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  The little death

  The Maguindanaon language of the Philippines uses the same word, lembu, to describe both an orgasm and the fat of animals, whereas descriptions in other languages dwell on the intensity of the experience:

  şiddetli heyecan (Turkish) literally, drastic excitement

  höchste Wallung (German) literally, maximum bubbling

  Secrets and lies

  Such compelling activity brings with it, in some societies, a whole new set of excitements and problems:

  Fensterln (German) the act of climbing a ladder to a woman’s window, bypassing the parents and chaperones, to have sex in the night

  besengkayau (Iban, Sarawak and Brunei) to hang by the hands from a beam and move along it hand over hand (done by young men courting at night to avoid walking on the springy and creaking floor)

  miàla màndry (Malagasy, Madagascar) to spend the night away from home and yet be back in the early morning as if never having been away

  un petit dnq-à-sept (French) a quick five to seven o’clock (an afternoon quickie with your lover before going home to your spouse)

  In Rome love will come to you suddenly

  Palindromes – words and sentences that read the same forwards and backwards – have been popular since ancient times. The Germans have even come up with a palindromic word – Eibohphobie – that means a fear of palindromes:

  a dyma’r addewid diweddar am y da (Welsh) and here is the recent promise about the livestock

  socorram-me, subi no onibus em Marrocos (Portuguese) help me I took a bus in Morocco

  Selmas lakserøde garagedøre skal samles (Danish) Selma’s salmon red garage doors must be assembled

  ein Neger mlt Gazelle zagt im Regen nie (German) a Negro with a gazelle never despairs in the rain

  Roma tibi subito motibus ibit amor (Latin) in Rome love will come to you suddenly

  Thanks for the treat

  In Japan, norokeru means to boast in an annoying way about your great relationship, while gochisosama is a sarcastic reply (literally, thanks for the treat). But good, bad or too-perfect-to-be-true, in reality relationships come in all varieties:

  sarbo (Dutch) a person who regularly sleeps with the same partner while living separately

  nanoua (Gilbertese, Oceania) a heart divided between two loves

  kutzwagers (Dutch) two or more men who have slept with the same woman

  stroitel’ (Russian) a man who likes to have sex with two women at the same time

  Fried fish enthusiasm

  The Germans have come up with some very useful descriptions of the nuances of modern love:

  die Bettgeschichte a one-night stand (literally, bedtime story)

  das Bratkartoffelverhaltnis someone who cooks and cleans in exchange for occasional affection (literally, home-fries affair)

  Lückenfüller the person one dates between two serious relationships (literally, hole-filler)

  Backfischschwärmerei the crush young teenage girls get for older men (literally, fried fish enthusiasm)

  Faded tomatoes

  Relationships come in all lengths too. If it’s not going to end in marriage or a seemly long-term partnership without legal ties, there inevitably must come the brutal moment when one has to tell the other that things are no longer rosy in the garden of love:

  Trennungsagentur (German) a man hired by women to break the news to their men that they are dumped (literally, separation agent)

  dejar clavado a alguien (Spanish) to dump someone, to stand them up (literally, to leave someone nailed)

  dostat kopačky (Czech) to be dumped (literally, to get football boots)

  dar calabazas (Spanish) to jilt, ignore or stand someone up; to reject a marriage proposal (literally, to give pumpkins)

  il due di picche (Italian) to be dumped (literally, the two of spades, as in the card you are given)

  proshla mlyubov’ zavyali pomidory (Russian) the love affair is over (literally, love is gone, the tomatoes have faded)

  IDIOMS OF THE WORLD

  Once bitten, twice shy

  el gato escaldado del agua caliente huye (Spanish) the cat that has been scalded runs away from hot water

  sütten ağizi yanan yoğurduüfleyerek yer (Turkish) if hot milk burns your mouth, you’ll blow the yoghurt before you eat it

  braendt barn skyer ilden (Danish) a burned child is shy of fire

  puganaya vorona kusta/telezhnogo skripa/sobstvennoj teni/boitsya (Russian) a spooked crow is afraid of a bush/a carriage wheel’s squeak/its own shadow

  mtafunwa na nyoka akiona unyasi hushtuka (Swahili) one who has been bitten by a snake startles at a reed

  cão picado por cobra, tern medo de linguica (Portuguese) a dog that has been bitten by a snake fears sausages

  7.

