Rook's Control Read online

  Well, no time like the present. Rook just hoped he wasn’t too late in making things right.

  Chapter Eight

  “I feel like this is a bad idea,” Bobbie said to Jana as they pulled into the parking lot of the Brothers of Menace clubhouse. The club was a cabin style lodge, but since the guys had bought the place they’d renovated and expanded. In fact, she knew that, even though she hadn’t been there for the last week, the guys had started building another house behind the main club.

  Jana pulled to a stop next to the line of Harleys, and Braden immediately jumped out of the car and headed toward the inside of the club.

  “He’s gotten comfortable. I’m glad,” Jana said in reference to Braden not being shy around the club anymore. Bobbie was happy for that, too. “So, if Braden can do this you can, too,” Jana said and smiled.

  “You’re too funny.” Bobbie unhooked her seatbelt and breathed out. It had been a while since she’d seen the club, but the last time she’d seen Rook was during that confrontation at her place. She hadn’t responded to his text apology, even if she’d wanted to. This was hard, and as much as she thought it might get easier if she kept to her guns and stayed away, it was having the opposite effect.

  She’d gotten a few calls from some of the sweet-butts she was closer with as they checked up on her, and even one from Lucien and Tuck to make sure she was okay. This was her family in every sense of the word, and she knew that she couldn’t turn her back on them. She couldn’t anymore, because staying away from them was eating her up, as well.

  Bobbie was about to get out of the car when Jana put a hand on her arm, stopping her. Bobbie looked over at her friend, and saw Jana was smiling.

  “If your mom and dad were here they’d say you’ve become one strong, kickass woman.”

  Bobbie couldn’t help but smile, and also felt her eyes start to water. It had been years since she’d allowed herself to feel emotion about her mom and dad passing away. A freak accident had robbed Bobbie of her parents when she was barely an adult. No uncles or aunts, and therefore no cousins, had ensured Bobbie was truly alone after her parents died.

  She’d stayed in her hometown for a couple years after that, but then one day she’d decided to just leave. Now she was twenty-four, living her life the way she wanted, and knew that although her life wasn’t conventional, and if her parents were here they might not approve, they’d be proud of her because she was happy.

  But you’re not happy anymore.

  Taking another breath, she nodded, smiled again, and together they climbed out of the car. She stood there for a second staring up at the two-story building. This had been another home for her, a place where she’d gained new friends, a place where people that hadn’t know her from Jack had embraced her.

  Yeah, she’d come here and been a piece of meat for a few of the guys, a place to escape the pain she held inside but didn’t realize it had so much control in her life. But as the time passed, she’d built connections with the guys and sweet-butts, and she’d started having feelings for Rook. She knew that she could be happy no matter what. She just needed to allow herself to get through this all, not sugarcoat any of it, and hope it would all work out. She tried to stay optimistic even in some pretty dark times.

  They made their way around to the back of the club, and she could hear Braden giggling. The sound of hammers banging against wood, of a saw being used, and of club members yelling out commands rang through her ears. And when they rounded the corner she had to stop and look at the scene before her.

  The frame of the new construction was up, and there were locals helping out, men who had extensive knowledge in construction, plumbing, wiring, and anyone else that knew their way around building a new place.

  And as she saw all the club members, the prospects, sweet-butts, and even the old ladies helping out, she felt that warmth of being home fill her. It was crazy to feel this way because it wasn’t like she’d grown up with these men and women, but the truth was this was her home.

  She scanned the property, didn’t see Rook, and this disappointment filled her for a second. God, she’d missed Rook so much, and not seeing him right now made that pain stronger.

  “You want to go over with me to see Tuck?”

  Bobbie looked at Jana and shook her head. She’d made up her mind that she wouldn’t hide from them or this situation anymore. If he was willing to talk than she wanted to, as well. She wanted to get this over with, and she hoped he wasn’t drunk so it could actually be sincere. “It’s okay. I think I just want to find Rook and get this off my shoulders. If he’s here.”

