Barrie, J M - A Kiss For Cinderella Read online

CINDERELLA. I see nothing you can prove by that. It was a half-week's wages Is. 7d. Of course I could see my way clearer if it had been Is. 9d.

  POLICEMAN. That 's neither here nor there. We '11 proceed. Now, very likely you wrapped the money up in a screw of paper. Did you ?

  (She is afraid of giving herself away.) Thinking won't help you.

  CINDERELLA. It 's my money.

  BODIE. Nobody wants your money, Cinderella.

  POLICEMAN. Answer me. Did you ?

  CINDERELLA. YeS.

  POLICEMAN. Say ' I did.'

  CINDERELLA. I did.

  POLICEMAN. And possibly for the sake of greater security you tied a string round it did you ?

  CINDERELLA. I did.

  POLICEMAN (after a glance at MR. BODIE to indicate that the supreme moment has come). You then deposited the little parcel where ?

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 37

  BODIE (in an agony). Cinderella, be careful 1 (She is so dreading to do the wrong thing that she can only stare. Finally, alas, she produces the fatal packet from her pocket. Quiet triumph of our POLICEMAN.) BODIE. My poor child ! CINDERELLA (not realising yet that she has given herself away). What is it ? Goon.

  POLICEMAN. That '11 do. You can stand down.

  CINDERELLA. You *VC found OUt ?

  POLICEMAN. I have.

  CINDERELLA (breathless). And what am I ? POLICEMAN (kindly). I 'm sorry. CINDERELLA. Am I common clay ?

  (They look considerately at the floor ; she bursts into tears and runs into the pantry, shutting the door.)

  POLICEMAN (with melancholy satisfaction). It 's infallat/ble.

  BODIE. At any rate it shows that there 's nothing against her.

  POLICEMAN (taking him further from the pantry door, in a low voice). I dunno. There 's some

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  queer things. Where does she go when she leaves this house ? What about that ball ? and her German connection ? and them boards she makes into boxes and A. C. Celest ? Well, I '11 find out.

  BODIE (miserably). What are you going to do?

  POLICEMAN. To track her when she leaves here. I may have to adopt a disguise. I 'm a masterpiece at that.

  BODIE. Yes, but

  POLICEMAN (stamping about the floor with the exaggerated tread of the Law). I '11 tell you the rest outside. I must make her think that my suspicions are allayed. (He goes cunningly to the pantry door and speaks in a loud voice.) Well, sir, that satisfies me that she 's not the party I was in search of, and so, with your permission, I '11 bid you good evening. What, you 're going out yourself ? Then I '11 be very happy to walk part of the way with you.

  (Nodding and winking, he goes off with heavy steps, taking with him the reluctant MR. BODIE, who like one mesmerised also departs stamping.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 39

  MISS THING peeps out to make sure that they are gone. She is wearing her hat and jacket, which have restored her self-respect. The tears have been disposed of with a lick of the palm. She is again a valiant soul who has had too many brushes with the police not to be able to face another with a tight lip. She is going, but she is not going without her wooden board ; law or no law she cannot do without wooden boards. She gets it from a corner where it has been art fully concealed. An imprudent glance at the Venus again dispirits her. With a tape she takes the Beauty's measurements and then her own, with depressing results. The Gods at last pity her, and advise an examination of her rivals foot. Excur sions, alarms, transport. She compares feet and is glorified. She slips off her shoe and challenges Venus to put it on. Then, with a derisive waggle of her foot at the shamed goddess, the little enigma departs on her suspicious business, little witting that a masterpiece of a constable is on her track.)

  II

  It is later in the evening of the same day, and this is such a street as harbours London's poor. The windows are so close to us that we could tap on the only one which shows a light. It is on the ground floor, and makes a gallant attempt to shroud this light with articles of apparel suspended within. Seen as shadows throu gh the blind, these are somehow very like Miss Thing, and almost suggest that she has been hanging herself in several places in one of her bouts of energy. The street is in darkness, save for the meagre glow from a street lamp, whose glass is painted red in obedience to war regulations. It is winter time, and there is a sprinkling of snow on the ground.

