Unspeakable Truths Read online

  My family would likely be more accepting, but we also have to think about work. There’s nothing written down about a no fraternization policy but I’m sure that it would still be frowned upon. Luca isn’t my direct supervisor, but we would still need to be careful.

  “Everly, don’t go there.”

  “But…”

  “No, wherever your mind is going don’t let it go there. We did nothing wrong.”

  “Luca.” It’s a plea. I need him to untangle the mess in my head, to unravel the ball of knots in my stomach and tell me that everything is going to be alright, that we can get to know each other without worrying about what the potential for disaster is.

  “We did nothing wrong,” he says again. He cups my chin with his hand forcing me to look him in the eye. “I want you, you want me, there’s nothing to stand in our way, we are both single available people, and there is nothing wrong with that.”

  “Okay.” I breathe out, feeling slightly better.

  “Are we good?”

  We’re as good as we can be right now but there’s still the reason I came here in the first place last night. “I’m still pissed about you and Janine.”

  He buries his face in my neck and lets out a chuckle. “I didn’t sleep with Janine.”

  “Luca.”

  “We kissed, nothing more.” He wraps his hands around my waist, pulling me closer. “It was one time a few weeks ago, I was a little drunk but I ended shit before it got any further.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me that last night?” Realizing that he didn’t sleep with Janine makes a sense of relief wash over me, but I also feel foolish for coming over here the way that I did.

  “I was too busy fucking you babe, plus you look cute all jealous and pissed at me.”

  I try to roll away from him “I wasn’t jealous.”

  “Okay,” he replies, grabbing hold of my waist and keeping me firmly in place, exactly where he wants me.

  “I wasn’t”

  He grins and kisses my forehead. “I said okay.”

  “You didn’t mean it, you’re being sarcastic,” I argue.

  “Okay.”

  “Ugh,” I say with a roll of my eyes. “I know it shouldn’t matter to me.”

  “I like that it matters to you, it means that I matter to you.”

  He sends my heart aflutter again with his words. “I don’t know how to reconcile that in my mind.”

  “Why do you have to try?”

  “I guess I don’t.”

  His forehead drops to mine, his eyes are heated and his voice is husky as his hand slips down my torso and cups my sex. “We don’t have to figure anything out today.” His fingers find my already swollen clit and start circling. Instinctively my hand comes up and I hold onto his neck, keeping him connected to me. “All that we need to do today is this. Enjoy what we have right now.”

  “Yes.” I sigh, loving the feel of his hands on me.

  His lips come down possessively taking mine in his and suddenly I’m all for his plan for the day. In fact his plan for the day is exactly what I want.

  “We haven’t left this bed all day.” I stretch out my arms, thinking that I’d like to spend everyday like this.

  “We got up for cereal.”

  “We stink.”

  “That sounds promising.”

  I giggle at his silliness. “How is our stinking promising?”

  “We got that way together, it would be logical if we got clean together too.”

  “Ohh right, well I don’t think I can handle any more of you right now, I’m overused, tired, and sore.”

  He hovers over me running the tip of his nose along my jawline. “You’re sore?”

  I sigh at the feel of his touch. “Yes, it’s been a long time Luca, and even back then I don’t think I ever spent the whole day doing it.”

  “Doing what?”

  “You know what,” I say shoving him lightly.

  “Fucking Everly, you’ve never spent the whole day fucking.”

  “No,” I confess, covering my eyes with my forearm.

  He pulls my arm, forcing me to look at him and giving me a quick kiss. “We’ll have to build your stamina,” he says with a chuckle. He gets up and reaches out a hand for me. I take it, and he quickly pulls me up. “But for now we’ll take a shower together, and then I’ll make you dinner.”

  “Are you going to try to do things to me in the shower?”

  “Not when you’re sore baby,” he says, tugging my hand. “Come on.” He pulls me into the bathroom, lifts me up, and places me on the counter while he turns the shower on and grabs an extra towel for me. I use this time to examine him further; his slightly rounded ass is a sight to behold. I grabbed onto that ass many times today, and I loved every minute of it. He moves around fluidly, effortlessly with a certain air of confidence that I find increasingly attractive.

  “Are you done ogling me now Ev? You think you might want to join me in here.”

  I was so caught up with inspecting him that I missed the fact that he had already gotten in the shower. My cheeks redden with embarrassment, and I suddenly feel shy, but I slide off of the counter anyway and head into the shower with him. He reaches out to tag an arm around my waist and pulls me to him. I know what he wants because I want the same. I rise to the tips of my toes and give him my mouth. My arms go around his neck, and we stand there in the middle of the shower making out for a long time.

  We take turns soaping each other up and helping to rinse one another off. We kiss some more, hug, and touch, letting the water run over our bodies, enjoying this time in each other’s company. It hits me that not once since my meltdown this morning have I thought of Tyler, and I’m grateful for it. Grateful that my mind is allowing me a reprieve from the constant sadness that comes with thoughts of him. Grateful that perhaps I can finally move on, that I’m finally ready to move on.

