Until Then Read online

  “Not in the least, just happy to be on my own, I guess. You should try it.”

  Anna frowned. “Excuse me?”

  “You just didn’t seem that excited to talk to Mr. Boyfriend, that’s all.”

  She lifted her pointed pink high heel from out behind her leg and kicked him in the calf. “Fiancé. You might want to get to know people a little bit better before you go making assumptions.”

  “So you’re telling me that you are just so in love with this guy? So in love that you wouldn’t even consider a reckless night with a sexy guy in Germany?” He narrowed his gaze, studying her reaction.

  “Whoa, whoa buddy. Subtle are we?” She inched her barstool back from his legs, which were now easily brushing hers.

  “Calm down.” He put his hands up defensively. I’m just teasing. “Here on business from New York. Can’t a guy just joke around with a girl?”

  She eyed him precociously, aware of his games.

  “Seriously, no need to shy up on me now. Let’s just share a drink, huh?” He tipped his glass against hers, the soft clink making her smile.

  “Alright, but no funny business. I am here on serious family matters. What was your name by the way?”

  “Shane Leeman.” he extended his hand, flashing an unidentifiable tattoo on his forearm.

  “Anna.” She smiled.

  “Anna.” He bowed his head. “What sort of business in your family could be all that serious?”

  Despite her better judgment, Anna found Shane’s eyes soft and engaging. Within minutes she was pouring her heart out to him, thankful to have someone to listen. She shared every bit of their journey with him, relaying heavy detail of their recent time with James and Patrice. He crooned over her and let her tell her story, apparently relishing in each piece of the mystery. He was such a good listener, asking all of the right questions, appearing appropriately empathetic. So often, Ryan would cut her off to interject bits and pieces of his day or a charming antidote. Not Shane, she noticed. He was all ears, leaning forward on his elbow, with the most earnest eyes she’d ever seen on a man.

  “Unbelievable.” He leaned back in his barstool with a heavy sigh. “So you’re going to see her now?”

  “Uh huh.” Anna nodded. “My mom should be down here any minute. She was taking her time trying to figure out what to wear.”

  “Well, I would imagine she’s just a little more than nervous at this point. I mean within an hour’s time, you’re about to lift the lid off Pandora’s Box, and who knows what in the hell you will find?” He ran his thumb up and down the beads of sweat rolling down his pub glass.

  “I imagine it will change her, even more so than this trip has already. Her and my Uncle both have really gone through an emotional rollercoaster.”

  “And you?”

  “What about me?” She narrowed her gaze.

  “Has this trip made you think about anything in particular? Made you feel, oh I don’t know…different?”

  “I feel a little different, I guess. It kind of reignited that passion in me, that I thought I left back in California.” She looked down at her hands.

  “Passion…about what?” He looked so sincere at that moment, as if any second a solitary tear might spill down his smooth, olive skin.

  “I don’t know why I am telling you any of this. I mean, you must think I am crazy going on about all of this drama in our lives. I swear I’m really not that complicated, but I just felt compelled to tell you all of that. Is that stupid?” She looked down at her hands, suddenly embarrassed.

  “Hardly, I just feel like a schmuck for coming on to you earlier when you are going through all of this.” He laid a warm hand across her leg and let his eyes penetrate through her.

  “You’re doing it again.” She laughed off his intensity.

  “I can’t help it!” He threw back his head. “You are just too much, Anna. Too damn beautiful. Too damn much.”

  “Anna?” Just then Ruby came walking through the lobby, her mustard-colored skirt flowing casually around her ankles.

  “Wait,” Shane said and grabbed her arm. “Before you go, will you meet me here for a drink later tonight? I’m just dying to hear the rest of this story.”

  Anna waved at her mother and stood from her barstool, hearing the squeak of it press into the wooden floor. “I don’t know.” She glanced back at him.

  “You have to. Eleven, okay? I’ll be waiting.”

  Without another word, she pulled her gaze from his and made her way through the tables to her mother who looked as if she might melt under the pressure at any moment.

