In Uncle Al : In Uncle Al (9780307532572) Read online

  Uncle Al usually wore a crinkly grin. Not now. His eyes looked droopy and tired. “Andrew? Judy? Thudd?” he said softly.

  When Uncle Al used his Hologram Helper to visit Andrew and Judy he could hear them but not see them.

  “Hi there!” said Andrew.

  “We need help!” said Judy.

  “Hiya, Unkie!” said Thudd.

  “Where are you?” asked Uncle Al. “When I opened the Umbubble, you weren’t inside.”

  “Um, we’re actually inside you,” said Andrew.

  “SpongeBob SquarePants on a soda cracker!” exclaimed Uncle Al. His eyes were as round as golf balls. “How did that happen?”

  “Well,” said Andrew. “We started getting smaller after we got zapped by an electric fish.”

  “How small are you?” asked Uncle Al.

  “We’re as big as red blood cells,” said Andrew.

  “Good golly, Miss Molly!” said Uncle Al. “Red blood cells are tiny! Three thousand of them would make a one-inch-long parade!

  “But how did you get inside me?”

  “You know that mosquito you just smacked?” said Judy. “It shoved us into one of your capillaries.”

  “How are you guys able to breathe?” asked Uncle Al.

  meep … “Drewd and Oody got Schnozzles to breathe with,” said Thudd.

  Uncle Al nodded. “And the Schnozzles and Hologram Helper are sending our thoughts back and forth.

  “Now the big problem is getting you out of me.”

  GOING AROUND IN CIRCLES

  Uncle Al rubbed his chin.

  “Hmmmm …,” he murmured. “You guys are in my circulatory system.”

  “Circulatory system!” said Judy. “That means we’re going around in circles inside you.”

  Uncle Al nodded. “Blood does go in circles. Very predictable.

  “Do you have any idea where you are now?”

  meep … “Blood is dark,” said Thudd. “Going back to heart.”

  “Ah!” said Uncle Al. “You’re in a capillary headed to a vein now. Veins are the tubes that send blood to the lungs to get oxygen. Arteries are the tubes that send blood filled with oxygen to the body.

  “Soon you’ll get to my lungs,” said Uncle Al. “Then you can crawl out of a capillary, into my lungs, and start climbing up.

  “You’ll get to my windpipe, the air tube that goes from my lungs to my nose. You climb up that and then, uh, crawl into my mouth.”

  “Eeeew!” Judy groaned. “That is soooo disgusting!”

  Uncle Al chuckled. “Not more disgusting than getting flushed down the toilet, right? You’ve done that before.

  “Uh-oh,” said Uncle Al. “I’m having a power problem with the … I’ll try to … and … back to …

  “Hang … get to … heart. It … be … rough …”

  Uncle Al disappeared, except for his lips. They were still moving. But Andrew and Judy couldn’t hear a word. Then with a small pop, Uncle Al’s lips disappeared.

  The narrow capillary was opening into a wider passageway. Red blood cells no longer rushed along in single file. Now crowds of them were tumbling through the chicken-soupy plasma.

  thumpa … thumpa … thumpa …

  It was Uncle Al’s heart beating.

  White blood cells rushed like speeding jellyfish among the red cells.

  A giant white blood cell whammed into Andrew’s and Judy’s red-blood-cell disguises and flung them apart.

  “Androooooo!” hollered Judy.

  Andrew tugged the Drastic Elastic sharply. The next instant, Judy’s head banged against Andrew’s.

  “Youch!” hollered Judy.

  “See?” said Andrew. “All I have to do is give the Drastic Elastic a big jerk.”

  “You’re the big jerk, Bug-Brain!” said Judy, rubbing her head.

  thumpa … thumpa … thumpa … thumpa … THUMPA …

  Now Andrew didn’t just hear the sound, he could feel it pounding like a drum.

  “Uncle Al’s heartbeat sounds really loud,” said Andrew. “We must be getting close to his heart.”

  The blood river sped them along. Through the plasma and red blood cells, Andrew thought he saw giant pink tent flaps! They sprung open. Then they instantly slammed shut.

  meep … “Flaps called heart valve,” said Thudd. “Heart valve let blood into heart.”

  “What makes them open and close?” asked Andrew.

  meep … “Electric signal,” said Thudd. “Kinda like electric signal open garage door.”

