Unspeakable Truths Read online

  I swear I can see a blood vessel burst as Michael turns red. He has no control over his anger, it’s written all over his face plain as day. "Answer the question young man, what are you doing here?"

  Luca doesn’t react to Michael, he shows no emotion at all but stands his ground nonetheless. "I’m here to help Everly pack up the house."

  "I want you out of this house this instant, you don’t belong here," demands Michael, as if he had any right to allow or decline anyone access to my house. I knew he was a borderline control freak, but I had no idea just how bad he was. Well screw him if he thinks he can decide any part of my life for me. It’s just not going to happen, not anymore.

  I walk over to Luca who now looks like he’s trying to hold on to his patience and grab his hand. It’s a very calculated move on my part, a statement that they can’t miss. I watch as both of their gazes drop to take in the sight of us conjoined. I’d be lying if I said a tiny piece of me wasn’t enjoying this.

  "He’s here for me,” I declare calmly, “because I want him here. I don’t know what makes you think that you have the right to kick anybody out of my house. I’m sorry Stella and Michael, but Tyler is gone, and it’s about time that we all stop acting like he’s coming back. He’s never coming back, and I’m tired of living my life as if though he is. I can’t stay here anymore. I don’t want to pretend that this is our house, mine and Tyler’s, when it’s not. It’s a shrine to someone who’s not here anymore, and I’m sorry for that, every day I’m sorry for that, but it’s time for me to move on."

  Stella is frozen solid, stuck in place. The shock of it all might have just been too much for her but Michael… Michael is seconds away from exploding. "What, with him? This is who you want to move on with, the man who killed your husband, our son?"

  "You know as well as I do that Luca didn’t kill anyone. Some stupid asshole shot Tyler in broad daylight for God knows what reason. That is who you need to blame, that is who killed Tyler. We can go around blaming everyone, but it’s never going to change the fact that he’s gone. Tyler made the choice to leave me that morning to take Luca home,” I say that last part with a bit too much sarcasm, I don’t give a fuck if he figures out that I know the truth, I’ve had more than enough of this conversation.

  “He could have told Luca to call a cab, he could have chosen to stay with me, to get ready to catch a flight to our honeymoon, but he didn’t, he chose to get in that car and that is on him. Why don’t we ever blame Tyler for his choices huh? Why don’t we ever make him responsible for his part in it all? Let’s just blame everyone else instead, let’s blame totally innocent people because that’s so much better than accepting the truth.” I’m screaming now, barely keeping it together, barely managing to hold the tears at bay.

  I soften my voice. “It was meant to be that way, it was meant to play out the way it did and no one can change it. I’m tired of blaming people for things that they can’t control. No one controls life and death. Not Luca, not me, not you. So to answer your question, yes. This is the man who I chose to move on with."

  This is when Stella comes unstuck, looks at me then turns her gaze to Luca and speaks. "Your best friend’s wife? Stealing his wife, is that really how you want to honor Tyler’s memory?"

  Luca squeezes my hand then lets it go. He takes a step forward and addresses Stella, "I’m sorry that you feel that way, but I loved Tyler like a brother, I’d never have done anything to hurt him. I’m sorry every single day that he’s gone. I miss him too, I wish things would have turned out differently for him, and I played my part in his death. I’ll carry that with me forever.”

  I hate that he’s still living this lie, allowing her to believe that he had anything to do with Tyler’s death, but I say nothing.

  “I’ll never stop feeling guilty for that,” he continues. “What I won’t feel guilty for is caring about Everly. Tyler would want her to be happy. He would want both of us to be happy, and we can be that together."

  “How dare you speak for my son? You have the audacity to look at my wife and tell her you know what Tyler would want?”

  “Yes, I believe he would be okay with this. But even if he weren’t, it doesn’t matter, we’re not doing anything wrong. We’re not having an affair behind anyone’s back, we’re both free to be with whoever we want and what we want is to be together. You don’t get to make that decision or make Everly feel guilty about it.”

  Stella tilts her head and looks at me. “You promised to love my son.”

  “And I did, with all my heart, and a part of me always will but loving him doesn’t get me loved in return and that’s a very lonely place to be. It’s a lonely life. I’m still young Stella, I want to have that chance again, I want to have a family, and I want children of my own. Would you really deny me that? Would you really rather see me living in this house all alone, with no one to ever feel about me the way I once felt about your son? Don’t you think I deserve to have that again?”

  I watch as a tear escapes from her eyes, falling to her face, she reaches up to wipe it away and takes a breath. “Yes you’re right, you should have that, all of that, and no one deserves happiness more than you. It was a shock that’s all; I guess as long as I had you I still had a little piece of him too. He was my baby, and it’s hard to let go of that.”

  “You don’t have to lose me Stella, I’m not going anywhere really, it’s not like I’m leaving the country, you can call me whenever you need to, and we can still have dinner together. It doesn’t have to change.”

  “Well then I guess there’s nothing left to say.”

