Hope for Him (Hope Series Book #2) Read online

  Richard had a point. Tiffany and I made sense on so many levels and Carrington came with baggage. A seven-forty-seven size airplane full of it. With everything going on in my life, why make it even more complicated?

  "Why did she come back?" Tiffany asked.

  "I don't really know."

  "Did she come back to be with you?"

  I could speculate why she came back, but I didn't want Tiffany to feel any more insecure.

  "No. She said she wanted to finish what she started. She doesn't want what happened to her last year to keep her from her original goals."

  "That's admirable," Tiffany said and sounded sincere.

  "She's in a place financially where she can take care of Jack and go to school, and I think she's trying to get her life back on track."

  "And she wants your help."

  "Well, yeah. I mean, it may not be what you want to hear, but we are connected in a way. Josh was my best friend, and I feel responsible for Carrington and her son because he's not here to take care of them."

  "But—"

  "Wait, before you say anything, let me explain." I took Tiffany's hands and stared into her eyes. It was the most honest conversation we had ever had about Josh and Carrington, and I needed to get it out.

  "I had feelings for Carrington, and I didn't act on them. I think if I had, Josh would still be alive, and she wouldn't be so damaged. I stood back and watched him destroy her mentally, at first, and then physically. I can't get that out of my head."

  "Oh, Jackson." She blinked back tears and held my face in her hands. Her eyes were so expressive and beautiful, and I felt good about telling her the truth. It felt good to say it out loud, and I wasn't pathetic for having these thoughts.

  "When he attacked her, she was calling for me, and I couldn't get to her fast enough." I wiped the tears from my eyes. I cringed thinking about her lying on the floor of Josh's room, covered in blood. "I couldn't stop him."

  Tiffany crawled in my lap and pulled me close. She put her hands under my shirt and I sighed and held her tight. Her contact comforted me. She wanted to comfort me, and I let her, because I needed comforting. As close as Carrington and I were, we never talked about it anymore. When I tried to talk to her about it, she would change the subject or make jokes about it.

  "I'm sure you did what you could. And you're here for her now."

  "Yeah, but I don't want her being here to effect us."

  "It won't. I've been jealous of Carrington for, well, as long as I've known about her, but not for the reasons you think." Tiffany took my face in her hands. "The two of you are connected by this tragedy, and it will bond you for life. I could deal because, well, besides phone calls and an occasional visit, I didn't have to see it, but now she's here."

  "It doesn't change anything."

  "That remains to be seen." Tiffany wrapped herself around me as if trying to prevent my heart from leaving her.

  I tried to convince her by being as honest as I could, but she knew I was holding something back and wasn't ready to hear my answer, so she didn't ask the questions.

  "I want to meet her," she said instead.

  Tiffany pushed back, but I held on. I needed to get my face right. Remove the panic I felt in my chest at her suggestion.

  "Why?" Stupid question.

  "She's important to you, and if she is going to be a part of your life, I think we should at least get to know each other."

  "Okay."

  I tried to keep my voice neutral. She climbed off my lap, took my hand, and led me upstairs. It wasn't until we entered my dark room did she face me, pulling her shirt over her head. She removed the rest of her clothes and I stood and watched. She wanted to confirm our connection by having sex.

  It seemed wrong, but I did it anyway.

  Chapter Nine

  Carrington Olivia Butler

  The rest of my first week in Tallahassee was uneventful. It seemed I'd been gone long enough that my return didn't register with anyone. The professors knew the story, but they were too polite to bring it up.

  I reconnected with one of my old roommates, Jessica, but my other roommate, Melinda had dropped out of school last spring semester. She moved back to Miami and last Jessica heard, she was dating some old guy and working in his boutique on South Beach.

  Melinda was the self-designated leader of our group of girls, but she disliked me because I had nabbed Josh Griffin. She would have given her firstborn to the devil if it meant landing a Griffin or another wealthy Florida family's son.

