God, I Hate That Man Read online

  I get it all right. It’s a good excuse to come back for round two. “I’m sorry, but I have some work calls I need to make. Would you excuse me?”

  “Oh, yes of course,” Janette replies sweetly. “I’m so sorry to have disturbed you.”

  “It’s fine,” I reply with a fake smile as I stand up. “Hope you find your earring.”

  “Thanks,” Janette replies.

  I walk towards the hallway so I can escape to my bedroom. I’m glad I wasn’t rude to Janette. I mean it’s not her fault Finn’s been fucking us both. And it’s not like he’s really done anything wrong, at least not to me. I don’t know what kind of arrangement he and Janette have, and I don’t want to know, but our own deal was clear. We can sleep with whomever we like as long as we don’t humiliate each other in public.

  In other words, this is my problem, my issue. And as much as it hurts me, I can’t allow myself to say anything to Finn about this. And certainly, not to Janette.

  I sit on my bed for a moment, unsure what to do with myself now that I’ve left the room. My insides are churning, and whether I like it or not, I have to admit to myself, I am insanely jealous of this woman, of the idea of sharing Finn with her. Maybe it would be easier if she wasn’t so stunningly beautiful, but no, that’s not it. I don’t want to share Finn with anyone. I want him to be as consumed with me as I have become with him.

  I try to let go of the jealousy, but I just can’t. I keep picturing Finn kissing Janette, her hands on him, his on her. And I can see more images of the two of them, more scenarios I most definitely don’t want to even imagine.

  I feel like crying.

  I feel like going out there and clawing Janette’s blue eyes out. Of course, I do neither. Instead, I just sit here, staring straight ahead of me, trying to make the mental images of Finn and Janette go away, holding back the tears of fury and hurt.

  I hear the front door opening and bile fills my throat, burning it, as I imagine Finn kissing Janette hello. I hear their voices fill the air. I can’t make out the words, only the cadence of their voices. Finn doesn’t sound angry or anything. Dammit. In the fantasy, I had in my head I wanted him to be angry, to come storming in here and tell me he’s never met this woman in his life and why have I allowed her into his apartment.

  They talk a little more and then the apartment door opens and closes again. I breathe a momentary sigh of relief that Janette has gone, then I steel myself to see Finn again. I wait, but he doesn’t come to my room. Why would he? He knows he hasn’t broken any of our rules and he doesn’t know I’m letting myself get attached to him. He doesn’t think he has anything to apologize for.

  He really doesn’t have to apologize and that’s the worst part of it all.

  Why didn’t I make the rule be that we were to be exclusive while this whole damned wedding thing was hanging over our heads? The answer to that one is obvious. I thought I hated Finn. I didn’t care who he slept with or what he did. Now, this has changed and come back to bite me in the ass.

  I stand up restlessly. I’m not going to hide here like some little coward. I’m going to go out there and face him. I’m not going to yell or accuse him of anything, I’m just going to go and get a glass of water so we can get this over with. I have to look at him and know if anything has changed in his mind as it is starting to change in mine. Maybe this will be the kick in the ass I need to remind myself of why I can’t let myself fall for Finn. Not even a little bit.

  I slip out of the bedroom and make my way along the hallway, my head held high, my shoulders back, every muscle in my neck and shoulders tense. I step into the living room, but it’s empty. Finn’s jacket isn’t here. I reach up and rub the tight spot on my neck.

  “Finn?” I call.

  I am rewarded only with silence.

  Suddenly, I’m not so pleased that Janette has left the apartment, because Finn has actually gone with her.

  I am horrified to feel tears prickling at the corners of my eyes. I turn around and practically run back to my bedroom. I throw myself on the bed and let the tears come. They are hot and salty and I feel like they burn paths of shame down my cheeks.

  I indulge myself in my own pity party for a couple of minutes and then I tell myself not to be so ridiculous. I came into this with my eyes wide open and I knew Finn and I would be going our separate ways at the end of it.

  It is the only sensible outcome for both of us.

  I get up off the bed and go to the bathroom. I run a bubble bath and spend a long time soaking in it, trying to read my book. I tell myself I’m not going to even think about Finn, but my ears are pricked for any sound of him returning.

  By the time I hear him come in, I’m already in bed.

  It’s late. Like late, late. And although I tell myself I don’t care at all, I feel my heart aching as I imagine what he and Janette have spent the night doing.

  When I finally fall asleep, it’s a fitful sleep, full of dark nightmares where I see Finn. He smiles and opens his arms, and as I go to run into them, Janette runs up from behind me, overtakes me, and gets there first. I realize his arms were never open for me in the first place.

  The invitation was always for her only.

  17

  Finn

  Dinner with my parents is strange to say the least. My mom was full of talk of the wedding and how the plans are coming along. She gushed about Ashley’s dress, the flowers for the hall and the beautiful grounds where the reception was to be held, as if it were real. She truly sounded like she almost believes this is real. My father stayed quiet about the whole thing, just blending into the background and letting my mom chatter on.

