It Goes Without Saying Read online

  “Don’t worry,” Marisol said, “I’m not going to drink tonight, so I can drive you home, too.”

  It was clear that Bria had never been to a real party before; she wore baggy jeans and a t-shirt with her hair tied back in a pony. Marisol and Christa were dressed in short sundresses, their hair curled, and their makeup done perfectly. Shit, she thought, getting into the back of Mari’s car.

  “You ready for your first party, hon?” Mari asked, backing out of Bria’s long driveway.

  “Yeah, what did you tell your parents?” Christa asked, curling her eyelashes in the passenger overhead mirror.

  “Uh… I just told them I was going to a party with you guys,” she said.

  “What? And they were cool with that?” Mari asked.

  “Yeah, I guess they just. . . trust me. I don’t know. My parents are kind of hippies. Not much worries them.”

  Christa and Mari laughed as they made their way down the back country Dalesville roads.

  She had to admit, she was definitely nervous. She was okay talking to Knox when there wasn’t a big crowd around, but she hadn’t been around him yet when he was in his element, like Mari and Christa had told her about. She had no idea how to act around him.

  It was obvious he liked being the center of attention. And it was even more obvious that he preferred that attention come from a female, or, better yet, multiple females. He was so charismatic and charming. But that was all the more reason for her to be cautious. She was trying to be painfully realistic. He was one of the most popular kids in school, and he was only a junior. She was a lanky freshman who hadn’t quite grown into her knees. The girls he was actually interested in were older, and had boobs, and had experience. All things that she was still very much lacking.

  She didn’t want a guy like that, anyway. At least, that’s what she was going to keep telling herself. But it didn’t mean she couldn’t revel in it when he did happen to notice her.

  When they got to Knox’s house, she was surprised at how few cars there were.

  “It doesn’t look like anybody’s here,” she said.

  “Most people walk here since they’ll be drinking, or they get rides,” Mari said.

  Bria nodded. She had so many tricks to learn. As they walked up the front path, the front door burst open.

  “Hey-ooooh!” Knox shouted, the smell of beer sliding off his breath. Mari laughed and shook her head.

  “Hey, Knox,” she said, letting him wrap a sloppy hug around her. He pulled Christa in for the same.

  “Look who it is! The champion!” he called out, swooping in and picking Bria up with little-to-no effort, yet again. When he put her down, he pulled her head into his chest, stroking her hair gently. “I’m so proud of my little baby,” he said, with a fake whimper. Again, with the baby, kid shit, but still, she could get used to all the touching. She giggled.

  The party was surprisingly pretty tame. People were drinking, but they weren’t belligerent. So this was a high school party. Some people were out on the patio, some were in the basement. Bria sat between Christa and Mari at a bar table in the corner of the room. Christa was telling Mari about how she had caught her boyfriend Tucker making out with another girl. While Bria was pretending to be enthralled in the drama, she also couldn’t help but notice Courtney Blake, freshman star of the soccer team, all over Knox in the corner of her eye. Her legs were draped across his, and she kept resting her head on his shoulder, then popping it off to flick her long, bleach-blonde locks behind her shoulder, then rest it again.

  Bria didn’t know why she cared. She didn’t know why it bothered her. But it was annoying as hell. Maybe it was because Courtney was her age. And Bria liked being the young one of the crowd. She felt like she was crossing some border into the world of upperclassmen that other underclassmen never got to cross. Except for Courtney. Courtney with the boobs she had since the sixth grade. As Bria regained focus on Christa’s saga and rubbed her arm sympathetically, she saw Courtney and Knox stand up from the couch. He took her hand, and began leading her down the hallway to the guest bedroom.

  Bye-bye, Knox, she thought, as an inexplicable wave of disappointment fell over her. As much as she told herself she didn’t give a rat’s ass, a small part of her wondered what was actually happening in that room. Of course, they were hooking up. But how was it happening? Was Knox making the first move? Was Courtney? How far were they going? What was it like? Honestly, she wasn’t even sure if she knew what “hooking up” meant. Was it all the way? Half of the way? Regardless, it was all way past her level.