  Family Ties

  žena se plaši prvog muža, a muž se plaši druge žene (Serbian)

  a wife is frightened of her first husband; a husband is frightened of his second wife

  Matchmaking

  Until relatively recently in the West, open relationships of a premarital kind were not the norm. The Dutch described unmarried couples who lived together as hokken, literally, living in a pigsty together. In many other parts of the world such a set-up still wouldn’t even be considered. The aim of society is to get a man and woman up the aisle, round the fire, or over the threshold:

  gökyüzünde düğün var deseler, kadinlar merdiven kurmaya kalkar (Turkish proverb) if they say there is a wedding in the sky, women will try to put up a ladder

  giftekniv (Norwegian) a person trying to get two people married

  xem mat (Vietnamese) to see a candidate bride before deciding on the marriage

  dulang (Manobo, Philippines) to arrange an auspicious marriage, especially between members of two opposing factions in order to bring about peace

  sunkiya (Pali, India) the price paid for a wife

  Objecting

  Not that the young people in question always agree:

  tlatlavala (Tsonga, South Africa) to refuse to marry the person selected for one by the family

  kestë’shâétkë’ (Mingo, USA) to object to a marriage

  luyam (Manobo, Philippines) to hide one’s true intentions in order to throw someone off guard so that one’s real wishes can be carried out (for example, a girl who has resisted efforts to have her married then seems to change her mind so that she will not be watched, and she is thus able to run away)

  Camel life

  For women, at least, society could always hold the threat that they would end up alone:

  ntingitihomu (Tsonga, South Africa) a girl that nobody wishes to marry

  momá’kó’éné (Cheyenne, USA) having red eyes from crying because one’s boyfriend got married to someone else

  kurisumasu keiki (Japanese) leftover Christmas cake (traditionally applied to women over twenty-five years old)

  quedar(se) a (para) vestir santos (Latin American Spanish) to be left unmarried (literally, to be left to dress figures of saints)

  radudaraifu (Japanese) single women who spend much of their weekends cooking food and deep-freezing it so that it can be reheated in a hurry when they return late from work (literally, camel life)

  gattara (Italian) a woman, often old and lonely, who devotes herself to stray cats

  Old hat

  In France the expression for an unmarried woman was even backed up by a festival. Coiffer Sainte Catherine meant to remain sin- a gle after the age of twenty-five (literally, to put a headdress on St Catherine). From the Middle Ages, St Catherine has traditionally been the patron saint of young girls. On 25 November each year, girls would make beautiful headdresses to decorate statues of the saint. Unmarried women over twenty-five would attend a dance, wearing hats that they had made specially for the occasion, while everyone around wished them a rapid end to their spinsterhood.

  Bare branches

  However, since the implementation of the Chinese ‘one child’ policy things are changing in one par
t of the world at least:

  gagung (Cantonese) a man who has no woman because of the inequality of the gender ratio (literally, bare branches)

  False friends

  chosen (Yiddish) bridegroom

  dig in (Armenian) wife

  fear (Irish) man

  he (Hebrew) she

  mama (Hindi) uncle

  self (Egyptian Arabic) brother-in-law

  that (Vietnamese) wife

  Stalker

  Of course, in all societies there have always been determined suitors:

  baling (Manobo, Philippines) the action of an unmarried woman who, when she wants to marry a certain man, goes to his house and refuses to leave until the marriage is agreed upon

  nusukaaktuat (Iñupiat, Inuit) grabbing a wife, ensuring marriage by capturing her

  Regular footing

  There are all kinds of reasons why people want to tie the knot:

  se ranger (French) to get married for domestic comfort and put life on a regular footing

  ikabaebae (Gilbertese, Oceania) to be engaged from childhood

  damoz (Amharic, Ethiopia) a temporary marriage arrangement, usually for pay, between a man who is away on his travels and a woman who is his companion or cook

  casar(se) con hombre en base (Latin American Spanish) to get married when you’re already pregnant

  Wedding lists

  Female relatives of the Swahili groom perform a ritual called kupeka begi (send a bag) in which they bring to the bride gifts from her husband. In response, the bride’s female relations perform kupeka mswaki (bring the chewsticks), whereby they deliver to the groom a tray of toiletries. This is particularly important because the bride and groom are forbidden to meet before marriage.

  The bride wore black

  In the Tsonga language of South Africa qanda refers to the traditional bringing of an ox along with the bride as a symbol or guarantee of her future progeny. The ox is then eaten by her new husband’s family. She is not allowed to see any part of it; if she does she should say, ‘They killed my child.’ If language is our evidence, this is by no means the weirdest wedding event in the world:

  trá-hôn (Vietnamese) to substitute another girl for the bride

  faanifin maanoo (Mandinka, West Africa) a bride wearing black (signifying that she had sex with her future husband before the ceremony)

  ii/fuya (Ndonga, Namibia) strips of meat from the wedding ox wound around the arm of the bridesmaid

  infar-cake (Scots) a cake broken over the bride’s head as she crosses the threshold of her new home

  Apron strings

  Wives come in all styles:

  ntshadi (Setswana, Botswana) a dear little wife

  mon dnquante-pour-cent (French) wife (literally, my fifty per cent)

  sokozuma (Japanese) a woman who settles for a so-so marriage just to get it out of the way

  minekokon (Japanese) a woman who gives up a high-powered job in the city for a dull life in the country with a quiet husband

  As do husbands:

  mandilon (Mexican Spanish) a hen-pecked, oppressed husband (from mandil meaning apron)

  stroin (Bengali) a married man who does everything and anything his wife says

  tøffelhelt (Norwegian) someone who has nothing to say in a marriage or at home (literally, slipper hero)

  mariteddu tamant’è un ditu Ièddu voli essa rivaritu (Corsican proverb) a husband must be respected, even if he’s very short

