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  His eyes are like deep wishing wells which swallow me up, confusing me. Instantly my throat goes dry and I almost gasp when I smell his strong scent. He watches me carefully, almost imploring me to narrow the distance between us.

  And I want to. I want to close my eyes and taste his lips. He quickly licks his lips and inches forward. My heart's about to burst out of my chest and I think he knows it. I think he knows exactly what I'm feeling right now, as we stand on the side of the road, in the glare of a streetlamp, in the silence of the sleepy suburbs.

  I close my eyes for a second and he leans his forehead delicately against mine.

  Nothing else exists anymore. His breathing is as heavy as mine and a thousand thoughts fill my head, bringing me tumbling down toward the inevitable.

  His lips brush against mine and his unfamiliar touch shakes me from head to toe. What the hell am I doing? I have a boyfriend! I've gone too far and if I don't stop, if I let my heart rule my head, there'll be no turning back.

  I suddenly pull back and place two fingers on his moist lips. "I have a boyfriend," I whisper breathlessly, more to myself than to him.

  Perhaps if I hear the word spoken out loud, I'll recover at least a small part of my good sense.

  It's hard to believe it though, because my whole body wants more from his. My hands, my legs, my senses, my heart, they're all his right now and Ben knows it, that's why he's not let go of me and still has his forehead pressed against mine.

  "I know." His voice is hoarse and his deep sighs blend with mine.

  My fingers are still on his full lips and the feel of his breath makes me dizzy again.

  Instinctively, I slide my index finger onto his chin, then run it down his neck until my hand is on his pounding heart. He touches my nose with his, then touches my cheek with his lips in a soft, velvety caress. Whenever his lips touch my skin, I get goose bumps. The sensation is indescribable.

  "Tell me to stop and I will."

  With one hand gently on my back, he strokes the back of my neck with the other, moving his cold fingers up and down with featherlight caresses, making me shiver with cold and pleasure.

  He leans in close until he touches my body, just enough for me to feel how hard he is. He's excited and I'm the one who makes him feel like that and it takes all my self-control and more to not totally lose my head.

  "I can't." I want to, but I can't. Leonardo doesn't deserve it. He doesn't deserve this vile behavior.

  Ben pulls away and rests his lips on my forehead, wrapping me in a tender and endearing embrace. His chest is against my breasts and another thrill of excitement invades my body.

  I've got a boyfriend, damn it! I shouldn't even be in this situation.

  We drive home in silence and for once the music blaring out of the speakers is a pleasant distraction.

  I didn't have the courage to tell Mark what happened with his brother. Even though it was late, I knew he would come, and when he crept into my room I pretended to be asleep. Casey's car pulled into the Carters’ driveway half an hour after we got back and I stood in the dark of my bedroom spying on Ben's, until he closed the curtains and turned off the light. We were about to kiss then thirty minutes later that girl's in his bed.

  Again.

  A dull pain hits me straight in the heart. It could have been me, in that room, in that bed, if what little will power I have left hadn’t taken over. I could be the one being used by that handsome, complicated guy, satisfying his needs, perhaps helping him forget the woman who broke his heart.

  13

  Tampa is just over an hour away and I've decided to take my Jeep. The girls are in the back seat, while Mark is sprawled on the front seat, fiddling with the dials on the radio and insulting us each time a pop song comes on and we beg him to let us hear it. He looks so serene and peaceful. The top's down and we're singing at the top of our voices, the wind's in our hair and the adrenaline is racing through our veins.

  Ben's up front in his Mustang, together with Ryan and most of their equipment, Kris is following behind with Abby and his drumkit while, somehow, we've managed to fit all the bags in my car. The guys have one backpack each, while me, Jessica, and Erika have packed enough for a month. At least.

  Tampa is beautiful. Green, well-trimmed lawns, and clean streets with not a cigarette butt in sight. We've booked a motel right on the beach and it's the second Friday in a row that I've skipped class but I refuse to feel guilty.

  "Cat, there..." Mark points to a parking spot near the entrance, though it looks a little tight for my tastes.

