Unspeakable Truths Read online

  “No.”

  “Shh. It’s okay, just relax.” He withdraws his fingers and uses his hand to push my legs apart. I keep my hands over my head as he asked, his command acting like an invisible bind preventing me from moving.

  “You have a pretty little pussy Everly,” he says running his fingers up and down my slit. I whimper at the sound of his voice, I swear he can make me orgasm just by talking to me. His finger swirls around my wetness, dipping inside of me then out again. My hips slowly rock, begging for more. He drops his finger lower, circling my anus, causing me to gasp at the feel of him there. He pushes through the barrier allowing just the tip of his finger inside.

  “Luca,” I cry, shocked by what he’s doing to me, unsure if I want him to go any further.”

  “Shh,” is his only reply as his mouth descends, lowering until he’s close enough. He flicks out his tongue, lapping up my juices, swirling around my entrance, never removing his finger from my ass. I’m stunned by how good he feels there, everywhere, as if he knows exactly what to do to please me. He begins a slow assault on my clitoris, circling his tongue, pushing his finger deeper inside of me, while slipping another one inside my pussy.

  “Fuck.” I cry out at the invasion. I’ve never felt anything like this before, never experienced anything like this before. I’m completely filled up by him, consumed, unable to do anything but voice my cries of pleasure. He begins to speed up the rhythm, his attack on my clit now relentless, hard, and unmerciful. I’m loving it, every single moment of him in me, on me, is pushing me over the edge until I can’t take any more. I feel the familiar explosion coming and right before it happens he pushes his fingers in me completely causing me to fall over the cliff, spiraling out of control in a sea of vibrant colors.

  “Oh my God.” I breathe out as my eyes flutter open.

  He strokes my hair gently, and smiles down at me. “Hi.”

  “What the hell was that?” I question still struggling to catch my breath.

  He chuckles in response, buries his face in my neck and wraps his arm around my waist. “That was me saying goodnight.”

  “Holy shit.”

  I feel his body shaking with laughter. “You like that huh?”

  His question makes me shy. I’m not used to talking about what I do in the bedroom—it was never like that with Tyler. We just did our thing, we never discussed it. Luca is different, more open, clearly more adventurous, and I like that about him too. So I decide that it would go a long way in what we’re building to give him an honest answer. “Yeah I liked that.”

  “I’m glad baby,” he says, placing a kiss on my forehead and tightening his hold on me.

  “What about you?” I wonder out loud.

  “You’re still sore.”

  “Luca.”

  “Go to sleep baby,” he says, running his hand up and down my spine.

  “Okay,” I reply, moments before sleep takes hold of me.

  We’re standing in line at Niecy’s, a small coffee house on Main Street waiting for the drinks we just ordered. When we woke up this morning Luca decided that we should spend the day together and I didn’t put up much of a fight. We showered (separately), dressed, and then stopped here for a quick breakfast on the way to my house since I desperately need a change of clothes.

  He stands behind me, arms wrapped around my waist as I lean back into him. I’m oddly aware of the people around me, but none of them paying attention to us. I can’t help but to keep glancing at the door, waiting for the moment that someone I know will walk through the door. I’m not looking forward to facing judgment from anyone, but that doesn’t stop me from being out in public with him. I look up when the front door opens again, and I freeze at what I see.

  “Holy shit that’s Victor Garza,” I say, ogling the man walking in the shop with a beautiful little girl. First thing I notice is that he’s tall, with thick dark brown hair and milk chocolate colored eyes. He’s not necessarily my type, but God he’s definitely gorgeous.

  “You know who he is?”

  “Everyone knows who he is around here. He was the hottest Latin singer in the world. He moved to town a few years ago and married a local girl.”

  “Elle, I know her. She’s a really nice girl,” he says, just as someone slams into my side. I look down and come face to face with the adorable little girl Victor just walked in with.

