Barrie, J M - A Kiss For Cinderella Read online

  Darkness comes, and snow. From some where behind, the shadowy figure of CIN DERELLA'S Godmother, beautiful in a Red Cross Nurse's uniform, is seen looking benignantly on the waif. CINDERELLA is just a little vague, huddled form there is no movement.)

  GODMOTHER. Cinderella, my little godchild ! CINDERELLA (with eyes unopening). Is that you, Godmother ?

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 73

  GODMOTHER. It is I ; my poor god-daughter is ail mixed up, and I have come to help her out.

  CINDERELLA. You have been long in coming. I very near gave you up.

  GODMOTHER. Sweetheart, I couldn't come sooner, because in these days, you know, even the fairy godmother is with the Red Cross.

  CINDERELLA. Was that the reason ? I see now ; I thought perhaps you kept away because I wasn't a good girl.

  GODMOTHER. You have been a good brave girl ; I am well pleased with my darling god child.

  CINDERELLA. It is fine to be called darling ; it heats me up. I 've been wearying for it, Godmother. Life 's a kind of hard.

  GODMOTHER. It will always be hard to you, Cinderella. I can't promise you anything else.

  CINDERELLA. I don't suppose I could have my three wishes, Godmother.

  GODMOTHER. I am not very powerful in these days, Cinderella ; but what are your wishes ?

  CINDERELLA. I would like fine to have my ball, Godmother.

  74 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  GODMOTHER. You shall have your ball. CINDERELLA. I would like to nurse the wounded.

  GODMOTHER. You shall nurse the wounded. CINDERELLA. I would like to be loved by the man of my choice, Godmother.

  GODMOTHER. You shall be loved by the man of your choice.

  CINDERELLA. Thank you kindly. The ball first, if you please, and could you squeeze in the children so that they may see me in my glory.

  GODMOTHER. Now let this be my down trodden godchild's ball, not as balls are, but as they are conceived to be in a little chamber in Cinderella's head.

  (She fades from sight. In the awful still ness we can now hear the tiny clatter of horses infinitely small and infinitely far off. It is the equipage of CINDERELLA. Then an unearthly trumpet sounds thrice, and the darkness is blown away.

  It is the night of the most celebrated ball in history, and we see it through our heroine's eyes. She has, as it were, made everything

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 75

  with her own hands, from the cloths of gold to the ices.

  Nearly everything in the ball-room is of gold : it was only with an effort that she checked herself from dabbing gold on the regal countenances. You can see that she has not passed by gin-palaces without thinking about them. The walls and furniture are so golden that you have but to lean against them to acquire a compet ency. There is a golden throne with gold cloths on it, and the royal seats are three golden rocking chairs ; there would be a fourth golden rocking chair if it were not that CINDERELLA docs not want you to guess where she is to sit. These chairs are stuffed to a golden corpulency. The panoply of the throne is about twenty feet high each foot of pure gold ; and nested on the top of it is a golden reproduction of the grandest thing CINDERELI A has ever seen the private box of a theatre. In this box sit, wriggle, and sprawl the four children in their night gowns, leaning over the golden parapet as

  76 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  if to the manner born and carelessly kick ing nuggets out of it. They are shouting, pointing, and otherwise behaving badly, eating oranges out of paper bags, then blowing out the bags and bursting them. The superb scene is lit by four street lamps with red glass. Dancing is going on : the ladies all in white, the gentlemen in black with swords. If you were unused to royal balls you would think every one of these people was worth describing separately ; but, compared to what is coming, it may be said that CINDERELLA has merely pushed them on with her lovely foot. They are her idea of courtiers, and have anxious expres sions as if they knew she was watching them. They have character in the lump, if we may put it that way, but none individually. Thus one cannot smile or sigh, for instance, without all the others smiling or sighing. At night they probably sleep in two large beds, one for ladies and one for gentlemen, and if one of the ladies, say, wants to turn round, she gives the signal, and they all turn simul-

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 77

  taneously. As children they were not like this ; they had genuine personal traits, but these have gradually been blotted out as they basked in royal favour ; thus, if the KING wipes his glasses they all pretend that their glasses need wiping, and when the QUEEN lets her handkerchief fall they all stoop loyally to pick up their own.

