Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1) Read online

Cara runs through the aisles, calling out to Riley as I fly out onto the sidewalk. People are everywhere. Downtown Lawrence is packed with Christmas shoppers, making the college town look more like an urban hellhole.

  I force my emotions to shut down and bring out the hunter. My eyes flick from face to face, body to body as my ears listen for her little voice.

  She’s not here.

  I lost her.

  Again.

  Rage begins to billow within me.

  “Daddy,” her voice calls out timidly from behind me.

  I spin to find her in Cara’s clutches, safe and unharmed.

  I rip her little body away from Cara and crush her in my arms, forcing her head into my neck as I close my eyes and try to calm down. Cara tries to move away, but I snag her wrist and pull her to me, wrapping her against the free side of my chest. She nuzzles into Riley while her arms snake around us.

  “You scared me,” I whisper.

  Riley nods her understanding as a few tears wet my skin.

  “Let’s go back to the hotel,” I suggest after the tenth person excuses themselves to get around us.

  I move us back into the store, not letting go of either of them.

  “Am I in trouble?” Riley whimpers.

  I let go of Cara and cup Riley’s face, forcing her to look at me.

  “No,” I growl.

  “Are you mad?”

  “No. I was scared that I lost you.”

  “I followed a kitty,” she whispers. “I’m sorry.”

  I kiss her forehead and pull Cara back under my arm as the sales guy passes our bags to us, apologizing for the kitten in the store.

  I wave him off and lead us back into the masses, holding my girls tightly as we walk. We don’t talk as I drive. We’re silent as we ride in the elevator. There’s not a whisper when we enter the hotel.

  I take Riley from Cara after dropping too many fucking bags on the floor and stride over to the couch, towing Cara by the hand behind me.

  Once we’re settled, I speak calmly.

  “You can’t wander off, Riley. I need to know where you are all the time. You’re not in trouble. But I need you to understand how important this is. We don’t have Gage watching you anymore. I’m alone and I need you to help me by staying close,” I finish roughly, hating to bring up Gage…hating to remind myself that I don’t have him for my girl anymore. That I lost my friend.

  “I understand. I just wanted to see the kitty,” she explains softly.

  “Next time you see one, tell me. We’ll look at the kitty together.”

  “Okay,” she answers with a sniffle.

  I kiss her forehead and then she curls into me. Cara’s too far away so I drag her toward me, pulling her head onto my shoulder.

  We’re silent again after that. Just absorbing the warmth of our bodies being close together. Right where they should be. There have been too many close calls lately and my body is wired with adrenaline. Having my girl on my chest and Cara against my side cools the frantic pulse within me though.

  “She scared the shit outta me,” Cara whispers once Riley nods off.

  “Me too.”

  “She was in their storage room, smiling at that damn kitten. I didn’t know whether to hug her or scold her. Then I remembered Gage. She doesn’t know to be scared does she?”

  “She’s well adjusted. I know the Chicago thing is fucked, but she’s grieving and dealing like normal. I don’t know how long Smith had her when she was little. She doesn’t carry those demons. Not like…” I trail off, trying not to offend Cara.

  “Not like me?” she finishes my thought, looking up at me with peaceful emerald eyes. I wince at her words, but she shrugs it off, saying, “I was with Smith a lot longer than her. Then the two years in Connecticut…”

  She looks away from me, but I use my hand that’s resting on her shoulder to tip her chin back up.

  “I was fucked up from that worse than anything. Bein’ with Smith was awful, but it paled in comparison to what I went through once he sold me.”

  “I’d kill every one of the motherfuckers that hurt you all over again if I could,” I growl.

  “Me too,” she replies through a sad smile.

  We sit in silence again, Cara settling her head on my shoulder. I breathe in her fresh, airy scent mixed in with the sweet, sugary fragrance of Riley. They’re both safe in my arms now. I can’t fix what happened to them, but I can damn well make sure no harm ever comes to them again.

