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  [Title:The Rose and the Ring, by William Makepeace Thackeray]

  [Author:Dianne Bean, Chino Valley, Arizona.]

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  This etext was prepared by Dianne Bean, Chino Valley, Arizona.

  The Rose and the Ring by William Makepeace Thackeray

  PRELUDE

  It happened that the undersigned spent the last Christmas season

  in a foreign city where there were many English children.

  In that city, if you wanted to give a child's party, you could

  not even get a magic-lantern or buy Twelfth-Night

  characters--those funny painted pictures of the King, the Queen,

  the Lover, the Lady, the Dandy, the Captain, and so on-- with

  which our young ones are wont to recreate themselves at this

  festive time.

  My friend Miss Bunch, who was governess of a large family that

  lived in the Piano Nobile of the house inhabited by myself and my

  young charges (it was the Palazzo Poniatowski at Rome, and

  Messrs. Spillmann, two of the best pastrycooks in Christendom,

  have their shop on the ground floor): Miss Bunch, I say, begged

  me to draw a set of Twelfth-Night characters for the amusement of

  our young people.

  She is a lady of great fancy and droll imagination, and having

  looked at the characters, she and I composed a history about

  them, which was recited to the little folks at night, and served

  as our FIRESIDE PANTOMIME.

  Our juvenile audience was amused by the adventures of Giglio and

  Bulbo, Rosalba and Angelica. I am bound to say the fate of the

  Hall Porter created a considerable sensation; and the wrath of

  Countess Gruffanuff was received with extreme pleasure.

  If these children are pleased, thought I, why should not others

  be amused also? In a few days Dr. Birch's young friends will be

  expected to reassemble at Rodwell Regis, where they will learn

  everything that is useful, and under the eyes of careful ushers

  continue the business of their little lives.

  But, in the meanwhile, and for a brief holiday, let us laugh and

  be as pleasant as we can. And you elder folk--a little joking,

  and dancing, and fooling will do even you no harm. The author

  wishes you a merry Christmas, and welcomes you to the Fireside

  Pantomime.

  W. M. THACKERAY. December 1854.

  CONTENTS

  I. SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST

  II. HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT

  WITHOUT

  III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO

  MANY GRAND PERSONAGES BESIDES

  IV. HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS ANGELICA'S

  CHRISTENING

  V. HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID

  VI. HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF

  VII. HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL

  VIII. HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND PRINCE BULBO

  CAME TO COURT

  IX. HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING-PAN

  X. HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION

  XI. WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA

  XII. HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER

  XIII. HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD COUNT

  HOGGINARMO

  XIV. WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO

  XV. WE RETURN TO ROSALBA

  XVI. HOW HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO

  XVII. HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE TOOK PLACE, AND WHO WON IT

  XVIII. HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL

  XIX. AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST SCENE IN THE PANTOMIME

  THE ROSE AND THE RING

  I. SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO BREAKFAST

  This is Valoroso XXIV., King of Paflagonia, seated with his Queen

  and only child at their royal breakfast-table, and receiving the

  letter which announces to His Majesty a proposed visit from

  Prince Bulbo, heir of Padella, reigning King of Crim Tartary.

  Remark the delight upon the monarch's royal features. He is so

  absorbed in the perusal of the King of Crim Tartary's letter,

  that he allows his eggs to get cold, and leaves his august

  muffins untasted.

  'What! that wicked, brave, delightful Prince Bulbo!' cries

  Princess Angelica; 'so handsome, so accomplished, so witty--the

  conqueror of Rimbombamento, where he slew ten thousand giants!'

  'Who told you of him, my dear?' asks His Majesty.

  'A little bird,' says Angelica.

  'Poor Giglio!' says mamma, pouring out the tea.

  'Bother Giglio!' cries Angelica, tossing up her head, which

  rustled with a thousand curl-papers.

  'I wish,' growls the King--'I wish Giglio was. . .'

  'Was better? Yes, dear, he is better,' says the Queen.

