made him feel guilty. After all, he was saving lives.

  This was going to be different, he decided as he lifted his car key from the hook by the garage door. This was going to be all about Ruby and it would be a fresh start. He would remind her why she fell in love with him, why she married him, and why she never left him during all of their thirty-one years of marriage. If Eli and Sophia taught him anything, it was to love while you can. She was going love to it, he could feel it.

  * * * *

  Ruby woke to Anna blow-drying her hair with her iPod blaring on the mini speakers she had packed. She fumbled for her glasses on the nightstand and laughed at the sight of her crazy daughter, dancing wildly in nothing but a sports bra and shorts. She was anything, but modest. She turned the alarm toward her to see that it was already nine thirty by Eastern Standard Time and her mouth all but hung open. She was always up before the sun back home —usually making Robert his usual, two eggs over easy, wheat toast with apple butter and cup of black coffee. She hesitated wondering if he even ate breakfast this morning.

  She stretched her arms toward the ceiling, feeling the ache of yesterday’s travel and stepped into her slippers. With an eager yank, she pulled the thick black curtains wide, letting the morning sun splash her face. She had to squint with the light reflecting from the skyscrapers, but it was still gorgeous this morning. Maybe she could get used to it, she thought, and then chuckled at the danger of her own thoughts.

  Anna turned off the dryer and joined her mom at the window.

  “Gorgeous, huh? Almost think I could live here.”

  “Oh don’t be ridiculous. It is nice and all, but we have quite a life back home. I bet the people tucked away in these buildings would feel the same way you do if they came to Mackinac.”

  “Yeah, but there is something so sexy about this city. It makes me want to invent something or be discovered.”

  “Not the acting thing again.” Ruby pulled her robe a little tighter.

  “Hey, I still got it!” Anna, still in her sports bra, wiggled her hips and flipped her hair like an eighties’ lead singer. “And a dream never dies, Mother! I told you Michigan was only temporary.”

  “Yes, dear,” Ruby mused and made her way to the bathroom to take a shower.

  * * * *

  They met Grant for a light breakfast at the Starbucks a block from the hotel. He was already sitting outside on the sidewalk at a bistro table, gingerly sipping his coffee, and reading the New York Times. Anna laughed.

  “He looks oddly comfortable for a man that rarely leaves his house and his pick-
up truck.”

  Anna wrapped her arms around him from behind and kissed his cheek. “Morning sunshine!”

  “Well, my, my, ladies, I was wondering if you were going to be much longer.” He folded his newspaper into neat thirds and rested it on the table, using his coffee as a paper weight.

  “Oh hush, Grant.” Ruby scooted a chair out from the table and sat down, clutching her purse on her lap.

  “I’ll grab us coffee and muffins, Mom. Blueberry and one sugar?”

  “Thanks, honey, here let me give you some money.”

  “Nope, on me.” Anna headed inside leaving Grant and Ruby to talk, an obvious attempt at making up.

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Pretty good, yourself?”

  “Just fine thank you.” Ruby let her gaze roam around the street behind him, taking in the bustle.

  “Ruby, I want to…” Grant cleared his throat. “Apologize.”

  “You what?” Her gaze snapped back to his.

  “Yeah, I think I’m making this harder than it has to be. I know how difficult this is for you, too.”

  Ruby studied his expression, noticing a few new lines around his eyes. “Did Anna put you up to this?”

  “No — well, she did put me in my place…just a little bit.”

  Ruby laughed. “Yeah, she’s pretty good at that.”

  Grant smiled.

  “Well, whatever she said was probably true and I appreciate the gesture.”

  Anna returned with two coffees and two blueberry scones balancing on her right hand. “Is it safe? Can I come back now? Did you kids make up?”

  “You are something else.” Grant laughed. “Now fill me in kid, what’s on the agenda today.”

  “James #2 and then Chinatown!” Anna clapped excitedly, almost knocking her scone to the curb.

  * * * *

  “Are you sure this area is safe?” Ruby practically had her nose pressed against the glass, peering at passing buildings and people on FDR Street.

  “Yes Mother, we are fine.” She turned to Grant on her left and whispered, “Wish her luck in SoHo!”

  * * * *

  The cab came to a halt in front of a rustic, charming, brick building on Broome Street. Although some of the brick had chipped away, the exterior fire escapes stole Ruby’s heart. This was a true New York apartment.

  “It looks like Friends!” Anna exclaimed before pushing her mother out of the cab.

  This building certainly did not have a doorman, instead each apartment had a mailbox with a name hand-written on a piece of paper slid into an open slot. Anna lifted her sunglasses and scanned name after name before stopping on James Schulz.

  “Ah ha! Here he is! Gosh, I love this, it’s like a game or something.”

  Grant shook his head at her. “Yeah, not so much.”

  “Let’s go…” Ruby moved ahead toward the stairs, her heart suddenly pounding. What was a mysterious game to Anna was dark and dreadful for her. They traveled six flights of creaking and unnerving stairs before stopping in front of apartment 603-B. Ruby’s breath caught in her throat, disabling her from speaking, partly from the nerves and mostly from the thick, wretched smell — like a dead animal in the walls.

  Anna knocked on the door right below the brass peep hole.

  No answer.

  She knocked again, a little harder this time. “Maybe he’s hard of hearing?”

  No answer.

  Grant knocked, far harder than Anna’s dainty knock before.

  Ruby gulped, suddenly very aware of the nausea returning.

  No answer.

  “Come on,” Ruby said. “No one’s home.”

  “Hello!” A sweet, elderly woman called out from the door down the hall. “How may I help you?” She scooted out into the hall, her bathrobe brushing the floor. Tiny gnarled feet protruded from her gown. Her badly dyed, bright red hair was loosely pinned around her face in oversized pink, foam curlers.

