Be Prepared Read online

  Employing these four policies will make things easier on both of you:

  Policy #1: Ears Open, Mouth Closed

  Guys tend to be fixers by nature. You see a problem, and you find the solution. Of course it’s logical, but in this case it may backfire. Your partner may need comfort, not a ten-point plan of action.

  Policy #2: Strike It from the Record

  Think of all of the belligerent things that you’ve said after four or five beers. Now consider that she’s under the influence of chemicals far more mind-altering than Budweiser. Six months from now, she may not even remember some of the names that she called you. (You should write them down though, just in case.)

  Policy #3: Be an Army of One

  Don’t expect much from your partner these first weeks. You may need to do everything short of breastfeeding, so be prepared to carry the load. Enlist the help of relatives and order plenty of take-out.

  Policy #4: Take Her Out

  Isolation is a big contributor to PPMS, so the sooner she gets a change of scenery, the quicker she may come around. Remember that newborns are very portable, so grab her and the baby and take a stroll around the block. The exercise will help her get back into shape, and it releases endorphins that can lighten her mood.

  Post-Partum Depression

  This condition is far more serious than PPMS and affects about 10% of new moms. If your partner’s emotional state is seriously impeding her ability to function, or her symptoms last longer than a month, suggest that she consult her obstetrician. If she resists, you can bring up the fact that her condition is very treatable, and that every day she waits is one less day she’ll be able to enjoy the tot.

  Scrubbing Your Sprout

  Bathing a baby is a mission that requires a steady hand and nerves of steel, which is why it’s a perfect challenge for a new dad.

  For a segment of the population that just lounges around all day, newborns get surprisingly dirty. That fresh newborn scent can quickly give way to the odor of curdled milk if your baby’s been left unwashed for too long. Bathe her every other day, or as much as seems necessary, but if her skin starts to dry out, you’ll have to cut back.

  * * *

  Don’t give the bath until the umbilical stump falls off and, if you’ve got a boy, the circumcision has healed. Before then just sponge your baby down.

  * * *

  Bathing Equipment Checklist

  A baby tub or other bathing apparatus

  A large plastic bucket

  A plastic cup

  Baby soap and shampoo

  Two or three washcloths

  A dry, folded towel next to the tub in which to wrap baby upon completion

  * * *

  Where to Do the Deed

  When deciding where to scrub your sprout, take into consideration safety, your comfort, the baby’s comfort, and proximity to a water source.

  In a baby tub placed in the sink

  Many tubs dock right into the sink bay, anchoring it into place. Also, having the baby at this height will give you good leverage, and you’ll be right next to a water source. Just make sure that you point the faucet away from the baby at all times.

  On the floor

  Nervous parents sometimes place the tub on the floor for the first couple of baths, until they are confident that they won’t drop the baby. Make sure you put some garbage bags under the staging area, and use a pillow under your knees.

  In a baby tub inside the big tub

  This can be a bit hard on the back, but the baby is low to the ground, and it won’t matter if water goes everywhere.

  With you in the big tub

  Some babies find the baby tub confining, and would prefer your company. The big tub offers both of these options, but it’s not recommended until you get comfortable with the bath-time ritual.

  Bathing Procedure

  Pour warm water into the tub and bucket. The water should be nice and warm, but not hot. Test it with your elbow. If it feels hot to you, then it’s definitely too hot for the baby. You only need 3-4 inches in the tub.

  Undress the baby and place her in the tub. To keep her from becoming cold and whiny, lay a washcloth across her chest and keep pouring warm water from the bucket over her. But always have one hand holding her in place.

  Using a clean washcloth, wipe the eyes from the bridge of the nose out. Then move on to the rest of the face, outer ears, and neck. The baby’s neck folds are surprisingly cavernous, providing ample storage space for dirt, lint, fermenting spit-up, and maybe even spare change. If left unwashed, they can become infected.

  Move onto the arms, legs, and torso. The armpits, belly button, leg folds are perfect nooks for dirt grime to gather. Use soap on the body a few times a week, and just water the rest of the time, but you can soap the diaper area every time. Rinse off the soap with cups of clean water from the bucket.

  Wash the hair. Because babies lose much of their heat through their heads, do this last. Use a couple of drops of baby shampoo several times a week.

  Place the baby on the towel and pat her dry.

  A large, printable version of the Bathing Procedure list is available at www.beprepared.net. Tape it to the wall next to the bathing location for reference.

  * * *

  Keeping shampoo out of the eyes

  To avoid getting shampoo in her eyes, use one of the following tactics:

  Place a dry washcloth over her eyes as you pour water from the bucket onto her head; or

  Swaddle the baby (see pg. 51) so that only her head sticks out. Then hold her over the tub with her back on your forearm, her legs tucked inside your elbow, and her head and neck supported by your wrist and hand. This is called the football hold. Tip her head down so that when you rinse her with the bucket water, it will drip down into the tub and not into her eyes.