  I manage to park, however and we quickly check in then Erika and I race upstairs to our room, toss our bags inside, literally, grab the backpacks that we'd already prepared with beach towels, flip-flops, sunscreen, and a whole collection of gossip mags. As we're dashing downstairs we bump into Ben and Mark.

  "Hi, we're on the beach if you need anything!” Erika yells, as excited as ever. She takes my hand and we run through the parking lot, only stopping when we hit the sidewalk. We're out of breath and can't wait to get there. Anyone would think the beach was about to disappear at any minute.

  We laugh excitedly, slipping out of our clothes, then help each other to apply sunscreen. I use factor ten, she uses fifty. I want to get dark brown while she, quite rightly, points out that she can't possibly get any darker.

  The sand between my toes feels divine. It's cool and soft and so fine that it slides under our feet with each step. It must be about sixty yards from the beach to the ocean and when we finally dip our feet in the cold water we're sweaty and tired.

  We spread our beach towels out with meticulous accuracy, paying careful attention not to move even a grain of sand. I take my iPhone from my bag and press play. “I Follow Rivers” by Lykke Li fills my ears at full blast and I lie down in my bikini, my face turned to the sun.

  Ah, finally. Peace.

  However, peace doesn't last very long, not when your best friend is Mark Carter.

  He pours a bottle of water onto my stomach and I leap up in panic, which is stupid. I should have known he'd pull something like that. What I didn't expect was that he'd use the water as an excuse to get me up. He pulls out my earbuds and tosses them on the beach towel, then picks me up and carries me down to the sea before throwing me in the water. The freezing cold seeps deep into my bones and I swallow a huge mouthful of salt water. My fault, I was too busy screaming to close my mouth before I hit the water.

  I cough and splutter, tears streaming from my eyes, but Mark won't let up.

  "Stupid!" I scream, between coughing fits. But then I laugh and he takes it as an invitation to push my head under water again.

  Poor Erika's in the water now, too, thrown in by Ben, who looks even hotter with wet hair, and that huge, charming grin.

  Mark picks me up again. "Ben, catch!" He throws me about six feet in the air and Ben catches me a second before I end up in the water.

  He laughs like a little kid and runs his hands through his hair before grabbing me by the waist.

  "Stop, stop! That's enough, please!" I plead, feeling like a human football, hoping he's not going to throw me back to Mark.

  "Bomb away!" he yells, sending me flying through the air even faster than his brother did. This time however, Mark doesn't catch me in time and I crash into him, ending up upside down in the water.

  "Incoming!" I hear him shout, and manage to get out of the way before Erika lands on top of Mark, who instead of being angry, laughs like crazy.

  Quickly I try to get away but Ben catches hold of me, holding me tight in his muscly arms. "Where do you think you're going?"

  The friction of our bodies, wet skin on wet skin, almost makes me lose control. His warm skin is like a wetsuit designed especially for my body.

  I turn around and propel myself upward onto his shoulders, wrapping my leg around his, trying to make him fall backward, but my pathetic attack backfires in two seconds flat. Ben laughs and throws his head back and I find myself clinging onto him, whi
le he remains firm in the water. He spreads his arms wide, with me still wrapped improbably around his shoulders, and lets himself fall back into the water, taking me with him. He holds onto my waist and we stay underwater for a few seconds, our bodies clinging together. I lash out with my foot and swim up to the surface, accidentally kicking him on the knee. We resurface one in front of the other, our bodies close together, almost too close, and his gaze drops to my breasts and for a fraction of a second his eyes open wide.

  Before I realize what he's staring at, he reaches out and touches my breast, adjusting the triangle of my bikini top that has had a wardrobe malfunction and left me half naked. He licks his lips and lets out a gruff moan. My face is bright red and I cover my breasts, making sure my bikini top is back in place.

  He wraps his leg around mine, forcing me to spread them, then pulls me in close so our hips are touching. There’s no stopping him now and I let him do it.

  He presses himself between my legs, against the most sensitive part of my body, and I stop breathing.

