Until Then Read online

  “Hello?” Liz answered.

  “Hey hun, it’s me.”

  “Oh, well, I was beginning to think you dropped dead or something.” He could make out the faint sounds of her brushstrokes running wild on the canvas. No doubt she was covered in various shades of yellow, blue and purple. Her hair was more than likely in a messy bun and she was sitting cross-legged with her bare feet tucked up underneath her. He once found her artistic look sexy and tempting, but now he barely noticed.

  “Well, when we left, you weren’t exactly pleased with me, so I thought I’d give you a little time to cool off.”

  She snorted.

  “That was a mistake?”

  Silence.

  “Look, what do you want from me, Liz? I don’t know what you want.” He sat down on the bed and rubbed his forehead painfully slow.

  “Actually you do. You have for a long time now. And I guess I just thought you were taking some time to think about it. Are you telling me you haven’t thought about it at all?” she said it so casually, it almost made Grant wretch up his steak.

  “Of course, I’ve thought about it. I’m just going through a lot right now and that really isn’t on my radar to be honest.”

  “Your radar? It doesn’t require a whole lot of thought, Grant. I want a divorce. It’s really that simple.”

  “Don’t you think we should talk about this some more? Don’t you think there is an alternative, something we can do to work through it?” He felt the blood rushing to his clenched fist as he waited for her reply.

  In the silence he could hear her strokes long and reckless. She couldn’t even stop what she was doing to talk with her husband in the middle of this life-changing journey.

  “Liz? Don’t you think we should talk about this some more?

  “I’ve nothing more to say. We’ve said everything.” She sighed as though bored and annoyed.

  “I think…” he started.

  Click.

  “That…bitch!” Grant rose to his feet and flung the phone across the room, hearing it smash against the silky wallpaper. How in the hell could she hang up on him? They hadn’t spoken in days and here he was trying to pour his heart out. He had half a mind to call her back and tell her that he gave in…gave up, but looking at the current state of his phone, that probably wasn’t even an option.

  Instead, he curled up into a ball, still wearing his jeans and tennis shoes and flicked the light off. He just wanted to sleep this whole week away. His mind was racing, searching for just one memory of happiness. He couldn’t remember a single solitary moment of laughter, of love or love-making for that matter. It actually hurt. He missed what they used to be. He missed her boisterous laugh. He missed the warmth of her skin against his, the taste of her kiss. He was surprised he even remembered.

  She didn’t love him anymore. It was all too clear. If only he could turn it off as she had done. If only he could talk himself out of caring, of loving. He pulled the warm blanket up around his head and let out the longest and slowest breath. It was as if his actual soul was breaking in two.

  Somewhere, thousands of miles from this dark hotel room, his life was ending. And he was powerless to stop it.

  * * * *

  Back at home, Robert rinsed his wine goblet carefully in the sink, washed his dishes, and put them in the dishwasher then put his TV stand away in the closet as Ruby had always done. When the hall closet was an inch from closing, he opened it wide, infuriated, and grabbed the TV stands. Before he even realized what happened, he was jumping up and down on them and breaking them into little pieces. He wanted to destroy them. There would never be another night of them silently making their dinner, pouring their wine and sitting side by side omniscient of their marriage barely flickering like a candle. They would never again stare at the TV like zombies, hardly cognizant of the other person even sitting there. He ached to sit in the formal dining area once more with meals they prepared together, a fresh tulip from the garden in the center, and candles as their only light. He missed his wife.

  When the TV stands were good and broken, he retrieved a garbage bag and shoveled the pieces inside. Ruby would think he had gone crazy, but passion was the answer now. He needed to go crazy and fight for his marriage. He refused to settle into the years, each year growing more and more distant. It had been over three years since they had even made love, let alone kiss. Crazy was finally necessary. Some men may be ready to toss in the towel at love once lost, but not him.

