A Year to Clear Read online

  The focus this week was to practice slowing down by reducing clearing tasks to baby steps so as not to trigger the stress response. Though this approach may be frustrating to a mind conditioned to speed and visible progress, it is more effective and sustainable in the long run. Dialing down creates new neural pathways in the brain that lead to greater traction and well-being.

  What new insights have you received from slowing down? For example, did a one-minute clearing effort morph into more minutes spent without your even noticing the passage of time? Did your list of things you'd like to release increase or reduce your sense of anxiety and overwhelm?

  Explore

  What I'm learning about going slow is . . .

  What gets in the way of my slowing down is . . .

  If I could slow down right now, I would . . .

  WEEK 9

  RELEASING OLD STORIES

  The past has served its purpose.

  —Panache Desai

  DAY 57

  SPIN CYCLE

  “Spin” works well to describe what we do with thoughts, beliefs, and stories that no longer serve us. It also has a nice double meaning: We can spin a web of worries (untruths, painful memories) like a spider spins her web, or we can chew on a thought so much that we spin in circles and get dizzy—going nowhere fast.

  One worry I've been spinning a lot lately concerns knee pain. If I really reflect on it, my mind can sound a bit morose and harpy: No matter how hard I try—all the yoga I do, all the supplements I take, and all the physical therapy I pay for—my knees are a wreck. I feel like an old lady hobbling down the stairs . . .

  None of these refrains are going to help me heal, of course. That's just the mind on autopilot when it's unhappy. When I'm not too lost in the story and can remember to choose differently, I'll reach for my tried-and-true antidotes—positive reframes that I breathe into, like these: “I step forward fluidly and deliberately”; “I glide with grace and ease”; “I am doing everything to bring greater flexibility to my knees and heal . . .”

  The phrasing is important. Notice that I use words that are evocative and palpable; words that help me feel how I want to feel.

  What is one worry or negative belief that you spin a lot that you could reframe? Once you have it, breathe it in like manna from heaven.

  Explore

  One worry or negative belief that I spin a lot is . . .

  I can rephrase it in a way that feels really good by . . .

  DAY 58

  REDUCE THE CHARGE, RELEASE THE STORY

  War: bad. Control-freak boss: bad. Snow: bad for traffic (good for the drought).

  It's okay to have an opinion. Where it gets messy is when the opinion holds a lot of charge; i.e., it magnetizes more distress and fear and makes it harder for us to be “bigger than” the story.

  Thoughts and emotions that carry a strong negative charge have a way of pulling us in and holding us hostage. (This is a big reason why practicing awareness and extreme self-care is so important in our clearing work.) Here's one of many painful examples of how negative charge (anger, in this case) can escalate and gobble us up. In the case of this brave student, Marti S., it took a health crisis for her to awaken and redirect the course of her life:

  My ex [husband] fathered a child with a much younger woman years ago. The shock almost did me in, but the anger was so palpable that I ate and slept with it daily . . . until, six months later, I got breast cancer. It hit me that it wasn't the cancer that would kill me, but my anger. I'm not saying “forgive” with a big F. . . . All I'm sharing is to HEAL YOU daily. Love your reason for being on this earth now, which is not about him. It's about being free now to choose your own cool destiny ahead.

  What “bad” stories are you spinning today? What is one thing you can do to reduce the negative charge?

  You are not your story.

  Explore

  A story I'm spinning (telling myself) today is . . .

  One way I can reduce the charge I'm holding around it is . . .

  I know I'm not my story because . . .

  DAY 59

  UNLOAD THE FAMILY BAGGAGE

  The thing about unconscious belief patterns and negative emotions is that they don't exist in isolation. Energetically they create a sticky field that attracts more negative thoughts and emotions. The stronger the charge, and the longer they've been around, the stickier their effects can be on our psyche, relationships, and living spaces. Until the negative charge is released, any stuck patterns and unconscious human behaviors will continue to morph, expand, and repeat themselves.

  This is especially true of thoughts and emotions that have been passed down from generation to generation, as shared so beautifully by my online student Elle N. here:

  Tonight I randomly came across the movie The Joy Luck Club, a beautiful story of female pain and joy intertwined across generations of mother–daughter relationships and family history, and it helped me understand a great deal of what is holding me back. Generational clutter, generational chaos, generational pain. We hold so much of our family baggage, and there have been studies showing that this is passed down through DNA. When you consider how heavy this must become through the years, it's no wonder we often can't separate our stories from those we have carried subconsciously. Tonight I cried the tears of my broken heart for all that my family could not give to me and that which they did—both good and bad. Tomorrow I am allowing myself to be present and to begin exploring and unpacking that which is mine and to repackage and return to sender that which is not.

  What stories and beliefs have you been carrying for your family that you are now ready to release?