  * * * *

  Nearing in on the nine o’clock hour by the time they arrived, Ruby felt overly anxious as it was so late. Although the sun was only starting to set, it still felt disrespectful for random people to bombard a little old lady in such a way. She might even be sleeping, she’d convinced herself. Her luck, they would give her a heart attack and the family secret would pass away right along with her.

  What were they to say? Hello Aunt Adel! You don’t know us, but we’ve been sent here to pry my dead father’s secrets from you? By the way, did you even know he passed away? She was going to be sick when she saw the car lights come on. It was entirely too late if the car lights were on.

  “I think it’s too late to go.” Ruby patted Grant on the arm.

  “Oh no you don’t.” Anna leaned forward from the back seat. “We’re going whether you like it or not. You made me skip dinner for this.”

  “But it’s almost nine and isn’t that too late for the elderly? Daddy always went to sleep at like seven o’clock.”

  “We’re like a mile away and I’m not driving all the way back to the hotel until we do this.” Grant tightened his grip on the steering wheel and didn’t even bother to look in Ruby’s direction. “You’ve dragged me this far—we’re going all the way.”

  Ruby slammed her head against the car seat, knowing it was a losing battle. They were going and any minute now, she would be face to face with her father’s greatest secret. Out of a thick brush of overgrown shrubbery and sporadically placed stick trees with tiny leaves in several shades of green, a small cottage presented itself. They had driven over thirty minutes out of Munich into the rich countryside and Ruby found it oddly comforting to see how much it looked like home.

  The cottage, made of beige stones, light brown brick and an old slate roof with a few missing shingles caught the sunlight just as it was fading behind the clouds. It looked translucent with the sun cast upon its pivotal peaks, like something out of a fairytale. Two twin chimneys stretched to the sky and Ruby imagined smoky billows percolating on a grey evening. Or a hot cherry pie fresh from the oven to enjoy while reading Moby Dick or Anne of Green Gables.

  What was Aunt Adel like? Was she soft around the edges for warm hugs with an easy sense of humor or was she jagged and disoriented to the hardships of life? She chose to imagine her with simple pleasure as they bumped along the old gravel road in their small red Scion Cube rental car. She pictured her in those last remaining moments before they greeted her looking much like their mother, with pale blue eyes and laugh lines from years of a deepening grin. She would most certainly recognize them seeing as she knew they were coming. She would open the door, lay her eyes on her sister’s children and pull them into a firm and unyielding embrace. She would never let them go, beg them for stories and share every photo she had. She wouldn’t leave a question unanswered. This was going to be okay.

  The car rolled to a squeaky stop and Grant put it in park before letting out an exhausted sigh.

  “This is it,” he whispered, looking up and out through the windshield to the charming cottage.

  “This is it,” Ruby repeated and reached for his hand to find them trembling. “We can do this; everything will be okay.”

  Anna sat silently in the back seat, her hands tucked under her knees. Everything they had searched for, every question they had asked, every moment Eli chose to withhold this story, led to this
very second. Anna watched her mother gingerly wrap her fingers around her brother’s arm and for yet the millionth time, be the rock to him that she had always been. She felt the ache of her childhood need for a brother or sister of her very own. How blessed they were to have one another.

  “Are you ready?” Ruby breathed a shallow breath, her chest rising just slightly.

  “As I’ll ever be.” Grant pulled his handle and stepped down into the gravel.

  They made their way up the winding stone path through countless bunches of vibrantly colored flowers, such as lilies, daisies, violets and petunias. Situated neatly between two rose bushes was a playful bird bath that delivered a plentiful stream full of water from a pudgy frog’s lips. Grant eyed the rosebushes with suppressed anger as he stepped over a woven basket filled with gardening gloves, small shovels and rakes. Adel obviously tended to her flowers quite often; they were beautiful and plentiful.

  Taped to the splintered wooden front door, Ruby could make out a piece of paper blowing slightly in the breeze. She skipped a few steps further to read it closely.

  “Grant and Ruby…it’s to us! Can you believe it?”

  “Well, go on. What does it say?” Grant stepped closer to read over her shoulder.

