Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1) Read online

  Sawyer squeezes my hand before turning his gaze back to the game.

  “Let’s go play in the snow,” Dane suggests as we finish our meal.

  “I’m not playin’ with you,” Cole says.

  “What? Why?” Dane asks feigning offense.

  “Because you think playin’ in the snow means shovin’ snow down people’s pants.”

  “That is playin’ with snow.”

  “No, that’s you tryin’ to play with my dick,” Cole responds with a pointed look before we all fall into chuckles.

  “I feel sorry for your dick. You don’t treat him right,” Dane says as we walk onto the sidewalk in downtown Lawrence.

  I love living here. It’s something between a small quaint Kansas town and a college town. It’s homey and inviting. With all our family nearby in Kansas City, I feel at home here in Lawrence. I’m comfortable.

  “And you know how to treat his dick?” Sawyer asks with both his eyebrows up.

  We all laugh together as we make our way back to Sawyer’s SUV. We didn’t have to drive from our house. That’s another thing I love about living here. We live between the University of Kansas and downtown. I rarely have to get in a car. I walk pretty much everywhere. I love the feeling of the sun on my face and the wind in my hair. It reminds me every day that I’m free.

  I’m a little distracted looking at Christmas lights and frosted trees when a fat, wet mess hits me in the face.

  “You dick!” I shout, running full force at Dane and his shit-eating grin.

  I tackle him into a pile of snow made by the plows overnight. I shove fistfuls of snow down his shirt and in his jeans while he screams like a girl and tries to throw me off. I feel victorious until a hand slides into my coat below my shirt, freezing snow following.

  I squeal and hop up to find Cole pointing at Sawyer and Sawyer pointing at Cole.

  They’re both guilty. I take off after Cole as Sawyer darts in the opposite direction. Dane’s still lying in the snow, trying to rid himself of the mess I made on him.

  A snowball tags me in the back of the head while I chase Cole. I flip Sawyer off and keep up my pursuit. People on the streets are laughing at us and our crazy behavior. I chase Cole all the way to the park and finally launch myself onto his back, bringing him to his knees.

  I shove his face in the snow while we both laugh so hard I have tears streaming down my cheeks.

  I roll off him, flopping to my back and start making a snow angel. There’s no need to call a truce. Cole takes one look at me and decides to join me, a massive smile on his face. His KU beanie is covered in snow and his cheeks are red. He looks like that kid I met six years ago right now. That makes me smile.

  “Catch me!” Dane yells before jumping on top of me.

  I grunt from his weight and then again when Sawyer joins. I almost pass out when Cole climbs on the pile. Instead, I laugh.

  “Get off,” I groan.

  “Two more minutes,” Dane says with what I’m guessing is his sex voice. Gross.

  That nasty statement has his brothers flying off the pile and yanking him away from me. The three of them are on the snow-blanketed ground rolling around like little kids when I push myself to a sitting position.

  I love watching them like this. They never hesitate to be themselves. They live their lives to the fullest at every turn. And they’ve taught me to do the same.

  I try to.

  Now that I know Jake’s moved on from me, I can try a little harder now. Somewhere in my deluded brain I believed he would wait for me. He would come for me one day on bended knee with the best apology the world has ever heard and we’d go off in the sunset together for our happily ever after.

  Stupid.

  Jake met another woman and had a baby. He may still have that woman too. I can’t keep my life on hold waiting for a dream that will never come true. I owe myself more than that. Jake Cooper won’t steal another moment from me.

  It’s over.

  “Breaking and entering isn’t the family introduction I was expecting,” Mitch whispers as I put my tools away and open my brothers’ front door.

  “I like the element of surprise,” I respond, taking in their home.

  It’s an old Victorian as many of the houses in Lawrence, Kansas are. The home of the Cooper brothers has been lovingly restored with rich walnut floors and original stained glass in the tiny window next to the front door. There’s a navy and gold carpet runner leading up the staircase where I’m assuming all the bedrooms are. Mitch and I make our way down the hallway until we end up in an open plan kitchen-living-dining room.

