Choose Me Read online

  Because I don't think I can handle him being in my bedroom for more than ten minutes.

  I pull on my favorite shorts and the top I was wearing the first night I saw him play, the one with 'KISS ME' in huge block capitals. I comb my hair, run my hands through it, then blot it one last time with a towel and leave the bathroom. Ben's by the window, bare-chested, his arms folded, an enthralled look on this face.

  "All done."

  He turns in slow motion, his eyes glued to my mouth. My God! He's so beautiful. The way he looks at me, those sculpted, well-defined muscles, he's perfection personified. I want to touch him and do things I never liked doing with Leonardo.

  I swallow and close my eyes for a few seconds. What the hell am I thinking?

  One month, Caterina, be patient. Just one more month and everything will be clear.

  Ben locks himself in the bathroom and two seconds later I hear the water running. I sit on the bed and cross my legs, then type a quick message into the group chat I have with Mark and Erika.

  CATERINA: What the hell are you guys up to?

  I press send, not really expecting an answer.

  ERIKA: Nothing!

  MARK: Liar. We've screwing here, leave us alone!

  CATERINA: You're both crazy!

  ERIKA: If I were you I'd focus on what's happening in your room instead of wasting time chatting with us.

  Erika's comment is surprising but it's Mark's next text that totally confuses me.

  MARK: As much as the idea of you and my brother getting it on makes me cringe, I'm with Erika. Just get on with it, it's about time. Love ya, Cat-Babe!

  WTF?

  The bathroom door swings open and a cloud of vanilla and apricot-scented steam billows into the room. Ben's skin, reddened by the hot water of the shower, shines in the reflection of the sun streaming through the open curtains. His chest is flecked with sparkling drops of water and he has a towel wrapped loosely around his waist.

  It's time to flee. To take my things and run, screaming and shouting, far, far away.

  "I left my things in here." He points at the folded up shirt and shorts on the side of the bed.

  What a coincidence! He went into the bathroom for a shower and to get dressed and...ooops...he left his clothes in here. What an asshole.

  "Sure, of course you did," I say, without even thinking. I bite my lip.

  Ben laughs. "You think I left them here on purpose?" He folds his muscly arms across his chest and looks at me with a defiant smile. His wet hair is combed back, making him look younger and even sexier.

  "I don't think anything," I answer, irritated, turning my attention back to my iPhone, which is about to die on me.

  "Did you fight with your boyfriend?" He sits down on the bed, his back to me as he pulls on his shorts. "That bastard forgot to give me my underwear."

  Oh. My. God! He's like the Chinese water torture. Drip, drip, one drop at a time until I break down under the force of his perseverance.

  "I didn't fight with anyone." I think about it and decide it's better to talk about Leonardo than think about Ben wandering around my room with no underwear on. It doesn't matter that he's wearing a pair of knee-length black board shorts, the only thing my brain can focus on is the fact that he's going commando and I have to force my eyes to stop staring between his legs.

  "So, what's happening? You want to leave him and don't know how to go about it?" Why is he provoking me like this?

  "I have no intention of leaving him!"

  He gets to his feet and stands in front of me, then leans over the bed, his hands flat on the mattress, his face only a few inches from mine.

  "You sure about that?" The familiar scent of my shampoo on his hair drives me crazy. My shampoo, on him. I'm not sure of anything anymore.

  "What are you doing?" I ask, my voice low. I want to say something witty but can't. It took all my strength to utter those four miserable words.

  "Nothing. I'm just curious to see if you want me as much as I want you." He moves closer and sniffs my hair.

  I look down at his bare chest and his muscly arms and catch my breath. "Ben..."

  I know I shouldn't move. I know, because he's too close. But I tilt my head to one side, leaving a gap he wastes no time filling with his mouth. He touches me lightly with the tip of his tongue and I let out a muffled groan. His strong hands grab me, pushing me down on the bed, and in less than two seconds he's on top of me, moving so fast and decisively that I'm stunned into silence. He buries his mouth against my neck and showers me with tiny kisses, leaving a hot trail on my skin. I put my hands on his shoulders, trying to hold him back, as if I want to push him away, but without applying any pressure. He works his way back down my neck then flicks his tongue behind my ear, making me inadvertently arch my hips against his.

