Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1) Read online

  I was a broken girl back then, making up stories of white knights and forgotten princesses. I thought Jake was the love of my life. How could he be the love of my life when I know next to nothing about him? All our time together was focused on me and my shit. Combine that with the fact that Jake doesn’t talk to anyone about his life before the DCA, I never had a chance to learn about him.

  I’ll never have that chance now.

  I pull into Kieran’s garage just as he steps in to greet me. His muscular arms folded across his naked tattooed chest. I’m not scared of Kieran, but he’s a scary motherfucker when he looks like that.

  I slide out of the SUV and walk up to him.

  “It’s done,” I whisper, not meeting his assessing gaze.

  He drags me against his chest and I lay my cheek on his bare shoulder. I don’t like to be touched. I’m sure that’s no surprise after my past. I don’t mind as much when a man touches me. Since I was mostly tortured by a woman, I struggle with female interaction. I’m so much better than I used to be. I hug my female relatives without shuttering at the act. I cuddle my nieces without imagining the horrors I was suffering at their ages. I held my sister’s hand with joy the last time she gave birth, proud and honored to be at her side, instead of being uncomfortable.

  I’m better.

  Right now, Kieran’s arms around my body make me feel dirty. Not because of him. Because of me and what I did tonight.

  I peel away from him and say, “Thanks.”

  “I’ve always got your back, Cara,” he assures me.

  “I know.”

  And I do. I know my family has my back no matter what. But after what I just went through with Jake, I don’t feel deserving of their loyalty.

  I pat Kieran’s inked chest and slip around him into the house. All of his family is asleep at this late hour. I’m glad I don’t have to face anyone right now. I just need the Cooper brothers.

  I jog up the stairs and into the guest apartment over the garage. The snoring pouring out of the bedrooms sets me at ease instantly. I just have to choose which one I’ll sleep in tonight.

  Sawyer’s the lightest sleeper. If I go to him, he’ll know something’s wrong. Cole will welcome me with open arms, but he’ll want to talk. Dane’s deep sleeping is my best option tonight. He’s my best option most nights.

  I’ve always slept with them. From the moment the Cooper family moved to Kansas City when I moved into my sister’s, I’ve slept with one or all of the Cooper brothers.

  This is the part people don’t understand. Three attractive men and one woman with no sexual contact. No one believes it’s possible to have the platonic relationships we have. To those people, I say, fuck you. They don’t know what fear looks like. They don’t know what torture feels like. They don’t know the torment of demons stalking your dreams. They don’t know what safety within a loving embrace means.

  Sex.

  That’s all anyone can think of when they see a man and a woman together who aren’t related by blood. It’s foolish and childish. I’m disgusted by the constant comments the guys and I receive at school. Are women truly that weak that they can’t enjoy the company of an attractive man without spreading their legs for him? Are men truly that weak that they can’t see a woman for anything other than a warm place to stick his dick? If that’s the truth of the world and I live in some parallel universe, I feel sorry for those people. What I have with the Cooper brothers is so much better than sex, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

  I tiptoe into Dane’s room and take off my jeans before slipping into some shorts. I leave Jake’s hoodie on. I need the fabric close to me now. It smells like him again since he held me down tonight. I missed that manly musk. It’s been gone for years yet never far enough for me to forget it.

  I slide into the sheets next to Dane and he quickly scoops my body against his, spooning me tightly.

  “Love you, Cara,” his deep bass voice murmurs against my hair.

  “Love you too,” I whisper, his snores already taking him over before I speak.

  I’m safe. I’m loved. I’m better.

  But I’ve lost Jake for good this time.

  I’m sad.

  “Look at me,” I try to soothe Riley. “Just concentrate on me, Princess.”

  She’s the last one we’re working on. The Chicago Bomb Squad met Reed here. We had them on standby in case shit went south. Shit has gone beyond south.

  “He’s not gonna get it,” she sobs, trying to remain still as her light grey eyes plead with me to help her.

