Michele Sinclair - [McTiernays 05] Read online

  Meriel bit the inside of her cheek and made a decision. Until she was able to comprehend her own feelings about the kiss, she was not going to tackle the onerous work of interpreting Craig’s. Usually the man paraded his emotions for all to see and hear. The rare times he kept them private were when they were raw, undefined, and extremely personal. During those singular times, to keep people from detecting his true thoughts, Craig tended to become excessively cheerful, just like he had become tonight.

  Raelynd grasped her arm and swung her around. “Come. Tomorrow you can admonish me severely, but tonight we are celebrating Marymass, and soon Father will be offering the first bread.”

  Meriel let her sister guide her around to head back to the main table. “It doesn’t look like Papa is very happy.”

  Raelynd leaned over and whispered teasingly, “I think he was considering ways to kill Craig right before he finally let you go. But the way you and he were so indifferent afterward, it helped calm him some. Don’t worry. Just think on nothing else but this year’s harvest and all the good things that are to follow.”

  Meriel followed Raelynd, glad her sister took the route that avoided their father. As she sat down, she decided that Raelynd was right. Tonight she should enjoy the upcoming activities to honor the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary.

  Tomorrow, however, she would give earnest thought to what just did happen between her and Craig—if anything.

  “Don’t deny it. You were part of that display of lust we just witnessed,” Conor McTiernay growled at his wife as he pointed at Meriel and his younger brother, who was quickly exiting the hall.

  Laurel licked her lips, refusing to look into her husband’s accusing silver eyes. “Perhaps . . . marginally.”

  Conor narrowed his mercurial gaze. His wife was doing it again. Purposefully flicking her pale gold hair behind her shoulder to catch his eye. Moistening her lips with her tongue. Taking a deep breath so that her chest swelled, giving him a delicious view—all in an effort to distract him from knowing her true focus. And, like always, it was working.

  As the eldest McTiernay and chieftain of their clan, Conor had spent years studying the behavior of his people in an effort to become a better leader. He prided himself on being able to predict most of his people’s needs, anticipate their reactions to certain events, and prevent problems before they arose. But no matter how hard he tried, he could not transfer such knowledge and power to better his understanding of his own wife. He was just glad that he was starting to be able to tell when she was in the middle of a plan, and carefully extricate himself from it.

  He let himself enjoy the sights for a few more seconds before pushing for more information—an absolute requirement to knowing just how to avoid getting caught in whatever trap she was weaving. “And did you get the outcome you were looking for?”

  Laurel was not sure how to answer as she studied the scene. Craig was cleverly making his escape while Meriel was talking to her sister instead of actually paying attention to Raelynd.

  When Raelynd had revealed her plan to have the two winners of the sword dance kiss, Laurel was quick to realize that the idea, while ingenious, was highly improbable. Aye, Craig and Meriel were highly competitive and could honestly win without assistance, but not if they suspected a setup. And despite Laurel’s quick intervention to persuade participating men and women to voluntarily lose, the plan had almost failed. Meriel had shrewdly grasped the situation and almost quit before the last woman could drop out. But the plan had worked, and Craig and Meriel had definitely kissed. And yet, Laurel could not discern if it had changed anything in their attitudes toward each other.

  The fact that the two of them were in love was not in question. Most were not sure, but Laurel had no doubts. She just was not positive whether or not a kiss, even the very long and passionate one all had witnessed tonight, would prompt two of the most stubborn people in Scotland to admit it. Not only to their families and clansmen . . . but to themselves.

  “You should feel ashamed, forcing them to prove their friendship in such a way,” Conor admonished halfheartedly.

  “Why? Either way, it served their purpose. If there was more between them, then they would have been thankful for the act of kindness. If not, then Raelynd and I gave them the opportunity to end all rumors otherwise.”

  “I give up.” Conor sighed, grabbing a mug of ale and downing it. “Just make sure that your efforts to find and foster a love match for my brother do not affect me.”

  “They shouldn’t,” Laurel asserted and then added under her breath, “but no promises.”

  The kiss Craig and Meriel shared had practically heated up the room, confirming what Laurel already knew. Raelynd had believed her sister might be falling for Craig but was too afraid to admit her feelings. But Raelynd had been wrong. Meriel and Craig had fallen in love long before, almost the moment they first met. Unfortunately, both of them were so savvy to the arts of recognizing love and how to avoid it, they had instinctively improvised a way to do so with each other: just pretend they felt otherwise. Deny to everyone—especially themselves—the truth. And for the last year, Laurel had not interfered, believing their feelings would either die or force them to take action. And yet a year later, nothing had changed.

  Laurel abhorred the idea of arranged marriages or forcing two people together, but what could it hurt to help Raelynd execute her plan? And yet, Conor’s question troubled her. Had she secured the outcome she was looking for? With any normal couple, a kiss like that would have resulted in an immediate wedding. But getting a stubborn Schellden and an obstinate McTiernay to admit their feelings for each other? That took something more.