  Down the golden steps at the back comes the LORD MAYOR, easily recognisable by his enormous chain.) LORD MAYOR. O yes, O yes, make way every

  one for the Lord Mayor namely myself.

  (They all make way for him. Two black boys fling open lovely curtains.') O yes, O yes, make way every one, and also

  myself, for Lord Times.

  (This is a magnificent person created by CINDERELLA on learning from MR. BODIE that the press is all powerful and that the * Times ' is the press. He carries one hand behind his back, as if it might be too risky to show the whole of himself at once, and it is noticeable that as he walks his feet do not

  78 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  quite touch the ground. He is the only person who is not a little staggered by the amount of gold : you almost feel that he thinks there is not quite enough of it. He very nearly sits down on one of the royal rocking chairs : and the LORD MAYOR, looking red and unhappy, and as if he had now done for himself, has to whisper to him that the seats under the throne are reserved.) O yes, O yes, make way for the Censor.

  (CINDERELLA has had a good deal of trouble over this person, of whom she has heard a great deal in war-time, without meet ing any one who can tell her what he is like. She has done her best, and he is long and black and thin, dressed as tightly as a fish, and carries an executioner's axe. All fall back from him in fear, except LORD TIMES, who takes a step forward, and then the CENSOR falls back.) O yes, CT"jPes, make way everybody for his

  Royal Highness the King, and his good lady

  the Queen.

  (The KING and QUEEN are attired like their

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 79

  portraits on playing cards, who are the only royalties CINDERELLA has seen, and ttiey advance grandly to their rocking cliairs, looking as if they thought the whole public was dirt, but not so much despised dirt as dirt with good points. LORD TIMES fixes them with his eye, and the KING hastily crosses and shakes hands with him.) O yes, O yes, Make way every one, except

  the King, and Queen, and Lord Times, for His

  Highness Prince Hard-to-Please.

  (The heir apparent comes, preceded by trumpeters. His dress may a little resemble that of the extraordinary youth seen by CINDERELLA in her only pantomime, but what quite takes our breath away is his likeness to our POLICEMAN. // the ball had taken place a night earlier it may be hazarded that the PRINCE would have presented quite a different face. It is as if CINDERELLA'S viewS of his personality had undergone some unaccountable change, confusing even to herself, and for a moment the whole scene rocks, the street lamps wink, and odd

  RO A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  shadows stalk among the courtiers, shadows of MR. BODIE, MARION, and the party in an unfinished coat, who have surely no right to be here. This is only momentarily ; then the palace steadies itself again.

  The KING rises, and in stately manner ad dresses his guests in the words CINDERELLA conceives to be proper to his royal mouth. As he stands waiting superbly for the applause to cease, he holds on to a strap hanging conveniently above his head. To CINDERELLA strap-hanging on the Under ground has been a rare and romantic privilege.)

  KING. My loyal subjects, all 'ail ! I am as proud of you as you are of me. It gives me and my good lady much pleasure to see you 'ere by special invite, feasting at our expense. There is a paper bag for each, containing two sand wiches, buttered on both
sides, a piece of cake, a hard-boiled egg, and an orange or a banana. (The cheers of the delighted courtiers gratify him, but the vulgar children over his head continue their rub-a-dub on the parapet

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 81

  until he glares up at them. Even then they continue.)

  Ladies and Gents all, pleasant though it is to fill up with good victuals, that is not the chief object of this royal invite. We are 'ere for a solemn purpose, namely, to find a mate for our noble son. All the Beauties are waiting in the lobby : no wonder he is excited.

  (All look at the PRINCE, who is rocking and yawning.)

  He will presently wake up ; but first I want to say (here he becomes conscious of LORD TIMES). What is it ?

  LORD TIMES. Less talk.

  KING. Certainly. (He sits down.)