  It’s warm and inviting, cleaner than I expected from my family. The kitchen is a horseshoe shape off to my right, ending with a breakfast bar illuminated by jewel toned glass pendant lights. The dining table is tiger striped wood with eight matching chairs directly in front of me. All the way to the left is the living area. A massive amber leather wraparound couch dominates the space. My eyes are drawn to the mantle over the green and gold mosaic-tiled fireplace. A sixty-inch TV hangs above it, but it’s the photos lining the mantle that have my attention.

  My whole family is smiling at me in various shots. High school graduation, holidays, parties, basketball games, baseball games and family gatherings. They’re all there. Everyone I’ve left behind kept moving forward in life.

  I trace my mother’s face in one picture where Sawyer, Dane and Cole are dog piling her in a mountain of leaves. She’s beaming with her eyes closed and her mouth open wide in a throaty laugh. I can almost hear it in the silence of this house.

  Mitch clears his throat behind me before saying, “I’m thinkin’ this is a bad idea. You should call first, give ’em some warning.”

  I turn to find my best friend uncomfortable for the first time since I’ve known him. This is a lot to take in when you never grew up with it. I was overwhelmed when I first became a part of this family. I’m a little overcome myself right now. But this needs to happen.

  We hear car doors slamming and I say, “Too late now.” I clap my friend on the back and place my body in front of his as I wait for my brothers to find me.

  “You think she’ll shoot us?” Mitch whispers.

  I shrug. Cara might try.

  “Never thought this is how we’d go out,” he jokes.

  I snort as the front door opens and the house fills with a sound I forgot. Loud booming voices echo around the space as my brothers give each other shit while laughing heartily. It’s music to my ears and a salve to my battered soul.

  Dane comes into the room first, bee-lining for the fridge, not noticing us. I smile at how easy going he still is. Cole follows and screeches to a stop, his pale blue eyes locked on mine. Sawyer has his head down, fucking with his phone with one hand while he rubs his black messy hair with the other. He rams into Cole and drops his phone.

  “What the fuck, Cole?” he growls.

  The deep bass of his voice throws me for a moment. He’s a man now, they all are.

  “Jake,” Cole whispers, nodding in my direction as Sawyer stoops to retrieve his phone.

  Sawyer snaps to attention, facing me as Dane drops a glass, shattering it when he finally spots me.

  Sawyer’s espresso eyes narrow at me as he rounds the couch, approaching me slowly while assessing me from head to toe. I do the same. His shoulders are broad and sculpted, standing proudly over a muscular frame. He’s almost the same height as me. Fuck me, he’s changed so much.

  “Jake,” he snarls when he reaches me. “Fuck you.”

  His fist slams into my jaw before I see him move. It knocks me into the mantle as more blows connect with my ribs. I won’t fight back. I can’t hurt him. I’ve done that enough already. He continues to assault me. I remain standing and receive every hit he rains down upon me, emotion billowing in his eyes. It doesn’t matter that I hate to be hit. I deserve this assault, and I’ll take it like a man.

  “Sawyer!” Cara screams and then he’s off me.

  I wipe t
he blood streaming from my nose and mouth with the sleeve of my shirt. I swing my gaze to Mitch who’s standing at attention, forcing himself not to defend me.

  “You good?” he grunts.

  I nod and look back to my family. Cara has her back to me, cradling Sawyer’s face in her hands as she speaks softly to him. Cole and Dane are sitting on bar stools with their arms across their chests, pissed and confused. They aren’t related by blood, but it’s a mistake people make with how closely their faces resemble each other. It’s only the difference in eye color that separates them. The pissed off honey-colored eyes of Dane are piercing me along with the soft blues of Cole, riddled with hurt.

  This sucks.

  Cara spins to face me, her auburn hair swinging with the movement.

  “Get out of our house, Jake,” she seethes, stepping closer to me. “You made your decision not to be in this family. Get the fuck out!”