  It had happened once before between Meriel’s and Craig’s siblings, Raelynd and Crevan, but both Craig and Meriel were unbelievably strong willed and stubborn. And for some reason they each felt incredibly resolute about keeping their friendship only a friendship. If what transpired tonight did not convince either of them otherwise, Laurel was not sure any outside influence could. It would take far more than patience to change their minds.

  It would take a miracle.

  Chapter 2

  Meriel lay motionless in bed and stared at the ceiling’s large timber beams. The sounds outside in the bailey were growing louder and busier as the men and women who worked for the castle or within its walls prepared to address another day. She had been listening for a while, but the familiar noises provided no more peace than the silence the night had relinquished. Letting go a deep sigh, Meriel sat up and swung her legs over the side of her bed. She stared down at her dangling feet, seeking courage for what she was about to do. Each time she reviewed last night’s events, her thoughts only became more tangled. And there was only one way she knew to unravel them.

  A year ago, she would have sought out the comfort and advice of her sister. As identical twins, they had often used their similar features to their advantage, pretending to be the other when it suited them. But more often than not, the differences in their personalities prevented their ruses from being completely successful. But right now, it was the insight those differences provided that Meriel missed the most.

  Where she tended to be reserved and even-tempered, her sister, Raelynd, was outgoing and decisive, oftentimes to the point of being officious. She also possessed an absurd desire for all things to be orderly and neat—at least in Meriel’s opinion. By the time Raelynd was in her mid-teen years, she not only knew the proper way to execute practically every job around the castle, she demanded that everyone else did as well. Meriel knew her own style of open organization drove her sister close to insanity, but in Meriel’s mind that was her sister’s problem—not hers. Raelynd just refused to understand how being able to see everything made it so much easier to find things than if all her items were put up and out of sight. But despite these differences, the two of them had always been extremely close.

  Growing up they had shared an unusually large room that allowed them enough space to enjoy their own styles
of organization. Though sharing a bedchamber did create some tension when one or both of them encroached upon the other’s personal sense of space, and even gave rise to some boisterous fights on occasion, it also had afforded them the chance to talk. Every night they had discussed their day, both the ups and the downs. As a result, she and Raelynd had learned to verbally work through their problems, especially emotional ones.

  Then last year things changed.

  Raelynd fell in love and married Crevan McTiernay, and understandably began sharing her ideas and frustrations with him. She and Meriel still spoke and exchanged their opinions and viewpoints on many topics, but no longer did they discuss their most private thoughts—the things that when revealed made one vulnerable. For Raelynd, those secrets now belonged to her husband. And though she still would have been there for her sister, Meriel could not bring herself to open up to that level of sharing since it was no longer mutual. If it had not been for Craig, Meriel knew she would not have found it so easy to welcome Crevan into their family. For Craig had truly understood. As twin brothers, he and Crevan also had a tight bond that went beyond typical sibling regard. And upon Crevan’s marriage, Craig had found himself in a similar situation, where his relationship with his best friend had suddenly been redefined.

  Meriel’s friendship with Craig had begun without effort. Each seemed to just instinctively understand the other. With compatible personalities, they would always have found it comfortable to be in each other’s company, regardless of how they met. But last year’s circumstances had forged a unique and very strong connection between them. Without conscious thought, each had leaned heavily upon the other for the emotional support and friendship their siblings no longer provided.

  People began to tease them as they spent more and more time together, insinuating that there was more between them than they claimed. Meriel agreed that her and Craig’s friendship was deeper than most, but she had been only vaguely aware of the dependent nature of their relationship. In the beginning, they had instinctively leaned on each other. As a result, both aggressively protected their unique bond, knowing that without it they would truly be alone—something, as twins, neither had ever experienced.

  In a short time, Craig had become her best friend and she had become his. And until last night, keeping their friendship free of emotional entanglements had seemed the key to its survival. But now Meriel was not so sure. When Craig had kissed her, he had done more than just arouse feelings for him she had previously refused to admit. He had brought into question some of her most fundamental beliefs.

  She had always believed being unmarried equaled freedom. Keeping all men at an emotional distance had seemed like a safe, intelligent path through life. The alternative invariably led to marriage, which included rules, expectations, limitations, and an end to other possibilities; all things of which Meriel had wanted no part.

  She had tried to remind herself of these beliefs throughout the night, but images of her sister’s happiness with Crevan kept flashing in her mind, followed by memories of her parents’ relationship when her mother was still alive. And in not one recollection could Meriel remember her mother and father having all the emotional and mental shackles she had associated with marriage. Even Raelynd was happier being married. She seemed more at peace with her life and the possibilities of her future.

  The more Meriel thought about her life as an unmarried, independent woman, the less it felt like freedom. Instead, her future looked very lonely. For the first time, she wondered if falling in love and committing herself to another might be worth the risk.

  Craig stopped short just outside his cottage. He knew he had not left the door open when he went to ensure all the soldiers had made it to morning training, whether their stomachs were ready for it or not after last night’s festivities. The morning sun poured into the room. Taking a deep breath, he opened the door slightly. Items were scattered everywhere, evidence the cottage belonged to a bachelor. The level of mayhem throughout the three-room home, however, proved it belonged to a particular bachelor—him. Among the scattered items was a lithe, supple figure sitting at his table.