  The next second, the heart flaps opened again. Andrew and Judy were sucked into a huge dark cave.

  meep … “Inside heart now!” said Thudd.

  Bzzzzzzzt …

  A powerful tingle zipped from Andrew’s head to his toes.

  “Oofers!” he yelled. “I got an electric shock!”

  meep … “Electricity come from Unkie Al’s heart,” said Thudd. “Part of heart called pacemaker. Pacemaker send electric signal to open heart valve. Send signal to make heart beat.”

  “We got shrunk by an electric shock,” said Andrew. “If this shock makes us any smaller, we’ll totally disappear!”

  YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE GUTS

  The blood river swooshed Andrew and Judy into a space crisscrossed by long, thick white strands.

  “These things look like tent ropes,” said Andrew.

  meep … “Act kinda like tent ropes,” said Thudd. “Called heartstrings. Tent ropes hold tent in place. Heartstrings hold heart flaps in place.”

  Andrew whammed against a tough, stretchy heartstring and bounced off.

  The wide, fast river of blood zoomed Andrew and Judy up and up and around.

  “It’s like we’re on a blood roller coaster,” said Andrew.

  “Aaack!” yelled Judy. “I’m gonna be sick!”

  Whoosh … Whooosh … Whoosh …

  “Sounds like a big storm,” said Andrew.

  meep … “Sound of Unkie Al breathing,” said Thudd. “Leaving heart now. Going to lungs.”

  “Super-duper pooper-scooper!” said Andrew. “We can get out of Uncle Al soon!”

  The blood carried them into a narrow passageway. They were in a lung capillary now.

  Whoosh … Whooosh … Whoosh …

  The blood cell ahead of Andrew was changing from deep purple to dark red.

  “Woofers!” said Andrew. “It’s getting easier to breathe!”

  meep … “Red blood cells picking up oxygen from lungs,” said Thudd, pointing to his face screen.

  “So how do we get out of this stupid capillary?” asked Judy.

  meep … “Get out same way big-eater cells get in,” said Thudd. He pointed to faint lines in the capillary wall.

  “Capillary wall made of single layer of cells. Kinda like patchwork quilt. Got spaces between cells where stuff get in, stuff get out. Food, oxygen, big-eater cells.”

  As the blood sped them along, Andrew ran his hands along the capillary wall, feeling for a space.

  His fingers poked through an opening between two cells. He grabbed on to the edge of one of them. Judy slammed into him.

  “Ergh!” Andrew groaned. The current of blood pulled at them. Andrew struggled to spread the cells apart.

  Suddenly he felt something soft creep across his fingers, then across the top of his hand. Long, thin tentacles came slithering through the slit in the capillary. A tentacle poked Andrew in the eye!

  “Holy moly!” hollered Andrew. “A big eater!” He let go of the cell edges and pulled himself completely inside his red blood cell.

  A stream of bright red cells whooshed Andrew and Judy off again.

  meep … “Blood got lotsa oxygen now,” said Thudd. “Gonna leave lungs.”

  Judy ran both hands along the capillary wall. “We’d better find another hole,” she said. “Or else we’ll be stuck in Uncle Al forever!”

  The capillary tube widened.

  meep … “Too late!” said Thudd. “Going back to heart now. Heart gonna
pump blood into body.”

  The blood river drove them through the flaps of another heart valve. It slammed them into tough heartstrings. It whooshed them up again, then down.

  “Holy moly!” said Andrew. “Where are we going now?”

  meep … “Brain, maybe,” said Thudd. “Foot, maybe. All kindsa places to go in Unkie Al.”

  Andrew and Judy tumbled through a cloud of prickly orange specks. The specks stuck to their red blood cells like dust.

  Eek! squeaked Thudd. “Virus!”

  “Viruses!” said Andrew. “Viruses give us colds and flus!”

  meep … “And lotsa worse stuff, too,” said Thudd.

  “They’re so tiny!” said Judy.

  meep … “Virus tiny” agreed Thudd. “But virus can get into cell. Change way cell work. Can make Unkie sick, sick, sick!”

  Suddenly long, sticky tentacles wrapped around Andrew’s red blood cell, then Judy’s.

  “Oh no!” said Judy, ducking inside her cell. “These red blood cells were supposed to keep the stupid big eaters off of us.”