  Ugh, come on, Bria. Get it together. She knew he was a player, and she wasn’t even close to being in the game. Since she stepped foot in high school, she prided herself on being smarter and stronger than some of the other girls around her when it came to guys like this. She wouldn’t fall victim to some sort of man-trap in high school. But, to be fair, she had never really had to put her man-fighting skills to use yet. Guys weren’t exactly lining up to get a glimpse of her knobby knees and sixth-grade-boy body.

  After a few more minutes, she was ready to go. The Sprite in her red cup was flat, and frankly, so were most of the conversations going on around her. But Christa and Mari seemed to be having a decent enough time, and weren’t ready to go. Bria excused herself and headed out to the back patio, if for nothing more than to enjoy the quiet. Most people were leaving by now, so she sat quietly by herself, playing Tetris on her flip-phone, looking off into the woods. The back door slid open, and to her surprise, Knox himself stepped out.

  “Oh, hey,” he said. None of his usual pet names, probably still in his post-coitus haze.

  “Hey,” she said, trying to stay casual. That was quick, she thought.

  “What are you doing out here all by your lonesome?” he said, situating himself in the chair next to her.

  “Ah, just enjoying the fire. It’s a nice night,” she said.

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Ha. It was a nice night for him for a totally different reason. Bria wasn’t sure what had made her so bold, but she was, and so she asked, “Where’s Courtney?”

  His eyes grew wide. He wasn’t expecting to get called out by the little freshman. Well, the other little freshman.

  “Uh, I think she’s uh inside, getting ready to leave,” he said, trying to hide a sly smile in the corner of his mouth. Bria couldn’t help but smile back.

  “Guess you caught me,” Knox said.

  “Guess so,” she laughed.

  “You sure don’t seem like a freshman,” he said.

  “But I guess Courtney does?” she asked. Of course she did. That’s why it was so easy for him to get into her pants. He shrugged. “Well, you don’t seem like the player everyone talks about, but here you are, unzipped fly and all.”

  He quickly looked down at his crotch, then back to her when he realized she was joking. She had said it playfully, but she also wanted to let him know she was onto him. Not that he gave a shit, she thought, but still.

  “Hey, hey now,” he said, gently shoving her shoulder, “that’s not nice.”

  She shrugged.

  “The truth hurts, honey,” she said. He looked at her, laughing again. It felt good to make him laugh.

  “You’re okay, Bria,” he said.

  She smiled. Approval from him felt good, and though she told herself it shouldn’t matter, it totally did. She also couldn’t help but notice that he seemed to have finally dropped the “kid” thing.

  “Man, I’m starving,” he said.

  “Me, too, actually,” she said. “I was just thinking that.”

  “I could use a Maggi’s pizza,” he said. Maggi’s was the family-owned pizza shop up town. They were the only place open past 9 p.m., when the rest of the town shut down.

  “Yum, that sounds good.”

  “Let’s go,” he said, popping up from the chair. She looked at him quizzically.

  “Can you drive?” she asked. He chuckled.

  “Yeah. I only had one bee
r, and it was about five hours ago. I don’t drink as much when parties are at my house. I like to keep my eye on everyone else.”

  Bria nodded. So the whole loud, drunken Knox was just an act. Interesting.

  “In that case, yeah!” She followed him around the side of the house to the driveway. He unlocked the driver side door, then reached over and unlocked her door from the inside. His red Chevy sedan was probably older than she was. There was a dent in the bumper, and the passenger seat belt had to be yanked with extreme force in order to click. But she didn’t care. She liked being in his car. As he backed out of the driveway, her favorite T-Pain song came on the radio. Without thinking, she reached to turn it up, but she caught herself. This wasn’t her car, or her radio.

  “No, go ahead,” he said. “This is my favorite song.”