  Our policeman appears in the street, not perhaps for the first time this evening, and flashes his lantern on the suspect's window, whose signboard (boards again /) we now see bears this odd device, Celeste et Cie.

  The Penny Friend.

  40

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 41

  Not perhaps for the first time this evening he scratches his head at it. Then he pounds off in pursuit of some client who has just emerged with a pennyworth. We may imagine the two of them in conversation in the next street, the law putting leading questions. Meanwhile the 'fourth ' wall of the establishment of Celeste dissolves, but otherwise the street is as it was, and we are now in the position of privileged persons looking in at her window. It is a tiny room in whieh you could just swing a cat, and here Cinderella swings cats all and every evening. The chief pieces of furniture are a table and a bench, both of which have a suspicious appearance of having been made out of boards by some handy character. There is a penny in the slot fireplace which has evidently been lately fed, there is a piece of carpet that has been beaten into nothingness, but is still a carpet, there is a hearth-rug of brilliant rags that is probably gratified when your toes catch in it and you are hurled against the wall. Two pictures one of them partly framed strike a patriotic note, but they may be there purposely to deceive. The room is lit by a lamp, and at first sight presents no sinister aspect unless it comes from four boxes nailed against the walls some five or six feet from the floor. In appearance they are not dissimilar to large grocery boxes, but it is disquieting to note that one of them has been

  42 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  mended with the board we saw lately in Mr. Bodie's studio. When our policeman comes, as come we may be sure he will, the test of his acumen will be his box action.

  The persons in the room at present have either no acumen or are familiar with the boxes. There are four of them, besides Cinderella, whom we catch in the act of adding to her means of livelihood. Celeste el Cie, a name that has caught her delicate fancy while she dashed through fashionable quarters, is the Penny Friend because here everything is dispensed for that romantic coin. It is evident that the fame of the emporium has spread. Three would-be customers sit on the bench awaiting their turn listlessly and as genteelly unconscious of each other as society in a dentist's dining-room, while in the centre is Cinderella fitting an elderly gentleman with a new coat. There are pins in her mouth and white threads in the coat, suggesting that this is not her first struggle with it, and one of the difficulties with which she has to contend is that it has already evidently been the coat of a larger man. Cinderella is far too astute a performer to let it be seen that she has difficulties, however. She twists and twirls her patron with careless aptitude, kneads him if need be, and has him in a condition of pulp while she mutters for her own encouragement and his in-

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 48

  timidaiion the cryptic remarks employed by tailors, as to the exact meaning of which she has already probed Mr. Bodie.

  CINDERELLA (wandering over her client with a tape). 85 14. (She consults a paper on the table.) Yes, it 's 8514.

  (She putts him out, contracts him and takes his elbows measure.)

  287; 4112; 1519. (There is something wrong, and she has to justify her handiwork. ) You was longer when you came on Monday.

  GENTLEMAN (very moved by the importance of the occasion). Don't be saying that, Missy.

  CINDERELLA (pinning up the tails of his coat). Keep still.

  GENTLEMAN (with unexpected spirit). I warns you, Missy, I won't have it cut.

  CINDERELLA (an artist). I '11 give you the bits. GENTL
EMAN. I prefers to wear them.

  (She compares the coat with the picture of an elegant dummy.) Were you going to make me like that picture ?

  44 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  CINDERELLA. I had just set my heart on copying this one. It 's the Volupty.

  GENTLEMAN (faint-hearted). I 'm thinkin' I couldn't stand like that man.

  CINDERELLA (eagerly). Fine you could with just a little practice. I '11 let you see the effect. (She bends one of his knees, extends an arm and curves the other till he looks like a graceful teapot. She puts his stick in one hand and his hat in the other, and he is now coquettishly saluting a lady.) GENTLEMAN (carried away as he looks at himself in a glass). By Gosh ! Cut away, Missy 1

  CINDERELLA. I '11 need one more try-on. (Suddenly.) That 's to say if I 'm here.

  GENTLEMAN (little understanding the poignancy of the remark). If it would be convenient to you to have the penny now

  CINDERELLA. No, not till I 've earned it. It 's my rule. Good night to you, Mr. Jennings. GENTLEMAN. Good night, Missy.