  Green hat

  We can only hope that neither of them has an urge to misbehave:

  piniscar la uva (Chilean Spanish) to seduce a woman who’s already taken (literally, to grab the grape)

  fanifikifihana (Malagasy, Madagascar) a charm for making another man’s wife disliked by her husband, or the husband by the wife

  dài lümào (Chinese) implies that someone’s wife is unfaithful (literally, wearing a green hat)

  kentenga (Tsonga, South Africa) to find oneself suddenly without some vital item (said of a man whose only wife has run away, or when the roof of a hut has blown off)

  Recognized

  Though sometimes such potentially destructive liaisons can be defused by being formalized:

  kutua-na (Yamana, Chile) to give the second wife the place of the first in the wigwam

  cicisbeo (Italian) an acknowledged lover of a married woman

  chandek (Malay) a recognized concubine of a prince (as distinct from gundek, an inferior wife, or jamah-jamahan, a casual mistress)

  antis (Manobo, Philippines) a father’s action, after his daughter’s adultery, when he gives his son-in-law another daughter as a second wife

  Three’s a crowd

  In some societies, of course, monogamy doesn’t even exist as an ideal, throwing up a whole new set of complications:

  lefufa (Setswana, Botswana) the jealousy between the wives of one man

  elungan (Manobo, Philippines) to divide one’s time equally between two wives who live in separate households

  gintawan (Manobo, Philippines) the energy and industry of the first wife (when her husband takes an additional wife) as a result of the competition from the second wife

  allupaareik (Iñupiat, Inuit) the return of a woman after a wife exchange

  Hope springs eternal

  In these days of rikonmiminenzo (Japanese), the divorce-promotion generation, things are never that simple in any case:

  manàntom-bàdy (Malagasy, Madagascar) to put away a wife without divorcing her altogether

  gila talak (Malay) a husband or wife who are divorced yet wishing very much to reunite

  ebpamituanen (Maguindanaon, Philippines) a divorced person who keeps their figure in the hope of a future marriage

  china buta (Malay) the intermediate husband a divorced Muslim woman must have before remarriage to her original husband

  Workbox or housewife

  Various languages have words with surprising double meanings, creating some thought-provoking associations:

  mjall (Swedish) dandruff or tender

  varik (Buli, Ghana) castrated or huge and strong

  váram (Tamil) friendship or a week

  dánamu (Telugu, India) a gift or elephant semen

  ola (Samoan) fishing basket or life

  panjitkori (Korean) workbox or housewife

  turba (Italian) crowd or trouble

  toil (Mongolian) mirror or dictionary

  rooie (Dutch) carrots or ginger

  saje (Hausa, Nigeria) side whiskers or a sergeant

  hege’ (Hebrew) steering wheel or murmur

  Relative values

  Let’s look on the bright side. Though often derided in our fickle age, family life can bring many and varied benefits:

  agusto (Latin American Spanish) the cosiness felt when snuggling with a relative

  onimagu (Yamana, Chile) to feel such pity as relatives do towards each other when hurt

  ka-otaba (Gilbertese, Oceania) to preserve the beauty and freshness of a daughter-in-law

  dyadya (Russian) a rich relative abroad, considered as a source of money (literally, an uncle)

  bombela (Tsonga, South Africa) to make free with another’s belongings (especially with those of one’s maternal uncle)

  Dirt on the nest

  Although those who hold up the family as the answer to all things are probably sadly deluded:

  butika roko (Gilbertese, Oceania) a brother-in-law coming around too often

  kyodai-genka (Japanese) a fight or argument between siblings

  mātrigāmī (Hindi) one who commits incest with his mother

  Nestbeschmutzer (German) someone ruining the reputation of the family or community (literally, someone who puts dirt on the nest)

  rihorhabodo (Tsonga, South Africa) an irresponsible man who does not care for his family, but just roams around, generally in town

  wićawokha (Dakota, USA) a man who lives with his wife’s relations (literally, a buried man)

  bayram değil (seyran değil enişte beni niye öpt
ü?) (Tlirkish proverb) there must be something behind this (literally, it’s not festival time, it’s not a pleasure trip, so why did my brother-in-law kiss me?)

  Congo confusion

  As every son-in-law knows, you’ve got to be very careful what you say about one particular family member. In the Lokele language of the Congo there is only a tonal difference (shown by the capital letters) between aSOolaMBA boili, I’m watching the riverbank, and aSOoLAMBA boili, I’m boiling my mother-in-law.

  Auntie

  In the Pakistani language of Urdu a woman is addressed following way:

  apa (or baji)

  by her younger sisters or brothers

  khala

  by her sister’s children

  mani (or momani)

  by the children of her husband’s sisters

  ch’ hachi

  by the children of her husband’s younger brothers

  ta’i

  by the children of her husband’s elder brothers

  p’ huppi

  by the children of her brother

  bahu

  by her parents-in-law

  nani

  by the children of her daughters

  dadi

  by the children of her sons

  bhabi

  by her sisters-in-law and brothers-in-law