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  MORE ADVANCE PRAISE FOR AS WE SPEAK

  “This is a must-read book for every leader who wants to communicate with deep impact. It can be used as a guide for self-coaching in all situations where leaders need to stand and deliver.”

  —GEORGE A. KOHLRIESER, professor of Leadership and Organizational Behavior, IMD Business School, and author of Hostage at the Table: How Leaders Can Overcome Conflict, Influence Others, and Raise Performance

  “This book engages the reader not only with the written word, but also with suggested exercises, master tips, feedback forms, and many other tools. Anyone seeking the power to engage need look no further.”

  —MAGNUS BOCKER, chief executive officer, Singapore Exchange

  “Drawing from hundreds of years of cumulative knowledge, ranging from great Russian acting teachers to Fortune 500 CEOs and radio show personalities, As We Speak is as strikingly modern as it is practical and insightful. There’s not a person I know who wouldn’t benefit from a close study of Peter and Shann’s profound ideas.”

  —JACK CONTE, composer

  “I wish I’d had this book twenty years ago when I was first starting out. It is an important work, not just about communication, but about the most effective ways to bring people together. This book has inspired me to become a better leader.”

  —DOREEN IDA, VP, Marketing, Nestlé USA

  “In the new global world, your success is defined by your ability to work across multiple cultures, time zones, and boundaries. This book gives you one crystal-clear universal strategy to do the most important thing of all—create trust.”

  —YVON LEROUX, vice president, Cisco Systems

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  Copyright © 2011 by Peter Meyers and Shann Nix

  All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

  First Atria Books hardcover edition July 2011

  ATRIA BOOKS and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

  The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

  Designed by Dana Sloan

  Manufactured in the United States of America

  10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Meyers, Peter, date.

  As we speak : how to make your point and have it stick / Peter Meyers and Shann Nix.

  p. cm.

  Includes bibliographical references.

  1. Interpersonal communication. 2. Communication in management. 3. Public speaking.

  I. Nix, Shann. II. Title.

  HM1166.M49 2011

  808.5'1—dc22 2011015029

  ISBN 978-1-4391-5305-5

  ISBN 978-1-4391-7139-4 (ebook)

  We dedicate this book to our fathers.

  Peter:

  When I was eight years old, my father became the youngest vice president at Fruit of the Loom. He brought home a dark leather-bound book, with gold lettering on the cover, called Better Letters. It became his Bible; using it, he taught me that nothing is more important than good communication. He traveled a lot, wrote us letters, and insisted that we write back. He engaged us at the dinner table, made us fight for our ideas, developed in us the ability to have a point of view and be able to defend it. I would like to dedicate this book to my father, Howard A. Meyers—always a true champion of the spoken word.

  Shann:

  My father grew up on a dirt farm in West Texas, with no art anywhere in sight. From this arid beginning, he somehow managed to conjure for our family a lush oasis of creative expression, opera, and literature. I learned the art of good conversation around our dinner table. In his seventies, my father rather spectacularly developed yet another career and became the author of a number of books detailing his inspired perceptions, both mystic and scientific, of the cosmos. With love and respect, I dedicate this book to Don Clinton Nix—the man who taught me to speak up for myself.

  CONTENTS

  Introduction

  PART ONE: CONTENT

  1. Preparation

  2. Architecture

  3. Techniques

  PART TWO: DELIVERY

  4. Voice

  5. Posture and Movement

  6. Face and Eyes

  PART THREE: STATE

  7. Body

  8. The Mind’s Eye

  9. Beliefs

  PART FOUR: HIGH-STAKES SITUATIONS

  10. Courageous Conversations

  11. Crisis Communication

  12. Using Technology

  PART FIVE: FINDING YOUR VOICE AND MAKING IT HEARD

  13. Creating a Personal Vision

  14. Relationship Dashboard

  15. Collaboration and Innovation

  Conclusion: Presence

  Acknowledgments

  Appendix One

  Appendix Two

  Notes

  Bibliography

  As We Speak

  INTRODUCTION

  YOU’RE WAITING IN the dark, about to go onstage to give your big presentation. Your palms are wet. You’re pacing back and forth, thumbing through your notecards. You should have numbered them. You dropped them coming up the stairs, and now they’re completely out of order. What does the first slide say? You can’t remember. You should have stayed up longer last night. You should have spent more time preparing. Did you choose the right tie? Is the knot straight? You check it again. The suit that looked fine this morning suddenly feels crumpled and too tight.

  Your face feels red and hot. What if you forget what you’re going to say? What if they don’t like you? What if they ask you tough questions? What if they find out that you’re not as smart as they think you are? There are people in that audience who know more about this topic than you do, you’re sure of it .

