Her Secret Read online

  Dedication

  To Nicole Resciniti. My agent and my friend.

  Thank you for being there for me in immeasurable

  ways. Thank you, also, for encouraging me to still have

  big dreams. I’m indebted to you.

  Epigraph

  How do you know what your life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—it’s here a little while, then it’s gone.

  JAMES 4:14

  Rare indeed is the person who looks for trouble and fails to find it.

  AMISH PROVERB

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  Chapter 31

  P.S. Insights, Interviews & More . . .* About the author

  About the book

  Read on

  Also by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  PROLOGUE

  Berlin, Ohio

  April 16

  This just arrived for you, Hannah.”

  Hannah Hilty looked up from the table she was clearing to see her manager by the reception desk at the Berlin Country Store. Blowing a wisp of hair off her brow, and wiping her hands on the dish towel tucked in the sash of her apron, Hannah hurried to take the brown envelope out of Kennedy Frazier’s hands.

  “Danke,” she said politely. “I’m not sure why someone would have given you an envelope for me, though.”

  “Actually, someone slipped it through our mail slot. In any case, I was happy to hold on to it for you.” She winked. “I’m glad you were working today. Otherwise, I would have had to remember to hand it to you for your next shift.”

  “Oh, you would have remembered . . . eventually.” If there was one thing Hannah had learned about her manager, it was that Kennedy sometimes bit off more than she could chew. Because of that, she was a bit of a scatterbrain.

  “You’re right. One day I am going to become more organized and learn to say no, too,” Kennedy quipped before greeting the couple who had just walked into the quaint restaurant.

  Seeing that Kennedy was taking the couple to another girl’s station to be seated, Hannah took advantage of the moment to stand over to the side and examine the envelope.

  She had no idea what could be inside. Maybe it was the information about the latest library reading schedule? She’d recently started volunteering to read to preschoolers twice a week. Or, it could possibly be a brochure about the latest Pioneer bus schedule for trips to Pinecraft. She and Kirsten had always yearned to head down to Pinecraft one winter. Now that she was twenty, her parents had at last given permission for her to go.

  Thinking that sending a brochure to her this way was something that Kirsten would definitely do, Hannah tore open the top and pulled out the contents.

  Then froze.

  Scrawled at the top of a piece of notebook paper were four words:

  You are mine, Hannah

  Attached to it were four black-and-white photos, each one of her. Her hands began to shake.

  There she was, walking to work, her shawl half covering her white kapp and shoulders. Another showed her laughing with Kirsten on the steps of the library. The third was a picture of her and her little brother, Ben, outside the Amish school.

  The last was the most disturbing of all. It was a silhouette of Hannah’s body in front of her window. Her curtains were closed, of course, but they might as well have been wide open, given that it had been taken at night and the light from her kerosene lantern had illuminated her in detail. It was obvious that she was only partly dressed and her hair was loose. She’d been changing into her nightgown.

  Hannah felt sick to her stomach.

  Trent had been following her around and taking pictures of her.

  It was disturbing enough, since the Amish didn’t like their pictures taken. Everyone knew that, especially Trent. Though he was English, he’d lived in Berlin all his life.

  He’d also pursued her for the last two years. For a short period of time, they’d even been friends. Once, she’d even considered returning his affection. It had been at the height of her rumspringa, and she’d been mighty foolish.

  Thinking back to that time, when she’d been so eager to prove to herself and her parents that she was mature and independent, she’d made a lot of mistakes. Encouraging Trent had been her worst one.

  But after careful prayer and taking the time to really consider the consequences of her actions, she’d quietly told Trent that they could only ever be friends.

  He hadn’t accepted her decision easily.

  Actually, he’d been upset and had refused to give credence to her reasons.

  Then he’d begun seeking her out in earnest. He would be on the street when she walked, at the market when she went shopping. He’d begun to send her bouquets of daisies, too.

  Now, looking at the pictures, seeing his note, Hannah realized that his infatuation had turned into something disturbing. Nee, it was more than that.

  He had frightened her.

  “Hannah? Hannah!” Kennedy said as she hurried over to her side. “What’s wrong? Oh my word, you are looking as white as a sheet. What was in the envelope?”

  “This.”

  Kennedy took hold of the pictures. “What are these? Oh, my . . . someone sent you photos of yourself? Who would do that?” she mused. “Everyone knows . . .” Her voice drifted off as she flipped through the pictures. “Hannah!”

  “I know.” Realizing that she was no doubt shaking like a leaf, she said, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”

  “I do,” Kennedy said, resolve thick in her voice. “You are going to go right home and show your parents. Something has to be done about this.”

  Hannah agreed. Something did need to be done, though whether or not it would make a difference was anyone’s guess. So far, everything she’d tried to do to dissuade Trent had been ignored.

