Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World- Vol. 13 Read online

  Pride, clutching the head of the crying boy, was keen on punishing whoever had sinned.

  Wrath, siding with her own murderer, was adamant on making sure the quiet Witch’s feelings were heard.

  Sloth, keeping an eye on everyone equally, was lazily waiting to instantly smash whoever would make the first move.

  Gluttony, showing no interest in the changing circumstances, was craving to take advantage of everything going on to satisfy her hunger.

  Lust, maintaining her neutrality, was clutching at her own head as if to protect herself alone.

  Greed, with a faint trace of hatred remaining in her glimmering eyes, was inquisitively watching for any shifts in the balance of power.

  And finally, the Witch called Satella, who was apparently not the Witch of Jealousy—

  “—I…love you. Because you…gave me light. Because you took my hand, and you taught me about the world outside. Because…when I trembled on lonely nights, you never stopped holding my hand. Because when I felt lonely, you kissed me and said that I wasn’t alone. You gave me so many things… That’s why I love you. Because you…you gave me everything.”

  She showed no intention of cutting short her whispers of love for the kneeling Subaru, who didn’t seem to register anything she said.

  He couldn’t understand. He didn’t get any of it. He’d never met Satella before, nor had he ever exchanged words with her. Everything she was saying had to be the product of her delusions. She wasn’t any different than Petelgeuse, another person who had gone mad with love.

  All that should have been true. And yet, Subaru Natsuki knew.

  “What the hell…? What’s this…inside me? I don’t want any of these feelings. Don’t…tie me to memories I don’t have… How could… How could I…for someone like you…?!”

  I hate you is what he wanted to add.

  The word hate did not truly suffice. He detested this person. He didn’t feel a single shred of good will toward her. If she was going to force such self-centered feelings of love onto him, he might as well see what kind of face she was making. It would be something to behold, no doubt.

  —How can you do this to her…?

  “—!”

  Having reached the pinnacle of a supposedly impossible contradiction, Subaru’s mind went blank. The next moment, Subaru “addressed” the confusion. There could be no more direct way to do so.

  “…Baru?”

  It was Typhon, touching Subaru, who was the first to notice the change. The little girl’s eyes went wide as she realized that strength had drained from Subaru even as he remained kneeling within her arms. She immediately noticed something else.

  A large quantity of blood was dripping from his mouth. Subaru had bit his tongue.

  “—Ahh, so this is another option you have, Subaru Natsuki.”

  As the various Witches reacted to his decision, Echidna was the only one whose cheeks slackened in joy.

  “—Gh, puh.”

  This was Echidna’s castle of dreams. Subaru’s real body wasn’t here. Accordingly, dying in this place was a death of the mind, which ran the risk of leaving his body an empty husk.

  Even after considering the possibility, Subaru tried to end it nonetheless. Death was Subaru’s only hope—

  “You…absolute idiot—!!”

  The moment Minerva noticed Subaru trying to take his own life, her face reddened as she flew into action. She raised her fist, brimming with the power of healing, and prepared to slam it into Subaru. But before she could, Typhon stood in her way.

  The young Witch spread both arms wide, shielding Subaru behind her as much as her little body could.

  “Baru chose this himself! Don’t get in his way, Nerva!”

  “Hurting yourself, killing yourself, hurting others, killing others—I won’t allow any of it! Mental suffering is beyond me! If I can’t see it, there’s no way for me to know when someone’s hurt! So that’s why instead, I never ignore any wounds I can see, even it means destroying the world!!”

  With one determined step forward, which left a crater in the hill, Minerva slammed her fist into Typhon’s face.

  It wasn’t an exaggeration to say it hit like a cannonball that could crush whole boulders. However, the instant her fist came into contact with a living thing, the force of her blow changed from being destructive to healing—and so, only the momentum of the impact remained.

  With an explosive roar, Minerva’s strike sent the young Witch’s childlike body flying. However, while she had managed to overcome the obstacle, it was not just Typhon who’d taken damage.

  The right arm Minerva had swung with cracked like a shattered glass window. The Witch of Pride had deemed her actions evil; this was the result of being touched by her judgment.

  The pain of having lost her arm made Minerva turn her face up toward the sky, opening her mouth wide in—

  “—Piece of caaaaake—!!”

  —what was decidedly not a scream of pain. The Witch of Wrath was so sensitive to the suffering of others that she put her own aside no matter what. Her calling Subaru’s methods twisted while stubbornly adhering to her own extreme ideals was truly the pot calling the kettle black.

  “Anyway! With this, I’ll…!”

  “Sigh…the next one to interfere…is me.”

  An instant later, a blow that came from straight above knocked Minerva off the hill.

  After her entire body was forced into the ground, Minerva left a human-shaped indentation on the grassy plain. Lifting up her head, she looked toward Sekhmet with a face marred with rage and shouted:

  “Don’t interfere, Sekhmet!!”

  “I can do no such thing, phew. Emotionally, I am on the boy’s side, sigh. You could probably say I’m also on Typhon’s side, phew. So you see, I have no reason not to interfere, sigh.”

