Until Then Read online

  “You can continue trying to act if you want, you know. Just because you pursue teaching or any other career for that matter doesn’t mean that you have to give up on your dream.”

  He was saying basically the same thing as Abby, but in this adorable package, it sounded much less invasive.

  “I know that you’re right, but I could have stayed in Michigan to be a teacher. I came out here to find myself.”

  “Well look at it this way, if you had stayed in Michigan, you never would have met me.”

  Anna was charmed from that moment forward and now, in just a few short months, she would be Mrs. Ryan Terson. Every decision did affect her future and for once in her whole life, she was living in the moment, instead of chasing the next step. It had been a year and seven months since her last audition. She promised herself she was just taking a break, just planning a wedding. Once the wedding was over, she would take a few weeks in California to audition. Although she loved being back home near her parents to plan the wedding, it was only temporary. She agreed to Ryan settling into a role at a local firm but made him promise he wouldn’t get too comfortable. Teaching was defining her, her marriage would settle her, but her dream just refused to die despite her best efforts.

  * * * *

  “I’m all packed, Mom. Yes, I have extra underwear. Gosh, you are embarrassing. Yes, yes and yes. Mmm…hmm…love you too, bye.”

  “She’s just worried.” Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed next to her overflowing suitcase.

  “Worried about me? I should be the one worried about her. This trip could potentially change her life.” Anna’s eyes lit up, as she remembered one last pair of ballet flats she wanted to bring and raced into the closet.

  “And your life, too.”

  “How would it affect my life? I already have a pretty firm grasp on everything.” She stuffed an extra hairbrush and just for her mother, two more pairs of underwear into the side pockets.

  “It’s just that, well, don’t you think it is going to change the way you see things a little bit if your grandparents really were Holocaust survivors? I mean that is kind of a big deal, Anna. It’s your history.”

  “Yeah, I know it is. But I don’t see how that really rocks my world. It is different for Mom. They were her parents, and she spent her whole life potentially living a lie.”

  “All I am saying.” Ryan pulled her onto his lap and kissed her gently on her forehead. “Be open to everything, babe. You have every right to feel this and go through the heart wrenching emotions as your mother did. In fact, it will probably help ease the blow a bit for her.”

  Anna took a deep breath of his cologne and kissed him firmly.

  “I have all the answers I need to know…right here.” She let her finger trail down his chest and popped open the top button.

  Ryan laughed. “No one can help you.”

  * * * *

  Ruby raced frantically from one room to the next trying to pack every last necessary item. Her favorite scarf was in the hall closet, travel size shampoo and conditioner in the spare bathroom and travel guide in the office. She stood in the hallway, a look of confusion on her face, when Robert snuck up behind her.

  “Need help finding something?”

  “What? Oh Robert, you scared me to death.”

  He put his arm on her shoulder to calm her, when she jetted out from under him to the kitchen.

  “Granola bars!” she called out. “For the plane!”

  * * * *

  Ruby rarely traveled. She considered it more of a burden than a relaxing vacation. The time it took to prepare for even a weekend trip was hardly worth the effort. By the time she overstuffed her suitcase, pre-planned budgets, researched restaurants, and attractions she was already worn out. So this vacation, if she even dared to call it that, to New York, was wearing on her before she even boarded the plane. She was inundated with pre-travel jitters, not to mention the fear of where this awkward yellow brick road might lead her. She had spent the last week scouring through old photo albums, desperate to find even the slightest clue. She dug through every long lost picture for just a mere glimpse at what their lives once were.

  Nothing. She found absolutely nothing among the hundreds of photos. Every photo was of their lives in Michigan, nothing about New York or anywhere else for that matter. Around three in the morning last night, when her mind refused to shut down, she popped out of bed one last time to look through the albums. She almost had herself convinced that she could see Marjorie in the background of the photos, but she didn’t have the slightest idea what she really looked like at a young age. Robert found her buried in photos in the morning and woke her in time to let the packing madness begin.