  Plopping down in his easy chair, he sifted through the details of his surprise, when it dawned on him—this wasn’t enough. He had to do more. The papers went flying into the air and with immediate regret, he crouched down to the floor to gather them and then toss them too…into the garbage bag. If he was going to save his marriage, fight for her then he had to do something so wild, so out of the ordinary, she would have no choice but to fall into his arms. He needed the grand gesture.

  * * * *

  Overhead, a strobe light had begun flashing down onto the dance floor and before she knew it, the high heels had taken it by storm. Drinks sloshing, hips grinding, she could barely pass through them without getting groped. When she finally made it to the bar, she ordered a dirty martini, straight up with extra olives. She wouldn’t be able to get through this without strong liquor. She turned, cradling her overflowing glass to meet Shane, eye to eye, their lips almost touching.

  “I knew it.” He put his hands on her arms and leaned into her. She could feel his hot breath on her ear and she quivered.

  Without saying another word, he slipped his hand in hers and pulled her around the dance floor to a quiet corner where they could talk.

  His eyes were penetrating her as they sat down, hips touching. She held the martini glass close to her lips to feel the ice-cold fluid slip down past her tongue.

  “Why did you come back?” he yelled over the music and eyed her eagerly, like she was some sort of chocolate-covered candy. She felt exposed. Clearly he’d been drinking since she left hours prior.

  She shrugged and took another sip, looking everywhere but his eyes.

  “I knew it.” Inching a little closer, he said, “You missed me.”

  She laughed it off, teasingly, knowing full and well, every word was true. “No.” She shook her head.

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “Then why?”

  “You said you wanted to hear the story, so here I am.” She inched back toward the end of the booth. If she went any further, she very well may fall right onto the floor.

  “Well, what did she tell you? Your great aunt?”

  She grimaced. It felt abruptly sickening to think of such history, such a story being yelled over techno music in a bar. “Nothing to tell,” she yelled back. “She wasn’t home. Going back in the morning.”

  “Great!”

  “Why is that great?” She frowned.

  “Because, we will have to meet for lunch so you can tell me all about it.” He winked, hardly noticeable but sexy just the same. “For now, you drink that and then we are going to show them how it’s done.” He pointed toward the dance floor.

  She ignored him and took another drink, panicking as the last drop fell into her mouth dripping with fear. He grinned and dragged her arm from the booth toward the dance floor, the boom of the bass thumping in her eardrums. With one swift motion, he pulled her close, yet surprisingly not too close at first. She still had room to think and perhaps he realized that she needed that. Despite everyone pushing up against them and bouncing off like a game of human dodge ball, they swayed side to side, eyes locked on one another. Innocently, at first and then he drew her nearer and nearer. Into his strong arms until his face was buried in her neck and it was all she could do but melt under the intensity. At one point, his lips brushed her collarbone and she almost collapsed.

  She put her hand up, powerless to stop him with words as the music was breaking through all sound barriers, and turned to go.

  His hand landed t
ightly on her wrist and as he spun her around to say something, she found herself entangled in his warm, soft lips instead. His kiss was so passionate, so strong that her knees crumbled beneath her. She didn’t stop him, didn’t resist, and temporarily lost her identity inside of that kiss.

  When he finally pulled away, she lunged at him for another and kissed deeper and deeper. She could feel a trickle of sweat bead down her back, and her hands were shaking. Never in her life had she felt lust like that. Never in her life had she been kissed like that. Suddenly, she shoved him from her willing mouth across the dance floor and tore off in a wild fury back to her room. If she looked back—even for one second—he would have been able to convince her to stay with him forever.

  Her room was pitch black, except for the illuminated city lights casting a small glow across the floor near the window. Ruby was obviously in a deep sleep, tucked neatly under the covers. Anna let out a sigh of relief as she tiptoed to the bathroom and shut the door quietly behind her. She could just die, she thought as she collapsed on the edge of the oversized tub. Her heart was beating uncontrollably as it all became clear. She took breaths to calm her nerves.

