Dork Diaries Book 12: Tales From a Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe Read online

  That’s when my head actually EXPLODED!! KA-BOOM!!

  “Who needs pizza?! This is an all-you-can-eat DRAMA buffet!” Zoey said, shaking her head.

  “Tiffany, what you and MacKenzie did was just . . . CRUEL!” I was SO angry, I could, um . . . SPIT!

  “OMG! Are you seriously trying to shame me for cyberbullying right now?” Tiffany scoffed. “My cell phone has been STOLEN and my summer has been RUINED! That makes ME the real VICTIM here! And HOW am I going to get my hourly SELFIE fix with no cell phone, Nikki?!!”

  “Sorry, girl, but I’m not sorry!” I shot back.

  “Tiffany, I’m shocked! How could you be so mean to Nikki?! Dorks have feelings too, you know!” MacKenzie said, creeping toward the door. “I’d love to stay longer, but I need to go home and wash my hair and get my beauty sleep! Toodles!”

  “Oh, no you don’t!” Tiffany grabbed MacKenzie’s arm. “Shampoo isn’t going to fix your raggedy split ends. You need a car wash! Besides, how could you bail on your BFF like this?!”

  “Well, no shade, Tiff! But I don’t really know you like that!” MacKenzie said coldly. “Besides, Jessica is my real BFF, not you. So whatever.”

  “Fine! Who needs a BFF like you, anyway?” Tiffany spat. “And, girlfriend, you don’t need beauty sleep to fix that face! You need to HIBERNATE! Until next SPRING! And before you leave, why don’t you tell everyone how you snuck into Nikki’s backpack and SWITCHED Brandon’s and André’s letters?! If I’m going DOWN, you’re coming WITH me!”

  MacKenzie just glared at her. “Tiffany, all that gossip about you being a ruthless backstabber is true! My cell phone BATTERY lasts LONGER than your FRIENDSHIPS!”

  MACKENZIE AND TIFFANY HAVE A MEAN GIRL SPAT!

  Then MacKenzie turned to me. “Nikki, you were right about Tiffany. She IS a bigger liar than I am! I feel SO sorry for her. I’d hug her, but I don’t want to get DUMB on my arms! I’d much rather be friends with you.”

  It was quite obvious that MacKenzie was just trying to weasel her way out of the mess she and Tiffany had made.

  André had been oddly quiet.

  “Um . . . Tiffany, what did you mean about the letters being switched? So I got the one meant for Brandon?”

  “That’s right, Romeo. Don’t tell me you thought Nikki was really into you!” Tiffany laughed cruelly. “She didn’t invite YOU to Queasy Cheesy, she invited Brandon! MacKenzie has the IQ of an orange crayon, but she played you both like a video game. You lovesick losers will fall for anything!”

  Both André and Brandon looked shocked.

  So THAT was why they’d both been acting so strange ever since they’d gotten my letters.

  I felt really bad for them both.

  “Listen, guys, I’m really sorry about the letters. You didn’t deserve that, and I apologize.”

  “No need to apologize, Nicole,” André replied. “I’m sorry if I was a bit, um . . . overbearing. I was just a little confused, I guess.”

  “Same here,” Brandon said. “If anything, WE both owe YOU an apology, Nikki!”

  “Guys, you know what I WANT more than an apology? For you two to get along and STOP fighting over SEATS!” I teased.

  “Listen, André, I was wrong about you,” Brandon said. “You’re not a cyberbully or a thief. You’re really a cool DUDE! For a French guy, anyway.”

  “Likewise, my friend.” André smiled back. “For you to have figured all that out means you’re pretty smart. For an American dude, anyway.”

  Then they gave each other a high five. I just rolled my eyes at them. At least they were now acting like six-year-olds instead of four-year-olds.

  “AH . . . ACHOO!” Chloe fake sneezed. “Nikki, you don’t want the rest of these pastries, do you? I just accidentally sneezed on them! Sorry!”

  “I love happy endings!” Zoey gushed. “Who’s up for a group hug?!”

  Zoey, André, Chloe, Brandon, and I all huddled into a big group hug while Tiffany and MacKenzie brooded behind us.

  “This whole thing was YOUR stupid idea!” Tiffany complained. “And now my summer is RUINED!”

  “No, it was YOUR stupid idea!” MacKenzie grumbled. “You’re the one who’s obsessed with posting SELFIES on social media!”

  “Well, get used to it, girlfriend! We’ll BOTH be taking A LOT of selfies together this summer when we’re FORCED to volunteer at the senior citizens center!” Tiffany shot back.

  Tiffany and MacKenzie totally DESERVE each other.

  In spite of all their mean girl drama, I managed to survive my Not-So-Secret Crush Catastrophe!

  OMG! I’ve been in here writing for so long, I’m late for bio!

  I gotta go!!

  !!

  TUESDAY, JUNE 3—5:30 P.M.

  IN MY BEDROOM

  Today was the last day of school!

  SQUEEEE !!

  Which means that my SUMMER VACATION has officially started!

  Brandon came over to give Daisy another doggie obedience lesson. I think they’re really helping, and I’ve noticed a drastic improvement in her behavior lately.

  Today was a socialization session for Daisy so she could learn to get along with other dogs.

  Brandon brought over three dogs from Fuzzy Friends to hang out with her.

  But, unfortunately, Brandon and I got a little distracted. I think WE probably did MORE SOCIALIZING than the DOGS did. . . .

  Now that I think about it, maybe Daisy’s lessons HAVEN’T really helped her that much. Hmm . . . maybe she needs MORE lessons. Like EVERY DAY. I’ll mention that to Brandon !!