  (We see him go out by the door and dis appear up the street.) CINDERELLA (sharply). Next.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 45

  (An old woman comes to the table and CINDERELLA politely pretends not to have seen her sitting there.) It 's Mrs. Maloney !

  MRS. M. Cinders, I have a pain. It 's like a jag of a needle down my side.

  CINDERELLA (with a sinking, for she is secretly afraid of medical cases). Wait till I pop the therm-mo-mometer in. It 's a real one. (She says this with legitimate pride. She removes the instrument from MRS. MALONEY' s mouth after a prudent interval, and is not certain what to do next.) Take a deep breath. . . . Again. . . . Say 99. (Her ear is against the patient's chest.)

  MRS. M. 99.

  CINDERELLA (at a venture). Oho 1

  MRS. M. It ain't there the pain is it 's down my side.

  CINDERELLA (firmly). We never say 99 down there.

  MRS. M. What 's wrong wi' me ?

  CINDERELLA (candidly). I don't want for to pretend, Mrs. Maloney, that the 99 is any guidance to me. I can not find out what it 's

  46 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  for. I would make so bold as to call your com plaint muscular rheumatics if the pain came when you coughed. But you have no cough.

  MRS. M. (coming to close quarters). No, but he has my old man. It 's him that has the pains, not me.

  CINDERELLA (hurt). What for did you pretend it was you ?

  MRS. M. That was his idea. He was feared you might stop his smoking.

  CINDERELLA. And SO I Will.

  MRS. M. What 's the treatment ?

  CINDERELLA (writing after consideration on a piece of paper). One of them mustard leaves.

  MRS. M. (taking the paper). Is there no medicine ?

  CINDERELLA (faltering). I 'm a little feared about medicine, Mrs. Maloney.

  MRS. M. He '11 be a kind of low-spirited if there 's not a lick of medicine.

  CINDERELLA. Have you any in the house ?

  MRS. M. There 's what was left over of the powders my lodger had when the kettle fell on his foot.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 47

  CINDERELLA. You could give him one of them when the cough is troublesome. Good night, Mrs. Maloney.

  MRS. M. Thank you kindly. (She puts a penny on the table.)

  CINDERELLA (with polite surprise). What 's that?

  MRS. M. It 's the penny. CINDERELLA. So it is 1 Good night, Mrs. Maloney.

  MRS. M. Good night, Cinders.

  (She departs. The penny falls into CINDERELLA'S box with a pleasant clink.)

  CINDERELLA. Next.

  (A woman of 35 comes forward. She is dejected, thin-lipped, and unlovable.) MARION (tossing her head). You 're surprised to see me, I dare say.

  CINDERELLA (guardedly). I haven't the plea sure of knowing you.

  MARION (glancing at the remaining occupant of the bench). Is that man sleeping ? Who is he ? I don't know him.

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  CINDERELLA. He 's sleeping. What can I do for you ?

  MARION (harshly). Nothing, I dare say. I 'm at Catullo's Buildings. Now they 're turning me out. They say I 'm not respectable.

  CINDERELLA (enlightened). You 're that woman ?

  MARION (defiantly). That 's me.

  CINDERELLA (shrinking). I don't think there 's nothing I could do for you.

  MARION (rather appealing). Maybe there is. I see you Ve heard my story. They say there 's a man comes to see me at times though he has a wife in Hoxton.

  CINDERELLA. I 've heard.

  MARION. So I 'm being turned out.

  CINDERELLA. I don't think it 's a case for me.

  MARION. Yes, it is.

  CINDERELLA. Are you terrible fond of him ?

  MARION. Fond of him ! Damn him !

  (CINDERELLA shrinks. MARION makes sure that the man is asleep.)

  Cinders, they 've got the story wrong ; it 's me as is his wife ; I was married to him in a

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 49

  church. He met that woman long after and took up with her.

  CINDERELLA. What ! Then why do you not tell the truth ?

  MARION. It 's my pride keeps me from telling. I would rather be thought to be the wrong 'un he likes than the wife the law makes him help.

  CINDERELLA. Is that pride ?

  MARION. It 's all the pride that 's left to me.