  Luca’s in the kitchen making dinner, and my ass is planted on his granite countertop watching him work and drinking a glass of wine. As I watch him move around, I notice that he seems perfectly relaxed, completely at home in the kitchen. I realize that I’ve never had a guy cook for me, not even once. Cooking was not in Tyler’s repertoire—if it wasn’t ready to serve or microwavable he couldn’t hack it. I never minded cooking and taking care of him but this feels amazing too.

  “Are you sure I can’t do anything to help?” I question, feeling guilty about just sitting here doing nothing.

  He chuckles and shakes his head at me. “You just can’t sit still can you?”

  I shrug but respond honestly. “I’ve just never had anyone cook for me before. I don’t know what to do with myself.”

  He looks up at me with a hint of surprise in his eyes. “Never?”

  “Well, I mean my parents obviously, Morgan too but other than that no.”

  He nods, and then goes back to seasoning the chicken he had defrosted earlier. “I like to cook.”

  I don’t know why this surprises me but it does. “How’d you learn?”

  He throws his head back and lets out a laugh. “Believe it or not my dad taught me how to cook.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, he said it was important for me to be able to fend for myself instead of ordering pizza every night when I was old enough to live on my own. And…” he drags out coming toward me. He places his hands on my knees and pushes them apart so he can position himself between my legs. I spasm down there again as he wraps his arms around my waist. “He also told me that the key to attracting a beautiful woman was to impress her with my culinary abilities.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes, that’s so. Are you impressed yet?” He chuckles.

  “I don’t know, I mean I have to taste this culinary masterpiece before I can answer that.”

  “Alright.” He nods. “A challenge. I can handle that.”

  This all feels so surreal to me—being here with Luca, spending time with him, being involved intimately with him is someth
ing I never would have dreamed about. I guess that’s not entirely true either, I did think of him that way after we first met, before Tyler became a part of my life.

  I can’t help but to wonder what would have happened if Luca had wanted me all those years ago, or if he would have made a play for me at some point. If there was a choice to be made between him and Tyler would I still have chosen Tyler? A few months ago I wouldn’t have had to think twice about the answer to that question. Now I’m just not so sure. I cup his face in the palm of my hands and place a kiss on his forehead. “I’m glad you came home Luca.”

  He says nothing just looks at me, taking in my words. I’ve spent so long hating him for things that he never really had anything to do with, hating him for problems in my own relationship that I never knew existed. Then he came home and I certainly didn’t make anything easier on him, I wasted no time in throwing around old accusations. But if he hadn’t come back I wouldn’t be here now—finally knowing the whole truth behind my husband’s death—not feeling so confined by my existence, by my history, and not constantly feeling so alone.

  “I know that I wasn’t the nicest person to you when you came back,” I admit.

  “You thought I was responsible for Tyler’s death. I understood your anger toward me.”

  My eyes are glassy with unshed tears, it’s a struggle to contain them but I try. “Yeah, I know and I’m glad that you told me. I’m glad that I know the truth now but mostly I’m glad because when I’m with you I feel more like myself than I have in years. I never thought I’d get that back again.”

  “You deserve to be happy.”

  “I’m trying.”

  He squeezes my waist before letting me go and going back to the stove to continue cooking. He places his now seasoned and cut strips of chicken in a frying pan and adjusts the heat on the stove before looking up at me.

  “Are you happy at work Ev? Is that what you want to do?”

  “What’s wrong with being a paralegal?” I ask defensively.

  “Nothing.”

  I sigh and simultaneously roll my eyes “I’m just so sick of people telling me what to do about my career.”

  He walks over to me and grasps my chin, holding my face in place forcing me to look at him. “No babe, I don’t mean it like that. There’s NOTHING wrong with what you do. It’s a great job, it pays well, and I think it’s amazing. But I also know you, and I remember that you wanted to be a lawyer.”

  “It just didn’t seem all that important after everything that happened.”

  “And what about now?” he questions releasing his hold on me.

  “Now, I don’t know, I don’t mind the work, I’m content there. I don’t know if I’ll ever really be ready for more. I don’t know if I have the passion to pursue becoming a lawyer,” I answer as honestly as I can.

  “If you ever decide you want to go for it, I can help if you want.”

  “Thank you.”

  He nods and grins at me before returning his attention to his task. That conversation was easy, much easier than when Ty’s father brings it up. He pushes, nags, and tells me what a mistake I’m making. He makes me feel like less of a person because I didn’t do what was expected of me. I suspect that’s what Ty often felt when dealing with his father, like he was constantly letting him down. It makes me sad for the boy I once knew, for the man I once loved.

  “So? Did I pass?”

  We’re sitting at the dining room table in Luca’s apartment having just finished a wonderful meal. He made chicken served over rigatoni with a sauce made out of crushed tomatoes, garlic, olive oil, and basil. It was seriously one of the best dishes I’ve ever tasted. The conversation over dinner was light, easy and free flowing. I can’t believe how far we’ve come in the last twenty-four hours.

  “Pass?” I question, pretending not to know exactly what he’s asking.

  “Yeah, did I impress you with my culinary skills?”

  He looks boyish sitting there, waiting expectantly for my answer. Hopeful. I like this look on him. “I must admit this was great. I’m definitely impressed.”