  'Angelica's little maid, Betsinda, told me so when she came to my

  room this morning with my early tea.'

  'You are always drinking tea,' said the monarch, with a scowl.

  'It is better than drinking port or brandy and water;' replies

  Her Majesty.

  'Well, well, my dear, I only said you were fond of drinking tea,'

  said the King of Paflagonia, with an effort as if to command his

  temper. 'Angelica! I hope you have plenty of new dresses; your

  milliners' bills are long enough. My dear Queen, you must see

  and have some parties. I prefer dinners, but of course you will

  be for balls. Your everlasting blue velvet quite tires me: and,

  my love, I should like you to have a new necklace. Order one.

  Not more than a hundred or a hundred and fifty thousand pounds.'

  'And Giglio, dear?' says the Queen.

  'GIGLIO MAY GO TO THE--'

  'Oh, sir,' screams Her Majesty. 'Your own nephew! our late

  King's only son.'

  'Giglio may go to the tailor's, and order the bills to be sent in

  to Glumboso to pay. Confound him! I mean bless his dear heart.

  He need want for nothing; give him a couple of guineas for

  pocket-money, my dear; and you may as well order yourself

  bracelets while you are about the necklace, Mrs. V.'

  Her Majesty, or MRS. V., as the monarch facetiously called her

  (for even royalty will have its sport, and this august family

  were very much attached), embraced her husband, and, twining her

  arm round her daughter's waist, they quitted the breakfast-room

  in order to make all things ready for the princely stranger.

  When they were gone, the smile that had lighted up the eyes of

  the HUSBAND and FATHER fled--the pride of the KING fled--the MAN

  was alone. Had I the pen of a G. P. R. James, I would describe

  Valoroso's torments in the choicest language; in which I would

  a
lso depict his flashing eye, his distended nostril--his

  dressing-gown, pocket-handkerchief, and boots. But I need not

  say I have NOT the pen of that novelist; suffice it to say,

  Valoroso was alone.

  He rushed to the cupboard, seizing from the table one of the many

  egg-cups with which his princely board was served for the matin

  meal, drew out a bottle of right Nantz or Cognac, filled and

  emptied the cup several times, and laid it down with a hoarse

  'Ha, ha, ha! now Valoroso is a man again!'

  'But oh!' he went on (still sipping, I am sorry to say), 'ere I

  was a king, I needed not this intoxicating draught; once I

  detested the hot brandy wine, and quaffed no other fount but

  nature's rill. It dashes not more quickly o'er the rocks than I

  did, as, with blunderbuss in hand, I brushed away the early

  morning dew, and shot the partridge, snipe, or antlered deer!

  Ah! well may England's dramatist remark, "Uneasy lies the head

  that wears a crown!" Why did I steal my nephew's, my young

  Giglio's--? Steal! said I? no, no, no, not steal, not steal.

  Let me withdraw that odious expression. I took, and on my manly

  head I set, the royal crown of Paflagonia; I took, and with my

  royal arm I wield, the sceptral rod of Paflagonia; I took, and in

  my outstretched hand I hold, the royal orb of Paflagonia! Could

  a poor boy, a snivelling, drivelling boy--was in his nurse's arms

  but yesterday, and cried for sugarplums and puled for pap--bear

  up the awful weight of crown, orb, sceptre? gird on the sword my

  royal fathers wore, and meet in fight the tough Crimean foe?'

  And then the monarch went on to argue in his own mind (though we

  need not say that blank verse is not argument) that what he had

  got it was his duty to keep, and that, if at one time he had

  entertained ideas of a certain restitution, which shall be

  nameless, the prospect by a CERTAIN MARRIAGE of uniting two

  crowns and two nations which had been engaged in bloody and

  expensive wars, as the Paflagonians and the Crimeans had been,

  put the idea of Giglio's restoration to the throne out of the

  question: nay, were his own brother, King Savio, alive, he would

  certainly will the crown from his own son in order to bring about

  such a desirable union.