  THREE

  Now

  As Knox made his way toward Bria and Drew, she remembered the last time she had seen him. She had come home one weekend during her sophomore year at Maryland. As she was walking into Maggi’s to pick up her pizza, he was walking out. His eyes had grown wide, and he had wrapped his arms tightly around her. But he didn’t hold on as long as he used to. They caught up for a few moments, and she was quick to mention Drew. And then he gave her a quick smile, told her it was great to see her, and he was gone. She had tried getting back in touch with him after that, texting him occasionally, even calling when she was home on weekends. But Knox replied less and less frequently. And it got to the point where Bria forgot to even try.

  Five years. It had been almost five years.

  Her heart raced faster with every step he took toward her.

  He didn’t sound as excited as she had hoped, but when she finally got her arms around him, she felt how tight he squeezed her, even lifting her an inch or two off the ground. He still smelled exactly the same. His own musky scent mixed with whatever shampoo he had in the house. She remembered when it used to be her favorite scent, and she was surprised how it knocked her back about ten years with the first sniff.

  “Knox!” she said, once he put her back down. “My God, how are you?” She could feel their eyes lingering just a little too long on each other; she could feel Drew’s confused eyes move from her, to Knox, back to her, trying to figure out what was going on. She reached for Drew’s hand. “Honey, this is Knox, my friend from high school.”

  Drew’s baby blue eyes widened. He knew the name. When he and Bria first got together, she talked about Knox a lot. But that dissipated as their relationship blossomed, and Drew figured Bria’s friendship with Knox had just fizzled out.

  “And Knox, this is Drew, my fiancé,” she said, stumbling over the last word a bit. Knox smiled with his lips, but his eyes didn’t follow. He turned to Drew.

  “Hey, man, it’s nice to meet you,” he said, sticking out his hand. Drew took it, hesitantly.

  “Yeah, you too,” he said.

  “Congratulations! I thought I heard you were engaged,” Knox said. “When’s the wedding?”

  “This coming April,” Drew said, in such an unenthused tone that she was actually embarrassed.

  “Awesome, that’s. . .that’s great, you two,” Knox said. “Well, I’m going to go catch up with these guys,” he said, jutting his thumb back toward the bar, “but it was great running into you.” He said it to both of them, but he looked only at her.

  “You, too, Knox, really,” Bria said, suddenly overcome by a wave of inexplicable sadness. She instinctively reached for his hand, but stopped herself. She didn’t know him like that anymore. And Drew was sitting right there.

  As Drew pulled cash from his wallet and laid it on the table, she casually glanced around the restaurant to see if she could catch one more glimpse of Knox. As they made their way to the door, she saw him laughing hysterically, his hand on Teddy Bill’s shoulder as he told whatever story had the whole place so enthralled. She loved Knox’s laugh. And she loved when she was the source of it. Man, it had been so long. If it were a few years earlier, she would have run to them, jumping on Teddy with a big old hug. But now, she felt like she needed to duck out as fast as possible, before she got sucked back into the Dalesville High School time warp.

  “Look, we weren’t done talking before your buddy there walked in,” Drew said, unlocking the car once they got to the parking lot.

  “Oh, Jesus, Drew,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Please just drop it. At least for tonight.”

  “Fine,” he said. “But we need to talk about it. I mean, I hate to think this way, but what if she’s not better in a few months, B? What do we do then? Just get married and live thirty miles apart?”

  She sighed as she pressed her temple against the cool glass of the window. He was right. And damn, she hated that so much. But she couldn’t think about it. She couldn’t think about her sister not getting better. Katie would be fine in a few months. He’d see.

  That night, as he dropped her off, he pulled her in close to him.

  “B, I’m just . . .I’m just going to miss you, okay? I understand they need you here. I just don’t want you to forget that I need you, too.” He looked down at the ground, his arms around her waist as they stood in the driveway. She cupped his face in her hands.

  “Drew, you know I don’t want to be away from you, right?” she asked. “I’ve been waiting so long to be your wife. I love my life with you, you know that. But I have to be here right now. Just let me get them through this, and I’ll be back in the city before we know it. I love you.”