  Worse, it was becoming apparent that he was going to continue to terrorize her no matter what she did or said. Actually, she was fairly certain his actions were only going to get worse.

  CHAPTER 1

  three months later

  July 9

  Munfordville, Kentucky

  Go on, now, Hannah,” her mother prodded with a touch of impatience in her voice. “Go take a walk like you used to do. It will do you a world of good.”

  Staring at the front door with its two deadbolts and security chain, Hannah hesitated. That door symbolized both her safety and her worst fears. Sometimes, she didn’t even want to touch the heavy oak, let alone the pewter-colored handle.

  From the moment she’d seen those pictures of herself three months ago, she’d mentally locked herself down. Fearing what others were doing no longer felt like overreacting. Instead, it felt safe.

  But going outside would also give her some relief from the confines of her house. And, well, she cou
ld admit it—a walk also gave her a welcome respite from her annoying brother and sister. They were teenagers and seemed to thrive on being self-centered.

  Walking up behind her, her mother placed the palms of her hands on Hannah’s shoulders and rested her chin lightly on the top of Hannah’s head. She’d done this for as long as Hannah could remember. When she was a little girl, it would make her giggle. She’d thought it was funny that her mother was able to rest her chin on her head without wrinkling the top of her kapp.

  Later, when she was eleven and twelve, it used to make Hannah feel self-conscious about how petite she was. When she was fifteen, she’d hated her mother’s need to be so protective. She’d yearned for experiences, not confining hugs.

  But now, she rather enjoyed feeling her mother’s warm hands on her shoulders and chin on her head. It made her feel secure. It was also a welcome reminder that her mother loved her dearly.

  But even that comforting touch couldn’t take away the feeling that someone was always watching her whenever she was out in the open. It didn’t seem to matter that her parents were sure that Trent didn’t know where they’d moved to.

  No matter how hard Hannah tried, she couldn’t seem to escape the feeling that she was in danger.

  “Today ain’t a good day, Mamm,” she said in a rush. “It’s cloudy out. It might rain. Plus, it looks a little chilly, too. Maybe I’ll go tomorrow.”

  “Today is a fine day. It is a bit on the cool side for July, but it’s sunny. If you put on a sweater, you won’t notice the cool temperature at all.”

  It did look pretty out, but weather was the last thing she was concerned about. And because she didn’t want to try to explain her irrational fears all over again, she used her brother and sister as her excuse. “I told Ben and Jenny that I would help them with their assignments. I should probably do that.” Not that they would want to listen to her. These days, her younger siblings didn’t seem to want to listen to much of anything. Hannah feared they were both running wild.

  “Hannah, dear. You know I love all of my kinner. However, even the best person in the world would need a break from Ben and Jenny from time to time. You need a break, jah?”

  “Maybe,” she mumbled as she turned to face her.

  “I know so,” Mamm corrected, her hazel-colored eyes full of mirth. “They surely are a handful right now.”

  “They are selfish and difficult, Mamm,” Hannah said before she could stop herself. “They also are in perpetually bad moods.”

  Mamm laughed. “They are thirteen and fourteen, child. Each on the cusp of discovering who they are.”

  Thinking of how both of them blamed Hannah for their unhappiness and were not shy about sharing their feelings, Hannah groaned. “It’s more than that.”

  Lines of worry appeared at the corners of her eyes. “I wouldn’t say they are quite that bad, though I know they’ve been a trial to you. But just like their difficulties will one day fade, your fears will, too . . . if you allow them.”

  “If I allow them?”

  “Dear, one day this, too, shall pass.”

  This, too, shall pass. It was her mother’s favorite saying. Even though it didn’t come from the Bible, Hannah thought it was certainly helpful to remember. Hannah felt like it was beginning to have some rejuvenating effects on her as well.

  Ever since she’d run home with that envelope full of photographs, Hannah had been waiting for this awful time in her life to pass. Her parents had taken her worries seriously, especially since it was not the first time Trent had taken a photo of her or made her feel uncomfortable.

  It hadn’t even been the fourth or fifth time.

  He’d been hounding her for months, doggedly trying to get her to accept him. Even the significance of her baptism meant nothing to him.

  But his photo of her dressing in the window had been a turning point. It signaled that Trent was becoming far more invasive and brazen. His note was angry and almost taunting. Even the police had agreed.

  Hannah and her parents had been sure that Trent’s stalking of her was only going to get worse.

  However, after the police had informed them that since there were no fingerprints on the note, envelope, or photos, and that it had simply arrived at the restaurant, there was nothing they could do. Hannah was still at Trent’s mercy.

  When Hannah started shaking so much at the thought of being photographed by Trent again, her father allowed her to quit her job and stay at home.

