Barrie, J M - A Kiss For Cinderella Read online

  (She attempts to saw. The beard comes off in her hand.)

  CINDERELLA (recognising his face). You 1 POLICEMAN (stepping triumphantly out of his disguise). Me !

  (As sometimes happens, however, the one who means to give the surprise gets a greater. At sight of his dreaded uniform the child screams, whereat two other children in other boxes bob up and scream also. It is some time before the policeman can speak.) So that 's what the boxes was for ! CINDERELLA (feebly). Yes. POLICEMAN (portentously). Who and what are these phenomenons ?

  CINDERELLA (protectingly). Don't be fright ened, children. Down !

  (They disappear obediently.) There 's no wrong in it. They 're just me try ing to do my bit. It 's said all should do their bit in war-time. It was into a hospital I wanted

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 55

  to go to nurse the wounded soldiers. I offered myself at every hospital door, but none would have me, so this was all I could do.

  POLICEMAN. You 're taking care of them ?

  (She nods.) Sounds all right. Neighbours' children ?

  CINDERELLA. The brown box is. She 's half of an orphan, her father's a blue-jacket, so, of course, I said I would.

  POLICEMAN. You need say no more. I pass little bluejacket.

  CINDERELLA. Those other two is allies. She 's French and her's a Belgy. (Calls.) Marie- Therese !

  (The French child sits up.) Speak your language to the gentleman, Marie- Therese.

  MARIE. Bon soir, monsieur comment portez- vous ? Je t'aime. (She curtsies charmingly to him from the box.)

  POLICEMAN. Well, I 'm d !

  CINDERELLA. Delphine.

  (The Belgian looks up.) Make votre bow.

  56 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  Gladys.

  (The English child bobs up.) A friend, Gladys.

  (GLADYS and the POLICEMAN grin to each other.)

  GLADYS. What cheer !

  CINDERELLA. Monsieur is a Britain's de fender.

  MARIE. Oh, la, la ! Parlez-vous fransais, monsieur ? Non ! I blow you two kisses, Monsieur the one is to you (kisses hand) to keep, the other you will give (kisses hand) to Kitch.

  POLICEMAN (writing). Sends kiss to Lord Kitchener.

  CINDERELLA. She 's the one that does most of the talking.

  POLICEMAN (who is getting friendly). I suppose that other box is an empty.

  (CINDERELLA'S mouth closes.) Is that box empty ?

  CINDERELLA. It 's not exactly empty.

  POLICEMAN. What 's inside ?

  CINDERELLA. She 's the littlest.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 57

  (The children exchange glances and she is severe.) Couchy.

  (They disappear.)

  POLICEMAN. An ally ?

  CINDERELLA. She 's she 's Swiss.

  POLICEMAN (lowering). Now then !

  CINDERELLA. She 's not exactly Swiss. You can guess now what she is.

  POLICEMAN (grave). This puts me in a very difficult position.

  CINDERELLA (beginning to cry). Nobody would take her. She was left over. I tried not to take her. I 'm a patriot, I am. But there she was left over and her so terrible little I couldn't help taking her.

  POLICEMAN. I dunno. (Quite unfairly.) If her folk had been in your place and you in hers, they would have shown neither mercy nor pity for you.

  CINDERELLA (stoutly). That makes no differ ence.

  POLICEMAN (was this the great moment?). I think there 's something uncommon about you.

  58 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  CINDERELLA (pleased). About me ?

  POLICEMAN. I suppose she 's sleeping ?

  CINDERELLA. Not her !

  POLICEMAN. What 's she doing ?

  CINDERELLA. She 's strafing !

  POLICEMAN. Who 's she strafing ?

  CINDERELLA. Very likely you. She misses nobody. You see I Ve put some barb-wire round her box.

  POLICEMAN. I see now.

  CINDERELLA. It 's not really barb- wire. It 's worsted. I was feared the wire would hurt her. But it just makes a difference.

  POLICEMAN. How do the others get on with her?

  CINDERELLA. I makes them get on with her. Of course there 's tongues out, and little tilings like that.

  POLICEMAN. Were the foreign children shy of you at first ?

  CINDERELLA. Not as soon as they heard my name. * Oh, are you Cinderella ? ' they said, in their various languages and when 's the ball ? ' they said.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 59

  POLICEMAN. Somebody must have tolled them about you.