  You peek out from behind the heavy red velvet curtain again. There are still people coming in and finding their seats. The people who are seated look bored already, and you haven’t said a word yet. You spot your boss in the second row, looking worried. He’s got high hopes for you. Just this morning, he told you how much is riding on this presentation. Sitting next to your boss is Brad—the guy in the office who’s after your job. Brad is leaning back in his chair, arms folded, smirking. He’s got a clipboard and a red pen on his lap, ready to take notes and find the holes in your data. He’s looking forward to this, you can tell.

  You can see nearly all of your colleagues in the audience. If only it were just a customer meeting, where the worst that could happen was that you would lose the account. But these people know you. You will have to face them tomorrow in the elevator, and every morning after that. Whatever you say out there on that stage, you will have to live with for the next few years. It will be talked about, written about, gossiped about. They’re already looking at their watches, pulling out their smartphones, poised to text and tweet the results of your efforts around the globe before you leave the stage.

  You can feel your heart thumping against your ribs. All you can do is pray that your boss won’t recognize the look of terror on your face. You can feel the sweat on your upper lip, and you wipe it off. You notice that your hands are trembling. You shove them in your pockets, then pull them out again.

  A sympathetic gray-haired lady introduces you. There is a smattering of applause. You raise your chin, take a deep breath, and walk out onstage. The bright lights hit yo
u like a wall. As you look into the audience, you can feel five hundred sets of eyeballs staring at you. Everything feels surreal, as if you’re in a dream. Every nerve in your body is screaming at you to run. Your legs are moving on their own, like some macabre dance step. Why are you here? Why did you ever agree to this? Your hands, despite your best intentions, seem to have wound up in your pockets again. With an effort you pull them out, and grab the podium with white knuckles. Your mouth has gone dry, and you notice, too late, that there is no water glass at the podium. You quickly check the computer screen, and then look up. Your brain is completely blank. You cannot remember your name, much less the first line of your presentation. The silent seconds stretch out like hours. The people in the front row are watching you with an expression that you realize, after a moment, is pity.

  Does this sound like your worst nightmare? If you’re terrified by the thought of standing up and speaking in front of a group of people, you’re not alone. And there’s nothing wrong with you. The problem is that as human beings, we are hardwired to fail in a situation like this.

  Why is that? Well, it’s because of two tiny, almond-shaped structures in your brain called the amygdalae. Lodged in the oldest part of the brain, the amygdalae have only one job, and it’s not to think—it’s to keep you alive. The amygdalae never sleep; they are part of an early-warning system that constantly scans for danger and sends an alert to your body anytime you’re under threat. And at the moment, standing on that stage, your DNA tells you that you are in serious trouble. Your mammalian brain, sharpened by millions of years of evolution, knows exactly what it means to feel hundreds of eyes staring at you from out of the darkness. It means you’re about to be lunch.

  Your amygdalae swing into action. They wrest control away from your evolved higher brain, and pass it back to the primitive part of your brain that specializes in survival. The adrenal glands, sitting just over your kidneys, start to pump adrenaline into your system. You breathe more rapidly, oxygenating the blood. Your heartbeat speeds up, preparing you for exertion. You start to sweat, becoming slippery and harder to grab. Your vision sharpens in preparation for battle or escape. Blood flow is redirected toward the large muscle groups in your arms and legs, to help you fight or run. All noncritical functions shut down. Blood is robbed from any organ not immediately necessary for survival.

  Unfortunately for you right now, one of these nonessentials is your frontal cortex, where language is processed. The words of your carefully prepared presentation leave your head as the blood drains away from your forebrain. You blank your opening. You feel stupid because, at that moment, your IQ has actually dropped. You are in the middle of what is called an amygdala hijack.

  Being smart, successful, beautiful, or talented doesn’t protect you from falling prey to an amygdala hijack. In fact, lots of Fortune 500 CEOs, global leaders, diplomats, ambassadors, and political candidates experience the same problem. And when they do, many of them call us.

  Who are we? We’re two people who come from the front lines of high-performance communication. Peter Meyers is the founder and director of Stand & Deliver, a company that travels the world to coach CEOs and top executives in the United States, Western Europe, Scandinavia, Russia, Japan, Latin America, and the Middle East. Shann Nix is an award-winning journalist, novelist, playwright, and former radio talk show host on a number one–rated radio station, speaking to nearly one million listeners a night. Together we have a combined fifty years of experience working in theater, radio, film, television, fiction, and journalism.

  And what do we do? Well, when a leader steps into the spotlight, all eyes are on him. Whether it’s the president of the United States or the president of the local library fund, the expectations when he opens his mouth are daunting. He’s supposed to automatically exhibit certain qualities of insight, clarity, and confidence.