  Faced with Sekhmet’s declaration of opposition, Minerva resentfully bit her lip and scanned the area. Unfortunately for her, Daphne and Carmilla were maintaining their neutrality in this dispute, while Echidna was nothing but a detached observer awaiting the results. And Satella was—

  “Agh, aghhh…”

  Subaru continued heaving up terrible amounts of blood as the Witch knelt in her black dress, her voice shaking as she spoke to him.

  The frothy blood pouring from the boy’s torn tongue was blocking his throat. Subaru was drowning in his own blood as he caught sight of Satella.

  Finally, I’ll be free, he thought. But the moment he noticed her grieving, his relief evaporated like ephemeral mist.

  “Why haven’t you realized…? That somewhere among all the things you wish to save, shouldn’t there be a spot for you, too…?”

  Why did she think about Subaru that way?

  Just how much had Subaru soothed her heart during those delusions she must’ve had?

  “Just like many other people, fate has led you to many dead ends. But just because you have the chance to change those… Why can’t you see…that you’re someone who deserves to be saved, too…?”

  There had to be…some mistake.

  Subaru was an unredeemable person, unable to take care of even the things that were within his reach. He couldn’t even save just the people he wanted to save. He couldn’t break free from his inadequacy, his immaturity.

  Hadn’t he sworn to change? To stop being such a fool?

  Hadn’t he decided to act cool?

  The part of him that was weak and the part of him that didn’t want to be weak anymore warred inside him.

  He’d made a vow—a vow to the girl who had chosen him to be her hero.

  He could not go back on that vow. He had to challenge death, to desire death, to face death head-on.

  —If she knew of this, would she be happy? Would she be sad?

  —What would she think of Subaru, who she’d wished to be her hero?

  He couldn’t think about it. He couldn’t know about it. This was a dangerous line of thought.

  Subaru Natsuki was fine with that. He did
not think of himself as a person anyone would miss.

  He was not a human being with that kind of worth. Subaru’s life was an expendable commodity. And so, like any other resource, all he needed to do was use it, and use it as much as necessary to make sure he reached the end.

  It was simple. In order to gain something valuable, something worthless would be exhausted. It was only natural. The decision was so obvious, anyone would do the same, wouldn’t they? All Subaru had was his life.

  He would save the lives of precious people who needed to be saved, lives that would never return.

  If he could manage that at least, Subaru could—

  “What happened in the second Trial…? What did you see…?”

  Trial. —Trial. Trial, “Trial.” Trialtrialtrial, Trialtrialtrialtrial, Trial—?

  Shock and insufficient oxygen had severely dulled his mind.

  His vision was finally becoming indistinct, and the world began to flash red. White noise like television static filled his thoughts. Subaru hazily considered that the end was near.

  The end would finally come.

  With this, how many times would he have greeted death? It was annoying to count, but that was fine.

  Sooner or later, he would confront death so many times that he’d be tired of counting anyway.

  He didn’t think the human mind could withstand remembering the number of deaths it had experienced.

  He readied his heart into steel. A heart of steel that would not be swayed by anything—

  Finally, Subaru’s consciousness slowly, gently melted into the darkness—

  “—I’ve got high hopes for you, son.”

  There was…a sound.

  From somewhere on the other side of the white noise, from the chaotically reflecting noises, he heard…something very clear.

  “—Come back soon.”

  There it was again.

  He heard a different sound. But this resonated in his chest in the same way.

  “—I…wanted to call you my friend.”

  A different sound, a sound that carried another feeling.

  The sounds were far from calming. But still, they were comforting.

  “Why…why?!! Why, Subaru… How could you do this so easily…!”

  A different sound again.

  The sound of parting filled his chest with a sense of desolation and something resembling longing, a feeling that made him want to say he was sorry.

  “I knew that…at the very least, you weren’t That Person…but…”

  A new sound made his chest tighten.

  It was impossible to remain detached and unemotional. This was a tearful sound. It was the sound of someone who he shouldn’t make cry. Who he had to protect. Who he had to save. Sound. Sound. Sound.

  “Please show me your good parts, Subaru.”

  Reacting to the sound, a kind of thump rang out.

  The inside of his body grew hot. A sense of duty stirred within him. That sound had always supported him.

  And then—

  “Thank you, Subaru.”

  There was…a sound.

  “—Thank you…for helping me.”

  —A sound that heralded the beginning of…everything.

  3

  He wondered if they would cry.

  Subaru wondered if the people important to him would be sad about his death.

  In the world he would leave through selfishly experiencing death, would the irreplaceable people he left behind miss him? Would they be sad at his passing?

  As Subaru repeated Return by Death, would they, too, be chagrined?

  There were people who he thought of as precious, who he believed he had to protect, who he yearned to save.

  —Did he have enough worth to make these previous people miss him?

  Is it fine to be that conceited?

  Do precious people think of a guy like me…as a precious existence?

  Is it all right for me to believe that?

  To believe I’m needed by the people I want to protect, enough that they want to protect even a guy like me?

  Is it forgivable to even wish for it?