  She cheated on Ryan; sweet, loving, predictable Ryan who never for one second deserved this. All he ever wanted to do was marry her, and she had to go and screw it up with some hot guy overseas. How could she fall for that? She was so much better than the whole sexy, nightclub scene now. She smacked her forehead. She was a kindergarten teacher for God’s sake. This is not how they are supposed to act. She couldn’t blame it on the alcohol either, only one martini in for the night. Well, aside from those few glasses of wine earlier, but that was hours ago. She tightened her fists into balls so firm that her knuckles turned white with rage. How? Why? Should she tell him? Her mind was spinning and she just wanted to rewind her life, take every bit of it back.

  But that kiss.

  She slid to the floor and buried her face in her knees. She sat there, all balled up for a while before she realized much to her surprise that she wasn’t crying. Not even a drop. Was she more upset about Ryan finding out than the actual act, she wondered? Shane was desirable in a way a man should never legally be, and that was surely the cause. No one quite that hot had ever taken to her in such a way. Ryan was so polite and even refused to kiss her until their seventh date when she finally had to plant one on him. She could almost see his eyes, wide with shock. She didn’t care, she kissed him again.

  She shivered realizing how Shane drew her to his lips like a wildfire. She had no control over her own body. Surely Ryan would understand. It was just a kiss after all.

  Legs shaking, she stood slowly, bracing timidly on the edge of the tub. A good night’s sleep would put this all back into perspective. She pulled her toothbrush from her bag and smeared a shaky glob of mint toothpaste across it. A glimpse in the mirror showed a peaked and frighteningly pale reflection with deeply seated mascara rings encircling her eyes. With all of her strength, she aggressively scrubbed each tooth in an attempt to cleanse her mouth of the sweetness left behind. His kiss was a like a rich, dark chocolate that settles into your teeth no matter how much you run your tongue along each corner and crevice, it stays put. She rinsed with warm water, spit it down the drain and smoothed on cherry lip balm. She padded her way into the darkness and slipped under the cool sheets.

  Resting her eyes, she took a deep breath, blew it out, and then another.

  “Anna?” Ruby rolled over onto her side and spoke out into the darkness.

  “Oh hey Mom, did I wake you?”

  “No honey, an hour in a hot bath, and I still can’t sleep.”

  “Do you need anything? Want me to come snuggle with you like I used to when I was little?”

  Ruby laughed a little. “I wish we could go back to those days. Everything was so simple.”

  “Yeah,” Anna adjusted her pillow and settled into the newly-formed nook.

  “Did you have fun? At the bar downstairs?”

  Anna was silent for a moment as she tried to get her thoughts in order. “It wasn’t bad,” she eventually muttered quietly.

  “Did you meet anyone interesting?”

  “I saw that guy that was at the bar earlier.”

  “Oh?”

  Anna was quiet listening to the sound of her own thoughts.

  “Did something happen, Anna?” Anna could hear Ruby wrestling around in her blankets. She slipped from her bed and made her way over to Anna and flipped on the bedside lamp.

  “Honey?”

  This time Anna was crying. Lying on her side, silent tears slipped from her china doll-blue eyes onto the blanket.

  “Oh sweetie, what happened?” Ruby wrapped her arms tightly around Anna and kissed her softly on her forehead.

  “I kissed him,” she whispered.

  * * * *

  Ruby blinked heavily in disbelief and settled onto the floor cross-legged. Her hair was unkempt from sleep and she still had minute creases from her pillow case on her cheeks. She tapped her fingers on her arm, absently stewing on the newfound news.

  “At first we danced and he was so sweet, you know?” Anna continued and sat up in the bed, her eyes lit with the thrill of the memory. “There is just something about him, Mom. He is more than sexy; he is like a drug or something. I just thought we would talk like we did earlier, but he wanted to dance. I have never felt that way about a man.”

  “What about Ryan?” Ruby looked up into her daughter’s eyes wearily, asking a question she was afraid of the answer to.

  “I know!” Anna slammed her pillowcase against her face and buried herself into it, trying to push out the world.

  “You are going to tell him, aren’t you? He’s going to be destroyed.” Ruby pulled her knees into her chest and tapped her toes nervously.

  “I have to…right?”