  My guts are in knots as I do my best to remain strong for my girl.

  The guy working on her vest is in a bomb suit. The three of us are the only people left in the building. I’m not wearing a bomb suit because neither is Riley. If she dies, so do I. This is my fault, and I refuse to allow her to pay for my mistakes alone.

  I’ve been here for forty minutes, and they’ve been trying to free Riley for almost an hour. The detonator clock is winding down while the guy working on her vest is looking more frustrated as each minute ticks by. I’ve been trying to comfort Riley as best I can. Mostly, I’ve just been holding her hands as she shakes from head to toe. I need to do something more than just stare at her. If these are her last moments in life, she deserves more than my guilt-ridden gaze. I’ve told her I love her as much as I can. I’ve promised her that everything will be okay. My words aren’t helping.

  “I’m gonna tell you a story. And when I’m done, we’re gonna be safe, okay?”

  She nods, clearly not believing me. Her vest is different from the other girls’. The guys working on the slaves had them out and safe within minutes. The detonator on Riley’s is wired weirdly according to the bomb squad guy. It’s probably because she’s little and her vest is small.

  “Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Cara. She had eyes of emeralds and hair of rubies. She was the shining jewel of her kingdom. And because she was so beautiful, an evil witch wanted to steal her beauty for herself. The witch came for Princess Cara in the night and stole her away. She was forced to live with a treacherous dragon for many years. But while she was there, Princess Cara grew strong in her heart.

  “One day, when the dragon wasn’t watching, the princess made a valiant escape from the blackness the witch and her dragon had surrounded Princess Cara in. She ran until her legs could carry her no further. And when she stopped, her fairy godmother appeared. She scooped Princess Cara into her arms and wrapped her in a protective charm, all the while, telling the young princess how proud she was.

  “When the princess returned to her kingdom, she was greeted with love and adoration. Her family sang with joy at the sight of their long lost princess. Her prince charming was waiting for her. He slayed the dragon and swore to protect her forever more. And when he held her in his arms, he could feel the strength of her heart beating against his. She was stronger even though the witch and the dragon tried to make her weak. Princess Cara beat them and found her way back to her happily ever after.”

  “Move!” bomb guy shouts, flinging the vest across the room.

  I scoop my girl against my chest and run as fast as my legs will carry me.

  “I’m your princess, Daddy,” she whispers against my neck, clinging to me.

  “You’re my everything,” I state firmly.

  Just as I reach the stairwell, a blast brings me to my knees and my world is once again flooded in blackness.

  “Agent Cooper,” a demanding male voice echoes in my head.

  “What?” I grumble, sitting up.

  “Stay down, sir. We’re getting ready to load you in.”

  I ignore his request and finish pushing my body upright. I open my eyes to find I’m on the street next to Smith’s building, firefighters working to contain the blaze spitting out of the apartment windows thirty-stories up. The gurney I’m on is next to a few ambulances. I scan the crowd full of uniforms until I find the face I need to see.

  Mitch is striding to
ward me with Riley in his arms, her big eyes brimming with tears. She leaps into my arms, trembling as I pull her in close.

  “Sir,” the EMT tries to admonish me.

  Mitch puts a hand in the guy’s chest, moving him away as he sternly tells the guy to back the fuck off.

  “Hey, Princess,” I murmur into her soft hair.

  “I thought the dragon got us,” she whimpers.

  “I’m stronger than a dragon,” I assure her.

  “You squished me.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Two hundred twenty-five pounds and I still carried your…butt,” Mitch tries not to cuss.

  I lock eyes with him before saying, “Thank you.”

  He nods, swallowing thickly.

  “Had to pry our princess outta your arms, man. You weren’t lettin’ her go even knocked out. You feelin’ okay?”

  “Nothin’ some pain meds can’t deal with.”