  Her raspy voice hits me in the stomach. It’s a more ferocious blow than any I just took from Sawyer. And he beat on me with fists trained by Nick Cooper. They hurt like hell.

  She’s playing her part well. No one in this room would believe we saw each other two days ago. That pisses me off more than it should. I need to button up my emotions where she’s concerned. Now.

  “We need to talk,” I state plainly.

  “We need to talk?” she mocks me. “It’s been six goddamn years. You think I have shit to say to you now? Take your pal and get outta here before I go get my piece.”

  “I’m guessin’ you’ve got it on you,” I retort with a knowing smile as I move toward her.

  “Don’t,” she hisses, flicking her eyes side to side.

  “Like I said, we need to talk,” I reiterate, stopping close enough I catch a hint of her beachy scent. Fuck, she smells good.

  Her eyes are throwing daggers at me as her plump lips roll between her teeth. She’s trying to control herself.

  “Apologize to your brothers and I’ll think about givin’ you two minutes,” she demands, backing away from me.

  Sawyer wraps his arms around her midsection in a proprietary move that has my stomach churning. When he drops a kiss to her neck, I almost lose my shit. No way would my brother take her from me. Not even with me being gone.

  “Sawyer,” I warn, my fists balling.

  He snaps his gaze to mine and a mischievous smile sweeps across his face.

  “You didn’t think you still had claim on her after all this time did you?”

  I don’t respond. I can’t.

  “Cara’s in my bed every night. You’ll have to pry her from my dead fuckin’ hands if you want her,” he threatens.

  We stand in silence for a long while after that.

  “I’m Jase Mitchell,” he says loudly. “It’s nice to meet you all, but we’re here on DCA business. Cara, if you don’t mind, we’d like to speak with you.”

  All eyes are on him now, including mine.

  “What?” my brothers ask in unison.

  They talk in harmony a lot. Always have.

  “Cara,” Mitch directs.

  “We can talk in the office,” she relents. Sawyer clamps down on her harder when she tries to pull away. “It’s okay, Sawyer. I’ll be right back.”

  He releases her and Mitch and I follow her through a set of double French doors into an office. There are two desks with chairs on either side. Four work spaces for four students. I shut the doors as I hear my brothers speaking to each other in heated whispers.

  This isn’t the homecoming I planned all those years ago.

  It’s what I deserve, but it’s painful all the same.

  When I turn to face Cara, the smack she lands against my cheek stings all the way down to my heart.

  The anguish on her stunning face bypasses the ache in my chest and obliterates my soul.

  I’ve damaged the missing piece of me.

  “You selfish motherfucker,” Cara seethes as I shake off the slap. “You show up here after two days with no call and no explanation?”

  “Because you almost got my daughter killed with your shit. You’re lucky she’s alive or this visit would be going a lot differently,” I snarl.

  Her face blanches at that and she steps away from me.

  “I’m sorry for what I caused. I never would’ve taken Smith out if I’d known about the bombs. I can’t feel bad for killing him, Jake. He deserved to die. I’m glad he’s dead. But, I’m sorry I hurt you,” she says full of emotion. “I’m sorry about your daughter. Is she okay?”

  “She’ll be fine,” I grumble. I don’t want to talk about Riley right now. I want to get this visit done so I can get back to her.

  “That’s good,” she responds in a relieved breath. “I just needed Smith gone.”

  “You should leave shit like that to professionals,” Mitch suggests. “That’s why we’re here. No more vigilante stuff, Cara.”

  “My boss covered your ass, but that’s the last time. You’re on your own if you do somethin’ like that again. I can’t keep protecting you,” I inform her.

  “That hasn’t been your job since we were in Connecticut. My family keeps me safe,” she scoffs, trying to remain strong when I can see hurt billowing behind her green eyes. “Message received though. I’ll talk to Nick and Kat before I do anything else.”

  I stalk toward her quickly as she tries to back away, ending up sitting on the edge of the desk.

  “You’re not doin’ anything else. Leave this alone, Cara,” I growl, leaning into her face.

