DISCERN Read online

  “I have to confess something,” I said nervously.

  “Okay,” he smiled.

  “I lost your number, so I wasn’t able to call, but I guess it worked out for the best,” I said, trying not to sound disappointed.

  His smile faded and his eyes dropped. “Yes, probably so,” he agreed. I sensed a genuine sadness in his tone.

  “Well, then I’ll see you around.” My signals were all mixed, as were my feelings. To be close to Andrew again reminded me of that awful night.

  “I noticed you were in my Thursday night class and was going to go ahead and give you the syllabus,” he said, keeping the conversation going.

  “Oh, thanks. That’s very thoughtful.” I wasn’t sure what else to say in this situation.

  “I remember what it was like to be a student. It hasn’t been that long since I was in school,” he said handing me the paper. It was obvious it hadn’t been long since his college days. “You really do look young to be a Professor,” I observed.

  “I managed to keep my head in the books and concentrate only on school. It was good for my career, but terrible for my personal life,” he said.

  “You won’t have any trouble having a social life around here,” I blurted out, instantly mortified. “So I’ll see you Thursday night,” I said, turning quickly, rushing out of the room as fast as possible.

  I heard a slight chuckle. “See you Thursday.” His voice trailed off as I flew out into the hall.

  He probably thought I was a complete idiot, because every time I was around him I said or did something embarrassing.

  My head was swirling with conflicting thoughts. There was definitely something intriguing about Andrew, but I had no business fantasizing about another man, when I felt I had barely had enough time to grieve the last relationship properly. Plus, I was broken. I didn’t function like a normal twenty-year-old girl, and he didn’t seem like the type to stick around for the long haul—my heart couldn’t take any more.

  The next morning, I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing repeatedly. I reached my hand from beneath the covers and grabbed it. There were seven text messages from no one other than Braden. I slowly sat up in bed and began reading them.

  Every morning, around the same time, I would start receiving these same texts. I never replied. His inability to allow me space was frustrating. I would never forgive him, or forget for that matter.

  I was surprised that Braden’s investigative ways hadn’t led to him to where I was currently enrolled at school. He was unusually relentless when he had his mind set on uncovering a mystery, and surely my location would be discovered soon. His job with the government had almost been a calling for him. He was secretive and headstrong—the perfect government agent.

  Eventually, I forced myself out of bed. My reflection in the mirror was terrifying. I stared for a moment longer. I definitely needed to pull my act together.

  I took a long, deep breath and began the seemingly endless grooming ritual, allowing my mind time to wander back to Andrew. It was absurd to believe that he could possibly be interested in someone like me.

  Finishing the process, I combed my lifeless hair, pulling it back in to a ponytail. I slipped on a lavender blouse and a khaki skirt. I felt like crying, but I had already applied my makeup and any signs of sadness would only alarm my father, making it difficult to appear composed—especially since I was spending some time working at his dealership today.

  The day seemed to creep slowly by, but it felt refreshing to be somewhere besides home. I had barely given much thought to Braden, or Andrew for that matter. The constant stream of paperwork shoved in my direction had helped push those thoughts aside.

  I glanced up at the clock and decided it was a good time to call it a day. I wanted to speak with my father anyway. I had a couple of issues to address. I neatly piled the papers on the desk and dropped off a few finished files to Mrs. Henley. I headed down the hall to my father’s office.

  Gently knocking, I made my way to his oversized desk. The pleased look on my father’s face was proof of his happiness with my re-emergence back in to civilization. “Thanks for helping out today, sweetie.”

  “No problem, Dad.” I took a seat in one of his black leather chairs. I picked up the jar of marbles that he had kept on his desk since I was a child. Taking the large purple and white swirled one out, I began rolling it back in forth in my hand.

  I could feel his eyes carefully watching me. “Are you going to be okay?”

  “I will be, eventually.” My eyes never left the marble.