  Once Riley’s snoring, I decide it’s time to move her somewhere more comfortable. I climb to my feet, carefully move her to the bedroom and settle Riley in the bed, leaving the door cracked so I can hear her if she wakes up. When I come back into the living space of the suite, Cara’s unpacking the bags onto the dining table.

  “Why’re you here, Cara?” I ask, stopping across the table from her.

  She snaps an angry glare at me, dropping the clothes from her hands.

  “Helpin’ you out,” she snarls.

  “That’s not what I mean and you know it. Sawyer was supposed to do this. Why’d he send you in his place?”

  “I offered when he told me about the shopping,” she grumbles, ripping tags off shirts violently. “I can leave.”

  “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to talk to me.”

  “About?” she huffs, sticking a stubborn tag in her mouth to rip it free.

  “Us,” I respond plainly.

  She snorts and keeps avoiding eye contact. I don’t like that. I never did. She knows it too.

  “Eyes up here, sweetheart.”

  She sighs and moves her gaze up to mine.

  “You left me. You lived your life. I lived mine. Now we’re here,” she says coolly.

  “You think that’s gonna work on me?” I quirk a brow at her.

  “You’re my family. That hasn’t changed.”

  “Everything’s changed, Cara,” I growl, getting more irritated every time she tries to avoid me.

  “What do you want me to say? You hurt me? Yeah, you did. You abandoned me when I needed you? Yeah, you did. You fucked up? Yeah, you did. You missed shit you can’t get back? More than I can explain to you.”

  “Why’d you pretend to be with Sawyer?”

  We might as well get all this shit out of the way.

  “Because I knew it would hurt you,” she responds with a humorless snort.

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why did you know that would hurt me?”

  I start to move around the table toward her. I stop when she retreats a step, but I start again when her eyes dart nervously around the room.

  “Tell me,” I demand when I’m within arm’s reach of her.

  “He’s your brother,” she lies.

  “Wrong,” I growl.

  “Jake,” she pleads with me to leave this alone.

  I can’t. Not now. Not ever again.

  “Tell me, Cara.”

  I reach my rough fingers out to push a piece of hair behind her ear as she watches me with almost panicked eyes. But when my calloused skin skims across her silky cheek, she leans into me and breathes out, “Because I’m supposed to be yours.”

  “Don’t ever forget it,” I reply with a gentle command.

  I move my hand around to the nape of her neck and pull her a breath away from my face, holding her emerald eyes with a possessive gaze.

  “You’ve been mine since you were seventeen and wounded. I’ve been yours since I was eighteen and broken. It’s time to put the pieces back together again.”

  I take her mouth before she can respond. I kiss her until she kisses me back. It doesn’t take long for her arms to snake around me, intertwining and cupping the back of my head. I yank her body against mine with my hand in the small of her back as I slant her head to the side, tilting her long neck with my fingers.

  My tongue requests entry, licking across the seam of her plump lips. She moans at the contact and I take the advantage. Her tongue darts ou
t to meet mine and I drink in the taste of mint and Cara. Sweet and rich. Perfection.

  Our tongues dance slowly before we become hungry for more. I can feel her stiffly peaked nipples against my chest while my cock strains painfully against my zipper. When our tongues begin to thrust in and out, mimicking what we really want, my hands move.

  I grab a handful of her ass and slide my fingers into her hair, fisting it tightly. She groans at my dominance as a growl rattles in my throat. Her hands leave my head as her arms fall away before the hem of my shirt is moving and her delicate fingers slide beneath it.

  Cara’s touch is feather light as she grazes along my abs before resting on my pecs, brushing across my nipples. Then she travels around to my sculpted back, exploring the ridges and flats. She’s studying my body with her fingers, memorizing every inch all the while giving me everything I need.

  When she rips her mouth from mine to catch her breath, I devour her neck, nipping and suckling. Her fingers dig into my skin as she whimpers with desire. I need more. I need everything.