  CINDERELLA. I 'm awful sorry for you, but I can't think of no advice to give you.

  MARION. It 's not advice I want.

  CINDERELLA. What is it then ?

  MARION. It 's pity. I fling back all the gutter words they fling at me, but my heart, Cinders, is wet at times. It 's wet for one to pity me.

  CINDERELLA. I pity VOU.

  MARION. You '11 tell nobody ?

  CINDERELLA. No.

  MARION. Can I come in now and again at a time ? CINDERELLA. I '11 be glad to see you if I 'm

  here.

  D

  MARION. I '11 be slipping away now ; he 's waking up. (She puts down her penny.)

  CINDERELLA. I 'm not doing it for no penny.

  MARION. You 've got to take it. That 's my pride. But I wish you well, Cinders.

  CINDERELLA. I like you. I wish you would wish me luck. Say ' Good luck to you to-night, Cinderella.'

  MARION. Why to-night ?

  (The little waif, so practical until now, is afire inside again. She needs a confidant almost as much as MARION.)

  CINDERELLA (hastily). You SCC

  (The MAN sits up.) Good evening, Missis.

  MARION. Good luck to you to-night, Cin derella.

  (She goes.)

  (The MAN slips forward and lifts the penny.) CINDERELLA (returning to earth sharply). Put that down.

  MAN. I was only looking at the newness of it. I was just admiring the design.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 51

  (The newness and the design both disappear into the box. A bearded person wearing the overalls of a seafaring man lurches down the street and enters the emporium. Have we seen him before ? Who can this hairy monster be ?)

  POLICEMAN (in an incredibly gruff voice). I want a pennyworth.

  CINDERELLA (unsuspecting). Sit down. (She surveys the coster.) It 's you that belongs to the shirt, isn't it ?

  MAN. Yes ; is 't ready ? CINDERELLA. It 's ready.

  (It proves to be not a shirt, but a * front ' of linen, very stiff and starched. The laun dress cautiously retains possession of it.) The charge is a penny. MAN. On delivery. CINDERELLA. Before delivery. MAN. Surely you can trust me. CINDERELLA. You 've tried that on before, my man. Never again ! All in this street knows my rule, Trust in the Lord every other person, cash.

  52 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  (A penny and a ' shirt ' pass between them and he departs.

  CINDERELLA turns her attention to the newcomer.) What 's your pleasure ?

  POLICEMAN. Shave, please. CINDERELLA (quivering before his beard). Shave ! I shaves in an or
dinary way, but I don't know as I could tackle that.

  POLICEMAN. I thought you was a barber. CINDERELLA (stung). I '11 get the lather.

  (She goes doubtfully into what she calls her bedroom.

  He seizes this opportunity to survey the room. A remarkable man this, his atten tion is at once riveted on the boxes, but before he can step on a chair and take a peep the barber returns with the implements of her calling. He reaches his chair in t time not to be caught by her. She brings a bowl of soap and water and a towel, which she puts round him in the correct manner.) CINDERELLA. You 're thin on the top.

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 53

  POLICEMAN (in his winding sheet). I 've all run to beard.

  CINDERELLA (the ever ready}. I have a oint ment for the hair ; it is my own invention. The price is a penny.

  POLICEMAN (gruffly). Beard, please.

  CINDERELLA. I 've got some voice drops.

  POLICEMAN. Beard, please.

  CINDERELLA (as sJie prepares the lather). Is the streets quiet ?

  POLICEMAN (cunningly). Hereabouts they are ; but there 's great doings in the fashionable quarters. A ball, I 'm told.

  CINDERELLA (gasping). You didn't see no peculiar person about in this street ?

  POLICEMAN. How peculiar ?

  CINDERELLA. Like a a flunkey ?

  POLICEMAN. Did I now or did I not ?

  CINDERELLA (eagerly). He would be carrying an invite maybe ; it 's a big card.

  POLICEMAN. I can't say I saw him.

  (Here an astonishing thing happens. The head of a child rises from one of the boxes. She is unseen by either of the mortals.)

  54 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  CINDERELLA (considering the beard). How do I start with the like of this ?

  POLICEMAN. First you saws . . .