  It may help to know that lightening your energetic load with compassionate awareness creates a powerful ripple effect: It lightens the load for everyone who came before you and will come after.

  Explore

  Some stories and beliefs from family that I'm now ready to release are . . .

  Naming and letting go of what is not mine feels . . .

  Knowing that lightening my load lightens the load of everyone in my family line makes me feel . . .

  DAY 60

  IT IS SAFE TO LET THIS GO

  “It is safe for me to let this go” is a deceptively powerful statement and easy enough to say. But how easy is it to believe? How easy is it to repeat it in the face of the stories you tell yourself?

  Maybe not so easy at first. It might bring up some disbelief and discomfort.

  Keep swirling the phrase around your consciousness over time, though, and you may just notice how it frees some false debris . . . little by little . . . like flecks of peeling paint that reveal the sparkly truth of who you are.

  Explore

  A story I tell myself (that I know is not true) that I'd like to release is . . .

  It is safe for me to let go of this story because . . . (Notice and allow the part of you that does not feel so safe.)

  DAY 61

  SIMPLE CLEARING PROCESS

  Is there a worry you've been spinning that you would like to clear? Perhaps it's a sick family member, financial strain, or a future that does not look so bright at the moment. No matter how big or how small the issue, call it up with as much detail as you can and use the short all-purpose visualization that follows to help release it.

  In this process you will be asked to tune in to your personal energy field. This is the invisible, subtle energy field that radiates out from the physical body like the growth rings of a tree. You do not need to believe in its existence for this process to work its magic.

  Close your eyes, and take an easy breath in and out. Do a full-body feeling check (like the one you did on Day 20), noticing and allowing all sensations.

  Notice your breathing. Is it shallow? Is it full?

  When you feel centered, recall a worry that you've been carrying with as much detail as you can. Imagine the worry as a ball of sticky, sluggish energy swirling in your personal energy field.

  With as much compassiona
te awareness as you can, imagine this mass getting smaller and smaller, losing its grip, and finally dissolving.

  When you feel complete, invite a sparkling, golden light energy to fill you up: to infuse, refresh, and restore you completely.

  Open your eyes when you're ready and notice how you feel.

  Repeat this simple clearing process every day this week until the sticky energy has lifted.

  Explore

  One thing that has been worrying me a lot lately is . . .

  Before the meditation I was feeling . . .

  Now I feel . . .

  DAY 62

  IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU

  This message came to me fully formed in a dream: “The work is not about you. It's about clearing the ‘you’ you think is you so that you can fully access and realize the one that has been there all along.”

  You'll probably have to read that one again. Even I had to process this message for it to fully sink in.

  What is wanting to reveal itself to you, and in what ways do you hold yourself back from experiencing it?

  Explore

  What is wanting to reveal itself to me is . . .

  Ways I hold back . . .

  DAY 63

  CHECK IN—RELEASING OLD STORIES

  Stories are what we tell ourselves. They are not who we are. The focus this week was to look at some of the thoughts and beliefs we spin that no longer serve and support us, and to apply simple clearing practices to reduce their emotional impact. By naming and feeling our personal pain with compassionate awareness, we can release the negative charge that these stories hold, stop their spinning, and heal what has been passed unconsciously from generation to generation.

  Why is it safe to let these stories go? Do you feel differently today than you did a week ago? How so?

  Explore

  It's safe to let my stories go because . . .

  I feel differently now than I did a week ago in these ways . . .

  WEEK 10

  PARING DOWN THE PURSE

  I reached between the seats to the backseat, where her purse was on the floor. It was the size of a grocery bag and it weighed a ton.

  “What the hell do you have in this thing?”

  “Everything.”

  —Michael Connelly, The Gods of Guilt

  DAY 64

  THE MIGHTY PURSE

  I was with my dear friend Meg one evening when her husband offered to put her “purse” (read: bag the size of a small suitcase) in the car so that she wouldn't have to lug it around.

  Spilling out of that thing was a tangle of earphones, a massive keychain with a metal ornament that weighed about ten pounds, and who knows what else. It was so full of stuff she struggled to zip it closed. I watched her clutch that thing even closer when her husband asked again. I could see by her squinting eyes that giving up this precious cargo was going to take some time. I can't go anywhere without my purse! What if I need . . .

  None of it is conscious, of course.

  Yes, she wanted to carry it. So habituated to the tether, it had never occurred to her that she had a choice.

  After some lighthearted ribbing and a quick tour of the minimal handbag I was carrying, my friend realized that it was safe to go native.

  Is there anything in your purse (wallet, backpack) that doesn't need to be there?

  If so, here's your chance to remove it. With awareness.

  Explore

  The thought of clearing out my bag makes me feel . . .

  If I were to guess, my everyday bag weighs about . . .