  “Ava, be careful honey,” he says to her as he reaches us. He grabs her hand before bringing his eyes back up to us. “Sorry, she’s a bit of a tornado.”

  Luca gives him a nod, “It’s no problem; she’s adorable.”

  “Thanks, she takes after her mom.”

  “Yeah, tell Elle Luca says hi, she used to work with my mom.”

  He nods his head then bends down to pick Ava up. “I’ll make sure to tell her. Nice meeting you, have a good day.”

  “You too,” Luca replies.

  I was pretty much stunned silent throughout that whole exchange, never uttering a single word. Luca’s arms tighten around my waist, and I tip my head up to look at him. He’s smiling from ear to ear.

  “What?” I question with a glare.

  “You were star struck.”

  “I was not,” I huff.

  “You went mute on me.”

  I roll my eyes and look away from him. “Shut up Luca.”

  “Relax babe, I think it’s cute.”

  “Whatever.”

  We get our order and head out of the shop. I sip on my coffee as Luca drives and I begin to feel the all too familiar sense of dread I get every time I think of home.

  Luca takes my hand in his and rests it on his thigh pulling my attention away from my thoughts and back to him. “What’s wrong?”

  I smile up at him, a smile that doesn’t quite reach my eyes. “Nothing.”

  “Something is bothering you. You looked a million miles away just now.”

  I let out a sigh and turn my attention back out the window, watching the world drift by. “I just hate going home.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s a house that held so much promise and that promise was never fulfilled. It was where I was supposed to build my life with Tyler and now that he’s gone it just doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like a home.”

  “Then why are you still there?”

  “Where else would I be?”

  “If it’s not where you want to be Everly then leave. Put the house on the market and get the hell out of there.”

  “It’s not that easy.”

  “Okay. What makes this so hard?” he questions as he pulls into my driveway.

  “He wanted me to have this.” I motion toward the house. “His parents actually paid off what was left of the loan after I used his life insurance policy to pay off the majority of it. I just think it would disappoint them if I get rid of it.”

  “I get that, I know they lost their son, but you lost something too and it’s unfair for you to be miserable here just because you don’t want to upset them. I think a fresh start would be good for you. You don’t have to make up your mind today Ev, just think about it.”

  “Okay.”

  I grab a change of clothes from my room and leave Luca lounging in my bed, heading into the bathroom to get dressed and put some makeup on.

  “Luca, can you get me the black flat sandals in my closet?” I call from the bathroom.

  “Sure.”

  He strolls in the bathroom a few minutes later, hands me the sandals and hops up on the counter. I turn back to the mirror and continue to apply my makeup.

  “Can I ask you something?” he asks after a while.

  “Of course.”

  “You still have all of his clothes in your closet.”

  I pause what I’m doing and look at him through the mirror. “That’s not a question.”

  “Okay, why?”

  I’m slightly annoyed and a little defensive. “I don’t know why. I just do, I never got rid of it.”

  “I’m not judg
ing you Ev, I’m just asking.”

  I throw my eye pencil down and let out a sigh. “I guess at first, I thought if they were there then I could pretend he wasn’t really gone. After a while it just got too hard. I honestly block them out. I rarely even look at them.”

  “I’m sorry that this is so hard for you, but if you’re going to move on, on your own, with me, with anyone, you have to start letting go.”

  “Another thing to add to the list of things I need to think about?”

  “You don’t have to do anything today.”

  “I know you’re right. I just need to process it all okay?”

  “Okay. You almost done in here? We should get going.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see.”

  I don’t push it, because I figure he probably wants to surprise me which is sweet. Tyler wasn’t much for surprises, not to say that he wasn’t fun, because he was. What he wasn’t was super spontaneous or romantic, that doesn’t mean he still wasn’t loving but just not in those ways. I’m beginning to see that Luca is a bit of both of those things and I like it a lot. I finish up in the bathroom, and we head out again.