  Use the football hold to rinse your baby’s hair

  * * *

  Cradle Cap

  When you are washing your baby’s hair, you may notice big scaly flakes on her scalp. This is called cradle cap, a common and harmless newborn condition that doesn’t seem to cause any discomfort and usually disappears by about three months, just in time for the day care prom. To get rid of the scales, you can massage the scalp with mineral oil or petroleum jelly, remembering to be gentle around the fontanels (the soft spots on the top of her head). You can also use a soft toothbrush to clean her scalp, and avoid putting hats on her when indoors, because sweat can exacerbate the condition.

  GRIPPING A SLIPPERY BABY

  The Sock Glove

  A clean cotton sweat sock can stick to baby’s skin better than your bare hands. Cut out a thumbhole so you can maintain hand functionality.

  The Armpit Hold

  Use this hold for any situation in which the baby could possibly slip down in the tub. Lay the baby’s head on your forearm, your wrist supporting her neck. Encircle her upper arm with your thumb and fingers.

  Accidents Will Happen

  At some point your baby will poop in the tub. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism, like a squid inking. It’s a disgusting and frustrating occurrence, but it’s one of those parental rites of passage that officially confirm you as a dad.

  In order to decontaminate the tub, you’ll need to:

  pull the baby out, wrap her in the towel, and place her on a secure surface,

  quickly drain the tub, rinse it out with soap and water, and then refill it,

  get another clean towel for post-bath wrapping, put the baby back in, and start over.

  As far as urine in the tub goes, most new dads don’t change the water, for these reasons:

  It’s really hard to tell if a baby has peed in the tub.

  Urine is mostly water anyway.

  Most dads have relieved themselves in the shower for all these years, and their feet have never fallen off.

  The Diving Reflex

  At some point or another you may accidentally lose your grip and the baby’s head will go underwater for a second or two
. Don’t panic. Newborns come equipped with something called the Diving Reflex, an automatic response that prevents them from breathing in water should they go under. In the few seconds it would take you to pull your baby back up, chances are great there would be no harm done to her. This reflex lasts for a few months and then disappears.

  Obviously you shouldn’t take this as a cue to become lax about tub safety.

  USEFUL BATHING CONTRAPTIONS

  Contoured bath pad

  This pad cradles your baby and elevates her head above the water. The pad is placed in your bathtub, and absorbs bath water to keep the baby warm. A popular model is called The Safer Bather.

  Baby bath tub with sling attachment

  The sling cradles the newborn so she won’t slip around while bathing. And it converts to a regular baby tub when she outgrows the sling.

  The EZ Bather

  A very simple device consisting of fabric covering a sloped frame. The fabric holds the baby in place and keeps her head above the water. You can place it in the sink, a baby bath tub, or a regular bath tub, and it disassembles, making it very portable.

  COPING with CRYING

  A baby’s cry can be as loud as a chainsaw or leaf blower.

  If you have the misfortune of working for a tireless, demanding boss, we’ve got bad news for you: now you’ve got two of them. And the baby is undoubtedly the less forgiving of the two. But then again, you’ll never be able to calm down your other boss by blowing a raspberry on his stomach.

  If you are skeptical about the baby’s absolute power over you, then try to spend thirty seconds NOT responding to her cries. The sound of a baby’s cry triggers a biological “alarm reaction” that:

  raises your blood pressure,

  increases your circulation,

  elevates oxygen levels to your brain.

  So the baby’s Pavlov, and you’re the dog. And on top of that, the human ear is most sensitive to sounds at 3 KHz, almost the exact central frequency of a baby’s cries.

  IDENTIFYING THE SIX CRIES

  Be prepared to spend approximately 500 hours of your baby’s first year listening to her cry, give or take a wail or two. If you’d like to be on the low end of this curve, you’ll need to be able to figure out what she needs at any given moment. That’s why you’ll need to learn how to identity the six baby cries.

  Like the CIA code breakers of World War II, you’ve got to use your powers of decryption to break through your tot’s seemingly random wails. Listen to her cadence, tone, pitch, and volume. Mark it in your memory, and then respond. Does a bottle quiet her? If so, you’ve discovered the hungry cry. If not, try one of the many other maneuvers described on the following pages. With time, you’ll become cry-lingual.

  Not every baby cries exactly the same way, but there are six basic crying patterns that are common among babies worldwide.

  Hunger

  A pattern of low-pitched, rhythmic moans, growing more and more insistent. Short cry, pause, louder cry, pause, even louder cry.

  Fatigue

  A soft, breathy blubbering. If you listen closely, you may hear vibrato. The cry is often accompanied by eye rubbing.