  PRINCE (encouraged to his feet by various royal nudges). My liege King and Queen-Mother, you can have the competitors brought in, and I will take a look at them ; but I have no hope. My curse is this, that I am a scoffer about females. I can play with them for an idle hour and then cast them from me even as I cast this banana skin. I can find none so lovely that I may love her for aye from the depths of my passionate

  82 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  heart. I am so blasted particular. O yes !

  O yes ! (He sits down and looks helpless.) KING (undismayed). All ready ? (The LORD MAYOR bows.)

  All is ready, my son.

  PRINCE (bored). Then let loose the Beauts. (To heavenly music from the royal hurdy- gurdies the Beauties descend the stairs, one at a time. There are a dozen of the fine crea tures, in impudent confections such as CIN DERELLA has seen in papers in MR. BODIE'S studio ; some of them with ropes of hair hanging down their proud backs as she has seen them in a hair-dresser's window. As we know, she has once looked on at a horse show, and this has coloured her conception of a competition for a prince. The ladies prance round the ball-room like high-step ping steeds ; it is evident that CINDERELLA has had them fed immediately before re leasing them ; her pride is to show them at their very best, and then to challenge them.

  They paw the floor wantonly until LORD

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 83

  TIMES steps forward. Peace thus restored, HIS MAJESTY proceeds.)

  KING. The first duty of a royal consort being to be good, the test of goodness will now be applied by the Lord Mayor. Every competitor who does not pass in goodness will be made short work of.

  (Several ladies quake, and somewhere or other unseen CINDERELLA is chuckling.) ONE OF THE STEEDS. I wasn't told about this. It isn't fair.

  LORD MAYOR (darkly). If your Grace wishes to withdraw

  (She stamps.)

  KING. The Lord Mayor will now apply the test.

  LORD MAYOR (to a gold PAGE). The therm- mo-ometers, boy.

  (A whole boxful of thermometers is pre sented to him by the PAGE on bended knee. The LORD MAYOR is now in his element. He has ridden in gold coaches and knows what hussies young women often are. To dainty music he trips up the line of Beauties

  84 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  and pops a tube into each pouting mouth. The competitors circle around, showing their paces while he stands, watch in hand, giving them two minutes. Then airily he withdraws the tubes ; he is openly gleeful when he finds sinners. Twice he is in doubt, it is a very near thing, and he has to consult the KING in whispers : the KING takes the QUEEN aside, to whisper behind the door as it were ; then they both look at LORD TIMES, who, without even stepping for ward, says ' No ' and the doubtfuls are at once bundled out of the chamber with the cer tainties. Royalty sighs, and the courtiers sigh and the LORD MAYOR sighs in a perfunctory way, but there is a tossing of manes from the Beauties who have scraped through.) KING (stirring up the PRINCE, who has fallen

  asleep). Our Royal Bud will now graciously

  deign to pick out a few possibles.

  (His Royal Highness yawns.) LORD MAYOR (obsequiously). If your Highness

  would like a little assistance

  PRINCE (you never know how they will take

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 85

  things). We shall do this for ourselves, my

  good fellow.

  (He smacks the LORD MAYOR'S face with princely elegance. The LORD MAYOR takes this as a favour, and the courtiers gently smack each other's faces, and are very proud to be there. The PRINCE moves languidly down the line of Beauties considering their charms, occasionally nodding approval but more often screwing up his nose. The courtiers stand ready with nods or noses. Several ladies think they have been chosen, but he has only brought them into promin ence to humiliate them ; he suddenly says ' Good-bye,' and they have to go, while he is convulsed with merriment. He looks sharply at the courtiers to see if they are convulsed also, and most of them are. The others are flung out.) QUEEN (hanging on to her strap). Does our

  Royal one experience no palpitation at all ? PRINCE (sleepily). Ah me, ah me ! LORD TIMES (irritated). You are well called

  'Ard-to-Please. You would turn up your nose

  86 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  at a lady though she were shaped like Apollo's

  bow.

  (The PRINCE shrugs his shoulder to indicate that love cannot be forced.) LORD MAYOR (darkly). And now we come to

  the severer test.