  Jessica was honest. She said what she meant and although her delivery could be rough, you couldn't fault her arguments. Plus, her boyfriend had been in the same fraternity as Josh and Jackson. It was a big deal for frat brothers to date non-sorority girls, at least in the minds of the sorority girls on campus. Jessica and I had to stick together, safety in numbers and all that.

  Jessica had since broken up with her boyfriend. We met for lunch, and I hoped she would give me the scoop on everything that had happened since I left.

  Jessica’s confident presence was tempered by the sadness in her eyes. Her long blond hair was pulled up in a messy bun and her make-up applied flawless. She wore skintight jeans and a fitted black sweater. She greeted me with a huge hug, looked me up and down and smiled and hugged me again.

  "It's so great to see you," she said. "God, you look amazing."

  "Thanks, so do you." We sat across from each other in a booth at an old burger diner near the capitol. Neither of us knew where to start.

  "How are you?" I asked.

  "Oh, good. Really good. You know, school is school, but I'm good." Her eyes darted around. "How are you?"

  The way she asked the questions made me think of my therapist. She asked simple questions in hopes I would answer them in the most complex manner. I reached over the table and touched Jessica's arm.

  "Jess, relax. I'm fine."

  Tears sprang to her eyes, but she blinked them away. I removed my hand and sat back. I wasn't sure why she was so upset. When we were roommates, Jessica was such a badass. She didn't take shit from anyone. Her directness made me uncomfortable, but I admired her for it. This was a different girl sitting in front of me.

  "I'm sorry. I'm happy you're okay."

  "Jess, are you okay?"

  "No, I am fine. I mean, I'm so stupid. You almost died, and here I am, all emotional."

  "That was a long time ago, and I'm fine, now."

  "How's little Jackson?"

  "He's amazing. You should see him; he's a little small for his age, but he is so smart."

  I handed her my phone and showed her the latest round of photos.

  "He is so cute." She handed the phone back.

  "See, we're fine. Now what's going on with you? When did you and Brian breakup?"

  "Over the summer. He graduated last May. It's been hard being here without him."

  "I bet."

  She shook her head and wiped tears from her eyes.

  "Jessica?" I leaned forward.

  "I'm sorry. Your boyfriend killed himself, and I'm feeling sorry for myself because my boyfriend didn't want to do the long-distance thing. He lives in freakin’ Pensacola. It's like three hours away. Fucker."

  I laughed, which made her laugh. It was the most normal conversation I'd had in eighteen months. No one wanted to talk to me about relationships. A drug addicted, controlling, abusive boyfriend trumped, he doesn’t pay enough attention to me, every time.

  "Please tell me more. I am craving to hear stuff like this. You know, normal girlfriend talk."

  "You sure you want to hear this?"

  "Yes, please."

  "Okay, so, I helped his family with graduation. I threw a fucking party for them and even helped him move his stuff back home. The night before I was leaving to go home for the summer, he says we shouldn't see each other anymore."

  "Oh, Jess."

  "I know, right? I was like, why, and he said he wanted me to enjoy the rest of my time at FSU without having
to worry about being his girlfriend. It's such bullshit."

  "I can't believe he put it back on you."

  "He's an ass. I heard he's dating his high school girlfriend."

  "Family pressure."

  "Probably."

  "Sounds familiar."

  "Oh God, Carrington. I'm so sorry. What's it like, being back on campus? Can I ask?"

  "Sure. It's strange. I don't see Josh in every tree or anything like that, but I haven't been to the frat house or anywhere near that part of campus."

  "You run into any of the guys?"

  "I have a class with Brandon." Brandon and I had a moment at my first frat party freshman year where he tried to kiss me and I threw up on him.

  "Oh, my God."

  "Yeah, he's so sweet to me. As soon as he saw me, he made me sit next to him and he made sure I was okay. Even walked me to my next class."

  "Brandon is a big old teddy bear."

  "Did Brian ever say what happened at the frat house after,” I didn’t know what to call it, “the incident? I don't feel right asking Jackson or Brandon."