  My head’s screaming at me, but my vision’s fine and my limbs are working. I don’t feel any burns or cuts on my body. I’m good. The weight of this tiny frame against me is all the medicine I need right now. I scan her from head to toe and find only a few dirty patches and minor scratches. It still makes my pulse race. She could have died.

  “You good?” Reed asks, prowling toward us.

  I nod and hold my girl a little tighter as she shivers.

  “Blanket,” I demand harshly at the EMT who’s still scowling after Mitch’s smack down. He’s gentle as he wraps it around Riley despite clearly being frustrated with me and my spotter.

  Reed studies me for a moment, assessing and calm. Once he’s done perusing my person, he locks his gaze with mine, silently questioning if I’m really okay.

  “Thanks for calling me, Reed,” I say.

  “I’m glad you’re both okay,” he responds on a ragged breath before walking away to join a group of uniforms.

  “Gage is dead,” Riley wails into my chest.

  Agent Gage Williams has been with me since I left the safe house with Riley. The day I took full custody of her. We still don’t know where she came from or who she belongs to. I have my theories, most of which I choose not to think of. Now that Smith stole her from a secure DCA safe house and put her in a bomb vest, I’m certain there’s serious danger when it comes to my girl.

  My girl.

  She’s mine no matter where her life began.

  We’ve had to estimate her age and we gave her a fake birthday. Based on what the doctors and the DCA psych unit were able to put together, Riley was about eighteen-months old when we found her. She’s almost six now.

  My girl’s growing up. Her life is anything but normal because I take her on most of my ops. She’s not sitting next to me when I take out a target, but she’s been close with Gage at her side. I don’t take her on the side jobs I do for the military. I can’t drag her through the desert, mountains, ice or all the other places I’ve completed missions. I’m not the classic father. I struggled when it came to Riley at first if I’m honest. Without Gage, I would’ve been at a complete loss with her. He was so much more than a bodyguard. Mitch called him the manny. Gage hated it and it made Mitch laugh.

  Now Gage is gone and my girl is fucking gutted. So am I.

  “I’m so sorry, Princess.” I kiss her tear-stained cheeks before looking into her pained eyes. “What happened?” I whisper.

  “I don’t know. There was a loud noise and Gage put me in the closet to go check. Some big man grabbed me a little bit later. I tried to fight, Daddy. I really did.”

  “I know you did,” I assure her. Between Gage, Mitch and me we’ve taught Riley enough that she could take down a grown man in certain circumstances. There’s no doubt in my mind that she fought like hell to get free.

  “I saw blood everywhere. Gage was just lying there,” she sobs. “They covered up my head and then put me in a car. I don’t know what happened before we got to that apartment. That scary man said I was his now and put the vest on me.”

  She shivers with fear and I tug her into me, locking eyes with Mitch. He’s seething with rage right along with me. I may be Riley’s father, but Mitch loves her just as much as I do. And with Smith dead, there’s no one for us to take out our need for blood on.

  “You’re safe now, Riley,” I assure her as much as I can as she continues to quake in my arms.

  “Has she been looked at?” I ask Mitch after a long while of holding my girl in silence.

  “Barely,” he replies with a knowing smirk.

  Riley’s just as attached to me as she was the first day I found her. She doesn’t like to be away from me. Mitch or Gage are her only substitutes. What the fuck am I going to do without Gage?

  I can’t go there right now. I will, but not right now.

  “Princess, I need these people to look you over,” I explain softly.

  “Okay,” she agrees with a nod.

  “Love you, Riley,” I say, pressing my lips to her cheek.

  “Love you, Daddy,” she responds with a few strokes of my stubble.

  It soothes me just as much as it soothes her.

  Peace.

  “When will you hear about grad school?” Cole asks around a mouthful of chicken wings.

  “After winter break,” I answer. “Thanks again for comin’ to Chicago with me.”

  “We had to see it for ourselves to see if we’d be comfortable livin’ there,” Dane responds with a shrug, draining his beer.

  “Why?” I ask already knowing the answer.