  His hand strokes my waist then slips under my shirt, working its way up toward my breast. He looks up then stares into my eyes with such heat and intensity I think he'll catch fire at any moment. I'm unable to look away or say anything. It's taking everything I have to just breathe.

  He pushes the edge of my top down, freeing one of my breasts, which he strokes softly, his cold hands immediately making my nipples hard.

  He leans forward and rubs his nose along my cheek, down to my neck. He glances up at me and if his eyes are made of fire then I'm made of ice, completely frozen. He increases the pressure of his fingers around my breasts and squeezes my nipple between his thumb and index finger, making me stiffen even more. He pushes my legs apart with his knees and slowly rubs himself against me, and I'm both stunned and excited. His hand moves back to my face and he strokes my cheek, then runs his fingers over my lips, before slipping his hand behind my neck and pulling my face up toward his.

  I kiss him first, there's no doubt about that. I lean forward and, with all my strength, kiss his lips.

  He doesn't need any further encouragement. He runs his tongue over my lips, nibbling them gently, before slipping it into my mouth. I wrap one of my legs around him and arch my back to feel him even closer, running my hands through his wet hair, as I literally devour him.

  I longed for that kiss so much my heart's beating out of control. His warm tongue moves expertly in my mouth, with so much passion I find it hard to breathe. He pulls my shirt off with such agility that I barely notice he's taken his mouth off mine. I put my hand on his back and caress him, stroking up and down, finally giving in to months of fantasizing. His skin is soft and velvety, yet I can feel the power of his muscles underneath. He can't want me more than I want him, it's not possible, because if that were so, then we're both screwed.

  He slowly unbuttons my shorts and when he realizes I'm not going to stop him, he pulls them off, leaving me in my underwear. Breathing hard against my hair, he runs his hand along my thigh and up onto my stomach and lets out a loud moan when I flick his earlobe with my tongue. Without hesitation, he slips a hand inside my panties, making me catch my breath.

  He stops and suddenly pulls his hand away as if he's had an electric shock. He moves his head away from my mouth and rests his forehead between my breasts.

  He's breathing hard, first through his mouth, then through his nose and again through his mouth. "Shit!" His voice, muffled against my body makes my heart skip a beat.

  "What...what's wrong?" I'm literally paralyzed.

  "Shit! You're smooth...you're so goddamn smooth. I need a moment...fuck!"

  He looks up at me and his excited smile makes me lose control. I want him. Now.

  He kisses me obsessively then slips his hand back under the elastic of my thong, pulling it down eagerly. He pulls it off then kicks it away and his hands are back on me, all over me. Jesus, they're so cold.

  He caresses me softly, breathlessly. "You're so hot."

  His passionate kiss makes me arch my hips against his hand and, as I move, he slips a finger inside me. "Tell me you only get this wet for me."

  Great. Does this seem like the right time for making comparisons? But my b
ody and my brain right now are two separate entities. I nod and he stops again, panting hard.

  His fingers are skilled, too skilled. I've only ever been with one other guy in my life.

  He kisses me softly on the lips, then my chin, before pulling his fingers from inside me, and I know I'll never be the same again.

  He takes his shorts off. Naked, he rubs himself against me, making the hairs on my arms stand on end, then does the same with his mouth. One at a time he calmly kisses my breasts, then my stomach, licking me slowly until he comes to the point where I'm craving his touch.

  He looks at me for a second, just enough for me to gaze into his beautiful green eyes. He bites down on his lower lip then smiles a self-satisfied grin, as if he's won. He really has won, but for me, losing has never felt so sweet.

  His head is between my legs and I feel an incredible orgasm mounting inside me as soon as his tongue touches the most sensitive part of my body.