  “Wowzers schnauzers!” said Andrew, peeking out of his cell. “The big eaters are pulling the viruses off of our cells!”

  They tossed about in the river of plasma as the big eaters crept over their cells, tugging at the prickly viruses.

  After a while, Andrew felt no tentacles slithering outside his cell. He poked his head up. The big eaters were gone, and most of the orange specks were gone, too.

  They were in a narrow capillary now. The blood sent them lurching through a zigzagging path.

  meep … “In Unkie’s intestines now,” said Thudd. “Part where food get into blood through capillary spaces.”

  “If food gets in,” said Judy, “we can get out. Let’s find a space in this capillary.”

  Andrew and Judy ran their hands along the capillary wall, feeling for an opening.

  “Found one!” said Andrew. He grabbed the edge of the cell and hung on as a stream of red blood cells rushed by him.

  The opening was loose. Andrew quickly began pushing himself into it. He poked his head out of the capillary and into Uncle Al’s intestines. “Holy moly!” he whispered.

  WHO WANTS TO EAT A SCAB?

  Andrew was staring into a tube that looked bigger than a train tunnel. Sticking out from its walls were thousands of finger-shaped things that stretched and wriggled like strange worms.

  Andrew pulled himself farther into Uncle Al’s intestines. He pulled Thudd up, too.

  “The blood is dragging me away!” came Judy’s voice.

  Andrew jerked the Drastic Elastic.

  “Yoof!” cried Judy.

  Andrew smiled. “She’s back!”

  He ran his hand over the finger-y things. They were as soft as velvet.

  meep … “Called villi,” said Thudd. “Stomach turn food into mush. Intestines break mush into tiny molecules.

  “Villi pick up food molecules like sponge. Send molecules into blood to feed body.”

  A clump of rod shapes was slithering slowly toward Andrew.

  “What’s that?” asked Andrew.

  meep … “Bacteria,” said Thudd.

  “What’s going on up there?” shouted Judy from inside the capillary.

  “Herds of germs are crawling around like slime carpets,” said Andrew.

  “Yuck-a-roony!” Judy exclaimed. “That’s soooooo disgusting!”

  “Noop! Noop! Noop!” said Thudd. “Lotsa good, good germs here.

  “Animals not live without bacteria in intestines. Bacteria help break down food. Make vitamins.”

  “It’s still disgusting!” said Judy from below.

  Glurg glurg glurg …

  A rumbling sound was coming from above.

  Suddenly a waterfall of glop began pouring into Uncle Al’s intestines.

  meep … “Unkie’s lunch coming!” said Thudd.

  The villi wriggled and stretched wildly.

  meep … “Villi trying to soak up lotsa food,” said Thudd.

  Andrew pulled himself back into the capillary before the flood of food hit him. He let the stream of blood carry them off.

  “I’m glad we’re not getting out of Uncle Al that way,” said Judy.

  The walls of their capillary widened. Streams of dish-shaped red blood cells and squid-like white blood cells swirled by. Small odd-shaped bits and pieces mixed among the crowds of cells.

  “Where are we?” asked Judy.

  meep … “Going down Unkie’s leg now,” said Thudd.

  “Ouch!” came the voice of Uncle Al. It sounded far away. “Now, how did I get this sliver in my leg? Must have rubbed up against the side of the boat. There! I’ve got it.”

  Suddenly, ahead of Andrew and Judy, stringy strands began growing in the stream of blood. The strands tangled together like a messy spiderweb. Red blood cells and white blood cells were getting trapped in the web. A second later, Andrew and Judy were tangled in the web, too!

  “Yaaargh!” yelled Andrew.

  “Aaaaack!” hollered Judy.

  Andrew ripped at the strands, but new strands kept appearing out of nowhere. He got more and more tangled.

  meep … “Unkie got cut from sliver,” said Thudd.

  “When someone bleed, molecules in blood come together, make sticky strings. Strings trap blood cells and other stuff. Make plug to stop bleeding. Called clot. Clot turn into scab.”

  “I’m not going to be part of anybody’s scab!” said Judy battling the strands. “How do we get out of here?”

  meep … “Sticky strands made of same kinda stuff as spiderweb and meat,” said Thudd. “Called protein. Remember how Drewd and Oody escape from spiderweb?”

  “Yuck-a-rama!” said Judy turning a little green. “We had to eat the spiderweb!”