  "I don't know much. I know they conducted an investigation to see if it was a fraternity hazing issue. Jackson never showed up at a party last year and the brothers understood, but they had a hard time with it. He was slated to be the next president when Randolph left."

  "Who is the president?"

  "Brandon. He didn't tell you?"

  "Maybe that's why he's being so nice to me."

  We talked about school and the guys over lunch. Jessica didn't know much more than I did, but she speculated a lot.

  "You know Mr. Griffin stayed away from the fraternity all year as well."

  "I didn't know that."

  "Yeah, they invited him to all the normal stuff, but he stayed away. Maybe he was embarrassed."

  "I don't think he was embarrassed. I think he was sorry."

  "Sorry for what? He knew what he was doing when he taught his son how to be a monster."

  "Jess, what happened to Josh has affected a lot of people, including Mr. Griffin."

  "You're seriously defending him after what he did to you?"

  "Yes. I can't go into details, but he is trying to make it right."

  She rolled her eyes but let it drop. I sipped my water, stalling before asking the next question.

  "So, did you see a lot of Jackson last year?"

  She blinked and reached for her water, she watched me as she took a sip.

  "Not much. I thought you guys kept in touch."

  "We did, but you know. To him, everything was fine."

  "I assumed it was. You know we never saw him during the season. He usually hung out with his teammates."

  "You know his girlfriend, Tiffany?"

  "Not really. I saw her around last semester. You can’t miss her. She’s so tall." Jessica let out a nervous laugh, took another sip of her drink and changed the subject. "So, when do I get to see little Jack?"

  Jessica and I walked back to campus and I dropped my inquisition about Jackson and Tiffany. She relaxed, and we chatted about everything and nothing. Her break-up was still raw, but she had a long list of ways to forget about her heartbreak, most in some not-so-healthy ways. She described them to me in too much detail, and I knew she was fine. She invited me to hang out with her to help her get over him, and I told her I would. Maybe it was what I needed to distract myself from my own heartbreak, as well.

  We hugged and said our goodbyes, but when I turned to walk back home, I felt like I was being watched. I turned back and some girl on a bench near the library stared me down. The sun reflected off the pink and blue streaks in her hair. I caught her eye and she altered her gaze and went back to the book on the table in front of her. She didn't look familiar, but from the look she gave me, she knew me.

  "Hi," I said as I approached the table. She sat back and placed her hands on her lap. I admired her tattoo; it was a green vine snaking up her arm and at her shoulder sat two realistic cherry blossoms. She ran her thumb underneath her red-stained lips and wiped her hand on her jeans.

  "Oh, hey."

  "Do we know each other?" I asked.

  "No. Well, not really." She looked behind me and blinked. "I'm Candace. I was a friend of Josh’s."

  "Oh." I stood and gripped the handle to my bag tight and stared at my shoes.

  "We never met, but he told me about you."

  "Okay." My legs buckled, and I sat down before I fell down.

  "Josh was a sweet guy, and I am sorry about what happened to him."

  I stared at her but didn't respond. I wasn't sure why she was telling me this. And why would Josh tell her about me? "How did you know what I looked like?"

  "I saw you with Josh once, in the Student Union."

  "Why didn't you come up and say hello?"

  "It wouldn't have been appropriate." The way she said that made me super uncomfortable. "I kind of feel responsible."

  I sat up straight and bit my lip.

  "Responsible for what?" I asked.

  "I was with Josh the night before he died."

  "Wait. What?" I held onto the side of the table. I welcomed the solid surface. The rest of my body felt disconnected. "What exactly were you and Josh?"

  "It doesn't matter now. I'm sorry I said anything." She gathered her things and stood up.

  I grabbed her wrist.

  "Please, if you know something about Josh's last days, I need to know." Tears were falling. Both of us were crying. "Please."

  My eyes dodged around. The little black girl and the goth chick sat on a bench opposite each other, not only crying, but crying over the same man.