  I let my mind drift back to yesterday and how easy it was to be with him—to spend the day with him with no responsibilities, no expectations—just the two of us soaking up a day together. And then there was the sex…the sex was indescribable, crazy, adventurous, different from anything I’d ever experienced before. And if I’m being honest with myself, I have to admit that it is better—which is just another thing for me to feel guilty about. Sometimes I feel like I’m betraying Tyler, and when I admit to myself that there are things that Luca does differently or better than Tyler did, it makes me feel worse.

  Tyler was my first love, my first lover, and I thought that it was going to last forever. I would have been blissfully happy had he lived, happy with what we had if we would have gotten the chance to live a life together. But now I know that there are things in my relationship with him that were just good when they could have been great, and when you add that to all of the secrets and lies he told, I wonder if a life with him would have been a mistake. This makes me feel guilty too; it actually breaks my heart because I don’t want to feel this way, or think these things about someone that I invested so much of myself into. Someone who I vowed to love forever.

  Luca’s voice invades my thoughts. “You have that look again.”

  “What look?” I ask, scrunching up my nose in confusion.

  “The one where I know something is wrong, but you don’t want to tell me what it is.”

  “Oh, that look,” I reply sarcastically.

  “Yeah, that look.”

  I lean back in my seat and tilt my head up. I gaze out at the clouds through the sunroof for a second before bucking up and telling him the truth. “I think I’m just feeling a little bit guilty, and I know that I shouldn’t, but I can’t really help it.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” I ask, shifting my gaze to him.

  He smiles, never taking his eyes off the road. “I’m sleeping with my best friend’s wife, what do you think?”

  “It doesn’t seem to be affecting you the same way.”

  “I don’t let it,” he declares with a shrug of his shoulders. “I’m not giving those thoughts any power over me because the truth is that he’s gone and he would want us to be happy.

  “You’re right. I know you are, just keep reminding me okay?”

  “I can do that.”

  We drive for another forty minutes before pulling into a large parking lot.

  “Where are we?”

  He pulls into an available spot and points to the building across the street. “Look over there.”

  I gasp when I look at the large building, I can’t believe he actually brought me here. “The aquarium?” I ask staring at him a little dumbstruck.

  “Yup. I thought it would be fun.”

  “I’ve always wanted to come here.”

  “I know.”

  “How did you know that?”

  “I heard you tell him you wanted to come here once.” He shrugs.

  “He said it wasn’t his cup of tea, that I should come with Morgan and make a girls day of it. I can’t believe you remembered that.”

  “I remember lots of things Ev.”

  I place the palm of my hand on his cheek, and he responds by leaning into my hand. “You’re a good guy. I’m sorry that I didn’t see that.”

  “I didn’t exactly make it easy.” He takes hold of my neck and pulls me in for a quick kiss. “Enough with all the shit that happened in the past, let’s get out of this car and go check this place out.”

  “Let’s do it.”

  We exit the car, and Luca comes around to the passenger side, takes hold of my hand, and leads me to the aquarium. I’m still a little shocked that he would remember a conversation that likely happened more than six years ago, a conversation that I had long since forgotten. He’s thoughtful, more so than I ever expected him to be, and I let myself believe that he was nothing more than a jerk that only cared about himself. But what I’m finding is that there’s a lot more to Luca than anyone knows. He’s exactly the kind of guy a girl would be lucky to fall for, exactly the kind of guy a girl like me could fall for. The question is, am I ready to let go of the past, to explore this with Luca without constantly comparing him or feeling guilty about Tyler.

  Luca pays the entrance fee and hands me a map of the aquarium.

  “Where to first?”

  “You’re letting me pick?”

  “Yeah sure. You’ve always wanted to come here so you should pick what we see.”

  “That’s easy… Penguins.”

  “I knew you were going to say that,” he says, planting a kiss on my forehead. “Penguins it is.”