  DAY 65

  DECONSTRUCTING THE PURSE—PART 1

  I emailed my friend with the mammoth bag a few days later to tell her that I was going to do a segment in my book on handbags, and I wondered if she cared to weigh in (as it were). I was curious to know, specifically, what she might consider “nonessential.”

  Here's Meg H.'s thoughtful reply:

  I consider everything in there to be essential. I guess the trick is that it's not all essential ALL THE TIME, so your idea of having smaller purses for different things (not just different events) is a great one. Kind of like little submarines that siphon stuff from the mother ship. So, for example, I have all my various cards (bookstore, Starbucks, insurance, whatever) that form a thick wad. The change I carry around is surprisingly heavy. This is stuff I could leave behind a lot of the time, but not ALL the time, and that's the key—to take a minute before I go out to ask myself just what I need to carry for that outing. Problem is, this takes time, and it's easier just to grab the bag. It's a conundrum.

  This is one of those daily nagging items! Reminds me of what former Texas governor Ann Richards told legislators when she vetoed a concealed carry bill after they said that concealed carry would make it easier for ladies to carry guns in their bags to protect themselves: “Honey, everybody knows that no woman can find a damn thing in her purse!”

  How is your current handbag working for you (or not)? What do you consider the ideal handbag?

  Explore

  My current handbag works for me (doesn't work for me) because . . .

  The ideal handbag would be . . .

  DAY 66

  DECONSTRUCTING THE PURSE—PART 2

  You do not need to carry everything around with you everywhere you go.

  Let me say that again. You do not need to carry everything around with you everywhere you go.

  And yes, it will take some time and concentration to decide what stays and what goes.

  I'm a hands-free kind of gal when it comes to handbags. I am also partial to purses with lots of zippers that I can carry around my shoulder or on my back. I hate rooting around for things, so I keep a maximum of three to four things in each zippered compartment.

  During the day I'll carry a larger backpack-style purse. In the front pocket I keep my car keys, cell phone, reading glasses, and lipstick. In the back zippered compartment (hidden from view) I keep my wallet. In the middle compartment I store things I don't need to reach for as often: a notebook, pen, sunglasses, comb. The thing weighs about one pound total.

  For evening outings, I'll switch to a very small purse that I can carry around my shoulder with only the absolute essentials: reading glasses, cell phone, lipstick, driver's license, and one credit card. My nighttime purse is practically weightless.

  If I need an extra coat, umbrella, or bottle of water, I'll use a large shoulder bag that I can leave in the car or put under a chair. I'll put small bags inside bigger ones like Russian dolls so that I can easily see what I have and consolidate.

  In preparation for tomorrow's pruning, your task today is to take inventory of your bag using the three prompts that follow.

  Explore

  The items currently in my handbag are . . . (Naming and feeling the overwhelm, the shame, and/or the squirmy resistance is key to this process.)

  The items I cannot leave home without are . . .

  Taking inventory of my bag feels . . .

  DAY 67

  STAY, GO, THROW, DON'T KNOW

  One of my favorite workshops is when I invite everyone in the room to grab his or her purse, wallet, or backpack and dump the entire contents on the floor. You can imagine the eye rolls, groans, and squeals that fill the room as everyone comes face-to-face with the pleasant and not-so-pleasant reveals.

  Once the cat is out of the bag, participants are asked to group the contents into four piles:

  Stay—The Stay pile comprises all the essentials that must travel with you: wallet, credit cards, driver's license, cell phone, house keys, reading glasses, medications.

  Go—The Go pile is for the hitchhikers: those things that do not belong in your purse and are not essential to your survival and well-being.

  Throw—The Throw pile is for things like old ticket stubs, candy wrappers—anything that can be tossed or recycled.

  Don't Know—The Don't Know pile is for everything else that you're not sure what to do with. Set this pile aside and deal with it after you've
addressed the first three.

  Your task today is to clear your purse, backpack, or backseat of your car—whatever could use some pruning today—following the four-pile method above. If it's too much to handle an entire purse or backpack, dial it down. Clear just one compartment, and repeat the same process the next day, or until complete.

  Explore

  Paring down my purse (wallet, backpack) feels . . .

  Resistances I feel when I come face to face with it are . . .

  DAY 68

  CONSCIOUS PRUNING

  Here's what I'm wondering: Did you happen to add awareness to yesterday's clearing?

  That was just a taster. Here's what the same practice would look like if you added compassionate awareness. Try it again with the same item that you cleared yesterday (or choose a different object that could use some attention), and clear it using the pruning process that follows:

  Empty all the contents of your bag onto a clear surface or the floor.

  Group your belongings into the four piles: Stay, Go, Throw, Don't Know.

  Close your eyes, and take a couple minutes to notice and allow all sensations: How's your breathing? Are you rushing? Are you thirsty? Are you judging yourself? Are you feeling any pangs of embarrassment or shame? What do the pangs feel like, and where in your body do you feel them?