  But it wasn't an orgasm. Discovering sex at sixteen isn't the same as at nineteen, with another guy. Everything I know I learned with Leonardo. But Ben...Ben could give me a crash course in Sex and Delirium (Honors class, of course).

  I thrash with pleasure every time his tongue touches me, convinced it's the most intense feeling I’ve ever felt, but I'm wrong.

  He continues to move his tongue expertly inside me, up and down, non-stop, until my body has a sudden and completely unknown reaction. A fire starting deep inside my stomach, swooping downward toward my center, where Ben and his tongue are still working away. I arch my back in surprise, my toes curling up, all my muscles begin to contract and then a wave of something...something that shakes me from head to toe, spreads throughout my body. I spasm uncontrollably and have to suffocate a scream, which leaves me unable to breathe for a few seconds. Ben moves even faster and waves of breathtaking, overpowering pleasure wash over me, one after another, coming at such a rhythm that I'm unable to stop them. I throw my head back on the pillow, enjoying this simultaneous sensation of hot and cold shivers. I'm stunned.

  What was that?

  Whatever it was, I want to feel it again, now, over and over. I lie panting on the bed as the waves becomes less intense and Ben pulls his mouth away from my body. He kisses me gently between the legs then works his way back up my body until his head is next to mine.

  Oh. My. God.

  If that was an orgasm what have I been feeling up to now? What the hell was it I felt with Leonardo?

  I have no chance to catch my breath or even remember my name and where I am. I lie here gasping, staring at the ceiling in amazement, while Ben curls up next to me.

  "Blondie, where the fuck have you been till now?" His hot breath against my ear burns me up.

  In the wrong place, obviously.

  My body is beaded with sweat and I can't move. I swear, I'd love to return the favor, but my whole body aches and I need to get my breath back. I need a moment to calm down. Ben's lips brush against my neck and I tremble from head to toe.

  How did I miss out on this for so long?

  "I've wanted to taste you from the moment I saw you."

  And the earth beneath my feet moves again. He grins excitedly and I grin back in perfect contentment. I can't speak, I've forgotten how, so I brush my lips against his, closing my eyes to savor the moment. He moves a strand of hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear and I notice his hands are shaking.

  Benjamin Carter will make me lose my head and my heart and shake me up so much there'll be nothing left of the old me.

  I straddle him and look straight into his beautiful eyes, then kiss him with all the strength I have left, not caring that his mouth has just been inside me. This guy just made me feel the strongest emotion I ever felt before. With just the touch of his tongue he took me to paradise before dragging me down to hell. He deserves a statue.

  The old Caterina would probably be dying right now. Dying of embarrassment, guilt, fear of not being good enough or experienced enough or beautiful enough to turn him on...the new Caterina, on the other hand, is utterly shameless. She feels no shame, not even when he looks at me like that, while he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world, a coveted trophy, a treasure.

  He's so naked, so hard that I want to start all over again. I take him between my hands and return the favor, or at least I'm going to try.

  15

  I have a sharp pain in my legs from contracting them so much during...during my surprise sexual escapades with Benjamin just an hour ago. I don't even know how I feel about it. I mean, I'm happy, ecstatically happy. After three months of suffering, accompanied by half-innocent jokes, languid glances, and goose bumps every time I saw him, kissing him was a dream come true. In that room, with the whole world outside, the only thing that mattered was him.

  I quickly run my hands over my face then through my hair, holding back a small scream. I can't believe I let him undress me and do...what he did...without at least pretending to put up a fight.

  A week ago, sitting on the hood of his car, with my legs wide apart, I'd been so good at saying, 'No'. Then...well, apparently there's a limit to the number of times you can turn down Benjamin Carter: one.

  I'm so lost in my thoughts I even let Mark drive my car. He's the only one of the guys who hasn't left early for the festival.

  "There's no need for the whole gang to turn up," he'd said to Ben when he went back to their room. I get the impression it's all an excuse, however. He sent Erika and Jessica off with Abby in her car and now he's itching to give me the third degree.