  CINDERELLA (happy). Not here. They had heard about me in their foreign lands. Every body knows Cinderella : it 's fine. Even her (indicating German) the moment I mentioned my name * Where 's your ugly sisters ? ' says she, looking round.

  POLICEMAN. Sisters ? It 's new to me, your having sisters. (He produces his note-book.)

  CINDERELLA (uneasily). It 's kind of stagger ing to me, too. I haven't been able to manage them yet, but they '11 be at the ball.

  POLICEMAN. It 's queer.

  CINDERELLA. It IS queer.

  POLICEMAN (sitting down with her). How do you know this ball 's to-night ?

  CINDERELLA. It had to be some night. You see, after I closes my business I have chats with the children about things, and naturally it 's mostly about the ball. I put it off as long as I could, but it had to be some night and this is the night.

  POLICEMAN. You mean it 's make-believe ?

  60 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  CINDERELLA (almost fiercely}. None of that !

  POLICEMAN (shaking his head). I don't like it.

  CINDERELLA (shining). You wouldn't say that if you heard the blasts on the trumpet and loud roars of ' Make way for the Lady Cinder ella ! '

  (Three heads pop up again.)

  POLICEMAN. Lady ?

  CINDERELLA (in a tremble of exultation). That 's me. That 's what you 're called at royal balls. Then loud huzzas is heard outside from the excited popu-lace, for by this time the fame of my beauty has spread like wild-fire through the streets, and folks is hanging out at windows and climbing lamp-posts to catch a sight of me. (Delight of the children.)

  POLICEMAN. My sakes, you see the whole thing clear !

  CINDERELLA. I see it from beginning to end like as if I could touch it the gold walls and the throne, and the lamp-posts and the horses.

  POLICEMAN. The horses ?

  CINDERELLA. . . . Well, the competitors. The speeches everything. If only I had my

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 61

  invite ! That wasn't a knock at the door, was it ?

  POLICEMAN (so carried away that he goes to see). No.

  CINDERELLA (vindictively). I dare say that

  flunkey 's sitting drinking in some public-house.

  (Here MAKIE-THERESE and GLADYS, who

  have been communicating across their boxes,

  politely invite the POLICEMAN to go away.)

  MARIE. Bonne nuit, Monsieur.

  GLADYS. Did you say you was going, Mister ?

  POLICEMAN. They 're wonderful polite.

  CINDERELLA. I doubt that 's not politeness. The naughties they 're asking you to go away.

  POLICEMAN. Oh 1 (Re rises with hauteur.)

  CINDERELLA. You see we 're to have a bite of supper before I start to celebrate the night.

  POLICEMAN. Supper with the kids J When I was a kid in the country at Badgery You Ve done it again 1

  CINDERELLA. Done what ?

  POLICEMAN (with that strange feeling of being at home). I suppose I would be in the way ?

  62

  CINDERELLA. There 's not very much to eat. There 's just one for each.

  POLICEMAN. I 've had my supper.

  CINDERELLA (seeing her way). Have you ? Then I would be very pleased if you would stay.

  POLICEMAN. Thank you kindly.

  (She prepares the table for the feast. Eyes sparkle from the boxes.)

  CINDERELLA (shining). This is the first party we Ve ever had. Please keep an eye
on the door in case there 's a knock.

  (She darts into her bedroom, and her charges are more at their ease.)

  MARIE, (sitting up, the better to display her nightgown). Monsieur, Monsieur, voila !

  GLADYS. Cinderella made it out of watching a shop window.

  POLICEMAN (like one who has known his hostess from infancy). Just like her.

  MARIE (holding up a finger that is adorned with a ring). Monsieur !

  GLADYS (more practical). The fire 's going out.

  POLICEMAN (recklessly). In with another penny. (He feeds the fire with that noble coin.)

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 63

  Fellow allies, I 'm going to take a peep into the

  German trench ! Hah !