  We walk together hand in hand, and I watch the families together taking in all the exhibits—husbands and wives, parents with their children—and for the first time since Tyler’s death I let myself hope that I can have that one day. That I can have a family of my own, one without the secrets and lies, one that will make all the pain I’ve been through worth it. Because if I ever get it, I know that I won’t take it for granted.

  We take in the penguin exhibit, watching as the trainers feed them and explain how they care for them. We spend the day walking around all of the exhibits, petting stingrays and baby sharks and watching sea turtles and sleeping hippos. We stop at the gift shop before we leave, where we pick up a bunch of souvenirs to take home. It might not be the most traditional date, but it’s by far the best one I’ve ever had—one more day of me feeling like the girl I used to be.

  It’s late by the time Luca pulls into my driveway. We stopped for dinner on the way home, and after having been out all day, I think we’re both pretty exhausted. His eyes are heavy, sleepy like mine, and all I really want to do is snuggle into him as I sleep.

  “I can pick you up before work in the morning and take you to go get your car.”

  “Or you can stay here and we can pick it up in the morning,” I suggest, hesitantly.

  “You want me to stay?”

  “Yes. I mean only if you want to.”

  “Of course I want to.” I smile when he shuts the ignition off and exits the car. I open my door and he’s there holding out an outstretched hand. I take it and he gently helps me out of the car. I hand him my house keys when we reach the porch standing closely behind him as he opens the front door.

  We don’t speak as he makes sure the front door is locked, and I turn the hallway light on in order to illuminate the stairs. I climb them first, him right behind me turning the light off when we reach the landing. My bedroom is flooded with the soft glow of moonlight giving the space a romantic feel; if I wasn’t so tired I’d be turned on. I hear his clothes hit the floor as I kick my sandals off, I start to move toward the dresser but an arm wraps around my waist, keeping me where I am.

  Luca grips the hem of my shirt
, lifting it up and over until it’s off of me. His fingers stealthily undo the clasp on my bra, pushing the straps down my arms until my torso is bare. Instinctively I cross my arms over my chest to cover up even though my back is to him. His fingers run along my bare back warming me up inside, and I can’t help the little moan that escapes from my lips. He slips his hands in the waistband of my shorts and shoves, quickly discarding them along with my panties. I can feel just how naked he is behind me, and I anticipate his touch, but it never comes. Instead he throws back the covers on my tidy bed. I turn to face him dropping my arms allowing him to see the full view.

  “Get in,” he commands. His voice making me tremble a little.

  I do as he asks, sliding into the king-size bed, watching his naked body as he does the same. His arm goes around my waist, pulling me to him, my head on his shoulder, hand resting on his chest and legs entwined.

  “Why are we naked?” I finally asked confused by our lack of clothing.

  “I wanted maximum contact and easy access for when we’re both not so exhausted later.”

  I giggle but snuggle closer to him at the same time, letting my body melt into his. My mind drifts off to thoughts of how much fun we had today. Luca understands my past, he gets what the last four years have been like for me, and he doesn’t run away from it or try to sweep it under the rug. He listens to me talk about my feelings and helps me to muddle through those murky waters, all the while making me face the things that I’d rather forget but doing it in a way that lets me know I’m safe with him. Luca makes me feel safe, yet I know that he’s potentially very dangerous to my heart.

  My skin prickles and I let out a long sigh, I’m trying to push it away, fight the sensations telling me that I need to wake up when all I want to do is sleep some more. The prickling sensation resides and I drift off again, so close to giving into my dreams when I’m hit with a wave of current. This time I moan and wriggle my hips before something pushes against me locking me in place. My breath hitches as my eyes flutter open, and I’m hit with another wave, this one stronger than the last, making me cry out and reach for the sheets. I grip them tightly and look down, heat flooding my body when I find Luca planted between my legs, eyes locked on mine, tongue working my pussy like his life depended on it. It doesn’t take long for me to lose control as he expertly and swiftly takes me there, holding on tight as the orgasm rocks through me.