  Grant and Ruby, where have you been? I have been waiting for weeks. I have gone out for the evening, but please return in the morning. We have quite a conversation ahead of us.

  P.S. James told me you were coming.

  Anna slapped her hand over her mouth. “I can’t believe it.”

  “She really knew we were coming.” Grant turned around from the door and headed back through the flowers, trying to catch his breath.

  “How long has she known about us? And she is so…so funny! I mean, she is clearly trying to tease us to make us feel more comfortable or something. Don’t you think?” Ruby’s eyes were whimsical behind her glasses.

  “I just can’t believe this happened. I bet she’s been waiting patiently every day since Grandpa passed away. Maybe since the day you were born. This whole thing is just bizarre.” Anna plopped down on a large flat stone near the bird bath.

  Overhead, the sun dispersed its last hopeful drops of golden liquid across the mauve sky. Millions of miles away, tiny silver droplets began to appear one by one. Crickets and swollen bullfrogs started their nightly song. Somewhere, across the planet, Ryan was probably waiting for her call.

  “Well what do we do now?” Ruby wondered aloud. She folded the letter into three parts and tucked it into her pocket.

  “Can we please get something to eat? I’m starving.” Anna groaned and lay flat out on the stone dramatically.

  “I suppose there isn’t anything else we can do tonight.” Ruby looked over her shoulder at the cottage one last time longingly before making her way to the car with Anna. Indeed, they had quite the conversation ahead of them in the morning.

  * * * *

  They agreed on a quaint restaurant in downtown Munich that had a beautiful outdoor garden seating area. Ruby politely requested someplace quiet, so that she might think a little clearer. Kaisergarten was eloquent and pleasant in the least. Inside the dimly-lit main restaurant, the booths lining the wall were understated, cozy. Anna let her gaze trail up and along the wall at what seemed like hundreds of wine bottles of every year and type. Odd, she noted, a deer head perched in the midst of the shelving peered back at her. He seemed so out of character in such a smooth venue.

  The young hostess with a pleasant smile offered outdoor seating and they happily obliged. Ruby ran her finger along the sprouting petunias on the way to the table, wishing Aunt Adel had been home. That just for once, this trip wouldn’t have any surprises.

  “Finally, I feel like we’re tourists. I was beginning to feel a little too nutty, like I was in a movie or something. We’ve hardly sat down to enjoy a nice meal on this trip. This is a blessing in disguise,” Anna pulled her loose blonde hair into a high ponytail, letting the warm summer breeze roll across her shoulders.

  “Too much family business for you.” Grant pulled his recently acquired cheaters from his pocket and coyly slid them up his nose. He hated to admit he couldn’t see, but with the patio’s dim lighting, he wasn’t even given a fighting chance.

  “I know, I know,” Anna scoffed. “I’m being a brat, is that what you are going to say?” Her voice trailed off as the waiter delivered waters. A sweet, round man with a trickle of sweat beading across his brow line set the glasses on the table shakily.

  “Good evening, my name is Glen,” he spoke softly.

  “You’re American aren’t you?” Anna leaned forward with interest. She was enjoying this random spotting of Americans among the German crowd. She called them her people.

  “Yes, I am!” Glen’s eyes lit up. “And so are you?”

  “Yes.” Ruby smiled politely. “We are from Michigan.”

  “What are you doing here? I mean how did you end up in Germany?” Anna corrected herself, hardly containing her excitement. Grant wondered if Anna ever ran out of energy. She was remarkably like Ruby.

  “Oh, you don’t want to hear all about me. It’s a long story. I’m just happy to be here. Have you decided on what you would like to order?” He adjusted the stark white apron along his waist, plainly suffering under the heat.

  “Oh sure, sure…I’ll have the spring salad, carrots and marjoram dressing, Fillet of char Bavaria, bacon. Is that pretty good?” she asked.

  “Delicious. Excellent choice. And for you?”

  Grant spoke up, “We’ll both actually have the same thing. If I know my sister right now, she is in need of your best steak. The Steak from the Bullenlende, herb butter, Arugula, roasted rosemary potatoes times two please.”