  When is my life going to return to normal?

  She settled back down but wouldn't look at me.

  "I don't know what you want to hear. Where do I start?"

  "How did you and Josh meet?"

  "We met at a party. His friends had ditched him, and he was pretty messed up so I brought him home with me. He couldn't tell me where he lived."

  It was sixty degrees outside, but sweat dripped down my back.

  "When was this?"

  "Over winter break."

  I placed my head in my hands.

  During winter break, Josh and I got into a fight because I had gone home for Christmas, and he didn't want me to go. By the time I got on the plane, I missed him so much, the next time we had talked I asked him to join me for New Year's Eve, but he had refused. I didn't know until later that he had gotten high. That was also around the time he and Jackson had gotten into a fight over me.

  "You don't need to hear this." My head snapped up.

  "Yes, I do."

  "To be honest, even loaded, he didn't cheat on you. He kept talking about his beautiful Carrington and how much he loved her and how much she would hate him if she found out what happened."

  So, when I saw him on campus a few months later and I asked him if he wanted to get high, he didn't hesitate. He said he needed to forget. I figured you two had broken up."

  "Did you sleep with him?"

  She didn't answer right away, and I knew.

  She nodded. "But we were high."

  "Oh, so it doesn't count?" Josh used to tell me about addict's logic and that sounded like one.

  "Well, no, but he wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't realize until later that you were pregnant. Maybe he couldn't handle the pressure."

  "Candace, is it." I sat on my hands to keep from reaching over the table and slapping her silly. “I don't think you're in any position to speculate on his mental state."

  "I know. I'm sorry. I could have done something to stop him from killing himself."

  "You saw him before he died."

  "Yeah, he showed up at my door one night before exams. He was covered in blood and was ranting about how he fixed it and his father would be proud. I tried to calm him down, but he ranted and paced back and forth. I snuck a Valium in his beer and he finally calmed down and passed out."

  "Covered in blood."

/>   "Yeah, it was crazy. I asked him what happened, and he kept saying, I fixed it, like a good Griffin. I fixed it. "

  "That was my blood,” I said a little too loud.

  "I know that now. I figured he got into another fight like the first time I met him. He had blood on his shirt and a black eye, too. As you know, he could be a violent drunk."

  "How would I know that? I never got high with Josh. He had you for that."

  "I'm sorry," she said. "I felt sorry for him, and he needed help." She averted her eyes. "When he woke up the next morning, he couldn't remember anything from the night before. He couldn't wait to get to you. He was so sweet, and he told me about the baby.

  And when he came back and asked me to help him find his car, I should have stayed with him. He left it over at...a friend’s house."

  By the way she hesitated when she said friend, I figured she was referring to their dealer.

  "I should have watched over him, but you know I figured I was there and Josh gave me money. I needed to party."

  I let out a throaty whimper and wiped my face with the back of my hand.

  I wasn't sure what upset me more. Josh cheating on me with this drug addict, or that she had a chance to help him and didn't.

  "I know you don't want to hear this, either, but some good came out of Josh's death."

  My eyes locked on hers, and I dared her to tell me the great thing that happened to her after my boyfriend beat me up, crushed oxy and valium into a Jack Daniels bottle, downed in and drifted away from this world.

  "I sobered up. I went into rehab the next day, and I've been sober ever since." She delivered this news with a hesitant smile.

  "Oh, yeah. You're sober. You feel better. I am so happy for you." I let the tears fall. "In the meantime, I get to add cheating to the long list of shit Josh did to me. Thank you for that. I am so fucking happy you feel better."

  #

  Jackson Latre Mitchell

  I headed out of class and found Carrington sitting at a table talking to a girl with pink and blue hair. I smiled and headed for the Student Union happy she was making friends, but I stopped and turned when I heard her raised voice.

  I couldn't make out what they were talking about, but on second look, Carrington was upset. The pink haired chick was crying, too.