When Whiting Writers' Award winner Teddy Wayne published his critically acclaimed debut, Kapitoil, it was hailed as "one of the best novels of [this] generation" by the Boston Globe and was shortlisted for a spate of national prizes.Jonathan Franzen wrote in The Daily Beastthat "no other writer, as far as I know, has invented such a funny andcompelling voice and story for [this type of character.]" Now, in The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, Wayne turns his sharp wit, flawless narrative ventriloquism, and humane sensibility to our monstrous obsession with fame.MegastarJonny Valentine, eleven-year-old icon of bubblegum pop, knows that thefans don't love him for who he is. The talented singer's image, voice,and even hairdo have been relentlessly packaged--by his L.A. label andhis hard-partying manager-mother, Jane--into bite-size pabulum. Butwithin the marketing machine, somewhere, Jonny is still a vulnerablelittle boy, perplexed by his budding sexuality and his heartthrobstatus, dependent on Jane, and endlessly searching for his absent fatherin Internet fan sites, lonely emails, and the crowds of faceless fans.Poignant,brilliant, and viciously funny, told through the eyes of one of themost unforgettable child narrators, this literary masterpiece exploreswith devastating insight and empathy the underbelly of success in21st-century America. The Love Song of Jonny Valentine is a tour de force by a standout voice of his generation.Review''The Love Song of Jonny Valentine takes us deep into the dark arts and even darker heart of mass-market celebrity, twenty-first-century version. In the near-pubescent hitmaker of the title, Teddy Wayne delivers a wild ride through the upper echelons of the entertainment machine as it ingests human beings at one end and spews out dollars at the other. Jonny s like all the rest of us, he wants to love and be loved, and as this brilliant novel shows, that's a dangerous way to be when you're inside the machine.'' --Ben Fountain, New York Times bestselling author''I'd wanted to go slowly and read The Love Song of Jonny Valentine over the course of a week or two, but once Jonny's voice got into my head, I was hooked and kept picking it back up, and so I ended up on the last page, reading that final, amazing sentence, at like three in the morning. This novel is a serious accomplishment . . . America as we know it, with laughs on every page, but also a book that doesn't take one cheap shot . . . And at the swirling core, you have an eleven-year-old boy trapped by his fame and trying to figure out how to move through the world, and who wants nothing more than to find his father. This is a book with a runaway narrative engine, tremendous ambitions, and an even bigger heart. I do not lie when I tell you: Teddy Wayne is as good a young writer as we have.'' --Charles Bock, New York Times bestselling author''What is most searing about Teddy Wayne's splendid new novel is not his trenchant social criticism, nor the itchy, unsettling way that he makes tragedy entertaining, but that in the bubble of celebrity which comprises little Jonny Valentine's whole world, at times the only differences between the savvy, drug-taking, lonely adults and the savvy, drug-taking, lonely kid himself are his outsized talent, and their avarice plus wrinkles.'' -- Helen Schulman, New York Times bestselling author''The Love Song of Jonny Valentine is a novel of ferocious wit and surprising poignancy. Teddy Wayne has written a pitch-perfect anthem for our surreal American Dream, a power ballad for the twenty-first-century unhappy family, an epic ode to the fleeting glory of fame . . . Adored by his fans, enslaved by the music industry, Jonny Valentine navigates the high-stakes game of celebrity while secretly longing for the love of his missing dad. And we, in turn, long for him to hold on to his soulful spirit, his baby chub, his cri de coeur, his 'major vulnerabilities.' A deeply entertaining novel with humor and heart to spare.'' --Amber Dermont, New York Times bestselling author''In Jonny Valentine, Teddy Wayne has created a vivid and achingly authentic portrait of an adolescent prodigy trying to make sense of a world from which he's been kept mostly separate. Wry, witty, and genuinely moving, this is a novel that delves into the private longings of a public figure, exposing the sometimes dark and often ridiculous inner workings of a life in show business. The Love Song of Jonny Valentine is absorbing and beautifully written - and also a ton of fun to read.'' -- Aryn Kyle, New York Times bestselling author ''Provocative and bittersweet . . . Jonny is such an engaging, sympathetic character that his voice carries the novel . . . A very funny novel when it isn't so sad, and vice versa.'' -- Kirkus Reviews (starred review)''Jonny's voice is disarming and real . . . Wayne truly makes the most of his material and comes up with a book that is both entertaining and insightful . . . Includes one of the most complicated portrayals of the mother-son relationship since Room.'' --BookPageAbout the AuthorTEDDY WAYNE, the author of Kapitoil, is the winner of a 2011 Whiting Writers' Award and a finalist for the Young Lions Fiction Award, PEN/Bingham Prize, and Dayton Literary Peace Prize. He writes regularly for the New Yorker, New York Times, Vanity Fair, McSweeney's, and other publications. He lives in New York. Views: 70