  “He’s here.” Jana placed her hand on Bobbie’s shoulder and smiled.

  Bobbie watched Jana walk over to Tuck and Braden, and the big biker immediately pulled Jana into a hug. He was just so much bigger than Jana, and the beard and man bun he sported made him look even more ferocious, if that were possible.

  It was when she scanned the scene again, took in the bikers with their old ladies, the sweet-butts there for the day to help out with cooking and cleaning, and everyone getting along like the family they were, that Bobbie realized staying away wasn’t doing any good for herself. She moved her gaze over everyone and everything, and looked toward the back door of the club. Just as she was about to look away the door opened.

  Rook stepped out with a six-pack of beer under one arm and another case of alcohol in his other hand. He was talking to Tank, the prospect that she knew probably had a shoe-in with the club. Their expressions were hard as they spoke with each other, but that didn’t mean anything was wrong. All of the Patches in the club had hard expressions. It was just who they were.

  Tank took the beer from Rook, but as Rook turned back inside she knew she should have moved. She couldn’t though, couldn’t move toward him. She wanted to, but fear held her in place. Looking over at Jana again she saw the other woman still wrapped up in Tuck. The biker clearly wasn’t going to let his woman go, and that had this ache settling into Bobbie’s heart.

  Steeling herself for what she needed to do, telling herself she’d come here mainly to do this, and not just to see everyone again, she moved toward the back door. Stepping into the air-conditioned clubhouse had chills racing along her arms and legs. She could hear the fridge opening and closing, heard the sound of bottles clanking together, and forced herself to move toward the kitchen. Rounding the corner had her stopping again. Rook had his back to her, his black leather cut showing the Brothers club logo. Her throat tightened, her hands started to shake a little, and she realized that this was harder than it really had to be.

  Even if things had gone shitty thus far, she would have at least told him how she felt. She wouldn’t feel any more depressed or brokenhearted than she already did because she already thought he didn’t want her. But she needed to do this for herself, and to fully know if Rook didn’t want her. Then she could move on, if she needed to.

  Taking a deep breath she opened her mouth to speak, but he turned around right then, both of their eyes locking. For a second neither moved nor spoke, but she could see the pulse at the base of his neck beating faster, and knew he was affected by her presence. His short, dark hair looked unkempt in a sexy way, and he had several days’ worth of scruff on his cheeks and chin.

  “Bobbie,” he said her name in that deep voice that held power and control.

  God, did his voice hold authority. Her whole body tightened, her pulse increased, and she felt the need to submit to this very dominant man. He was so large, so strong. With his broad shoulders barely being contained by the cotton of his shirt and the leather of his cut, Rook had always looked like a man that could break someone in two with his bare hands.

  He pushed all her buttons in only the right way, made her feel like she was the only one in the room when he had his focus on her, but Bobbie told herself she wasn’t here to be his sub, or pussy on demand, but here to finally tell him what was in her heart, and get it off of her chest. This needed to be done with.

&nb
sp; Rook opened his mouth, but a surge of strength filled Bobbie and she held her hand out, stopping him from starting. She needed to get her thoughts out first, and if she didn’t do it now whatever he said might break this.

  “No, Rook. Before you say anything please let me get this out.”

  He didn’t speak for a second, but then nodded once, crossed his arms over his chest, causing his muscles to bunch and flex, and leaned back on the stainless steel table behind him.

  She took a deep breath and told herself to just spit it out. “I came to you that night at the club, when I saw you with… ” Shaking her head she pushed past that hurt. “I came to you to tell you that I love you.” She looked right into his eyes. “I’m in love with you, Rook, and as much as everything seems to be going in the opposite direction for us, and crumbling apart, I need to tell you that.” She took a deep breath, not finished yet. “I’m not some bitch that will just lie there and take whatever a man wants to give me. I’m better than that. I know we never talked about … us, or anything more than sex, but I hoped there could be more. That might have been foolish, but I held onto that hope. I wanted to be your old lady, Rook.”