  “You know, Bria Kreery, your family, me, anyone who knows you, really, we are all so damn lucky to have you in our lives. I’m sorry for how I reacted. I guess this just feels like. . . I don’t know, like a step backward for us, I guess. But I understand. I love you, too. I’ll call you when I get home.”

  The week off before starting her new position couldn’t have come at a better time. That Monday, she’d been able to go back to their apartment and grab things, only the necessities though, since she’d be back in D.C. on Friday.

  Tuesday, she’d slept in and gone for a long run on her favorite path, the one that cut through all of Dalesville, and spent the rest of the day lounging around and watching movies with Katie.

  The next morning, as she flipped an omelet in its pan, her mother almost jumped with excitement.

  “Oh B, I forgot to ask you! Did you know that Dalesville has a home meet today? I think it’s the regional qualifying meet,” her mom said. “We should all go, for old time’s sake!”

  Bria hadn’t been to a cross country meet since she last ran in one. She still held records at Dalesville High, or at least, that’s what Katie had told her the year before she graduated.

  “Coach Boone is still there,” Katie said.

  “Coach Boone? I haven’t seen that man in years. Let’s do it!” Bria said.

  Later that afternoon, as Bria and her mom walked down to the fields behind the school where the cross country course was set up, Bria spotted her old coach. Without hesitating, she ran to him, jumping into his arms.

  “Well if it isn’t miss B Kreery!” he said, his hearty laugh making his belly jiggle. His hair had a few traces of gray in it, and his face a few more wrinkles. But overall, he was the same old coach. She hadn’t seen him in a long time, but they’d kept in touch through the years.

  “Hey, old man! I can’t believe you’re still doing this!” she said.

  “Hey, hey, watch that ‘old man’ stuff. But you know it. They can’t get rid of me,” he chuckled. “What are you doing here in the middle of the week?” he asked.

  Her eyes darted toward the ground. “I’m, ah, back for a little while.” Coach Boone raised an eyebrow at her.

  “Oh? And why is that?” he asked.

  “It’s my sister,” she said.

  “Ah,” he said. “Sis is sick again, huh?”

  Bria nodded. Coach Boone’s deep gray eyes were filled with sadness now, and she couldn’t stand that. She hated the pity. And she knew Katie did, too.
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  “Yep, so I’m living at home for a while, helping my family out some,” she explained.

  “Well, that girl’s as tough as they come,” Coach Boone answered, nodding his head as if agreeing with himself. “Don’t worry. She’ll be fine. But say, if you’re gonna be around for a while, you should help me out! I could use an assistant!”

  Bria pictured herself running through the fields again.

  “I’ll think about it,” she said with a smile.

  “That’s fine, but since you’re here today,” he said, tossing her a stopwatch, “catch their mile times, would ya?”

  Bria laughed and shook her head. He got her.

  When the gun finally went off, she made her way to the other side of the course, so she could record the runners’ times.

  “How are they this year?” she heard a silky, familiar voice say. It was Knox. He caught her totally off guard.

  “H-hey! Uh, I’m not sure, I just got here, but I think both the girls and guys have a good shot at states if they can get through this race,” she said, fumbling with the stopwatch. “What are you doing here?”

  “Grady told me his sister’s on the team?”

  “Oh, gotcha,” she said. Grady was one of Knox’s best friends from high school. “That’s nice of you to come out and support her.”

  “Yeah, well, you know. I’m a nice guy,” he said with his sly, dangerous smile. He looked down at the ground and kicked a pebble. “I also ran into your mom yesterday, and she said you might be here.”

  Bria looked up at him. Did he really come to see her, too? Probably not, she told herself. She had tried to stay in touch with him. He was the one who had made that so difficult, after all. He would have come anyway, she was sure.

  “I haven’t been to one of these since I used to come watch you all the time,” he added, making Bria’s cheeks flush. She used to love hearing him cheer for her as she pushed up a tough hill, and running into his arms after she crushed a race.

  “Hey, honey!” she heard her mom call from across the path. “Oh, oh my gosh! Is that Ben Knoxville I see? Twice in one week; how lucky am I?”