  I still haven’t made a final decision about the Bad Boyz tour and the trip to Paris.

  Zoey and Brandon say I should definitely go to Paris because I love art and it will be a life-changing experience!

  Chloe and André say I’d be CRAZY not to go on tour because it’ll be a BLAST and Paris will be there . . . FOREVER!

  I’m not sure WHAT I’m going to do. Maybe I should try to do BOTH?! Because sometimes you gotta be a BEAUTY and a BEAST! Sorry! I can’t help it. . . .

  I’M SUCH A DORK!!

  !!

  PUPPY LOVE !!

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A special thanks to my AMAZING editorial director, Liesa Abrams Mignogna. Book after book, your passion and support for the Dork Diaries series is unparalleled. Thanks for helping me grow as an author and bring Nikki’s heartfelt world to life.

  To Karin Paprocki, my WONDERFUL art director. I’m thrilled with the evolution of our series and how each cover is as exciting and creative as the book itself. To my INCREDIBLE managing editor, Katherine Devendorf. Thanks for making a difficult and inconceivable task seem so effortless.

  A special thanks to my PHENOMENAL agent at Writers House, Daniel Lazar. I love that your dreams and aspirations for Dork Diaries are as big and spectacular as mine! You’re smart, dependable, funny, and honest. Everything I cherish in our great friendship.

  To my FABULOUS Team Dork staff at Aladdin/Simon & Schuster: Mara Anastas, Jon Anderson, Julie Doebler, Carolyn Swerdloff, Nicole Russo, Jenn Rothkin, Ian Reilly, Christina Solazzo, Rebecca Vitkus, Chelsea Morgan, Lauren Forte, Crystal Velasquez, Michelle Leo, Anthony Parisi, Christina Pecorale, Gary Urda, and the entire sales force. Thanks for all of your hard work and dedication. You are truly irreplaceable.

  A special thanks to my Writers House family, Torie Doherty-Munro and foreign rights agents Cecilia de la Campa and James Munro, for your world-class support. And to Deena, Zoé, Marie, and Joy, thanks for your collaboration.

  To my gifted and creative illustrator, Nikki, and to my super-talented and witty coauthor, Erin: I consider myself very lucky to be able to work side by side with my dorky daughters, who inspired this book series. And to Kim, Don, Doris, and my entire family! Thanks for your love and for championing all things Dork Diaries.

  Always remember to let your inner DORK shine through!

  1. MY SECRET LIFE AS A SUPERHERO ZERO

  If I had SUPERPOWERS, life in m
iddle school wouldn’t be quite so CRUDDY.

  Hey, I’d NEVER miss the stupid bus again, because I’d just FLY to school! . . .

  AWESOME, right? That would pretty much make ME the COOLEST kid at my school!

  But I’ll let you in on a secret. Getting bombed by an angry bird is NOT cool. It’s just . . . NASTY!!

  TV, comic books, and movies make all this superhero stuff look SO easy. But it ISN’T! So don’t believe the HYPE.

  You CAN’T get superpowers by hanging out in a laboratory, mixing up colorful, glowing liquids that you simply DRINK. . . .

  ME, MIXING UP A YUMMY SUPERPOWER SMOOTHIE

  HOW do I know it doesn’t work? . . .

  “OOPS!”

  Let me put it this way. . . .

  PHOTOGRAPH @ BY SUNA LEE

  Rachel Renée Russell is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the blockbuster book series Dork Diaries and the bestselling new series The Misadventures of Max Crumbly.

  There are more than thirty-six million copies of her books in print worldwide, and they have been translated into thirty-seven languages.

  She enjoys working with her two daughters, Erin and Nikki, who help write and illustrate her books.

  Rachel’s message is “Always let your inner dork shine through!”

  ALADDIN

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Visit us at simonandschuster.com/kids

  Authors.SimonandSchuster.com/Rachel-Renee-Russell

  Also by

  Rachel Renée Russell

  Dork Diaries: Tales from a Not-So-Fabulous Life

  Dork Diaries 2: Tales from a Not-So-Popular Party Girl

  Dork Diaries 3: Tales from a Not-So-Talented Pop Star

  Dork Diaries 31/2: How to Dork Your Diary

  Dork Diaries 4: Tales from a Not-So-Graceful Ice Princess

  Dork Diaries 5: Tales from a Not-So-Smart Miss Know-It-All

  Dork Diaries 6: Tales from a Not-So-Happy Heartbreaker

  Dork Diaries OMG!: All About Me Diary!

  Dork Diaries 7: Tales from a Not-So-Glam TV Star

  Dork Diaries 8: Tales from a Not-So-Happily Ever After

  Dork Diaries 9: Tales from a Not-So-Dorky Drama Queen

  Dork Diaries 10: Tales from a Not-So-Perfect Pet Sitter

  Dork Diaries 11: Tales from a Not-So-Friendly Frenemy

  The Misadventures of Max Crumbly 1: Locker Hero

  The Misadventures of Max Crumbly 2: Middle School Mayhem

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  ALADDIN * An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division * 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020 * www.SimonandSchuster.com * First Aladdin hardcover edition October 2017 * Copyright © 2017 by Rachel Renée Russell * All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. * ALADDIN and related logo are registered trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc. * DORK DIARIES is a registered trademark of Rachel Renée Russell * For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or [email protected]. * The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. * Series design by Lisa Vega * Cover illustrations copyright © 2017 by Rachel Renée Russell * Library of Congress Control Number 2017950153 * ISBN 978-1-5344-0560-8 (POB) * ISBN 978-1-5344-0561-5 (eBook)