  “If you move to Chicago, we move to Chicago,” Dane replies with a duh voice while signaling the waitress for another beer.

  I shoot my gaze to Sawyer first. There’s no way he’d follow me to Chicago. Not with Mia being here.

  “You’re not serious,” I accuse him.

  “I’d figure it out,” he responds dismissively.

  “So if I get into the University of Chicago, you’re gonna pack up and leave Mia here? Leave your parents? Leave the little Coopers?” I get louder with each question and more pissed off with each word.

  “I said I’ll figure it out,” he hisses before readjusting his KU hat on his head.

  We got back to Lawrence late last night. I’ve done an amazing job of keeping Jake’s secret since I woke up in Dane’s arms yesterday. I thought I’d be tempted to tell his brothers, but I haven’t been. Mostly because it would hurt them to know. I would also have to out myself and that’s not happening in this lifetime.

  I’ve taken the day and a half to assure myself that Jake’s daughter is okay. If something happened to her, Jake would have come for me. I don’t think he would kill me. I know Jake’s capable of that and so much more, but I don’t believe he’d harm me. Not physically anyway. But if his daughter was hurt because of me, Jake would be here in my face making me pay.

  “Sawyer,” I groan, flopping back.

  “We’ve got time. We can fight about it for months,” he teases me.

  I roll my eyes and dig back into my food, conceding the point. There’s no need to argue about this right now. I hate fighting with them.

  “I need to get laid,” Dane announces as he watches the waitress’s ass swish away.

  “It’s been what, two days?” I ask with a quirked brow.

  Dane wiggles his eyebrows at me before sweeping his sandy hair off his forehead. Dane likes sex…a lot. He has sex a lot. He talks about sex a lot. I’m used to it. It’s probably good for me to have him and the guys around. They don’t treat me like glass. The only time I get shit from them is when they think I’m not safe. But if I’m with them and things are good, I’m really just one of the guys. I like that.

  I’m terrified of sex. I spent two years being trained to think sex was something to be feared. It worked, and I haven’t gotten rid of that fear. I still talk to a counselor once a month. It’s good for me. I hated it at first, but my sister insisted. And, as with most things in life, Shannon was right.

  Six years later, I can sleep through
the night on my own. I don’t sleep on my own because I’m still uncomfortable in the dark. But I can do it if necessary. I don’t have panic attacks. I don’t cower around unfamiliar women. I walk with my head held high.

  I’m better.

  I don’t really have any friends outside of the guys. I hang out with their friends all the time, but they’re not really my friends. I don’t trust people. I don’t know if I ever will. I’m okay with that. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything in life. Having the massive family that I do, I’m never without a companion. If anything, I crave a little alone time.

  “What happened to Ariana?” I ask Dane already knowing his answer.

  “Been there. Done that. It wasn’t a good ride,” he scoffs.

  “Maybe you should lay off the strippers,” I suggest.

  “I’m thinking about goin’ after somethin’ nerdy next.”

  “That would be a change,” I snort.

  “I could get down with some nerd action,” Cole pipes in.

  “You could get down with any action,” Dane retorts, bumping his brother’s shoulder.

  “It’s been a week and my balls hurt,” Cole admits.

  “That’s not healthy,” Dane says with concern in his voice. True concern.

  I shake my head and continue to eat, watching the Chiefs kicking ass on the big screen behind the bar.

  “Have you talked to Colton?” Sawyer asks me after we stop cheering a touchdown.

  “Last week.”

  “I miss that guy,” Cole says.

  “Me too,” I admit sadly.

  I hate that we broke up and now we barely have a friendship. It was time for us to be done. I know that. He had a good reason to leave me. Actually, I’m surprised we were together for almost three years when I think about it. I shouldn’t be though. Colton’s a good man. He’s kind and thoughtful. But he deserves more than what I can give him. He finally realized that and cut me loose. It still hurts. Eight months later, it still hurts.