Unspeakable Truths Read online

  “I should have been better to you. It wasn’t your fault, but if you would have shown me just once while you were with him that you cared about me, even a little, I would have gone after you, and it would have fucked my friendship with Ty up.”

  “I get it now,” I say stroking his cheek. “I’m sorry it happened, I’m sorry he did that to you.”

  “All’s fair in love and war, but I’ll tell you right now,” He pushes a strand of hair from my face. “I’m not letting you go again.”

  “I don’t want you to let me go,” I answer honestly.

  His eyes heat when he looks at me. “Tell me you’re mine Everly.”

  “I’m yours”

  “I love you Ev,” he says, breaking down the walls, irrevocably changing the trajectory of my life, making me want to replace everything that once was with something even sweeter.

  “I love you too,” I say, unafraid of what that means, of how it changes everything, how it makes this relationship even scarier but I can’t bring myself to care.

  When he makes love to me tonight, it’s different, slower, sweeter; there’s an apology in his eyes for the hurt he caused me earlier. It’s an unnecessary apology because I’ve already let it go. All I can see now is the jade in his eyes shining through like a beacon signaling me home. I think of Tyler and what he did to his best friend, what he did to me, I think of all of the unspeakable truths I’ve learned about Tyler West, and I’m through with living it, wading through the waters of a life that wasn’t what I thought it would be.

  I stare at my reflection in the mirror, not hating the person staring back at me. I actually kind of like her again. Luca pulled me into his office earlier and asked me if I could reschedule Friday drinks with Morgan so that he could take me out to dinner. He said he had a shitty day in court and really just wanted to be with me tonight. How could I possibly say no to that? Morgan is so in love with the idea of Luca and me being in love that she was totally fine with my bailing on her, especially since I got a double dose of her last weekend when she dragged me to the mall on Sunday for some much needed shopping (her words not mine). The one good thing that came out of that shopping trip is the sexy lingerie and the little black dress I have on tonight. My hair falls in curly tendrils around my face and though I normally gear myself toward more natural makeup, tonight I upped the ante by applying a more dramatic smoky eye.

  Ever since Luca told me he loved me it’s like the part of me that I was constantly keeping at bay has broken free. I think that deep down I saw myself as unlovable—I taught myself to believe that no one would ever really love me again. I’ve also learned to start letting go of some of the guilt I felt for taking up with my husband’s best friend, hearing the story from Luca’s point of view, how Tyler knew how he felt about me but asked me out anyway, really helped me to let a lot of those feelings go. I think that maybe wherever Tyler is right now, he’s looking down and can take peace in the fact that Luca is finally with the girl that he wanted for himself.

  “Jesus Christ babe.” I smile at his words, looking up and seeing him standing in the doorway. He began his day with a suit and tie but has long since lost the jacket, but the gray shirt with the black tie compliment his green eyes nicely.

  “You got here fast.”

  “That last meeting didn’t take as long as I thought,” he says, walking in the bathroom. Our eyes are locked as he approaches and only when his chest touches my back do I close my eyes and lean against his frame. “You look beautiful.” I smile, eyes still closed, flourishing under him, his compliments, his love breathing life back into me.

  My eyes open with a flutter and meet his in the mirror again. I stare for just a beat before replying. “You look pretty good too.”

  “You ready to get out of here? I’m actually kind of starved.”

  “For food?” I chastise.

  “No, but the sooner I get you fed the sooner I can get you home and have my main course.”

  “What’s on your menu for tonight?”

  “I don’t know, maybe a blindfold.”

  “Let’s go,” I say, sounding very breathy all of a sudden.

  He chuckles, kisses the side of my head then leads me out of the house to his awaiting car.

  It only takes about fifteen minutes to get to the steak house we decided to go to. Luca was able to call ahead and have a table waiting for us. The restaurant is packed, as it is every Friday and Saturday night, and we’re seated at a corner table, which overlooks the ocean. I almost wonder if Luca requested this table to minimize the chances of us being spotted together. Though I’ve gotten better about being out with him, I still tend to look over my shoulder out of habit. I guess the idea of someone we know spotting us together is still a real fear of mine. I’m not sure that they would really understand. I want to let it go, but I need to know if my assumption is correct.

  I put down my menu and ask, “Did you request this table specifically?”

  He closes his menu, setting it on the table before giving me a soft smile. “I did.”

  “Why this table?”

  “Because it’s private.”

  “Because you thought I wouldn’t want people seeing us together?”

  He reaches across the table and takes hold of my hand. “Ev, I know you still worry about people seeing us out together. You think they’re going to judge us, and I am just trying to make it easier for you.”

  “I know you are. I love you for it, I’m just sorry that you feel you have to go through all this trouble for me. If people see us and judge us, we’ll deal with it. We can’t hide forever and I’m grateful that you love me enough to try even though you probably hate it.”