  “Oh, hello!” Anna stepped forward. “We’re here to meet Mr. James Schulz. We’re distant friends of his.”

  “Oh dear, oh dear…” the elderly woman scooted forward. “My name is Margo Edmonds. I have lived here in this old building for sixty-nine years. Can you believe that?”

  Anna smiled and shook her head. “Amazing. Do you know Mr. Schulz by chance?”

  “I know everyone in this building, dear.”

  “Do you know if he’ll return later this afternoon?” Grant stepped forward, clearly irritated with the inability of this woman to communicate or answer a straightforward question.

  “I don’t think so!” She waved an arthritic finger back and forth.

  “Is he out of town?” Ruby asked.

  “No, dear. Mr. Schulz died two weeks ago. Right here in this very apartment. We didn’t even know it for days. He was just…in there. Dead as a doornail.”

  Anna’s mouth fell open a bit. “Damn.”

  “I’m sorry dear. You are just two weeks too late.”

  “Thank you for your time.” She tried to return a smile. “We’ll just be going now.” She wrapped her arm around her mother and they headed for the stairs. Through the dense silence and the wretched scent, she could almost feel Ruby’s heartbreak. They traveled the six flights of stairs back to the curb in utter silence.

  When they broke onto the street, the fresh air releasing them from the odor, Grant was the first to speak, trying his best to be the newfound supportive role.

  “That wasn’t our guy,” Grant said.

  “What?” Anna asked. “How do you know?”

  “I can just feel it. It wasn’t him. Our guy is in Brooklyn.”

  “You’re sweet to try and make me feel better, but what if that was him?” Ruby had large tears welling up behind her glasses.

  “Nope. Not even worth your tears, Rub. I’m right about this one. Now, what do you say we try this crazy Chinatown that Anna is so desperate to visit?”

  “But—” Ruby tried.

  “Taxi!” Grant stuck his left hand out in the street and whistled loudly. For the first time, Ruby saw his ring was missing. Or was it missing yesterday and she just hadn’t noticed?

  “Look at you! Mr. New York, hailin’ cabs, sippin’ coffee on the street corner. I thought you hated traveling,” said Anna.

  “I do.”

  * * * *

  Everywhere they looked, brightly colored, eccentric storefronts in Chinatown with souvenirs piling out on to the streets and authentic cuisine restaurants greeted them. It was hectic, vibrant and alive with bargains of mini Buddha statues, New York sweatshirts and antique and curio shops. Chinese street performers dotted the sidewalks, Tai Chi was being exercised in a nearby pavilion and delightful elderly men had assembled near an outdoor café to play Chinese checkers and card games. Ruby found herself smiling as one solitary man sat cross-legged on the sidewalk plucking a lovely, oblong seven-string instrument with his eyes closed.

  “Oh my God, it’s so neat here! I had no idea places like this existed in the world.” Anna paused to scour one of the bins for a tiny Asian doll with a kimono on and hand-painted makeup. “I mean look at this! Where else in the world—other than China of course—are you going to find this!”

  Ruby laughed. Her daughter was having the time of her life despite the devastating news. She absently ran her finger over a stack of purses and suddenly felt the tears sneaking up on her again. Maybe this was all too much to take in. Sure, they could sight-see today and spend hours distracting themselves from the inevitable, or they could seek out what they came here for. After all, once all of this colorful distraction faded away, they would be left with the bitter truth. She wanted her answers now.

  “Grant.” Ruby tugged on his sleeve. He was lost in the Asian McDonalds across the street, no doubt trying to figure out if the menu was the same.

  “Yeah?”

  “I want to go now. I want to go see the Brooklyn James today. I can’t wait until tomorrow to know what happened to Daddy. I didn’t come here to si
ght-see and pretend like I’m on vacation. I came here to meet James Schulz and learn why my father has Holocaust numbers on his chest.” She could feel the tears stinging again and the lump in her throat had returned.

  “Then let’s go.” Grant motioned for Anna and within ten minutes, they were in a cab headed to the other side of the world—otherwise known as Brooklyn.

  “Are you sure you want to go today, Mom? I just figured you might need a little bit of time before we—”

  “Before we what? Get let down again?” Ruby snapped.

  Anna rested her hand on her mother’s. “No, that isn’t what I meant. I just don’t want to overwhelm you.”

  “Me? Why am I the only one feeling all of this and taking this so personally? It was your grandfather and your father.” Ruby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Look, I am just a little on edge right now. I won’t be able to sleep or breathe properly, for that matter, until we meet the last one. I need some sort of closure, regardless of what happens.”

  “I still think he’s our guy,” Anna offered, a sheepish grin to ease the heavy weight of tension in the car.

  * * * *

  Anna’s mind drifted in and out of focus as they passed over the bridge to Brooklyn. She marveled at the old fashioned suspensions and the legendary structure. She half expected Frank Sinatra to start singing “New York, New York” as they traveled over something she had only seen in the movies, knowing that this would be one of many more travels in her future. She had allowed herself to settle into life back home quite nicely. Ryan had encouraged her to start looking at houses, pick out a gas-sensible car and they now spent their weekends having dinner with friends, instead of the hottest clubs in the city. She believed that she had her fun, made time to get it all out of her system. Now, it was time to marry, settle down, and feel all of those things about marriage and motherhood that she was supposed to. But the words supposed to feel, hung heavy in her heart. Was she being foolish for thinking this was temporary? Did Ryan only agree with her on the surface, believing good and well that they would stay forever in Michigan? Would she get pregnant and resent her life? What was wrong with her?