Edgar Allan Poe is at death's door. He, Richard Burton, and their companions lie imprisoned in the cells of the Madman Pratt as he prepares to launch his air-ship fleet to bombard the Great Salt Lake City.Meanwhile, Sam Clemens and Brigham Young race across the Salt Lake Valley in the carriage of a Mexican Strider, desperate to get out the message that Young is not dead, and the victim of a coup.War threatens; battle erupts; the phlogiston guns begin to fire. Can the heroes avert disaster, and will any of them survive? Views: 70
First Golfer: "Hey, how's your golf game?"Second Golfer: "Not so good. It seems the older I get, the better I used to be!" Whether you're slicing your way through the fairway or chipping up enough dirt to build an in-ground pool, there's nothing like a good golf joke to keep a duffer from taking the game too seriously (you know who you are). This riotous collection contains enough material for you and your fellow golfers to laugh your way to the 19th hole, game after game. Two golfer and their caddies were out on the course one day. By the fifteenth hole one of the golfers had blown so many putts he went berserk. He started swearing out loud, grabbed his putter and, with a mighty toss, threw it at the water hazard forty yards away. One caddy turned to the other and said, "Five bucks says he misses the water!" For anyone with a sense of humor, even those who think that golf and golfers are best left to America's Funniest Home... Views: 70
Debbie Beaumont never thought a rock star like Clyde Strummer would be interested in a big girl her. But Clyde, lead singer of the world-famous rock band Unholy Night, likes women with a little meat on their bones. After a sizzling tour bus tryst, Debbie finds herself on a whirlwind, cross country tour with the band, reaching untold sexual pleasures she'd never dreamed of. But along with rock stars comes drama, and Cedric, the blue-eyed, blonde-haired guitarist has a thing for Debbie as well. Will she be forced to choose between the two studs? Or will she manage to have both of them?This 10,000 word erotic romance features hot bbw action, including light bondage, BDSM, steamy sex, and a scorching menage a trois. Life for a big girl sure can get sexy! EXCERPT:Clyde moved over to the bar, pouring some whiskey from a tumbler into a glass. He took a large swig and set it down. Then he went over to the couch, hopping onto it, shoes and all. He patted the seat next to him. “Come sit next to me,” he said. I hesitated, unsure of what to do. “Don't worry,” he said. “I'm not going to bite. That is, unless that's what you're into.” “I know that!” I said, a little irritated. I walked over and sat next to him, arms crossed. His arm naturally draped around my shoulder, and I had to admit I didn't mind it one bit. I turned to look at him—his tall frame, long dark hair, multifarious tattoos. I still couldn't really believe I was sitting on a tour bus with him, and that his band was apparently so popular. It was like some kind of strange dream. “So...” Clyde said. “So,” I said, giggling a little bit.“You having a good time tonight?” “I am, actually.” “Good.” He leaned forward and kissed me, strong on the mouth. I could taste the whiskey on his breath, but I didn't mind. I smiled and put my arms around him, and we continued to make out. His hands trailed down to my breasts, and I didn't protest as he squeezed and massaged them through my shirt. Returning the favor, my own hand crept down to his crotch, where the bulge in his pants was already beginning to grow. I moved my hand over his stiffening cock, listening to his soft moans as I rubbed him through his pants. But I didn't stay that way for long. Barely even realizing what I was doing, I unbuttoned his fly and reached down to grab his manhood, skin on skin. I was impressed by his size. I guess it is true what they say about rock stars. He certainly had the right equipment, anyway. “You sure know how to treat a guy right,” Clyde said, as I continued to tug on him. “Big girls always do,” I said, kissing him again, feeling his tongue stud clanking against my teeth, trying to bring my own tongue as far into his mouth as I could. Views: 70