  For just a moment, Ruby could see her four-year-old little girl with eyes filled with fear. She was her mommy’s girl from day one, and Ruby almost smiled presuming that may never change. She scooted to her feet and nestled in beside her daughter on the bed. “Yes, sweetheart. You have to tell him. It won’t be easy and you have to be prepared for the consequences. One can only hope that he isn’t all that shaken and chalks it up to pre-wedding jitters. It is just a onetime thing right?”

  “Yes, of course.”

  “Then ask for his forgiveness and everything will be alright. He loves you so much.”

  “I know, it’s just…”

  “Just what?”

  Anna plopped down on her backside in the center of the lush, white comforter. “Just…what if I am a little confused?”

  “About?”

  “About everything, Mom and I don’t think it is pre-wedding jitters. For some reason, I feel like the spark is missing, like we haven’t ever had that passion. Sure, Ryan is the most amazing guy: kind, responsible, sweet-natured, and so many more things, but where are the fireworks?”

  “Anna, life can’t always be like a movie.”

  “Just hear me out…when you met Dad, did you guys have a spark? Did you long to be with him when he wasn’t around? Wait desperately for him to kiss you?” Anna studied her mother’s face, which had suddenly gone white. “Mom?”

  “Yes, of course.” She cleared her throat and slipped from the bed to pace.

  “And what was it like?”

  “It was nice, Anna. What do you want me to say? I am sure you wouldn’t care for the details of your father and I. We were in love though and I knew I wanted to marry him from the day I met him. But things change. People grow older and settle into their routines: the children, work, and taking care of the house. All of that leaves little time for romance. Maybe that is what has started to take form in your relationship?”

  “That’s what I thought too, really. I thought we were just overwhelmed with all of this wedding stuff and Ryan has been so busy lately, but somewhere along this trip, I started thinking. Maybe it’s because we have had a little time apart or maybe because Grandma and Gran
dpa were so crazy in love, but whatever has got me thinking has made me realize a few things.”

  “Such as?” Ruby stopped pacing and turned pointedly toward her daughter.

  “I don’t miss him. I haven’t really thought about him at all on this trip, and I should. I should be anxious to hear his voice and tell him everything that is happening, but I’m not. I’ve only talked to him twice.”

  “Well, maybe that’s just because we’ve been so busy. I haven’t talked to your father all that much.”

  “He was the first person you called after we met James and Patrice. The first person I call when anything major happens in my life is you. Shouldn’t that mean something?”

  “Honey.” Ruby sat down on the bed once more. “We don’t have to solve this tonight. I know your mind is spinning, and you are clearly very overwhelmed with all of your emotions. It has been a long, long day and night. Let’s sleep on it, okay?”

  Anna nodded and Ruby smoothed a loose strand of hair from her cheek. “No matter what happens, you have to follow your heart. You only have one chance at happiness and true love.”

  “Unless I divorce him in a few years.” Anna laughed weakly at her own joke. “Then I get two chances.”

  Ruby shook her finger at her and slipped back into her covers. “Good night, sweetheart.”

  “Night, Mom. Thanks for listening.”

  “It is the least I can do considering I would be lost without you on this trip.”

  “Are you nervous about tomorrow? It’s the end of the road.” Anna pulled her blankets up tightly.

  “Or just the beginning.” In the darkness, Ruby smiled to herself knowing she was exactly where Eli wanted her to be. She had found the key to his secret and he had been with her all along the way. No matter what happened tomorrow, she was so blessed to have a mother and father that loved her that much in that way. She closed her eyes and fell into a blissful sleep, leaving Anna to lie tormented with angst.

  * * * *

  “Come here!” Ruby could see the puppy in front of her, its caramel-colored tail wagging this way and that. With each couple of steps, she reached for it, longing to squeeze him and hold him near. The puppy ignored her, bounding even further ahead toward a glorious meadow filled with rows and rows of colorful Gerber daisies. She plucked a bright orange flower from her path as she continued to chase the puppy through the field. She could feel the wispy grass at her ankles. She could feel the warmth of the sun on her cheeks.