  "Bombs away!" Mark yells from behind me. Ben glances up and has just enough time to push us to the left before Erika comes flying toward us. We dive underwater again. We're so wrapped around each other I have trouble working out which is the sea and which is the sky. Fortunately, he grabs me by the arm and pulls me back to the surface. I swallow another gallon of seawater and emerge coughing even louder than before.

  "Are you trying to kill me?" I splutter.

  "That's the last thing on my mind right now." Ben's mouth brushes against my ear and his warm breath on my cold skin makes me shiver even more. I feel my nipples harden and quickly close my legs. I think I just had a tiny orgasm.

  He reaches out for Erika and grabs hold of her by arms. "Mark, get her legs." His brother doesn't need to be told twice and he's on the receiving end of a couple of kicks as Erika tries to get away. However, resistance is useless against the Carter boys and their muscles and soon they're swinging her from side to side.

  "One...two...three..." Erika spins in the air and almost belly-flops back into the water. Fortunately, she's so agile she lands gracefully. I would have hit the water belly first, so hard, everyone on the beach would die laughing.

  Then Mark spots me and I start swimming crazily back to shore. There's no way they're throwing me in the air like that.

  "Scaredy Cat!" he shouts, before turning his attention back to Erika, who is so tired and breathless from laughing that she can hardly stand.

  I lie down on my beach towel, enjoying the hot sun. I still have goose bumps and lie here watching my friends play, even though my gaze is always on Ben. After our almost-kiss last week things were back to normal. We've studied together all week without problems, without looking at each other too much, without too many silly comments or smiles.

  Then Mark arrives and ruins everything. It's all Mark's fault, Mark and his stupid water games.

  Ben comes out of the water and walks toward me, his perfect body moving sinuously with each step. He should be a model. He shakes his head from side to side to eliminate the excess water from his hair, leaving me literally drooling.

  He lies face down on Erika's towel and I find it hard to swallow. I lie down, too, my face turned to the sun, and close my eyes, trying to forget the elephant in the room lying next to me.

  Suddenly, my iPhone rings, annoying and insistent, and I reach out and answer, but I'm so blinded by the bright sun I can't make out the caller's name.

  "Don't tell me, I know you've already forgotten me.” Leonardo's warm voice rings in my ears, making my head spin.

  "Ciao," I say, too loudly. I clear my throat and stand up. "How are you?"

  "Where are you?" he asks, trying to sound neutral, which is typical of Leonardo when he's attempting to hide his anxiety.

  "I'm at the beach in Tampa with Erika. Didn't I tell you?" Yes, of course I did, more or less, but I obviously didn't tell him about the Carter boys and their concert.

  "Yes, but I thought you were leaving this afternoon. Didn't you have classes this morning."

  "We skipped them!" I sound almost hysterical.

  He's silent for a few seconds and I bite my nails waiting for him to say something. "You? You played truant? I hardly recognize you."

  His sad voice pierces my soul. Have I really changed so much in only three months? I only skipped one class, it was bound to happen sooner or later, and I hate the fact that he thinks I'm so predictable that he's shocked because I took a day off school.

  "Well, it wasn't an important class and we wanted to get some sunbathing in." Why am I justifying myself?

  Because you feel guilty, says the little voice in my head.

  I turn around and Ben’s looking at me. His lips are tight and he doesn't take his eyes off me for one second, following my every move.

  "Tata, what the hell is going on over there? You're so strange lately. Have you met someone?"

  Shit! Shit! Shit!

  "What are you talking about?" I can't stand the feeling of Ben's eyes on me any longer and turn toward the sea. My forehead is damp with sweat and my legs are trembling slightly.

  Yes, I've met someone, a guy who makes me lose all my senses, who provokes me continuously and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm torn between the love I feel for Leonardo, the right thing to do, and the desire to jump into bed with my next door neighbor, and let him run his experienced hands all over me and for once not have to worry about being a good girl, being predictable, most of all, I'd like not to have to worry about what people think.

  I'm chatting with my adorable boyfriend but I can't stop thinking about the guy on the beach towel only a few feet away from me.