  “Bobbie, baby.”

  She shook her head. “Please, just let me get this out. I wanted you for so long, fell in love with you even though I knew I probably wouldn’t have you in the way I wanted.” She shook her head again, feeling her emotions rise up. “I guess I just didn’t realize how much it would hurt.”

  He didn’t respond, but also didn’t move or take his focus off of her.

  “I’ve loved you for a long time, well, as long as we’ve started in the relationship we have. I don’t think of you as a Patch, or my Dom. I think of you as the man I want in my life.” She licked her suddenly dry lips. “I want to be your old lady, and I know that probably isn’t something you want in your life, ever.” She was twisting her hands together, her nerves on high alert, her heart beating so hard and fast it was painful.

  “You want to be my old lady?” he asked without any emotion in his voice.

  She nodded. “I didn’t tell you this to put you on the spot, or strain or ruin what we’ve shared. I’m telling you this because I can’t keep it in any longer. It hurts to not tell you how I feel, to have you with me in the bedroom, me submitting to you, but not able to tell you I am so in love with you.” Her throat felt tight, and she knew if she were weaker she would have been crying right now. “I needed to tell you this so I can move on, Rook.”

  He took a step toward her, his arms now hanging loosely at his sides, his face a hard mask.

  “I know you were upset with me and blame me for the stuff that happened between Cain and Pierce, but I want you to know I didn’t consciously set out to cause fighting. And then there was all the other shit…”

  “I don’t blame you, Bobbie. I know you didn’t do anything on purpose, and you shouldn’t be the one apologizing anyway. I’m the one that’s the motherfucker and doesn’t deserve your time, or to be in your life.” Her breath stalled to his words.

  “I know you were so angry with me, but you ignoring me after the fact and then seeing you with that sweet-butt—”

  “That was me being at the wrong place at the wrong time,” he said, cutting her off. “She means nothing to me.” He took a step closer. “None of them mean anything to me. You’re the only one that’s important, Bobbie.”

  Her heart sped up, and her belly clenched at his words.

  He closed his eyes and breathed out. “I want to talk to you, too, need to get shit off my chest.”

  She swallowed and waited for him to continue.

  “You deserve a lot better than a bastard like me. My past is pretty fucking tainted, with me betraying people, screwing over friendships, and hurting others. It’s always been my life, and always will be.” He ran a hand over his hair, and she saw how hard this was for him. “I was pissed at myself, Bobbie. I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, and I sure as fuck shouldn’t have pushed you away. Coming to your house piss-ass drunk, treating you as less than what you are,” he shook his head, sounding disgusted with himself, “that was so fucking wrong, and I’m sorry.”

  She was a little taken back by the fact he was apologizing so sincerely, and sounded so pained.

  “Having a bad past doesn’t make it okay to push people away and treat them like shit.”

  “You’re right.” He cleared his throat and turned from her, resting his hands on the table in front of him. He was so big, even when he had his shoulders curled forward as if in defeat. When he didn’t answer she spoke again.

  “You really hurt me, Rook.” Her throat got tight again. “Seeing you with that club whore on your lap.” She wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t. “And you coming to my house looking for a piece of ass, was so painful I felt like something died inside of me.”

  “I’m sorry you had to see any of that, and that I acted like that, Bobbie.” He turned and faced her again, the expression on his face hard, strained almost. “The whole club whore issue was a total fucking mistake, Bobbie. I swear nothing happened between us. I didn’t want her touching me. You walked in right when I was pushing her off, but of course you only saw her hands down my pants.”

  Yeah, she remembered that scene all too well. But hearing him say he didn’t do anything with that sweet-butt, that he was pushing her off of him, had relief filling her. Did he stop because he had actual feelings for her, enough that he’d cease advancements from other women?