  Thus easily do we deceive ourselves! Thus do we fancy what we

  wish is right! The King took courage, read the papers, finished

  his muffins and eggs, and rang the bell for his Prime Minister.

  The Queen, after thinking whether she should go up and see

  Giglio, who had been sick, thought 'Not now. Business first;

  pleasure afterwards. I will go and see dear Giglio this

  afternoon; and now I will drive to the jeweller's, to look for

  the necklace and bracelets.' The Princess went up into her own

  room, and made Betsinda, her maid, bring out all her dresses; and

  as for Giglio, they forgot him as much as I forget what I had for

  dinner last Tuesday twelve-month.

  II. HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN, AND PRINCE GIGLIO WENT

  WITHOUT

  Paflagonia, ten or twenty thousand years ago, appears to have

  been one of those kingdoms where the laws of succession were not

  settled; for when King Savio died, leaving his brother Regent of

  the kingdom, and guardian of Savio's orphan infant, this

  unfaithful regent took no sort of regard of the late monarch's

  will; had himself proclaimed sovereign of Paflagonia under the

  title of King Valoroso XXIV., had a most splendid coronation, and

  ordered all the nobles of the kingdom to pay him homage. So long

  as Valoroso gave them plenty of balls at Court, plenty of money

  and lucrative places, the Paflagonian nobility did not care who

  was king; and as for the people, in those early times, they were

  equally indifferent. The Prince Giglio, by reason of his tender

  age at his royal father's death, did not feel the loss of his

  crown and empire. As long as he had plenty of toys and

  sweetmeats, a holiday five times a week and a horse and gun to go

  out shooting when he grew a little older, and, above all, the

  company of his darling cousin, the King's only child, poor Giglio

  was perfectly contented; nor did he envy his uncle the royal

  robes and sceptre, the great hot uncomfortable throne of state,

  and the enormous cumbersome crown in which that monarch appeared

  from morning till night. King Valoroso's portrait has been left

  to us; and I think you will agree with me that he must have been

  sometimes RATHER TIRED of his velvet, and his diamonds, and his

  ermine, and his grandeur. I shouldn't like to sit in that

  stifling robe with such a thing as that on my head.

  No doubt, the Queen must have been lovely in her youth; for

  though she grew rather stout in after life, yet her features, as

  shown in her portrait, are certainly PLEASING. If she was fond

  of flattery, scandal, cards, and fine clothes, let us deal gently

  with her infirmities, which, after all, may be no greater than

  our own. She was kind to her nephew; and if she had any scruples

  of conscience about her husband's taking the young Prince's

  crown, consoled herself by thinking that the King, though a

  usurper, was a most respectable man, and that at his death Prince

  Giglio would be restored to his throne, and share it with his

  cousin, whom he loved so fondly.

  The Prime Minister was Glumboso, an old statesman, who most

  cheerfully swore fidelity to King Valoroso, and in whose hands

  the monarch left all the affairs of his kingdom. All Valoroso

  wanted was plenty of money, plenty of hunting, plenty of

  flattery, and as little trouble as possible. As long as he had

  his sport, this monarch cared little how his people paid for it:

  he engaged in some wars, and of course the Paflagonian newspapers

  announced that he had gained prodigious victories: he had

  statues erected to himself in every city of the empire; and of

  course his pictures placed everywhere, and in all the

  print-shops: he was Valoroso the Magnanimous, Valoroso the

  Victorious, Valoroso the Great, and so forth;--for even in these

  early times courtiers and people knew how to flatter.