  “I can help you.” Robert sipped his coffee, watching his wife frantically open every drawer in the pantry in search of granola bars. “Third drawer.”

  “Thanks, but I am okay. Really. Just freaking out a bit.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  “What is there to talk about? Daddy left me some out of this world secret to uncover, my daughter is getting married soon, and Grant won’t return any of my phone calls. Everything is just…ow!” Ruby pulled her finger to her lips after slicing it on a stack of papers.

  Robert made his way to her, set down his coffee mug and reached for her hand. “Here, let me see.”

  “I’m fine, Robert.” She tried to pull her hand back, but he held it firmly.

  “It’s bleeding pretty good; we should get it cleaned up.”

  “I am perfectly capable of taking care of my own cut. Just because you are a doctor, doesn’t mean I can’t even put my own band aid on, for God’s sake.” Ruby ripped her finger back and marched down the hall to the bathroom and slammed the door.

  “I see that,” Robert muttered to himself.

  * * * *

  After a quiet dinner over an episode of Castle, Robert fell asleep, as usual, in his easy chair. Ruby cleared their television trays, scraped their plates into the trashcan, and hand-washed their empty wine glasses. With the dishwasher humming softly in the background, she found herself staring out the sliding glass door at the first stars appearing in the black sky. She slipped open the door and stepped out onto the deck.

  They never used the deck, except for Memorial Day and Fourth of July bar-b-que dinners with Anna and Ryan. They should use it more often, she decided. Maybe this summer, they could sand and re-stain, maybe even buy a few new pieces of patio furniture to liven it up a bit. She ran her hands along the railing, feeling the rough wood poke at her smooth hands. While their house didn’t directly overlook the water, it was only few blocks away. She could hear the waves rushing to the shore faintly in the distance. It was her favorite sound, always had been.

  * * * *

  Ruby and Grant were like many kids their age who were raised right on the ocean front. It was during a time when waterfront property wasn’t as expensive as it is now. The town was densely populated and not the coveted tourist destination of today.

  Ruby remembers counting down the minutes until school let out and they would tear away from their classrooms and race to the water’s edge. Regardless of the season, cold or piping hot, they never failed to grab a cooler full of Cokes, brownies and cheese sandwiches without the crust and head to the beach. Summer was naturally her favorite season, when all of their long lost college friends came home and cute tourist boys came in town for a vacation. Many of her best friends had their first kiss with waves rushing around their ankles, a sputtering bonfire a few feet away during those summer nights.

  What she would give to go back to one of those nights? Ruby cast her gaze once more upon the sky. Life was too hard now. Too hard without Daddy to swoop in and tell her everything was going to be okay. She missed him terribly, although she always tried to seem pulled together to everyone around her. The truth was, this mystery, this last remaining piece of her father, was the only thing allowing her to put one foot in front of the other. She was either extremely angry on the ins
ide or numb. Poor Robert, she thought suddenly. He was the only one getting the brunt of it all. He would understand, she convinced herself. It was his job—until death do them part.

  With Heaven’s stars shining down upon her, Ruby let the sound of the distant waves rushing rock her into a gentle sleep.

  * * * *

  “Ruby?” Robert touched her shoulder.

  “Huh?” She shot straight up, instantly sore from the plastic seating on the lawn chair. The morning sun was just beginning to poke through an overcast sky and there was a minor chill to the air.

  “You fell asleep out here.”

  “What time is it?” She rubbed the sleep from her eyes.

  “Six thirty. I wanted to get you up in time to do everything you need to before the flight.”

  Thankful, she rose from the chair and patted his arm, her version of I’m sorry.

  “Would you mind driving Anna and I to the airport?”

  “I didn’t book any patients until ten.”

  “Thank you, Robert. Are you sure you are going to be okay around here without me?” She looked unsure all of a sudden.

  “It’s only for three days.” Robert seldom got the hint. Sometimes she just needed a reminder that she was needed, an element of comfort.

  “Hmm…” She sighed. “All right then. Ready…set…solve my family’s mystery…” she attempted a weak sense of humor.