  “And I shouldn’t have let any time pass between us,” he said, his deep voice making her entire body tighten with need, remembrance, and longing. “I shouldn’t have come to your place when I was trashed. That was an asshole move to make. You deserve so much better, baby.”

  Her heart picked up speed at the endearment.

  He took another step toward her. “I should have gone after you that night I was a dick to you and said those untrue things. I should have told you how I feel right from the beginning.” Rook said the last part softer, gentler even

  Oh. God.

  Her heart felt like it would burst through her chest right now. Was he saying what she thought he was saying? It seemed like so, but she knew better than to think one thing when most of the time the opposite happened.

  He walked toward her again. When he was just a foot from her she reached back, feeling the wall right behind her. She hadn’t even realized she had moved back as he advanced. Rook stared down at her, his dark eyes boring holes into her, making her feel bared. Being his submissive made her feel the need to open herself up to him not only physically, but mentally as well. But she held her ground because right now this was about truth, about where they were right now, and where they were going.

  “You love me, Bobbie?” he asked in that deep voice of his, no emotion coming from him as per usual.

  “Yes,” she said in a voice that didn’t sound like hers, one that was soft, timid almost.

  “How much do you love me?” He was staring at her lips, the shadows in the kitchen seeming to wrap around him. He lifted his hands and placed them by her head, leaning his face more toward hers, and causing her to hold her breath as her emotions slammed into her. She couldn’t focus, couldn’t even think straight.

  The way Rook was acting was different, so different from any other time they’d been together. He seemed … softer almost, and she would be lying if she didn’t admit that that scared her a little.

  “Tell me how much you love me, Bobbie.”

  “Enough to swallow my pride, talk myself into believing you’re trustworthy, and come here and tell you all of this.” She swallowed, the words tumbling out of her on their own.

  He was silent for a moment, but then he moved one of his hands to the hair that brushed against her cheek, picked up a few strands, and rubbed them between her fingers. He kept looking at her mouth. “I’ll never hurt you again, Bobbie,” he said in a low voice, as if he were almost talking to himself. He lifted his gaze so he was looking in her eyes n
ow. “Since the moment I told you that you were mine, that no one else was to touch you, I have only wanted you, Bobbie. I’ve always been faithful to you.”

  Her pulse was loud in her ears as she looked up at him.

  “I wanted you to know that, because I’m a bastard, a criminal, and for my entire life I’ve only ever done shit that benefited me or my club. I’ve slept with other men’s wives, beat people to the point of death—fuck, I’ve killed people, Bobbie.”

  The truth he was giving her wasn’t all that shocking, because she knew the darkness that lay within him. But actually hearing him say it was a little startling.

  “I’ve never wanted an old lady, never wanted a woman for more than a few hours a night, to be honest.”

  She couldn’t believe he was being so straightforward with her, telling her these things so openly. This was so not like him, at least not the side he’d ever shown her, but she liked it. God, she liked this softer side of him, this honest, bared side.

  “I’ve done deplorable things, things I do regret, but wouldn’t take back because they made me who I am, shaped the man standing before you.”

  Maybe, if she were smarter, she would have turned away and walked out, left him standing there with the truth hanging between them. But she wanted him, and the fact he’d opened up to her, bared himself to her, had her love for him pushing past all the hurt and anger she’d felt.

  “If you give me another chance, be with me and only me, I can show you, with only you, I’ll be a good man.” He stared right in her eyes, pleading almost. “I can try to be the man you deserve.”

  “I don’t care about any of the bad stuff, Rook.” She should care, but God, she didn’t, not right now, and not after all the admissions. “I love you, the man right in front of me.” She reached up, her fingers shaking, and placed them on his upper arms. He was so muscular, his biceps like rocks beneath her palms.

  He closed his eyes, breathed out, and then lowered his face even closer to her and rested his forehead against hers. They breathed the same air for several seconds, and although she ached to hear him say he loved her back, she wasn’t holding her breath. It had to be hard for him to even say as much as he had to her.