  To wish that even a guy like me is worth enough that people would cry if they lost me, that they’d reach a hand out because they want to save me?

  —Is it all right for me to even think it?

  To think I don’t wanna die.

  To think I don’t want to give up, to say this is the only way.

  To think I don’t want to become the cornerstone that protects the future of the people precious to me, and then disappear.

  To think I want to be with those precious people in the future I’ve protected, together.

  Is it all right to think like that?

  Do I have that kind of worth?

  If I really do—

  “I don’t…wanna die…”

  A clump of blood made a sound as it fell. There was a sound of air leaking out, and it brought along a different sound.

  His breathing eased. His consciousness was returning. His hazy vision had begun to return, and with it, color returned to the world.

  And then—

  “I knew that’s how you really felt all along…you jerk!!”

  …As he tenaciously crawled, the face of Wrath came into focus, right as she healed him with a headbutt.

  4

  Subaru coughed, spitting out clumps of blood. He rolled onto his back, faceup as he looked at the sky. He made repeated, ragged breaths, earnestly gasping in search of oxygen, the fuel needed for life.

  His heart had no time to feel shame at how lowly and pathetic he looked as he clung to life. Just…

  “Am I…?”

  “”

  “Am I…worthy of living…? Me, who can’t die…do I have…any value outside of dying…?”

  Through Return by Death, he had saved people he held dear from horrific fates.

  Subaru Natsuki had believed his only value was in the results he had obtained at the cost of his life.

  But was it right to think that this was not so?

  “Can I think that…a human being like me has value outside of Return by Death…? Is it all right for me to think that…the people I care for…care for me, too…?”

  “…I wouldn’t know any such thing.”

  Minerva gave Subaru’s frail question that very curt reply.

  She was in a terrible state. Her arm was shattered, and there were bruises from blunt trauma all over her body. But she calmly rose to her feet, gritted her teeth at those wounds, and regenerated herself. Doing this, the Witch of Wrath stood solidly on her own two feet, crossing her arms as she looked down at Subaru. And then—

  “Don’t ask me what worth you have. But that girl wants you to live so much…plus, you saw in the second Trial yourself, didn’t you?”

  “…But the second Trial showed me the mistakes, the sins I committed…”

  “What are you, an idiot? That wasn’t to make you take responsibility for worlds gone wrong. That was to show you just how sad people got because of the results of your mistakes. —That’s your answer right there, isn’t it?”

  “—hh.”

  They returned to the back of his mind. He remembered.

  He remembered crying voices. He remembered voices clenched in regret. He remembered strong voices sending him off. He remembered all the people sending him off so kindly. He remembered whispers of love from those who’d believed in him. He remembered the genesis, the trigger of his struggle against fate.

  He remembered a life that supposedly had nothing awaiting him.

  Subaru remembered he’d been invited into that world with nothing, with the things he was supposed to have falling from his fingertips.

  To prove that someone like him had worth, he had to keep struggling. And as he kept struggling to protect those precious things he had gained, he thought he had no choice but to walk an even lonelier path.

  I’d thought to myself, it’s all others giving unto me. Is it all right for me t
o think it’s not so?

  —People will cry for my sake?

  —People will lament their powerlessness for my sake?

  —People wish to see the future with me, together?

  —Precious people will give me the privilege of standing and smiling at their side?

  Surely it was impossible for someone stubbornly walking a lonely path to the very end, as Subaru had been doing, to receive such a privilege.

  With a heart of steel—a mental state that swayed before nothing—he was disconnected from the softness that would’ve allowed him to smile.

  Then was it all right to believe?

  That the choice to whittle away his own heart, deciding it was the price he had to pay for the future of those precious to him…

  That the choice to desperately struggle to protect his own heart, thus becoming unable to walk his chosen path…

  To believe that neither need be taken, and that there was another, greedier choice?

  —Was it all right to believe and to want it?

  “—I permit it.”

  These were Subaru’s thoughts, thoughts he had in no way spoken aloud. And yet, there was a reply to those thoughts.

  Still flat on the ground and faceup, he let his head tumble sideways. Over where Minerva was standing still, someone was kneeling on the grassy field. Her face was drenched with tears, but still she smiled.

  Even then, Subaru could not see this face, which was covered by shadow. Obstructed by that curtain of darkness, he could not see the expression turned toward him. And yet, he knew she was smiling.

  “I was saved by you. That is why I permit that you can be saved. And it is my hope to be saved by you.”

  Satella’s words, her voice, and her smile permeated the cracks in his heart.

  Subaru covered his face with his hands. Tears flowed. Sobs spilled out. He continued to hide his weeping face.

  That moment, he didn’t want anyone, especially her, to see him like that—for the sake of his meager stubbornness.

  “…I was surprised that Minerva broke through Typhon and Sekhmet’s obstruction, but I find this action by the two of you even more unexpected.”

  Echidna made that small comment, ignoring Subaru as he covered his weeping face. —After all, before Echidna was a spectacle of talons stretching from the black, lacquered coffin to restrain Typhon while the coffin’s mistress, Daphne, faced off against Sekhmet.