  I push her back on the table, covering her body with mine as her long legs wrap around my hips. I’m back on her mouth again, consuming her as she relents to me. I rock my cock against her while I palm her tits over her thin sweater. When I tug on her nipples, Cara’s back arches toward me, begging me for more.

  “Daddy!” Riley screams.

  I’m up and running in her direction as Cara scrambles to follow me, each of us panting with want morphing into concern.

  I bang the bedroom door open to find Riley huddled against the headboard shaking from head to toe, tears streaming down her cheeks. I leap onto the bed and pull her against me, shushing and soothing.

  “You’re safe. You’re safe,” I repeat over and over until her body trembles only slightly and her breathing stutters less.

  “He got me,” she wails, squeezing my neck tightly.

  Cara stands at the end of the bed the whole time, tears in her eyes, but never allowing them to fall. She feels Riley’s pain. She’s been this little girl. I was this same boy only a few years ago. At eighteen I still needed my mother to hold me at night to chase away my demons.

  I reach a hand out toward Cara, urging her to come to us. She hesitates and shakes her head no, moving toward the door.

  “Don’t,” I whisper, need evident in my voice.

  “This was a mistake. I’m sorry, Jake,” she says softly, not meeting my eyes before she runs from the room.

  The door to the suite clicks shut and I’m left alone, cradling my scared little girl, terrified that I just lost the woman I never should have walked away from.

  I run out of the hotel like my hair is on fire. When I slam the door on my SUV, I release a stuttered breath and then begin to drive home.

  What the hell was I thinking?

  Today has been an up and down roller coaster of emotion. When I showed up this morning, I was a nervous wreck. When we shopped, I was happy and carefree. When I thought we lost Riley, I was terrified and filled with rage. When I found her safe and sound, I was so relieved I wanted to weep. When Jake told his daughter she needs to stay close because he’s all alone, my heart broke. When he pushed me into telling him why I faked being with Sawyer, my heart stopped. And when he kissed me, my world started over in the best possible way. It was a dream come true.

  Then I woke up.

  He’s going to leave me again. I can’t get sucked into this life with him. I’ll fall in love with Riley. I’m practically there already. She’s sweet, loving, funny and fearless. She’s everything Jake deserves in his life.

  I can’t get attached just to lose both of them. Losing Jake would be torturous. Losing Jake and Riley would be earth-shattering and I don’t know that I’d be able to recover.

  No more.

  I’ll be his friend while he’s here. But that means keeping my distance. No more alone time with him and Riley. It feels too good. It feels right. That’s dangerous.

  I walk in the house to the raucous laughter of the Cooper brothers playing a video game. I make my way to the stairs after peeling out of my coat and boots, intent on avoiding all things Cooper for the rest of the day.

  I’m good at hiding.

  “Cara!” Dane shouts.

  I pause on the stairs before responding, “Yeah?”

  “You goin’ up to take a shit?”

  I drop my head in resignation. I’ll never be able to hide from them.

  “I wouldn’t. I just wrecked that joint,” Dane informs me proudly.

  Fantastic.

  I thud back down the stairs and take my place at the end of the couch next to Dane.

  “I had Chipotle. You know that tears me up,” Dane explains further, not looking at me while he focuses on shooting a guy in the head on screen.

  “Thanks for the head’s up,” I grunt.

  “How was shopping?” Sawyer asks.

  I’m glad they’re invested in their game. I’m sure I look like hell and I’m riding the edge of emotions right now.

  “Riley had a good time. It’s the first chance she’s had to be in full-on girl mode,” I respond through a smile, thinking about how cute she was all day.

  Being raised by three DCA agents hasn’t given her the opportunity to have a woman’s touch in her life. I liked being that touch today. I liked it too much. Not that I’m the girliest in the world. I’m probably more tomboy than not, but I have a bit of femininity to me that I enjoy from time to time. I really loved sharing that piece of me with Riley today along with the hot looks it inspired with Jake.

  Oh, that kiss.