  Ruby closed up her menu and laughed. “Perhaps you do know me after all.”

  They decided to split a bottle of a 1978 Merlot that was much richer and a tad bit saltier than back home, but Ruby closed her eyes as she drank, relishing in nature’s natural relaxant.

  “I always remember Daddy drinking scotch or bourbon and smoking cigars, but Mom hardly ever drank. I always wondered why,” she mused, rolling the dark red liquid up and around her glass. She felt remarkably relaxed, perhaps for the first time since Eli passed. There was always this constant ache at the pit of her stomach, unmatchable by any other feeling.

  “She didn’t like feeling out of control, I think. She was always so poised.” Anna stared wistfully up at the stars. She’d polished off every last bite of her meal and was currently awaiting her homemade Bavarian cream, Rhubarb compote, raspberry sauce. She was the only bride Ruby ever knew that didn’t have to give two seconds thought to her weight, not that she had anything to worry about. She was thin as a rail.

  “Do you think she drank when she was younger? Like when they were in New York?” Ruby asked.

  Grant smiled, feeling relaxed, as well. In particular, he loved this setting. The pleasantries of the German beer garden, the artistic handmade tiles and that adorable little hutch covered in candles in the corner. Not at all like Liz’s hutch, he mused. Friendlier. A more thankful hutch.

  “No, I bet not,” Anna answered again. “She was shell-shocked. Didn’t you get that vibe from Patrice? Like she pulled her under her wing and protected her?”

  “But then, answer me this.” Grant leaned forward in his seat. “What changed? They went from being lost, broke and afraid of life because of what they went through to these polished, fashionable fedora-wearing, cigar-smoking people we grew up with.”

  Anna clamped her mouth shut and frowned. He had a point.

  “I bet it was because they wanted to reinvent themselves, start over and then,” Ruby stopped and swiped a tear from her cheek that came out of nowhere. “Then no one would ask questions. If they played the part, they would eventually become those people. And they did.”

  A thick silence fell upon the table. Anna smiled to herself remembering Grandpa Eli sitting in the screened-in porch, smoking a fat cigar and yelling, “More, Anna! J
ump higher!” as she leapt into the pool. He never swam with her or dared to jump in the water, but he was her biggest fan.

  Grant could almost see his mother straightening his bowtie and kissing his cheek on the morning of his wedding. She patted her damp cheeks with her lace glove and told him that he was God’s greatest gift to her.

  Ruby felt the wind rustle through the garden and flick her hair from her shoulders. In some small way, they were there. They had held their hands every step of the journey. As they had always done, believing in them when no one else did. All the while she believed that she loved them more than a child really should during her teenage years, young adulthood and now in facing her own years of aging. But she did; she loved them so much it hurt.

  “I miss them,” Grant said quietly.

  “Every day,” Ruby sighed.

  * * * *

  The Anna Hotel was buzzing with elegant women dressed in the highest heels Ruby had ever seen and men in sharp tuxedos all swarming the bar to kick-start their night out in Munich. She glanced at them momentarily with envy of her younger years, but immediately remembered the large bathtub with lavender bubbles awaiting her. She kissed Grant goodnight and turned to head to the elevator with Anna when her daughter’s expression caught her off guard. She was staring, ogling in fact, at the fascinating nightlife fluttering around them.

  “Why don’t you stay down here for a nightcap?” Ruby nudged her in the arm.

  “A nightcap? Really, mom? Who says that anymore?”

  “I bet those people do. Go on, I’ll just go up to the room and take a bath. You are only in Munich once in your life, sweetheart.”

  Anna glanced back at the crowded room, alive with laughter and glamour she yearned to be a part of.

  “Just for a little bit.” She smiled, withholding the real reason she wanted to stay. It was only ten minutes after eleven, and he would be waiting.

  * * * *

  Grant stared down at his phone. He had postponed this call long enough and yet, he hadn’t even heard a peep from his wife. He would be the bigger man, he decided.