  The waiter arrives to take our orders before Luca can respond but I’m sensing that clearing the air was a good thing. He looks more relaxed, happier even, and I’m glad that I was able to give him that. He needs to know that I’m in it for as long as he’ll have me, and if that means dealing with uncomfortable situations, then so be it.

  We’re halfway through dinner when I decide to broach another subject with Luca.

  I spear a piece of broccoli and chew it before I speak. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  He puts his fork down and looks at me, giving me his undivided attention. “What’s up?”

  “I’ve been thinking a lot, ever since I got rid of the wedding dress and we cleared out some of his belongings.”

  “You can say his name babe it’s alright.”

  He’s right. I’m avoiding using Tyler’s name, not because I want to forget Tyler, but because I’m tired of my life revolving around him. I’m tired of obsessing over every little part of my history and constantly dragging him into the present.

  “I’m just trying to be considerate. This is our relationship, and we need to start living it without dragging Tyler into it.”

  “I agree.” He nods. “But there’s been a lot of things we’ve needed to work through and the majority of those things involved him. We can’t pretend he didn’t exist, and I don’t want you to have to do that. It’ll get better with time.”

  “That’s what I’m getting it; I’m never going to get better if I keep holding on to it all. I have to let it go Luca and I’m never going to be able to do that if I stay in that house.”

  “Okay…” he says with obvious curiosity.

  “I think I want to put the house on the market.”

  “That’s a very big decision.”

  “I know, that’s why I wanted to talk to you about it. I wanted your opinion.”

  “You’re not happy there?”

  “I hate it. After he died I wanted to get rid of it, but his parents paid off the mortgage and it seemed important to them, so I stayed. But it’s felt more like a prison than it has like a home for years; it’s suffocating and the only time I’m happy there at all is when you’re there with me.”

  “Then get rid of it Everly, I had no idea you hated it that much. You shouldn’t have to be there at all.”<
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  “I just have to figure out where I’m going to move. I don’t know if I really want to buy another house right now. I don’t want to have to worry about the upkeep, that’s something that my family has always taken care of for me. I was thinking of maybe looking for a condo or a townhouse.”

  “You can move in with me Ev.”

  “What?”

  “Move in with me.”

  “Luca, I think it’s too soon for that don’t you?”

  “I’m not going to pressure you, but I love you, you love me who cares how long we’ve been together if we’re happy.”

  “Can I think about it?”

  “Yes. You can take all the time you need.”

  “Everly? Luca?” My skin crawls at the sound of Janine’s voice; I look up to see her standing at our table with a stunned look on her face.

  “Janine.” Luca greets his voice deep with just a hint of annoyance.

  “What are you two doing here…together?”

  “We’re having dinner,” he answers shortly. “What are you doing here?”

  “Here with a friend.”

  “It’s good to see you getting out and about again Everly.”

  Luca appears to be done with this conversation when he speaks up. “Is there something we can do for you Janine?”

  “You never called Luca.”

  “I don’t remember promising that I would.”

  “I just thought.”

  “We kissed once, I didn’t make you any promises, I didn’t put a ring on your finger, in fact I’m in a relationship right now, and I’m very happy.”

  I see the exact moment when it clicks in her mind, when what he’s just said has registered.

  “Wait, are you telling me that you and Everly are together now?”

  “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m telling you.”

  I want to turn away from her, to not have to see the look of disbelief and disgust on her perfect face, but I don’t. I steel my nerves, square my shoulders and tell myself that she doesn’t matter.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t understand.”

  I tilt my head toward her and snap, “What’s there to understand?”

  “For starters, I though you hated Luca.”

  “Well not that it’s any of your business, but you were wrong.”

  “This is the man who led your husband away to his death on the morning after your wedding. You’ve blamed him for years.”

  “How would you know? Up until recently, I haven’t seen you in years.”

  “You made it perfectly clear that you wanted to be left alone Everly.”

  “And you all too conveniently accepted that one of your best friends wanted to be left alone after her husband died. It was so easy for you to walk away from me? I was in mourning, I couldn’t think straight, I couldn’t see straight, I was in pain and you chose then to listen to me?”

  “It wasn’t my job to be your keeper.”

  “No it was your job to be my friend, and you didn’t do a very good job of that.”

  “Friends? What like Luca was to Tyler, great fucking friend, leading him to his death and to add insult to injury screwing around with his widow?”

  I hear a chair skid violently across the floor and Luca comes to his feet. I’m up in a flash positioning myself between him and Janine, because even though she’s a malicious bitch who deserves nothing more than whatever he’s fixing to give her, this is my fight.

  “Everly, get out of my way.” His fists are clenched, his posture rigid. I look up at him and place my hands on his chest.

  “It’s okay, she’s not worth it.”

  I turn to face Janine but make sure to lean back into Luca, firstly, to show her that we’re a united front, and secondly to stop him from hitting the bitch.

  “What upsets you more that he’s screwing me or that he wouldn’t screw you?”