  “You couldn’t have known what terrible things he was capable of doing, but don’t let that jerk ruin your outlook.”

  “I know, he’s awful, and I’m just the poor innocent little girl that was blind to his evil.” I rolled my eyes.

  “I hope you aren’t blaming your actions for his behavior,” he fumed.

  “No, I’m not, but I should’ve known that his betrayal was possible,” I said, partially blaming myself.

  “Haley, none of this is your fault. The blame is all on him.”

  “I know, I know,” I sighed, hoping to end this conversation.

  He placed his hands on top of my shoulders. “I love you more than anything.”

  “I love you, too, Dad,” I said, setting the marble back in the jar and lightly patting his hand.

  I stood up and headed for the door.

  “One more thing,” he said, lightly touching my arm.

  “Yes?”

  “Can you put our family photos back on the fireplace?”

  I hadn’t forgotten that night when I wiped the fireplace clean of our family memories, but I was surprised my father had noticed. “Sorry, I thought it would help both of us.”

  “I know, sweetie, but taking those down won’t change the past.”

  “No, probably not,” I agreed. This was definitely not the right time to address his possible relationship with Ms. Cardwell that Ryan had mentioned last night.

  “It isn’t just her face I miss in those pictures, it’s also your smile.”

  “My smile will return one day, I promise,” I sighed.

  “I look forward to that.”

  I turned away and walked down the narrow hallway leading to the showroom, feeling ashamed of my actions that night. Taking down those pictures had hurt my father. He not only missed my mother, but he missed me—the old, happy me. Right now, I just wasn’t sure if that Haley would ever reappear.

  3

  New Beginnings

  The next two months went by smoothly, with the same text messages from Braden coming through around the same time every day. Ryan and I shared two classes on Monday and Thursday nights, both classes with Andrew. Our friendship was blossoming, and I couldn’t be happier. My outlook was definitely brighter and this was to my father’s liking. To my surprise, I could actually feel the old Haley re-emerging.

  Andrew was still paying a little more attention than usual—at least that’s what others were noticing. I had noticed, too, but it wasn’t the first time that a professor had taken an interest in me. Not that Andrew necessarily was, but I seemed to be a magnet for jerks, so I decided to keep my distance.

  Ryan managed to block Andrew’s efforts by staying close by me during breaks and at the end of class. Ryan had taken his job of bouncer a little too seriously a few times, but I needed him, and if that meant suffering through a few obnoxious moments, then so be it.