  "Tata, I miss you so much. These past three months without you have been awful." His voice fades to a whisper and I squeeze my phone tighter. "I don't know if I can hold out till Christmas. I want to get on the first plane just so I can be with you..."

  Nooooo, no, no, no! For God's sake, no, I want to scream.

  "I miss you, too. This month will fly by, you'll see, then I'll be in Rome and, I promise, we'll be together every day, every night, every second."

  That hole forms in my stomach again. This is the moment when I should tell him that something changed for me the moment I stepped foot in Orlando, but I'm not brave enough. It's not just Ben, or the effect he has on me, it's something else, something inside me. My feelings for him are broken in some way but I don’t say it out loud. I can't do this to him. He's...I don't know...he meant everything to me. Yet now I feel so strong and independent.

  He sighs down the phone. "I have an exam next week. In the end I chose the private law one, that way it’s over and done with.”

  Thank God he's changed the subject. I wonder if he’s picked up on the coldness in my voice, the detachment in my heart.

  "I'll sit those next year, but I'm working on third year exams right now." Why is it so difficult to talk to him?

  Mark and Erika come out of the water, running toward me. I raise a finger at Mark to let him know I'm on the phone with Leonardo. For once, he doesn't act the fool, but lies down on my towel, which must be soaking wet by now, and makes room for Erika to lie down next to him.

  My eyes meet Ben's. He's still staring at me and the look on his face makes me want to scream.

  "Let's chat on Skype later?"

  "Ehm, sorry. I can't. Erika and I..." Now what the hell am I going to tell him? "We're booked at a restaurant nearby and we'll only be back in our room to shower and change because Erika wants to stay out here till sunset."

  "Ah, okay." His disappointed sigh makes the ground tremble beneath my feet.

  "I promise I'll call you tomorrow and we'll stay on the phone for an hour." I try to sound cheerful, I don't want to let on how guilty I feel.

  We say goodbye and I'm exhausted. I walk back to my friends, clenching my iPhone to my chest. The buzz I felt ten minutes ago has vanished.

  "I'm going back to our room. Erika, can you bring my towel when
you come back?" I try to avoid Mark's eyes, Ben's eyes even more.

  "Sure. Everything okay?" She passes my bag and I take out my shoes. I nod without saying anything then grab my things and head back to the motel, trying not to look back.

  I'm a disgusting hypocrite. I should tell Leonardo how I feel, or rather, what I don't think I feel anymore.

  14

  I feel better after a nice, hot shower. Leo's sad voice is still ringing in my ears and I decide to take a little more time. I need to see him to understand. I need to look him in the eyes before I can be sure it's really over between us. I can't do that now, however, I'll have to wait until Christmas. I'm sure I can continue to play the part of the perfect girlfriend for the next month.

  There's a soft knock on the door and I wrap my towel around my body even tighter. When I see Ben, his hair still wet, his clothes dripping with sea water, I shrug.

  What the hell is he doing here?

  "Ooops, sorry," The look on his face when I open the door half-naked, wrapped in a tiny towel makes me smile. "Mark and...Erika have taken my room..." He shrugs.

  My mouth drops open. "Whaaaat?"

  "Yup." He holds out his hands to show me a pile of folded clothes. "Mark gave me these and told me to get out. Can I take a shower?"

  NO! No, no way!

  "Er...sure." I stand aside to let him in. The worse thing is, my sadness has disappeared, along with my guilt and all the nice words I kept repeating over and over again until about two minutes ago. I really am terrible.

  "Thanks." He looks me up and down, his heavy breathing making his chest rise and fall.

  "You're welcome," I reply, embarrassed. I turn toward the bed and grab my things. "Give me a couple of minutes to get dressed, then the bathroom's all yours."

  He nods and I barricade myself in the bathroom. I lean my hands on the edge of the sink and breathe deeply.

  Okay, don't panic. Get dressed, he'll take a shower, Mark and Erika will finish whatever they're doing...what on earth are they doing? Then Ben will leave. Right?