  Perhaps the weirdest thing about it all was that throughout the meal, all I could think of was Ashley. At first, I wished she was here with me, a buffer to take some of the attention away from me for a while, but then I remembered her reaction when I invited her to come and have dinner with us, and I realized I wouldn’t wish that on her.

  As the night drones on, I start to wish I were back home with her.

  The food is delicious, catered by a famous chef that my mom uses, but I would have swapped it for Chinese food from the carton if it meant I get to spend the night with Ashley instead of being here.

  I’d gotten home late last night and missed her, and then this morning, she’d already left when I got up. It scared me a little to see I’d missed her that much, and I tried to tell myself it was just because she was the lesser of two evils, her company more appealing than my mom’s wedding talk, but I know it is more than that though.

  I am relieved when my father suggests we go and finish our drinks in the living room. It’s my cue to drink up and stand. It felt too rude to excuse myself from the dinner table and rush off. I mean it’s barely nine o’clock. But doing so from the living room is more acceptable.

  We move to the living room and sit down.

  “How’s work going Finn?” My father asks me.

  “Good,” I say, nodding. “It’s crazy busy, but that’s the intention so I’m pleased about it. Even the board has backed off a little bit. I think they’re finally starting to see that maybe I do know what I’m doing after all. It’s been a long hard road to get to this point, but now the systems are all in place and the profit is starting to come in.”

  “You’re not going to cancel the wedding, are you?” My mom interrupts before my dad can respond.

  “What? No, of course not. Why would I?” I ask.

  “Well, aren’t you marrying Ashley so the board can’t overrule you on this? It sounds like maybe they wouldn’t even try to now.” My mom looks like she is about to have a heart attack on the spot at the thought of the shame of a wedding being called off.

  My father clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably on the couch. “Despite the fact your mother here thinks she’s planning a royal wedding and that it’s become the single focus of her life, if you want to call it off Finn, don’t feel like you can’t do that.”

  “I’m marrying Ashl
ey so I retain control of what I have built. And even if the board comes around to this, there will be more difficult decisions to make down the line, and they’ll continue to oppose anything that doesn’t fit their 1970s way of looking at things so I’m not calling anything off,” I say gently, then quickly move the conversation onto safer ground, “How’s work going for you Dad?”

  “Not bad. Actually, I was talking to a man a couple of days ago who I recommended your firm to. His details are in the safe in my office. Would you go and grab the file and we’ll go over it together?”

  “Sure,” I say, relieved to be given an excuse to get away from my parents for a moment, now that the inevitable fight about the wedding is already brewing.

  My mom has been giving my dad the death stare since he suggested it would be okay to cancel the wedding. I think in my mom’s eyes, the only acceptable way for that to happen would be if either Ashley or I dropped dead. Maybe not even then.

  I hurry from the room and go to my dad’s office. I move to the large painting on the wall and take it down, shaking my head at my dad’s clichéd way of hiding his safe. Like this wouldn’t be the first place a thief looked.

  I enter the combination; my birthday and my mom’s birthday, another easy guess for any thief who’d bothered to do a bit of research before breaking into the house, and wait for the door to click open. There’s a large brown envelope propped up right at the front of the safe and I go to push it to one side, but the name on it catches my eye.

  Arthur Jagger. Last will and testament.

  I shake my head. It’s like I can’t escape my grandpa’s legacy for even a second. My breath catches in my throat when I spot the date on the envelope. It’s dated three months after the document Andrew Garfield presented to us. With a shaking hand, I reach into the safe and pull the envelope out.

  There has to be something bad in here for my dad to be hiding it from me and my mom. What other crazy stipulations has my grandpa added to his will? And doesn’t my dad know that if they’re not met and this document ever reaches the light of day, I’ll lose everything? If it’s as bad as I’m imagining, he should have just shredded it, as Andrew clearly doesn’t know of its existence.

  As I start to pull out the papers from the envelope, I realize that it might not affect me. Maybe the bits that have changed since the other will are about something else and that’s why I haven’t seen this document. Perhaps it just references the original document for my part of the legacy and that’s why Andrew was using the old will.

  I scan through the part about me quickly and then I reread it slowly, sure I’ve missed something. I haven’t. I know I haven’t, but I read it a third time just to be sure. I’m right. I shake my head and flick through the rest of the document, giving it nothing but a cursory glance. Nothing else has changed.

  As I flick through the papers, a sheet of paper with my grandpa’s handwriting on it falls to the ground. I pick it up and read it and it confirms everything I have just read. It’s a short letter from my grandpa to my father.

  Dearest Gerald,

  If you are reading this letter, then I am no more.

  I hope you’re okay with that for I have lived a full and active life, and I am okay with it coming to an end and you should be too. Live your life, son, and don’t waste any time worrying about me.

  My attorney is under strict instructions to deliver this to you exactly one week after the reading of my will. He has no idea what’s inside of it. As you’ve no doubt worked out, it’s a new and updated version of my last will and testament. It’s been officially written and is above board, and once it is brought forward, it will replace my old will. You can bring it to Garfield’s attention if you so desire.