  When another photo of Hannah was mailed to their house, the one of her reading out on her back patio, Hannah stopped even venturing outside. She refused to go to church. She started withdrawing from her work friends. Then she began to avoid Kirsten and her other Amish girlfriends.

  But more photos still arrived with alarming regularity.

  Then her parents announced that they were going to move to Kentucky, and not to just one of the more populated Amish communities, either.

  Instead, they were going to live in Hart County. It was in the middle of the state, in the cavern region. A place not exactly known to be farm friendly.

  And it was known to be fairly off the grid, even for the English.

  Ben and Jenny hadn’t been happy about the move and had been vocal about it. Hannah could see their point. They’d both had lots of friends and part-time jobs. They’d had lives they enjoyed and a house that was both comfortable and their family’s legacy. In addition, Berlin was busy and bustling. There were a lot of Amish and a lot of things to do.

  Where they were now living in the outskirts of Munfordville? Not so much.

  Because of all that, Ben and Jenny had been cross and rude. And because they couldn’t take their frustrations out on their parents, they took out their grievances on Hannah.

  Which was why she desperately needed a break.

  Stepping to the side, Mamm plucked Hannah’s black cardigan sweater from the hook. “Enough talk! Put on your sweater and go on a walk.”

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “You can if you want to try. Just go, dear. It doesn’t have to be for long. Maybe just for thirty minutes.”

  Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes of freedom. Thirty minutes of putting herself at risk.

  If she could do that, she would be proud of herself.

  She needed to do that.

  Swallowing hard, she nodded. “All right, Muddah. I will give it a try.”

  Her mother gave a little clap. “Gut! Good for you.” Then, to Hannah’s bemusement, she thrust Hannah’s sweater into her arms. And before she could slip one of her arms through a sleeve, Mamm opened the door and kind of shuttled Hannah outside.

  “Off you go, now. Enjoy the walk and the fresh air.”

  Just as Hannah was about to thank her for the push, her mother closed the door.

  Staring at the thick panel of oak, she felt a burst of panic bubble up inside her. Before she quite knew what she was doing, she’d reached for the handle.

  Then she realized that she was once again going to let her paranoia take hold of her.

  “No one is outside this house watching you,” she told herself sternly. “No one cares who you are or what you do. You are simply another girl living her life, here in the middle of Kentucky. That’s all.”

  At another time in her life, she might have thought that she was being a little hard on herself. But today, the harsh language seemed to be what she needed.

  It was time to stop living in the past and begin thinking about her future. A future without fear. A future where she could be herself once again.

  And if she did that, she could also have a future where she wasn’t spending most of her time with two siblings who wouldn’t want her there in the first place.

  Feeling a bit like a small duckling being encouraged to fly, Hannah slipped on her sweater and stepped out from the shade of the porch into the sun.

  She had no choice. It was either start walking or return to where she had been. And that place had been so dark and terrifying, she
would be a fool to even contemplate doing that.

  Feeling like she was on the cusp of something vitally important, she took a deep breath. When she did, she realized the faint scent of freshly cut grass was in the air. Noticed a bright red cardinal off in the distance. It alighted on a branch for a split second before flying off again.

  It was time to do a bit of flying of her own. Past time. She started walking.

  CHAPTER 2

  July 9

  Someone was coming. After reeling in his line, Isaac Troyer set his pole on the bank next to Spot, his Australian shepherd, and turned in the direction of the noise.

  He wasn’t worried about encountering a stranger as much as curious to know who would walk through the woods while managing to disturb every tree branch, twig, and bird in their midst. A silent tracker, this person was not.

  Beside him, Spot, named for the spot of black fur ringing his eye, pricked his ears and tilted his head to one side as he, too, listened and watched for their guest to appear.

  When they heard a muffled umph, followed by the crack of a branch, Isaac began to grow amused. Their visitor didn’t seem to be faring so well.

  He wasn’t surprised. That path was rarely used and notoriously overrun with hollyhocks, poison oak, and ivy. For some reason, wild rosebushes also ran rampant there. Though walking on the old path made for a pretty journey, it also was a somewhat dangerous one, too. Those bushes had a lot of thorns. Most everyone he knew chose to walk on the road instead.

  He was just wondering if, perhaps, he should brave the thorns and the possibility of rashes to offer his help—when a woman popped out.

  The new girl. Hannah Hilty.

  Obviously thinking she was completely alone, she stepped out of the shade of the bushes and lifted her face into the sun. She mumbled to herself as she pulled a black sweater off her light-blue short-sleeved dress. Then she turned her right arm this way and that, frowning at what looked like a sizable scrape on it.

  He’d been introduced to her at church the first weekend her family had come. His first impression of her had been that she was a pretty thing, with dark-brown hair and hazel-colored eyes. She was fairly tall and willowy, too, and had been blessed with creamy-looking pale skin. But for all of that, she’d looked incredibly wary.