  My intrigue however, was growing. Andrew had several admirers in both classes, but he seemed intent on getting my attention. Although, a little unnerving, it was also flattering. I wasn’t sure how the few conversations outside the class had been enough to keep him this interested.

  ~~~*~~~

  I strolled into class a few minutes late that Thursday evening. I felt ill. My muscles ached, my head was throbbing and my stomach was on the verge of spilling its contents all over my desk. My eyes were stinging from all the crying earlier this afternoon. I was one hundred percent sur
e that my mascara had left black streaks all over my face, although I hadn’t taken the time to look in a mirror.

  My father had warned me that Mr. Mitchell, Braden’s father, was back in town in for a few days. If Mr. Mitchell were aware I was back in town, he would inevitably tell his son. And if Braden knew I was home, it would just be a matter of hours before he would be here harassing me. I still wasn’t emotionally ready for a confrontation.

  To make matters worse, it appeared that Ryan was absent from class this evening. My confidant and blocker was not here to protect me. Andrew took notice of Ryan’s absence, and I could feel his penetrating gaze. I tried to calm myself. There wasn’t anything I could do about this situation.

  The hour before our break seemed to last forever. I impatiently tapped my foot on the floor waiting to hear those two little words—‘Break time’. I felt the need to run, and Ryan’s absence wasn’t helping my overwhelming desire to skip the rest of class.

  “Break time,” Andrew said, echoing my thoughts, as everyone quickly filed out of the room.

  I stood up and tried to dart past Andrew’s desk.

  “Haley!” he called out, startling me.

  “Yes.” I turned reluctantly.

  “If you want to leave early, please do so. I can give you the notes on Monday evening,” he offered.

  “Is it that obvious?”

  “Not to the untrained eye.”

  “I shouldn’t. I don’t really have anywhere to go, besides home, and that won’t help things,” I admitted.

  “Is everything okay at home?” His voice was concerned.

  “Yes. Home definitely isn’t the problem.”

  “I noticed you seem to feel uncomfortable sometimes in my presence. I’ve wanted to explain my actions,” he said nervously.

  “I’m not uncomfortable with you—it just seems everyone else has noticed which makes me uncomfortable. I’m not even sure what the situation is or if it is just a coincidence.” I started rambling on. I caught myself before I continued.

  “Yeah, umm…you’re kind of my focal point. I still get a little nervous when I teach. I haven’t been doing this for long. I tried to talk to you, but it just made things look worse. Then I tried to stop, which made it seem weird, like I had some ulterior motive. So, I’m sorry.” His once confident shell had seemed to crumble.

  I laughed nervously. “Well, that clears it all up. I was worried you hated me.”

  “Hated you?” He questioned with confusion.

  “Yeah, since I never showed you around town or called you.” My eyes slowly met his gaze.

  “I don’t hold any ill feelings toward you. You had a lot going on in your life. It was just bad timing,” he smiled.

  Relief washed over me. He didn’t despise me, and he wasn’t trying to be creepy. “I have a knack for bad timing.”

  “Things will work themselves out. Time tends to heal,” he said, lost in thought.

  “Time has a way of easing the pain, but I’m not quite sure it will ever heal completely.”

  “Very true.” His voice trailed off. “I won’t take any more of your break. As I offered before, you’re free to leave,” he smiled and turned to walk away.

  I suddenly wasn’t ready for our conversation to end. “Andrew?” I called out. “Thanks for clearing all that up, and I’m sorry if I overreacted. My life has been following down a path I hadn’t planned, so I haven’t been very open.”

  “Life’s funny. What might seem like the end is actually just the beginning.

  Change is hard to accept, but once you do, things start falling in to place.” His words struck a chord.

  “Very true, but sometimes one just isn’t ready to accept change until it hits them like a ton of bricks.”

  “Sometimes those bricks can be used to build a wall to protect one from the world though—potentially blocking their heart from ever experiencing true love,” he smiled and continued walking toward the hallway.

  Thinking back to all of the previous interactions with Andrew, I realized it was all just a misunderstanding. I had been dreaming it up with the help from Ryan’s overactive imagination. Andrew’s insightful words continued running through my thoughts. An urge to continue our conversation after class came over me. Leaving early was no longer an option.

  Andrew resumed his position at the front of the class. His eyes met mine, and a smile spread across his face. For the first time, I smiled back. It wasn’t clear if he smiled because we now had cleared up any confusion or because I decided to stay. The once tense atmosphere in the classroom had dissipated, and I finally felt a sense of calm.