  Pain

  A high-pitched cry that comes out of nowhere. It’s as if somebody triggered a car alarm.

  Discomfort

  A consistent pattern of forceful sobs, which can break into a full-scale wail if not attended to. Discomfort cries are usually about being too hot or too cold, an uncomfortable body position, or a soiled diaper.

  Boredom

  A low-volume whimper that stops and starts irregularly. It doesn’t sound frantic and usually disappears as soon as you enter the room.

  Colic

  A burst of urgent high-pitched screaming that can go on for hours. Each wail can last for four or five seconds, taking the baby’s breath away. A lengthy pause follows while the baby catches her wind, then it starts all over again.

  Gently rocking your baby on a beach ball or an exercise ball just might cure what ails her.

  HARDCORE SOOTHING TACTICS

  What happens when you’ve tried all of the obvious soothers and yet she’s still sobbing uncontrollably? It’s time to break out some alternative tactics. Rest assured the methods below have been proven effective; they just aren’t as well known as the classics. For instance, the baby-on-the-ball idea wasn’t discovered until a resourceful dad, whose were asleep from holding his screaming daughter, decided to rest her on a nearby exercise ball. He began gently rolling the ball around and around, his hand firmly on her back. She miraculously quieted, and lo and behold, a soothing tactic was born.

  If one method doesn’t work for you, move on to another. But don’t cross any of them off your list, because what works today might not work tomorrow, and vice versa.

  Gas Relief

  Gas bubbles can cause havoc in the newborn digestive system.

  Lay the baby on her back and bicycle her legs back and forth or bring both knees up to her chest and back down and repeat. This pressure on the stomach frequently causes a gas expulsion.

  Go into your home office and sit down on your swivel chair. Place the baby facedown on your lap, and swivel the chair back and forth while gently patting her back.

  Try using gripe water or colic drops, all-natural over-the-counter potions designed to reduce infant gas. And if your partner is breastfeeding, suggest she avoid gassy foods like beans, cabbage, and broccoli. Tell her that you and the baby will both appreciate it.

  Change of Scenery

  Giving the scamp a new perspective may calm her down.

  Hold her in front of a mirror. She may be mesmerized by the new kid, or your reflected face watching her.

  Climbing up and down stairs with her in your arms combines interesting visuals with exciting motion. Or you can put her in the stroller and roam up and down the hallway. Or try driving around the block a couple of times.

  Don’t be too proud to pass the baton to your partner. The baby may respond to her new smell, voice, and touch, and you’ll get some time to decompress, at least until she returns the favor.

  Startling

  If you startle a crying baby, sometimes she will forget why she was crying in the first place. But once the crying stops, be prepared to quickly segue into another activity.

  Turn off the lights, wait a few seconds, and then turn them on again. Repeat if necessary.

  Place a baby’s hand or foot under running water (but test the water temp first).

  Imitate the baby’s cry right back to her. She may stop to watch. Whispering might also force her to listen. Or try animal noises.

  Re-creating the Womb

  Some babies long for their former residence. Try any one or a combination of these techniques:

  Put her in the car seat carrier, grab the handle, and gently swing her back and forth. This can approximate the closeness and motion she felt in the womb. You can also buy an electronic swing to replicate this movement.

  Many babies suck their fingers in the womb. You can either use a pacifier or let the baby suck on your freshly washed pinky finger. Make sure the finger is palm side up so it won’t scratch the roof of her mouth.

  A warm bath with white noise in the background can help her regain the feeling of being enveloped.

  Immobilize her with a swaddle.

  Swaddling

  Swaddling mimics the closeness of the womb. Though many babies are comforted by this miniature straitjacket, others would rather not revisit the womb experience, thank you, and will quickly tell you so.

  Follow the step-by-step instructions below. A square blanket may hold better than a rectangular one, but either can be used.

  Lay a receiving blanket on a flat surface, and fold one corner down about six to eight inches. Then lay the baby down so her head is directly above the folded corner.

  Take the left corner of the blanket and pull it across her body, tucking it in below her back.

  Fold the bottom of the blanket up to the baby’s chest
and tuck it into the first fold.

  Take the right corner and pull it across her body and behind her back.

  If you have enough blanket, you can tuck the right corner into the fold beneath the back of the baby’s neck.

  If your baby prefers having her arms free, you can try a modified swaddle by repeating the above steps with both the left and right sides tucked in under her arms.

  BRACING FOR UNHAPPY HOUR

  During these months most babies become extremely edgy toward the end of the day, sometimes crying for an hour or more. This fussy period is believed to be the baby’s way of rebooting her nervous system. Some time between 5:00 and 8:00 p.m., a baby’s brain hits maximum capacity and goes into cry mode.