  Robert smiled and slid the patio chair back under the glass table.

  * * * *

  “Are you sure we have everything?” Ruby wore an oversized pair of designer sunglasses, a crisp white button-down dress shirt with high-waisted brown slacks. Coupled with Anna’s cheery yellow sundress, they looked like they were headed to a long-awaited vacation in the islands instead of a mission from the unknown. Robert trailed behind, bogged down by heavy suitcases and over-the-shoulder bags, shifting through the crowd like in a game of dodge ball.

  “I should hope so.” He heaved Ruby’s carry-on a little higher on his shoulder.

  “Mom, I know we’re obviously going to New York for a reason, but we just have to go to Chinatown. I know how you love to hunt for a designer bargain and Elise from school tells me that shopping will never be same. It’s a must.”

  “Okay, honey. Whatever you want.” Ruby shuffled through her paperwork, organizing and making sure she had everything for the umpteenth time.

  “And can we please take the ferry out to meet Ms. Liberty? I hear she is stunning in person.”

  “Mmm hmm…”

  “And can we visit one of those famous photographers that specialize in posing nude?”

  Ruby didn’t reply. She lowered her prescription sunglasses to study the departure schedule on the wall.

  “Mom!” Anna snapped. “You aren’t even listening to me!”

  Ruby smiled sheepishly. “Sorry honey, what did you say?”

  “Never mind, I know your head’s in the clouds right now. We need to go this way though.” Anna pointed toward the baggage check-in and nodded toward Robert. “So we better say goodbye here.”

  “Oh, of course.” Ruby turned on her heels and started unloading the baggage from Robert’s ailing shoulders.

  “Thanks, honey. You’re too kind to bring us all this way.”

  Robert spotted a luggage cart in the corner behind a group of college kids and started piling their seven overstuffed bags onto its unstable wheels.

  “Not a problem. Be safe out there, okay? Call me and let me know what you find out.”

  “Sure will. Do me a favor, will you? Pop in on Grant sometime this weekend? I’m afraid he is about to lose it over there. Between Liz and all of this stuff with Daddy, he could really use a friend right about now.”

  Robert nodded.

  “Love you, Dad.” Anna planted a big kiss on her father’s cheek and scurried away with the baggage cart.

  “I…well…love you too,” Ruby smiled nervously.

  “Call me when you land.” Robert hugged his wife, an unemotional, estranged pat on the back and turned to go.

  * * * *

  After a traumatizing stint in security on Ruby’s end, with having to remove her pumps to step on the bare, dirty floor, they made their way to the Starbucks first for iced mochas and then on to their gate.

  Anna plopped down into an empty seat and pulled out her iPod and a magazine. Ruby wasn’t nearly as relaxed and found herself pacing in front of the large windows, watching planes arrive and depart. Arrive and depart. She found herself counting the newly-formed rain drops on the window in a blurry gaze when Anna’s voice broke through her trance.

  “You okay, Mom?” Anna wrapped her arms around Ruby’s waist and leaned her head on her shoulder.

  “Hmm? Oh, hi, sweet girl. Yes, just thinking about Daddy.”

  “What about him?”

  “Just trying to understand how he could keep a secret like this. Why he didn’t think…oh I don’t know.”

  “Didn’t think what?”

  “That I was strong enough, I suppose.” Ruby put her finger to a raindrop on the glass.

  Anna stepped around her to lean her head against the window and look up at her mother.

  She smiled reassuringly. “I don’t think that’s it at all.”

  “So, what is it then? I just can’t understand any of this.”

  “I think he was trying to protect you. He always used to say, ‘I give my girls only light and love’, remember? He never wanted us to have anything but happiness. Even over silly things like turning the TV channel when something scary came on. He only wanted us to be surrounded by goodness. Honestly, this doesn’t surprise me about Grandpa at all.”

  “You think? I mean, I guess that does make sense.”

  “It makes perfect sense. I didn’t think for even one second this has anything to do with you and whether or not he thought you were strong enough to handle it.”