  (He stealthily mounts a chair and puts his hand into GRETCHEN'S box. We must pre sume that it is bitten by the invisible occupant, for he withdraws it hurriedly to the hearty delight of the spectators. This mirth changes to rapture as CINDERELLA makes a conceited entrance carrying a jug of milk and five hot potatoes in their jackets. Handsomely laden as she is, it is her attire that calls forth the applause. She is now wearing the traditional short brown dress of CINDERELLA, and her hair hangs loose. She tries to look modest.) CINDERELLA (displaying herself). What do

  you think ?

  POLICEMAN (again in Badgery). Great ! Turn

  round. And I suppose you made it yourself

  out of a shop window ?

  CINDERELLA. No, we didn't need no shop

  window ; we all knew exactly what I was wear ing when the knock came. GLADYS. Of course we did.

  64 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  (A potato is passed up to each and a cwp of milk between two. There is also a delicious saucerful of melted lard into which they dip. GRETCHEN is now as much in evidence as the others, and quite as attractive ; the fun becomes fast and furious.)

  CINDERELLA (to POLICEMAN). A potato ?

  POLICEMAN. No, I thank you.

  CINDERELLA. Just a snack ?

  POLICEMAN. Thank you. (She shares with him.)

  CINDERELLA. A little dip ?

  POLICEMAN. No, I thank you.

  CINDERELLA. Just to look friendly.

  POLICEMAN. I thank you. (Dipping.) To you, Cinderella.

  CINDERELLA. I thank you.

  POLICEMAN (proposing a toast). The King !

  CINDERELLA (rather consciously). And the Prince of Wales.

  GLADYS. And father.

  POLICEMAN. The King, the Prince of Wales, and father.

  (The toast is drunk, dipped and eaten with

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 65

  acclamation. GLADYS, uninvited, recites

  ' The Manners of England.' MARIE-

  THERESE follows (without waiting for the

  end) with the Marseillaise, and GRETCHEN

  puts out her tongue at both. Our POLICEMAN

  having intimated that he desires to propose

  another toast of a more lengthy character,

  the children are lifted down and placed in

  their nightgowns at the table.)

  POLICEMAN (suddenly becoming nervous). I

  have now the honour to propose absent

  friends.

  GLADYS (with an inspiration to which MARIE- THERESE bows elegantly). Vive la France !

  POLICEMAN. I mean our friends at the Front. And they have their children, too. Your boxes we know about, but I dare say there 's many similar and even queerer places, where the children, the smallest of our allies, are sleeping this night within the sound of shells.

  MARIE. La petite Belgique. La pauvre enfant !

  DELPHINE (proudly). Me !

  POLICEMAN. So here 's to absent friends

  E

  66 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  GLADYS (with another inspiration). Absent boxes !

  POLICEMAN. Absent boxes ! And there 's a party we know about who would like uncommon to have the charge of the lot of them (looking at CINDERELLA). And I couples the toast with the name of the said party.

  CINDERELLA (giving a pennyworth for nothing). Kind friends, it would be pretending of me not to let on that I know I am the party referred to by the last speaker in far too flattersome words. When I look about me and see just four boxes I am a kind of shamed, but it wasn't very con venient to me to have more. I will now con clude by saying I wish I was the old woman that lived in a shoe, and it doesn't matter how many I had I would have known fine what to do. The end.

  (After further diversion.) It 's a fine party. I hope your potato is mealy ?

  POLICEMAN. I never had a better tatie.

  CINDERELLA. Don't spare the skins.

  POLICEMAN. But you 're eating nothing your self.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 67

  CINDERELLA. I 'm not hungry. And, of course, I '11 be expected to take a bite at the ball.

  (This reminder of the ball spalls the POLICEMAN'S enjoyment.)

  POLICEMAN. I wish you wasn't so sure of the ball.

  GLADYS (in defence). Why shouldn't she not be sure of it ?

  DELPHINE. Pourquoi, Monsieur ?

  CINDERELLA (rather hotly). Don't say things like that here.

  MARIE. Has Monsieur by chance seen God- mamma coming ?

  POLICEMAN. God- mamma ?

  CINDERELLA. That 's my Godmother ; she brings my ball dress and a carriage with four ponies.

  GLADYS. Then away she goes to the ball hooray hooray !

  CINDERELLA. It 's all perfectly simple once Godmother comes.

  POLICEMAN (with unconscious sarcasm). I can see she 's important.

  CINDERELLA (with the dreadful sinking that

  68 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  comes to her at times.) You think she '11 come, don't you ?