  “Like hell there isn’t, you want to throw your life, your reputation, away on a man like this then you’re right, it’s none of our business but this house. My son’s house.”

  “Everly’s house. She owns this house outright, and she’s free to do whatever she wants with it.”

  “She owns this house outright thanks to our generosity.”

  “I never asked you to pay off the loan, not once did I ask you for anything, if it’s the money you’re worried about I’ll be more than happy to cut you a check for what you so graciously gave me.”

  Stella grabs Michael’s arm, forcing him to give her his attention, she gives him a look that I’ve never seen from her before but I can tell she’s silently warning him to back off. He lets out a sigh—message received—and once she’s done with him she turns her gaze back to me. “You’ll do no such thing Everly. That money was a gift, it was never something that we wanted you to pay us back for, and it wasn’t something that we gave you in order to keep you tied to us. We did it because Tyler wanted you to have this house, and if you no longer want to live here then that’s your choice too.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Let’s go Michael, let’s leave Everly to enjoy the rest of her day.” She completely ignores Luca in all of this. I guess I should be thankful for her help, and I can’t imagine that it’s easy for her to be around Luca. Baby steps, I think to myself as they say their goodbyes and after a draining confrontation finally see fit to leave.

  “That was brutal.”

  “You handled that as well as you could. Proud of you babe.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad you were here.”

  “Baby, I swear it on my life, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, nobody, nothing will ever come between us. I won’t let that happen, I’ll do anything I have to do to keep you with me.”

  “Where are we going?” I question for the third time in five minutes.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “What is it with you and surprises?”

  He shrugs his shoulder and smiles. “You make it too easy.”

  “Oh okay,” I say with a laugh. I look outside the window, watching as we enter a little lazy town. It’s the town where I had originally wanted to live with Tyler, but it was outside of our budget at the time. It’s only about fifteen minutes away from work so I’ve been looking at apartments here since I put the house on the market. I haven�
��t quite made up my mind on moving in with Luca yet. “I love it here. It’s so pretty, and the beach is right down the street.”

  “I think I knew that.”

  We continue on, driving through town for a few more minutes enjoying the scenery and finally turning off on one of the residential side streets. He pulls onto a picturesque street and drives up to the end of a cul-de-sac.

  “Whoa, nice house,” I say taking in the two story country style house before me. It has a huge wraparound porch, windows everywhere, and beautiful landscaping. It’s pretty much perfection. “What are we doing here?”

  “You like this house?”

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “Your house is bigger.”

  “My house is too big, that’s just another one of the reasons I’m looking forward to being rid of it.”

  “This house belongs to a friend of my mom’s; she’s divorced and the house is just too big for her. She’s looking to downsize so she wants to sell this house. I was thinking about buying it.”

  “Holy shit Luca,” I say in excitement. “This is amazing; this is like a dream house. You should definitely buy it.”

  “I want to…for us.”

  My breath hitches as I come to terms what he’s just said.

  “Luca…”

  “Don’t tell me it’s too soon Ev because it’s not, we’ve known each other forever, we’ve been through every emotion together that two people could go through, and now we love each other.”

  “I know but…”

  “But, if you still feel like it’s too soon for you at least do this for me, come inside, take a look around, tell me if you love it as much as I think you’re going to, and if you don’t want to move in right away, I’ll live in it first and you can move in when you’re ready.”

  “You would do that?”

  “Yes babe.” He grins, wraps his hand around the back of my neck, and pulls me in for a kiss. “I’ll do that as long as you don’t take forever to move in.”

  “Okay, then let’s go look at it.”

  The house is straight out of storybook; it’s perfection from top to bottom with a stunning mix of hardwood and stone floors throughout and vaulted ceilings. The kitchen is fit for a chef with state of the art appliances, granite countertops, and beautiful white cabinets. I never want to leave this place.

  We walk throughout the entire house together, taking in all four bedrooms, the two full bathrooms upstairs, an adorably manicured backyard, and fully finished basement. By the time we’re done with the tour I’m totally in love with it.

  “What’d you think?” he probes as we walk back out to the car.

  I stop in front of the passenger side door and smile up at him. “I love it.”

  “How much do you love it?” he questions, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer.

  I take the opportunity to get closer to him and wrap my arms around his neck. “So much that I think we should buy it.”

  “Yeah?”

  I hear the surprise in his voice and giggle. “Yes, have a little faith in me would you, and I’m not waiting to move in with you, I’m just going to do it.”

  He brings his forehead down to mine. “I have faith in you. I just want to make sure that you’re sure.”

  “I’m tired of putting my life on hold baby, I want to be with you, and I want to live with you in this house. We practically live together anyway.”

  “Okay, I’ll call the owner and let her know. If she’s serious about selling, I’ll start on the paperwork.”

  I pull back from him slightly and place my hands on his chest. “Don’t we need to go get approved for a mortgage too?”

  “I’m already approved,” he says in his most nonchalant tone.

  I nod trying to figure it out in my head based on the price he told me, “Well, I mean my credit is good too and when I sell the house I’ll have money to put toward this one.”