  “I don’t take orders from you, Agent Cooper,” she responds flippantly.

  “You take your orders from Sawyer now?” I fume.

  It’s not the time for this, but I can’t get the picture of those two out of my head.

  She raises her eyebrows at me, silently confirming my fears.

  “Does he know you murdered a man? Did you slink back into his bed with a clear conscience? Did he fuck away your guilt?”

  “Coop,” Mitch urges me to stop.

  “Sawyer loves me. That’s more than you ever did for me,” she accuses, pushing my chest hard to move me away from her. I don’t.

  “You have no fuckin’ clue,” I quietly rage.

  “I know you took off on your family. I know how much you hurt your brothers. Your dad misses you so much. He worries about you all the time, tryin’ to check on you in the DCA. You blocked him fuckin’ access to you. How could you do that? Your mom, Jake. You broke her fuckin’ heart. My sister’s the only one who’s still got your back. I don’t know how she does it. But she gets you,” she grumbles.

  “And you? What did I do to you?”

  I might as well get the full picture of how much I’m hated.

  “You didn’t do shit to me. You don’t have that power in my life,” she responds blankly.

  “That’s not how I remember it,” I purr, moving within a breath of her.

  “You’re wrong. You’re nothing to me,” she spits.

  “Get outta her face, Jake,” Sawyer demands from the doorway. “I swear to fuck, if you don’t move, I’ll end you.”

  I listen to my brother. I move away from Cara as she slides off the desk and hurries toward her man.

  Her man. That’s painful to admit.

  Sawyer pulls Cara from the room with an arm around her slender shoulders. Mitch and I follow, him patting my arm in condolences as we move.

  “I’m callin’ Mom and Dad,” Dane announces, yanking his phone out of his pocket as a piece of his sandy hair falls over his forehead. “They deserve to know you’re not dead.”

  “Don’t!” Cara yells, halting the room along with my brother’s hand that’s about to dial. “Your parents know he’s not dead. They’d be informed if somethin’ happened to him. He’s already ruined our day. Don’t let him fuck theirs up too.”

  Ouch.

  I’m only pain for my family now. I never thought I’d be this type of burden to them. Staying away was the right choice. I had to do it, and I need to keep doing
it based on how they feel.

  “Fine,” Dane agrees, shoving his phone away.

  “I never meant to hurt you guys,” I say full of emotion. “Never.”

  “You did though, Jake,” Cole says in his gravelly voice. “You promised you’d come home and you never did. You never even fuckin’ called. How did you think that would feel? You’re not that stupid.”

  “I did what was right. It doesn’t seem like that now, but it was the right thing to do.”

  “That’s just selfish bullshit and you know it. You’ve got two sisters and a brother you’ve never met. Mom’s due in a few weeks and you won’t know that one either. Sawyer’s takin’ this baby along with Jessie because you’re not around to pull your fuckin’ weight. He’s been cleanin’ up after you for years now,” Dane growls.

  I swing my gaze to Sawyer who’s holding Cara against his chest, rubbing a large hand up and down her spine. He’s the man in our family, the leader. I don’t have a spot here anymore. There’s no need for me. I made sure of it the day I left. I pushed my responsibilities on a fifteen-year-old kid and he stepped up. At twenty-one, he’s assumed the role I squandered.

  “I’ll leave you in his capable hands,” I say. “I love you all whether I deserve that honor or not. I carry you with me while I’m away. I hope you’re all happy in life.”

  I lift my chin at Mitch and he waves to the room before following me out of the house. I pause for one last look at my brothers and Cara, knowing I won’t ever have this again. I’m leaving for good this time.

  I won’t hurt them with my presence. Their silence is deafening as I close their front door. I’ll hold onto the memory of their loud boisterous voices that first entered the house. I won’t forget that sound again.

  Mitch and I climb in our SUV and drive away without uttering a word to each other.

  There’s nothing to say.

  “Talk,” all three Cooper brothers demand the instant the door closes.

  I step out of Sawyer’s embrace and take a deep breath.