  I told Ben I don't want anyone to know what happened in my room, at least for the moment. He wasn't very pleased, but he agreed. He's the most private person I know. He hates it when people know his business and he never makes romantic gestures when he's in public. I thought he would have said something like, 'It never even crossed my mind...' I wasn't expecting it when, still lying in my bed, he raised his head slightly and gave me a disappointed look.

  I drum my fingertips against my forehead. Sure. As if not telling anyone about us will solve the problem. As if we could just sweep it under the carpet by pretending it didn't happen.

  It might help if I felt the teeniest, tiniest bit guilty. I keep trying to force myself to feel something but it's turning out to be very difficult when all I want to do is unclip my seat belt and yell, 'Hey, world! I just had my first real orgasm!!!'

  I feel so overwhelmingly liberated that I can hardly sit still. All those things they tell us about virginity, as if it were really important. The world is divided into virgins and non-virgins, but that's all bullshit. After that first time with Leo I didn't feel any different. I didn't feel like I'd suddenly become a woman. If anything I felt guilty. For years my father had made it clear that he would have preferred me to wait until at least the last year of high school. Well, I obviously wasn't listening. He kept telling me that sex is important, but that you have to be over sixteen to really appreciate it. Of course, he would have been more than happy if I'd waited till I was thirty, but I didn't listen anyway. I don't know if nineteen is old enough. If I'd waited three years before doing it with Leonardo, would anything have changed? Would I have felt the same rush of pleasure I felt with Ben? I guess I'll never know.

  "Right, spill the beans, Cat-Babe!" Mark interrupts my obsessive thoughts and I can't help smiling like an idiot.

  "First you tell me what happened with Erika and then, maybe, I'll tell you what happened in my room," I tease, nudging him.

  He laughs and shakes his head, making me feel silly. It's obvious nothing happened. "Shit, Cat! Don't leave me hanging here, we're almost there. Say something!" He turns the music down and turns to look at me.

  "We kissed, okay?" I blurt, feeling my cheeks catch fire. Thank God we decided to keep it a secret.

  "And..." he prods.

  "And that's it!"

  "No way am I believing that. You were all alone for an hour and you're telling me all you did was kiss? You're trying to tell me m
y brother didn't try anything? I don't believe you."

  "I'm not saying he didn't try anything, I'm saying we didn't do anything. Except kiss," I specify, not too convincingly.

  "Yeah, yeah, sure." He turns right onto the country road that takes us out of town.

  "Don't you believe me?" I mean, two people can be alone in a room for an hour and just kiss, can't they? I mean, he sleeps in my bed so he's the first who should know how possible it is. Especially since the brief, post-'mother of all orgasms' pause, we'd each taken another shower, got dressed, then lay in bed, kissing like two thirteen year olds, without doing anything else. We talked about the concert, and how important tonight is. About how, if they finish in the top seven tonight they'll qualify for the second round tomorrow night. I don't tell him I’m more interested in discovering how many ways he and his amazing tongue can kill me with pleasure. So, it was just him and me, lying on the bed, kissing innocently. Period.

  "Nope, I don't believe a word!" Mark replies in a deep Batman-style voice, which makes me laugh. "Particularly since he took another shower when he got back to our room..." He raises one eyebrow suggestively and lightly taps my thigh.

  "Perhaps it was a cold one!" I brazen it out.

  "Who knows..."

  The stage is set up in a large field not far from the main road and the area around it is already full of people. We park up behind the stage in an area reserved for musicians. Luckily, each of the guys has been given an extra pass, otherwise we girls would have to make our way through the crowd and frankly, just the idea of having to push my way through all those people, crushing me left, right and center, brings on a panic attack.

  I cling onto Mark's arm and let him lead me toward the others. Jessica, Erika, and Abby quickly get out of the car and follow us in.

  "My God! This place is crazy! I never expected so many people." Erika's eyes are wide as she watches the mass of people writhing under the stage. Thank God there are barriers to protect us.