  The problem is that being smart doesn’t necessarily make someone a good communicator. In fact, the tragedy of many smart people is that their ability to think exceeds their ability to speak. And that’s where we come in.

  We are often called into a high-stakes situation twenty-four or forty-eight hours before the event, to avert a potential communication crisis. We’ve coached leaders in greenrooms just before they step out onstage, and rewritten speeches through the night before the morning of the presentation. We develop the language and content, put them on their feet, rehearse them, and give them the tools they need to rise to the occasion.

  Sometimes we come in when the leaders of an organization need to win the hearts and minds of their people, to influence a team to step up to a new challenge or align disparate groups so that they’re working more collaboratively.

  We are often asked to work with a high-level executive who is intelligent and experienced, but who is undermining her own authority with old habits. We help her translate her ideas into action, and to speak with a level of authority and confidence so that she will finally get the attention she deserves. We might coach the senior vice president who is brilliant at his job, but falls apart when asked to report to the board. We help speakers provide clarity where there is confusion, credibility where there is doubt, and excitement where there is monotony.

  We’re brought in to make sure that the thinking gets the expression it deserves: that the quality of the ideas is matched by the vitality of the speaker’s presence. We work with smart midlevel people who are getting passed over because they are unable to speak up. We help people who want to communicate better in meetings, who are asking questions like: “How do I jump in?” “How do I fight against the extroverts?” “How do I hold my own in the room if I’m more of a reflective thinker, or a numbers guy?” We’re often called in to work with financial or analytical people who need to know how to translate data into memorable, compelling narratives. Often we are asked to work with CEOs who are intelligent but emotionally cold, struggling to connect with their people.

  People generally call us for one of two reasons. Either they’ve already had some success in communication and, having had a taste of it, want more; or they’ve had a painful experience like the one we described in the opening, and don’t ever want to suffer like that again. A lot of the people who call us are “getting through” their presentations, but the process of preparation is filled with dread. They want to stop the panic, and start to enjoy the process and get better results. There are a lot of people out there who are already pretty good communicators. But in the words of Jim Collins, “good is the enemy of great.” We work with people who are committed to raising their standards.

  If you’re reading this book, congratulations. You’ve clearly understood that if you want to get things done, you need to communicate well. Regardless of the technology available out there, you know that you still motivate people one presentation or one conversation at a time.

  You now have access to the same information and practical techniques as the CEOs and organizational leaders who call us in to work with them, or fly around the world to take our trainings. It’s here in your hands. This book and the accompanying Web-based links will provide you with a virtual learning experience that’s designed to dramatically raise your impact when speaking.

  You don’t get confidence. It’s not something you go out and acquire. And nobody can give you confidence. Confidence comes from challenging yourself to do difficult things, and coming out the other side. It comes from accumulating a series of victories, both large and small. Having the right knowledge and the right skills, at the right time, is absolutely essential. But your fears can only be conquered by doing the thing you fear the most, getting it right, and demonstrating to yourself that you can overcome it. This book is designed so that when you do face the fear, you will be victorious—time after time.

  We will help you demystify the daunting experience of facing a crowd. Our intention is to move you through the fear, into a position of strength and generosity, so that you can offer your knowledge as a gift to others.

  Why bother to
think of speaking as an opportunity to give a gift?

  There are two kinds of speaking. Sometimes we speak purely for our own benefit, to get something off our chests, or to think through something out loud. We may talk simply in reaction to something that has just happened. We usually talk based on what we want to say.

  But there’s another kind of speaking, in which you speak with the intention of having an impact on another human being. You are giving something, whether it is knowledge, insight, information, inspiration, an experience, or a feeling.

  When someone speaks with the intention to impart something that will change the listener, it becomes an act of leadership. She constructs language designed to create something that doesn’t exist yet. She asks the question “How do I make this a better situation?” and then uses her words and ideas to bring this about.

  Of course it’s good for the listener when the speaker has the intention of giving a gift. But it’s good for the speaker as well. The fear and the monotony that are the bane of public speaking disappear in the face of a generous spirit. It’s a mysterious principle of human communication: when you are giving, you tend to be more interesting, and fear is held at bay. Because you’re engaged in a purpose that is larger than yourself, a magical effect occurs. You find the compelling reason to do what you’re doing, and it draws you forward. The desire to make a difference is more exciting than being scared. The hope of something greater is stronger than the fear. It’s the only thing that takes us through terror.

  Well, you might say, that sounds great for people who get to make inspiring speeches. But what about me? All I do is present data for quarterly updates. Will this work for me?

  Yes!

  Even if what you’re doing is sitting in a toll booth and saying thank you after every interaction, it’s the intention that informs your communication. Performing the most basic routine, including saying “Good morning,” with the intention to give a gift will elevate what you’re doing. The intention transforms the action.