  POLICEMAN. Cinderella, your hand 's burning and in this cold room.

  CINDERELLA. Say you think she '11 come. POLICEMAN. I well, I ... I ... GLADYS (imploringly). Say it, Mister ! DELPHINE (begging). Monsieur ! Monsieur ! MARIE. If it is that you love me, Monsieur ! POLICEMAN (in distress). I question if there was ever before a member of the Force in such a position. (Yielding.) I expect she '11 come.

  (This settles it in the opinion of the children, but their eyes are too bright for such a late hour, and they are ordered to bed. Our POLICEMAN replaces them in their boxes.) CINDERELLA. One two three . . . couchy !

  (They disappear.)

  POLICEMAN (awkwardly and trying to hedge). Of course this is an out-of-the-way little street for a Godmother to find.

  CINDERELLA. Yes, I 've thought of that. I 'd best go and hang about outside ; she would know me by my dress.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 69

  POLICEMAN (hastily). I wouldn't do that. It 's a cold night. (He wanders about the room eyeing her sideways.) Balls is always late things.

  CINDERELLA. I 'm none so sure. In war time, you see, with the streets so dark and the King so kind, it would be just like him to begin early and close at ten instead of twelve. I must leave before twelve. If I don't, there 's terrible disasters happens.

  POLICEMAN (unable to follow this). The ball might be put off owing to the Prince of Wales being in France.

  CINDERELLA. He catehed the last boat. I '11 go out and watch.

  POLICEMAN (desperate). Stay where you are, and and I '11 have a look for her.

  CINDERELLA. You 're too kind.

  POLICEMAN. Not at all. I must be stepping at any rate. If I can lay hands on her I '11 march her here, though I have to put the hand cuffs on her.

  GLADYS (looking up). I think I heard a knock !

  70 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  (The POLICEMAN looks out, shakes his head, and finally departs after a queer sort of handshake with MISS THING.) CINDERELLA. He 's a nice man. GLADYS. Have you known him long ? CINDERELLA (thinking it out). A longish time. He 's head of the secret police ; him and me used to play together as children down in Bad- gery. His folks live in a magnificent castle, with two doors. (She becomes a little bewildered.) I 'm all mixed up.

&nbs
p; (The children are soon asleep. She wanders aimlessly to the door. The wall closes on the little room, and we now see her standing in the street. Our POLICEMAN returns and flashes his lantern on her.)

  CINDERELLA. It *S you !

  POLICEMAN. It 's me. But there 's no God mother. There 's not a soul . . . No. . . . Good-night, Cinderella. Go inside.

  CINDERELLA (doggedly). Not me ! I don't feel the cold not much. And one has to take risks to get a Prince. The only thing I 'm feared about is my feet. If they was to swell I mightn't

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 71

  be able to get the slippers on, and he would have naught to do with me.

  POLICEMAN. What slippers ? If you won't go back, I '11 stop here with you.

  CINDERELLA. No, I think there 's more chance of her coming if I 'm alone.

  POLICEMAN. I 'm very troubled about you.

  CINDERELLA (wistfully). Do you think I *m just a liar ? Maybe I am. You see I 'm all mixed up. I 'm sore in need of somebody to help me out.

  POLICEMAN. I would do it if I could.

  CINDERELLA. I 'm sure. (Anxiously.) Are you good at riddles ?

  (He shakes his head.)

  There 's always a riddle before you can marry into a royal family.

  POLICEMAN (with increased gloom). The whole thing seems to be most terrible difficult.

  CINDERELLA. Yes. . . . Good-night.

  POLICEMAN. You won't let me stay with you ?

  CINDERELLA. No.

  (He puts his lantern on the ground beside her.)

  ?2 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  What 's that for ?

  POLICEMAN (humbly). It 's just a sort of guard for you. (He takes off his muffler and puts it several times round her neck.)

  CINDERELLA. Nice ! POLICEMAN. Good luck.

  (She finds it easiest just to nod in reply.) I wish I was a Prince.

  CINDERELLA (suddenly struck by the idea). You 're kind of like him.

  (He goes away. She sits down on the step to wait. She shivers. She takes the muffler off her neck and winds it round her more valuable feet. She falls asleep.