  This royal pair had one only child, the Princess Angelica, who,

  you may be sure, was a paragon in the courtiers' eyes, in her

  parents', and in her own. It was said she had the longest hair,

  the largest eyes, the slimmest waist, the smallest foot, and the

  most lovely complexion of any young lady in the Paflagonian

  dominions. Her accomplishments were announced to be even

  superior to her beauty; and governesses used to shame their idle

  pupils by telling them what Princess Angelica could do. She

  could play the most difficult pieces of music at sight. She

  could answer any one of Mangnall's Questions. She knew every

  date in the history of Paflagonia, and every other country. She

  knew French, English, Italian, German, Spanish, Hebrew, Greek,

  Latin, Cappadocian, Samothracian, Aegean, and Crim Tartar. In a

  word, she was a most accomplished young creature; and her
r />   governess and lady-in-waiting was the severe Countess Gruffanuff.

  Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruffanuff must have

  been a person of highest birth? She looks so haughty that I

  should have thought her a princess at the very least, with a

  pedigree reaching as far back as the Deluge. But this lady was

  no better born than many other ladies who give themselves airs;

  and all sensible people laughed at her absurd pretensions. The

  fact is, she had been maid-servant to the Queen when Her Majesty

  was only Princess, and her husband had been head footman; but

  after his death or DISAPPEARANCE, of which you shall hear

  presently, this Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and

  wheedling her royal mistress, became a favourite with the Queen

  (who was rather a weak woman), and Her Majesty gave her a title,

  and made her nursery governess to the Princess.

  And now I must tell you about the Princess's learning and

  accomplishments, for which she had such a wonderful character.

  Clever Angelica certainly was, but as IDLE as POSSIBLE. Play at

  sight, indeed! she could play one or two pieces, and pretend that

  she had never seen them before; she could answer half a dozen

  Mangnall's Questions; but then you must take care to ask the

  RIGHT ones. As for her languages, she had masters in plenty, but

  I doubt whether she knew more than a few phrases in each, for all

  her presence; and as for her embroidery and her drawing, she

  showed beautiful specimens, it is true, but WHO DID THEM?

  This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must go back

  ever so far, and tell you about the FAIRY BLACKSTICK.

  III. TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE EVER SO

  MANY GRAND PERSONAGES BESIDES

  Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tartary, there lived

  a mysterious personage, who was known in those countries as the

  Fairy Blackstick, from the ebony wand or crutch which she

  carried; on which she rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other

  excursions of business or pleasure, and with which she performed

  her wonders.

  When she was young, and had been first taught the art of

  conjuring by the necromancer, her father, she was always

  practicing her skill, whizzing about from one kingdom to another

  upon her black stick, and conferring her fairy favours upon this

  Prince or that. She had scores of royal godchildren; turned

  numberless wicked people into beasts, birds, millstones, clocks,

  pumps, boot jacks, umbrellas, or other absurd shapes; and, in a

  word, was one of the most active and officious of the whole

  College of fairies.

  But after two or three thousand years of this sport, I suppose

  Blackstick grew tired of it. Or perhaps she thought, 'What good

  am I doing by sending this Princess to sleep for a hundred years?

  by fixing a black pudding on to that booby's nose? by causing

  diamonds and pearls to drop from one little girl's mouth, and

  vipers and toads from another's? I begin to think I do as much

  harm as good by my performances. I might as well shut my

  incantations up, and allow things to take their natural course.

  'There were my two young goddaughters, King Savio's wife, and

  Duke Padella's wife, I gave them each a present, which was to

  render them charming in the eyes of their husbands, and secure

  the affection of those gentlemen as long as they lived. What

  good did my Rose and my Ring do these two women? None on earth.

  From having all their whims indulged by their husbands, they

  became capricious, lazy, ill-humoured, absurdly vain, and leered

  and languished, and fancied themselves irresistibly beautiful,

  when they were really quite old and hideous, the ridiculous

  creatures! They used actually to patronise me when I went to pay

  them a visit--ME, the Fairy Blackstick, who knows all the wisdom

  of the necromancers, and could have turned them into baboons, and

  all their diamonds into strings of onions, by a single wave of my

  rod!' So she locked up her books in her cupboard, declined

  further magical performances, and scarcely used her wand at all

  except as a cane to walk about with.

  So when Duke Padella's lady had a little son (the Duke was at