  “When did you get to be so wise, huh?” Ruby grinned through newly formed tears.

  “I’ve always been.” Anna smirked, making Ruby laugh out loud.

  * * * *

  When boarding Group A was finally announced, Ruby dropped her empty cup in a nearby trashcan and hurried Anna in line. Her heart started to race as she suddenly realized that this was really happening. They were headed to New York, hoping and praying to find someone based only from a name. What if they didn’t find him? How did they even know where to begin? Anna had spent the last three days pinning down every James Schulz in Manhattan in his eighties and nineties, which revealed only three candidates, but what if he had moved, or even worse, passed away? Her heart couldn’t take traveling all of that way to run into a dead end. She felt short of breath, slightly dizzy and perched her hand on Anna’s arm for balance.

  “Mom, are you sure you’re okay?” Anna studied her mother quizzically.

  “Yes, I am.” She gulped. “Just nervous that’s all.”

  “You’re panicking. I can’t believe it took you this long.” Anna took a step forward toward the plane entrance, still holding her mother’s arm.

  “What?”

  “I know you, Mom. To be honest, I can’t even believe you’re doing this. You are kind of my hero right now.”

  “Hero?” Ruby could feel her hand sweating heavily onto Anna’s arm.

  “Yeah, hero. You are always so afraid of life; you know? You kind of live in a bubble and yet, here you are hunting down your family’s secret like a crazed badger.”

  They took another step forward. Ruby took a deep breath and let it resonate in her lungs.

  “Yep, really proud of you, Mom. Who knows what we’ll find? We might run into three dead ends with each of them living in New York and yet, you don’t seem afraid at all. Worst case scenario? We say, ‘Sorry, Grandpa Eli, we tried, but you didn’t exactly leave us any direction,’ and come home.”

  Anna handed her boarding pass to the friendly woman at the entrance and looked back at Ruby, who was hanging on by a thread and turning paler by the moment. A
nna ripped the pass from her mother’s grasp and handed it to the woman.

  Through the narrow ramp, they made their way to the roaring aircraft awaiting them. Ruby was mute and moving forward with a determined focus. When they arrived at their seats, Anna practically pushed Ruby into her seat and threw their luggage overhead in the bin, not without a little wincing under the weight.

  “There,” she huffed and plopped down next to Ruby. “No backing out now!” Ruby conveniently noticed that Anna had trapped her in by taking the aisle seat. Once again, she removed her iPod and a book this time from her shoulder bag and nestled into her seat. Ruby nervously opened her purse and withdrew a granola bar to settle her nerves.

  “Look, Mom!” Anna poked her mother in the side.

  Ruby ripped the granola open and a few pieces went flying onto the floor.

  Anna poked her again. “Look!”

  Ruby lifted her gaze from her frustrating granola to see a huffing, agitated Grant wiggling in and out of people’s elbows down the aisle. Her eyes lit with excitement.

  “Grant!” She stood suddenly and waved frantically, crumbs hitting the floor. She didn’t care. Her brother was here. Grant had changed his mind. Everything was as it should be.

  Grant waved his hand in the air to shush her while he stepped past the last few rows.

  “Scream at me, why don’t you?”

  “Oh Grant, I can’t believe it.” Despite her efforts, Ruby’s previously contained nerves melted into tears of relief.

  “All I am going to say is that while I don’t agree with all of this, it’s clearly what Dad wanted. So there, I’ll go to New York with you. Happy?” A thin line of sweat beaded up around his hair line from the lack of air in the cabin.

  “Happy?” Ruby repeated. “I couldn’t be any happier if you were excited about going!” Ruby was practically jumping up and down now. Anna laughed out loud at her mother.

  “Good to see you Uncle Grant. I really think we are doing the right thing.”

  “Oh good, you too? I thought you were the sensible one, Anna. Clearly you are drinking the Kool-Aid, too.” Grant rolled his eyes and huffed his way down the aisle to his seat, leaving Anna and Ruby grinning from ear to ear.