  Oblivious to the chaos around her, it was hard to believe the angelic-looking woman before him was just as comfortable amongst clutter as he was. Her hair—neither blond nor brown, but some unusual shade in between—was down, pulled back at the sides into a single, loose braid tied with navy blue ribbons that matched her gown. Long, dark lashes remained motionless as her hazel eyes bored holes into a candle that had melted onto the table, almost capturing pieces of a bridle in its waxy pool.

  Memories of how passionately Meriel had responded when he had taken her into his arms, even though she had been furious with him, flooded his mind. Part of him knew he should say something and let her know he was there, but he was drinking her in, visually feasting on her in a way he had never allowed himself before. He shook his head. He would not do this. He refused to become a simpering mess over a woman. It was a vulnerability he would not allow.

  Until last night, he had always dismissed the possibility of experiencing passion with Meriel. For him, desire required an element of surprise, and too much familiarity quickly crushed the fleeting emotion. And he knew no woman as well as he did Meriel. Oh, he wanted her physically. All rational men desired beautiful women. But desires based on simple male yearnings always faded, and usually ended quite . . . badly. And it was that possibility of losing Meriel’s friendship that had made it easy to suppress and ignore his physical reaction to her.

  Attraction for each other—that was the one topic neither had ever broached. Oh, they had discussed their unique friendship and the benefits of it, but never if it could be, or should be, anything more. To him, what he and Meriel had was so rare, so precious, that any risk of change was never to be considered. He believed that before last night, and he still believed it—despite now knowing how incredible it might be between them. He just hoped Meriel felt the same. She used to, but seeing her at his table filled him with worry. Her coming here so soon meant this morning’s visit was going to be anything but typical.

  Craig took a deep breath, opened the door wider, and entered the cottage, wishing that he had more time to understand and harness the unexpected emotions the kiss had stirred up in him. Where he liked to ponder things and develop solutions to problems in private, Meriel needed to vent her troubles in order to work through them. Until now, he had not minded being the one to whom she went, but then again, he had never been the subject of her unease.

  Taking a deep breath, he mustered the most sincere smile he could. “I’m surprised to find you up this early. I thought you would not rise until the morrow after all the festivities last night.”

  Meriel, lost in thought as she stared at the candle on the table, jumped at the sound of his voice. Suddenly she was filled with mixed feelings. Should she have come so soon? “I . . . uh . . . decided to retire early.”

  “Humph.” The sound escaped before Craig could stop it, but he was jealous of her restful slumber. He had just assumed that she too had been plagued with thoughts of their kiss. Determined not to let her know that she was the reason behind his lack of sleep last night, and probably the next several nights, he swiped the clothes lying haphazardly on a nearby chair onto the floor and sat down. “Most of my men are wishing they had been as wise as you. I will be surprised if a few of them don’t get a scrape or two for being sluggish during training today.”

  Meriel crinkled her brow. “You are a ruthless commander, not letting the men at least one day to recover. I’m not sure how wise it was of Papa to have put you in charge of all his soldiers.”

  Craig grinned, feeling some of his angst dissipate at Meriel’s reference to a long-standing joke they shared. She continually claimed that he was too tall and therefore too intimidating, too bossy and obnoxious, unable to consider disagreeing opinions, or his favorite—too arrogant to recognize his numerous faults. He was always “too” something to be the Schellden commander, and sh
e dared him to prove otherwise. One day, Meriel had even claimed he was not up to the task due to his excessive ticklishness, which, to his humiliation, she had proved.

  “And that is why beautiful women such as yourself should not train men to wage battles,” Craig replied, taking a bite from a piece of bread he had swiped from last night’s feast. “And why I am such a great commander. Ruthlessness is an admirable leadership trait.”

  Meriel rolled her eyes and ignored the muffled response. “Does the baker know how many of his loaves make it back here?”

  “Why do you think I chose a cottage so near the castle?” Craig replied, this time with a sincere, self-congratulatory grin.

  Meriel took a deep breath, feeling herself sucked into thoughts she had never previously entertained. “I thought it was to shorten the walk foolish women had to make to be in the masterful arms of love.”

  Craig swallowed, hearing the words he so often used to describe himself. Fact was, Meriel was the only female who had ever set foot in his cottage, and though he never liked to examine the reason why, he could not imagine another woman being in his home. But that did not stop him from fostering his reputation for enjoying and being enjoyed by ladies. In truth, since he had agreed to permanently support Laird Schellden as his commander, not one woman had captured his interest. He had believed exhaustion and demanding responsibilities were the cause—until last night. Once again the need to kiss her, to experience again just a little of what he had discovered, was growing within him. That left him with two choices: succumb to the desire, or make her angry in order to end it. “Perhaps a woman’s company is the reason behind my own weary state this morning.”

  Fury sparked in Meriel’s eyes and Craig was both gratified and uncomfortable with her reaction. That she was upset helped a little, but he would have preferred for her to get very angry and punch him in the arm, for the sake of his physical control and mental stability.