  (With a neat action, rather like taking a lid off a pot, the LORD MAYOR lets it be known to the ladies that they must now lift, their skirts to show their feet. When this de vastating test is concluded, there are only two competitors left in the room.) LORD TIMES (almost as if he were thinking of

  himself). Can't have Two.

  (Cards such as CINDERELLA saw at the horse show, with ' 1st,' * 2nd,' and ' 3rd ' on them, are handed to the PRINCE. Like one well used to such proceedings, he pins 2nd and 3rd into the ladies' bodices.) QUEEN (gloomily). But still no first.

  (The children applaud ; they have been interfering repeatedly.) KING. Come, come, proud youth, you feel

  no palps at all ?

  A KISS FOR CINDERFXLA 87

  PRINCE. Not a palp. Perhaps for a moment this one's nose that one's cock of the head But it has passed.

  (He drearily resumes his rocking chair. No one seems to know what to do next.) MARIE (to the rescue). The two Ugly Sisters ! Monsieur le Roi, the two Ugly Sisters ! (She points derisively at the winners.)

  KING (badgered). How did these children get their invites ?

  (This is another thing that no one knows. Once more the room rocks, and MR. BODIE passes across it as if looking for some one. Then a growing clamour is heard outside. Bugles sound. The LORD MAYOR goes, and returns with strange news.) LORD MAYOR. Another competitor, my King. Make way for the Lady Cinderella.

  KING. Cinderella ? I don't know her. GLADYS (nearly falling out of the box). You '11 soon know her. Now you '11 see 1 Somebody wake the Prince up !

  (The portals are flung open, and CINDER ELLA is seen alighting from her lovely

  88 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  equipage, which we will not describe be cause some one has described it before. But note the little waggle of her foot just before she favours the ground. We have thought a great deal about how our CINDERELLA should be dressed for this occasion: white of course, and she looked a darling in it, but we boggle at its really being of the grandest stuff and made in the shop where the Beauties got theirs. No, the material came from poorer warehouses in some shabby district not far from the street of the penny shop ; her eyes had glistened as she gazed at it through the windows, and she paid for it with her life's blood, and made the frock herself. Very possibly it was bunchy here and there.

  CINDERELLA then comes sailing down into the ball-room, not a sound to be heard ex cept the ecstatic shrieks of the four children. She is modest but calmly confident; she knows exactly what to do. She moves once round the room to show her gown, then curtsies to the Royal personages; then,

  A KISS FOR CINDERELLA 89

  turning to the LORD MAYOR, opens her mouth and signs to him to pop i
n the ther mometer. He does it as in a dream. Presently he is excitedly showing the thermometer to the KING.) KING. Marvellous ! 99 !

  (The cry is repeated from all sides. The QUEEN Jiands the KING a long pin from her coiffure, and the PRINCE is again wakened.)

  PRINCE (with his hand to his brow). What, another ! Oh, all right ; but you know this is a dog's life. (He goes to CINDERELLA, takes one glance at her and resumes his chair.)

  LORD MAYOR (while the children blub). That settles it, I think. (He is a heartless fellow.) That will do. Stand back, my girl. CINDERELLA (calmly). I don't think. KING. It 's no good, you know. CINDERELLA (curtsying). Noble King, there is two bits of me thy son hath not yet seen. I crave my rights. (She points to the two bits re ferred to, which are encased in the loveliest glass slippers.)

  90 A KISS FOR CINDERELLA

  KING. True. Boy, do your duty.

  PRINCE. Oh, bother !

  (Those words are the last spoken by him in his present state. When we see him again, which is the moment afterwards, he is trans lated. He looks the same, but so does a clock into which new works have been put. The change is effected quite simply by CINDERELLA delicately raising her skirt and showing him her foot. As the ex quisite nature of the sight thus vouchsafed to him penetrates his being a tremor passes through his frame ; his vices take flight from him and the virtues enter. It is a heady wakening, and he falls at her feet. The courtiers are awkward, not knowing whether they should fall also. CINDERELLA beams to the children, who utter ribald cries of triumph.)

  KING (rotating on his strap). Give him air. Fill your lungs, my son.