  Her eyes go wide, face pales, and she looks as if though she’s been struck. Luca’s arm slides around my waist pulling me closer into him.

  “Why would I be upset, if you want to whore yourself out to the worst possible person, be my guest. It’s you who looks like trash not me.”

  “I’d rather be his whore than be anything like you, opening your legs to anyone with a dick.”

  “Ev,” Luca mumurs, trying to stop me before I lose all control. Luckily for him, I’m not quite there yet. I tilt my head back to look at him.

  “What, it’s the truth, everyone knows how she is and everyone’s had a turn. I however stood by her when everyone was talking crap about her,” I say to him before turning back to her. “Why don’t you run along and take your judgmental ass back to wherever you came from.”

  She takes a step back in retreat, her face distorted in anger.

  “Oh and Janine,” I call before delivering my parting blow, “If I hear from anyone that you’re out and about gossiping about me and Luca, I’ll be more than happy to show you exactly how trashy I can be.”

  She moves quickly, getting the hell out of there, I can see that we’ve garnered the attention of a few surrounding tables, but I fight to keep my composure as Luca spins me to face him. He’s fighting back a smile but he looks at me with pride in his eyes.

  “So much for a corner table,” I say with a roll of my eyes.

  “Babe you were fucking vicious.”

  “She deserved it, and now I’m mortified.”

  “Don’t be, it’s already forgotten. Do you want to get out of here?”

  “No. I’m not letting her run us off.”

  I pull away from him and take my seat, he follows suit. “Are you going to use this as a way to pull back from me?”

  It breaks my heart that he thinks that, but I can’t really blame him. It’s not like I’ve done anything to reassure him that I’m not going to bolt at any second. “No Luca, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Good,” he says, reaching across the table and claiming my hand. “I know you were scared that this would happen Ev, so if you want to go it’s okay.”

  “I was scared that it would happen, but now that it has it’s done with and I’m fine. It was bound to happen at some point. Well, maybe without the claws being drawn, but it’s fine. I’m okay.”

  Amazingly enough, I am okay with what went down, with being seen with Luca by someone who knows our past, and what’s even more shocking is that I truly don’t care as much as I thought I would. If I have to deal with people’s judgment of me and my choices then so be it, it’s worth it if I have Luca in the end. My life as I’ve known it for the last four years is officially over.

  ~Luca~

  I have no idea what the hell happened or how I got to this point in my life. One minute I’m done with Everly, pissed at her for shutting me out again, not caring if I ever see her again, and the next she’s knocking on my door in the middle of the night. She was prepared for a battle, but when the tables turned and it was me pushing her away she let go, and what I got when she did…Magnificent. Her coming to me was completely unexpected but damn if it didn’t only make me want her more. And now…well now we’re in a relationship and that’s probably the hardest thing for me to believe. This time with her has been unreal and intense, because I’m finally living the life I wanted with the woman who I always wanted. I never thought that would happen, I didn’t think it was a possibility.

  To hear her tell me that she loves me is surreal. For so long I thought that my feelings for her would go unreturned. I can’t believe how lucky I am. I sound like a girl, I know, but shit, when you care about someone for over eight years and finally get them it’s kind of hard not to be fucking thrilled. She’s everything that I knew she would be and more, sweet, kind, beautiful, and every day she gets more and more fierce. She’s coming into her own again, and I’m happy I get to witness it. The way she laid into Janine last week shit… I’ve never wanted her more than I did in that moment and our sex life is already indescribable.

  The knock on my office door brings me back to reality, and
I look up to find my dad standing there.

  “Dad,” I say, not hiding the surprise in my voice. “What are you doing here, is everything okay?”

  My dad and I are cool, we’ve never been super close like my mom and I are, but we have a decent relationship. He’s there when I need him and stands by my side when it counts. He’s not a show affection type of guy, but he’s a good dad nonetheless.

  “Yeah everything’s fine. I was down at the home store picking up some things and I thought I’d stop by, is that okay?”

  I lean back in my chair and grin. “Of course it’s okay, you can stop by anytime you want.”

  He strides into my office and takes a seat in one of the available chairs in front of my desk.

  “You haven’t been by to see your mom in a while. She’s trying to give you your space, but she’s worried.”

  “Why is she worried?” I question, cocking my head to the side.

  “The way things went for you last time you were here, hard for her not to worry about you. I worry too. You weren’t exactly the man of the year around here.”

  “I get that, and I’m sorry that you guys were worried. I’m settling in, I like this job, like my place, but I’ll do better to make time for you.”

  He sees his opportunity and doesn’t hesitate to strike. “How about coming by for dinner on Saturday. Mom would love to see you and I could use some help fixing the garage door.”

  I bite back the laughter, my dad has never been the handiest of men, but he must really be in the dark about his latest project if he’s asking me for help. This is new. “What you’re really saying is that you want me to fix the garage door right?”

  “The least you could do for your old man,” he declares with a jut of his chin.

  “I’ll be there on Saturday Dad.”