  “Ev, I was just going to buy it for us.”

  “What?” I question and shake my head. “No, Luca. No way.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because, if we’re talking about living a life together, starting a life together, then we need to be a team. I don’t want to live off of you, and I wouldn’t want you to live off of me. If it’s meant to be our house then it should be in both of our names, and we should both be financially responsible for it.”

  “You’re serious.”

  “Very.”

  “All in? No backing out?”

  “I’m all in. I love you.”

  “I love you too. We’ll go in it together.”

  I spent some time visiting with my mom and dad today, I haven’t gone to see them in a long time, and I thought it would be nice to surprise them. Plus I wanted to let them know about my plans for selling the house, though I left out the part where I plan to buy another house with Luca. I think one shock a day is enough for them, but they were so happy with what I did tell them. All they care about is that I’m finally starting to make decisions about my life again, that I’m making plans for a future instead of wilting away. I can’t imagine what they must have felt, what they must have gone through the last four years—having me but not having me all the same. I hate that I put them through that. I hate the thought of having caused them that kind of pain.

  After leaving their house I decide to drop by Luca’s apartment with some rented DVDs; a night holed up with him snuggling on the couch is exactly what I need. As I pull up to his street, I catch sight of Michael walking into the apartment. I manage to park, shut the ignition, and rush out of the car and up the sidewalk in just a manner of seconds. If he’s here to give Luca a hard time I want to put an end to it immediately, he needs to understand once and for all that this is my choice. Thankfully the door is unlocked allowing me access inside the apartment quickly and with very little noise. I remain at the bottom of the stairs hoping to get he reason for his visit before I come up.

  I lean up against the wall as Luca starts talking. “Can we just stop with the small talk and get to the part about why you dropped by my place unannounced?”

  “Well I see your manners haven’t improved over the years.” I never realized just how snide Michael can be. I suppose Tyler kept me as sheltered as he could from his father’s darker side.

  “My manners are fine; I just don’t take kindly to people trying to rule everyone around them.”

  “Is that how you see it? Well you’re wrong, I’m protecting my family.”

  “Just like you protected Tyler?” Luca questions, likely adding fuel to the already raging fire. His words are true, but I’m scared that he’s going to set Michael off. “If you would have had a different kind of relationship with your son, he might have come to you before he got himself in so deep that he got himself killed.”

  “And you were better? You waited too long to tell me, it was too late to help him.”

  “It wasn’t my place to tell you anything, I saw how hard you rode him. You made it impossible for him to come to you. At least I was there for him, at least I tried. I will carry guilt every day for the rest of my life that I couldn’t do more, that I couldn’t save him, but he was your son. I paid my penance, four years away from my family, all this time being made out to be a villain when I wasn’t even there, and I took it, I did that for him. I did it because you asked me to.”

  “Everly would never believe any of that,” Michael states, pissing me off because he sounds a little too sure of himself. I contemplate making my presence known, knocking him off his high horse. He thinks he has me so far down in my grief that I can’t see straight anymore, that I’m not capable of distinguishing the difference between fact and fiction.

  “Oh but she does, she knows.” I catch myself before I make a move, Luca’s words causing me to stay frozen in my spot. “Everly knows everything, she’s known for months, and she’s finally moving on with me.”

  “What? You told her?” Michael booms. I can almost hear his carefully guard
ed patience snapping.

  “She knew something was off, she just asked me to verify, and I was done lying to her.”

  “You little shit. How you dare say anything to her, you swore.”

  “Get your fucking hands off of me,” Luca demands, very slowly, very deliberately, very scarily. “She deserved to know the truth.”

  “And you just had to be the one to give it to her? No Luca let’s be honest, you told her so you could make it easier on yourself to get closer to her.”

  “I told her because she was dying, she was trapped in a shell of a life that you created, and I couldn’t stand to see her like that. I love her; I want her to be happy, to be free from the past. And if you loved her, if you really considered her family, you would want that for her too.”

  Michael doesn’t respond, he says nothing at all. It’s eerily quiet; the only sound I can hear is the sound of my own accelerated heartbeat. I almost move to go upstairs again when Luca finally speaks again.

  “If it’s not me it’s going to be someone else. She’ll fall in love again someday, she will not stay alone forever. Even you can’t be that delusional to believe that she’s going to live her entire life alone in remembrance of Tyler, that’s never going to happen.”

  “Then let her move on with someone other than you, anyone other than you. You were never good enough to be friends with my boy and you are not good enough for his wife. I will not allow it. Do you know what people would say? It’s outrageous.”

  The sound of something, likely a fist slamming down on the table makes me jump. I’m assuming it came from Michael.

  “And there you have it, it always comes back to you doesn’t it? Always back to you and your reputation, God forbid your life should seem anything less than perfect. You let your son’s killers get away, paid them off, and tampered with evidence so that it wouldn’t ruin your squeaky clean reputation.”

  “You shut your mouth you know nothing. He was my son, my only child—I wanted him to die in peace with his good name intact. What’s so wrong with that?”