  “Good,” he states, looking pleased with himself. “I’m glad you liked it.”

  I nod then take a final sip of my wine. As I set the glass down on the table, I decide that I should probably end this for tonight. Too much of a good thing is probably not the best idea right now—we should probably ease into this slowly. Plus time alone might be good for me; it will allow me the space I need to process everything that’s happened here. So… even though I really don’t want to go, I decide it’s what I’ll do. “It’s getting late. I should probably be getting home.”

  His eyes flicker with disappointment, and he makes no attempt at hiding it. “Do you have to go?”

  “Well…”

  “You should stay Ev. It’s Saturday, and we don’t have to be at work tomorrow. In fact, we don’t have to be anywhere tomorrow. Stay, spend the night with me.”

  My heart flutters yet again, all I really want to do is melt into him—stay here and let this unfold however it may. “I don’t have any clothes.”

  His eyes are full of mischief. “You don’t need any clothes.”

  “Luca.” I smile timidly at him.

  “But if you insist I’ll lend you a pair of sweats and a t-shirt.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.”

  I help him carry the dishes into the kitchen, and I rinse them while he arranges them in the dishwasher. It’s a very domestic scene, one that I’m all too comfortable in with him. Maybe even a little too comfortable, but it feels good to be here like this. It feels strangely normal, and normal is just another thing on a long list of things that I haven’t had in a very long time.

  After dinner dishes Luca and I settle into the couch to watch a movie. I snuggle closely to him and dose off halfway through the film. When the movie ends, he wakes me up and leads me into his bedroom.

  I stand in the middle of the room while he walks over to his dresser and rifles through the drawers.

  “Here.” He snatches up a black t-shirt and hands it to me. “You can put this on while I go turn off all the lights and set the alarm.”

  “Okay.”

  He moves to walk out of the room but I feel him come up behind me, and his fingers dig into my waist, his warm breath on my neck. “Ev, Just the shirt, nothing else.” My breath catches at his command then he’s gone, leaving me standing here a little vulnerable and severely aroused. It takes me a second to recover from his words but I eventually do. I walk into the bathroom and quickly change into the t-shirt Luca’s provided. I contemplate his words for a moment wondering if I should do as he asks. He’s already seen me naked; I’m not sure what my hang up is. Maybe I’m just a little embarrassed around him still, but I let that go and do as he asks, pushing my panties down my legs.

  I wash my face with warm water and use the spare toothbrush that Luca gave me earlier to brush my teeth again. When I walk back into the bedroom Luca is already there wearing nothing but his pajama bottoms and pulling back the covers on the bed.

  “Why do you look like that?” he asks with a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re terrified of me all of a sudden.”

  I wave him off like he’s completely crazy. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I tell him as I walk deeper into the room and casually hop into bed.

  I can see the humor in his eyes, but he says nothing. He just turns off the lights and slides into bed next to me. I lay there motionless, staring at the ceiling unsure of what to do next.

  “Everly?” he calls after a few moments.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you still sore?”

  I’m not sure what comes over me, but I break out in a fit of giggles. I can feel his eyes on me, but he says nothing as the giggling turns into full on laughter. He must find my hilarity amusing because I can almost make out a grin on his lips.

  My laughter end
s with a gasp when Luca grabs me, positions himself on top of me and pins my arms above my head.

  “You think this is funny?” he questions maneuvering me so that he’s holding both of my wrists with one hand now. He uses his free hand to push my t-shirt up leaving me exposed to him. He runs his hand down my bare skin slipping his fingers inside the lips of my already wet pussy. My breath hitches as he slips a finger inside.

  “Not so funny anymore is it?” His eyes are dark, hungry, I can see the lust in them and I desperately want him to deliver on the promise that’s hidden behind them. He crooks the finger that’s inside of me in a come hither motion hitting me exactly where I need it.

  “Is it?” he commands as he stops all movement, making me cry out for more.

  “No,” I whimper through shallow breath.

  He removes his finger from inside of me and releases his grip on my hands while directing my next move. “Hold onto the headboard Everly, don’t let go.”

  “Why?” I question him but still doing as he asks.

  “This is your punishment for laughing, and if you let go, I’m not going to let you come.”

  Holy shit, no one has ever spoken to me like this before, I feel like I might just come hearing him say the words. I let my head fall back on the pillows, closing my eyes in order to get control of myself. Luca makes me feel almost delirious, needy in a way that I don’t think I’ve ever been before.

  He grabs my earlobe between his teeth, nipping at it, making me gasp in pleasure. “Do you understand Everly?”

  “Yes,” I respond, my eyes fluttering open.

  “Good.” His mouth is so close to mine now that I part my lips to invite him inside. The moment his tongue touches mine a blanket of warmth seeps through me and envelopes me with his scent. His lips begin a downward descent leaving a trail of heat in their wake. His tongue swirls around my belly button as he slides his finger inside of me again and resumes his movement there. I close my eyes, gasping for air, overcome with the sensations that his hands elicit from me. Just as I’m about to come undone his finger stills making me cry out.