  Class ended and for once I didn’t rush out of the door. Ryan’s absence wasn’t bothering me like it had earlier this evening. Slinging my purse over my shoulder, I walked toward the front of the room.

  “I’m glad you stayed, Miss Helms. Less notes I had to copy,” he joked playfully.

  “I’m glad I stayed, too. Less I have to worry about on Monday night,” I joked back.

  The lights flickered. “Wow, they should really get those fixed,” he mentioned uneasily.

  “I was beginning to think I was imagining things,” I half-smiled.

  “No, you aren’t,” he assured. “Could I ask a favor of you?” he asked, changing the subject.

  “Sure,” I agreed nervously.

  “I know you and Mr. Scott are close, but if you don’t mind, could you ask him to lay off the glaring, now that we’ve cleared up the misunderstanding?” he grinned.

  “No problem,” I smiled relieved.

  “I understand he’s very protective of you, but please reassure him that I’m not after his girlfriend.” Obviously, he was playing around, but I was afraid he actually believed we were an item.

  “Oh no, Ryan’s not my boyfriend. We used to go to high school together, and he was my ex-fiancé’s rival, so it’s just natural for us to be friends,” I said, clearing up any confusion.

  A look of relief spread across his face. “I see. I’m assuming your emotional state has something to do with your ex?” he asked politely. “Not that it’s any of my business. You just seem so sad and down sometimes.”

  “My ex does have a lot to do with my current state of my mind. I wish he didn’t, but it’s hard to get over your first love, especially when you built your whole future around that person.” My eyes dropped, feeling I had revealed too much.

  “The void your first love leaves can never be forgotten, but it’ll be filled again. You’ll move on. As I said, sometimes the end is really just the beginning. All you have to do is look for it. It’s usually right in front of you.” His eyes studied my face and a smile warmed his.

  We were standing outside the building. I hadn’t remembered leaving the class. Our conversation continued as we walked to my car. As we passed several lights in the parking lot, they each twinkled as we walked by. But I was paying more attention to how beautiful he was. His face was absolutely stunning, every feature chiseled out perfectly like a sculpture. His blond hair framed his golden face perfectly. His beautiful, emerald green eyes concentrated on my every move. Had I really been so blinded by my depression not to accept his previous offer?

  He opened my car door, and I slid inside. “I’ll see you Monday night,” he said casually.

  “Until then.”

  He disappeared into the dark.

  My unbelievably bright outlook was soon squashed. I pulled into my driveway and my stomach knotted. There sat a black truck that resembled Braden’s. Trying not to panic, I crept slowly up the drive to get a closer look. My headlights shined on the back of the truck, revealing a dent in the rear bumper. A dent created when I had been riding with Braden.

  My attempt not to panic had officially failed. Braden or his father was here. I could not go into the house. My hands were shaking as I retrieved my cell phone. I anxiously dialed my father.

  I hadn’t even heard the phone ring. “Hello?” he answered.

  “Dad?”

  “Yes,
sweetie,” he replied. I could hear his footsteps tapping on the wood floors.

  “Braden isn’t there is he?”

  “Nope.”

  “Thank goodness.

  “ Is his father?” I asked anxiously.

  “Yes.” His voice was flat.

  Call me when he leaves.”

  “Yes, sweetie, I’ll call you back. It’s only eight o’clock there right?” he asked, pretending I was in California.

  “Thanks, and I love you.” I continued through our circle drive to avoid being discovered.

  Braden’s father had spent most of the summer and fall months somewhere in Canada, where he had a cabin. After Braden graduated from high school, his father never stayed around town much anymore, because of the death of his wife, Braden’s mother. I could empathize with their loss.

  My phone began vibrating in my pocket. I instinctively picked it up, assuming it was my father calling me back.

  “Hello?”

  “Haley!” a familiar, desperate sounding voice gasped.

  I pulled the phone from ear to look at the number. “What do you want Braden?” I asked angrily.

  “Haley, why haven’t you answered any of my calls or texts? Even if it was just to tell me to leave you alone, anything at all,” he asked, changing his tone.

  “You keep calling just to ask me why I haven’t been responding to your ridiculous texts and countless calls?”

  “No, I keep calling to beg for your forgiveness. You wouldn’t be able to fathom the truth, even if I could tell you. Nothing happened, I swear.” He began pleading. “My life is a complete mess without you.”

  “A naked woman in your bed isn’t exactly a truth I can’t fathom. I’m not that naïve…or blind. I know what happens next,” I snapped.

  “It wasn’t what you thought. Believe me, there are things happening in the world that you have no idea about.”

  “I’m not stupid!” I shouted. “Please stop insulting my intelligence. I don’t want to hear your excuses. It’s over.”