  “Yoop! Yoop! Yoop!” said Thudd. “Now gotta eat stringy stuff!”

  “Uggggh!” said Judy, watching Andrew begin to gobble the sticky strands.

  “Tastes like raw hamburger,” said Andrew.

  Judy rolled her eyes, but she pushed a small wad of the webby stuff into her mouth. “Tastes awful!” she gagged.

  Andrew stuffed the strands into his mouth till he felt he would burst. Judy kept chomping away, too. When just a few strands were left, they ripped their way out.

  Soon they were tumbling through Uncle Al’s blood again.

  meep … “In Unkie’s foot now,” said Thudd.

  “Oof!” hollered Andrew, whamming into something soft that blocked their way.

  “Umph!” yelled Judy, crashing into Andrew.

  Andrew’s flashlight lit up something awful.

  “Yaaaaargh!” hollered Andrew.

  “Nooooooo!” screamed Judy.

  I’m face to face with the Loch Ness Monster! thought Andrew.

  But the head of this monster had no eyes. It had no nose. It did have a huge, black mouth cave with four gigantic, jagged teeth at the top.

  BLEEP, BLOOP, BLURP …

  The horrible head waggled back and forth. Andrew and Judy desperately dodged away from the humongous mouth, but the rushing blood kept pushing them toward it. It was blocking the capillary.

  meep … “Hookworm parasite!” said Thudd. “Parasite take food from other living thing, called host. This parasite wanna get food from Unkie Al.

  “Hookworm chew through skin. Get under skin. Creep around. Suck blood. Lay eggs. Make lotsa little hookworms.

  “Hookworm get into Unkie’s foot when Unkie walk through river. Lotsa parasites live in river water.”

  “Cheese Louise!” said Judy, fighting to stay away from the jagged teeth. “This monster’s going to eat us, and poor Uncle Al will have disgusting worm families crawling around under his skin!”

  “Don’t worry,” said Andrew, struggling to stay out of the horrid mouth. “The big-eater cells can tell the parasite doesn’t belong inside Uncle Al. They’ll be here any second.”

  meep … “Parasites got stuff that keep big eaters away” said Thudd.


  “Hmmm …,” mused Andrew. “I have an idea.”

  He started spitting at the hookworm. “Come on, Judy! Help me! Spit!”

  “What are you doing, Bug-Brain?” said Judy. “Trying to insult the hookworm to death?”

  “I’m calling the big eaters,” said Andrew. “Maybe they’ll come if we mark the hookworm with some of us.”

  “Aaaaaaack!” hollered Judy. “There’s a tentacle on my neck!”

  Andrew turned to see a big eater squirming behind them. More tentacles were poking through the capillary walls.

  Big-eater tentacles were everywhere! They swarmed over Andrew and Judy as they lashed out at the hookworm.

  meep … “Drewd and Oody not wanna get between big eaters and dinner!” said Thudd. “Gotta get away!”

  Andrew looked around. Another big eater was slithering through the capillary wall. As it pulled itself inside, Andrew held the slit open and wriggled out—and into another capillary. Judy was right behind him. The warm blood rushed them along again.

  Judy rolled her eyes. “Well, that was pleasant,” she said.

  The red blood cells were turning darker.

  “It’s getting harder to breathe,” said Andrew.

  meep … “Blood going back to heart, back to lungs. Can try to get out through lungs again.

  “Knock, knock. Who there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry! Hee hee hee!”

  “Thudd!” said Andrew. “What’s going on? Why are you telling knock-knock jokes?”

  Thudd’s face screen went dark and the buttons on his chest stopped blinking.

  “Oh no!” said Andrew. He pulled Thudd from his pocket and gave him a shake. “I think Thudd’s thought chips are getting soggy. The last time this happened, he told elephant jokes. He was in bad shape.

  “I painted him with three coats of Never-Wet, but it must be wearing off.”

  Andrew pressed Thudd’s reset button. Thudd’s gumdrop-shaped feet gave a little kick. The buttons on his chest began to blink green again, but not as brightly as before.

  bleep … “Dewd? Oogy?”

  “Are you okay, Thudd?” asked Andrew.

  bloop … “Kinda,” said Thudd woozily.

  “Hang in there, buddy,” said Andrew. “We’ll get you dry soon.”