  The only change is as follows: in the event of my death, my grandson, Finn Jagger, will inherit my shares in my company in their entirety. Contrary to my first will and testament, Finn does not have to marry Ashley Winters nor anyone else, to gain his inheritance.

  I suppose you could say I’ve gone soft, because as I wrote out my first will, my chief concern was bringing the two families, that of me and Walter Winters, back together. I thought if our grandchildren were brought together, it could make for a great partnership. In time, I’ve come to see that forcing Finn and Ashley onto each other is wrong.

  I do hope that by the time this letter and will come to light they will have at the very least developed a firm friendship, and I hope they can laugh about this.

  Please give this will to Finn when you feel the time is right.

  Your loving father,

  Arthur J Jagger

  At least, now I know why my father was adamant I could cancel the wedding if I wanted to. And he’s clearly left this here for me to find. I should be overjoyed. I don’t have to go through with any of this now, and I actually think my grandpa was right about one thing. I really think when I tell Ashley about this, we’ll both laugh. It’ll be a relieved laugh, but we’ll laugh all the same. And I think he might be right about us being friends now.

  Funny thing is, I can’t imagine not having Ashley in my life anymore. I can’t imagine going back to my apartment knowing she will never be there.

  I think of my mom. This is going to destroy her. Cancelling the wedding will seem like such a bigger deal to her than a divorce would. That’s how her society friends work. A divorce is almost expected, but a cancelled wedding?

  Well, that’s a scandal.

  I can’t think too much about this now. My head is spinning. I push the papers and the letter back into the envelope and push it to the back of the safe, leaving a message for my father telling him I’ve seen the will. I grab the file he sent me to get, as that was clearly a ruse to let me see the letter without my mother knowing about it.

  My plan is to go through this file then get the hell out of here and talk to Ashley about this. Bring her the good news that we no longer have to marry each other. But why doesn’t it feel like good news, dammit? It must be the shock. Yes, that’s all it is. It’s not like I wanted to marry her, so I should be relieved. And she will be too.

  By the time I close the safe and return to the living room, I’m composed and hopefully I look normal again.

  “Ah, you found it?” my father says.

  He’s looking at the file in my hand, but I know his question is about something else... the will.

  I nod once. “Yes, I did.” I sit down beside him on the couch. “Now who’s this client?”

  He looks at me out of the corner of his eye and I know he’s dying for a signal as to what I think of the letter. I think he expected me to march in here with the will in my hand and announce that the wedding is off. Yes, that’s it. Then he could claim he had forgotten about the will, say he was trying to hide it from me so the shame of a cancelled wedding isn’t on him. I don’t blame him. My mother is not exactly easy. I can walk away, but he has to live here with her.

  When he sees he’s not getting his circus, he takes the file from me and opens it up.

  I spot the name on the top. “Ah him. It’s okay, Dad. He’s already called me. We’re going to be doing business together. Thank you for sending him my way.”

  “Anytime, son. You know I’ll always have your back, right?”

  “Right.” I stand up quickly, suddenly afraid my mom will leave the room, and I’ll be left to answer questions I’m not ready to. “Well, thank you for a lovely evening, and a great dinner, Mom. I’m sorry to rush off like this, but I have things I need to take care of.”

  I see relief on my father’s face. He’s confident that by the end of tonight, the wedding will be called off. I’m sure once I’ve spoken to Ashley about it, I’ll be as relieved as my dad is. I’ll still give everything I promised to Ashley.

  My mom stands up and hugs me. “Remind Ashley we have another dress fitting to attend tomorrow.”

  “I will,” I promise, although it’s not actually going to happen now.

  I say my goodbyes, hurry out to my waiting car, and head back to
my apartment. I try not to think about any of the letter or what it means to Ashley and me. At least now, I know why the condition was there at all. My grandpa just wanted to bring Ashley and me together, to maybe have us form a bond like him and Walter did all of those years ago. That makes sense in a nostalgic sort of a way. And he did do that. I feel very protective and close to Ashley.

  I step into the apartment. Ashley is sitting in her pajamas on the ground, files and papers spread all around her. An untouched glass of wine sits on the coffee table.

  “What are you doing?” I ask as I step inside and close the door behind me.

  “Oh, I’m sorry. I wasn’t expecting you yet. I’ll clear all of this mess away and go and try to fathom it out in my room,” she says, reaching for the files.

  She looks stressed out and I can hear the shaky quality in her voice that tells me she’s close to tears. “Don’t be silly. I’m not complaining about you working here. I just wondered what you were doing.” I go and sit down on the floor beside her.

  She sighs loudly. “My assistant quit and I haven’t been able to replace her yet. And I have all of these things to sort out and I don’t know where to start with most of them,” she says in a rush. “There are bills outstanding, and meetings to rearrange, and in amongst all of that, I have to find a way to still run the foodbank and deal with the donations.”

  “Okay, take a deep breath first,” I tell her.

  “That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one on the verge of losing everything.” She sighs. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound so dramatic. I’ll find a way through all of this, just like I’ve always done. But right now, it just feels impossible.”

  “What do you need?” I ask.