  I can still feel him on my skin, hot and molten. I’m scorched from my scalp down to my toes. My damn panties are still wet. I need a long shower.

  “Jake get in your pants?” Dane asks distractedly.

  It’s good he’s distracted because when I punch him in the ribs it catches him off guard and I get a decent blow in.

  “What the fuck?!” he shouts, dropping his controller.

  “You’re an ass, that’s what,” I sneer, climbing to my feet.

  The three of them call after me, but there’s no way I can sit there. I need to clear my head and my heart.

  I strip out of my clothes and climb into a brutally hot shower, allowing the water to wash away the manly scent of Jake that remains on my skin. I wish it could rinse my brain clean.

  I want Jake.

  It’s not hard to admit, it’s just stupid.

  I could go the truly idiotic way and just have sex with him while he’s here, under the guise of a short-lived fling. I’m not that stupid though. I already love him. I’ve loved him for six years. If I sleep with him, I’m done for. I can’t do casual with Jake Cooper.

  When my skin is bright red, I shut off the water and climb out of the shower. I don’t feel any better, but I’m exhausted enough to let my thoughts subside a bit in order to get ready for my last final tomorrow.

  I’ve barely paid attention to my classes since Chicago. I’m not worried about my grades. Even though I didn’t start formal school until I was a legal adult, I’m good at school. I seem to absorb everything without much effort. It helped me to catch up, so I see it as a small blessing in a life that was pretty shitty.

  I pull on yoga shorts and try to avoid Jake’s hoodie laying on the end of my bed. It’s a fruitless effort. I yank the faded navy waffle material over my head and take a deep breath of Jake’s fading scent. He touched it over a week ago and I haven’t washed it. I’m still clinging to him when I need to let go. I’m just not ready yet.

  When he leaves me this time, I will be.

  I’ll have to be.

  Buzz, buzz.

  Logan: You done studying yet?

  Me: Pretty much.

  Logan: Ready to let me take you out?

  I stare at my screen for a long time considering his question. Logan’s a psychology major too. He’s good looking, charming, smart and about as far away from Jake Cooper as I can get. He’s been politely as
king me out all semester. I told him I might go out with him after finals. Tomorrow’s the end of finals for me.

  Me: Sure.

  Logan: Is there an emoticon for stunned?

  Me: LOL. I don’t know. I told you I would after finals.

  Logan: I thought you were just being nice.

  Me: I was, but now I feel sorry for you. ;)

  Logan: Ouch! I’ll take a pity date from you if that’s all I can get.

  Me: It’s not pity. I’m excited. Let’s talk tomorrow after the final.

  Logan: I’ll see you then. Have a good night.

  Me: You too.

  I have a smile on my face when I set my phone down. Logan might be the perfect distraction I need from Jake. I can be his friend. I can spend time with him when he’s with our family, but I can’t be alone with him anymore. I don’t trust myself not to do something stupid that will end up hurting me more in the end.

  “How long are you gonna hide up here?” Cole asks from the door, leaning his tall frame against the doorjamb.

  “I’m not hiding. I’m studying. I have a final at eight,” I state plainly.

  “I didn’t know. I thought you were done.”

  “Tomorrow. Then we have one semester left,” I respond through a groan as I stretch my arms over my head.

  I’m studying in the middle of my bed because I didn’t want to go into the office. I’m hiding and studying. It works well, except my back is killing me and my neck has a crick in it from looking down at my lap for the last four hours.

  Cole jumps on top of my books in dramatic fashion, making us both laugh. I push his face with my palm, trying to move him over so I can pick up the paper tornado he just caused.

  He rolls to the side so I can scoop everything up and shove it back in my messenger bag. When I come back to the bed, he’s lying on his side on my white duvet, crooking a finger at me.

  I snort and join him, mirroring his position.

  He pushes a piece of my hair behind my ear before just staring at me in silence. I look around at my pale blue walls behind him, covered in pictures from the last six years. I adore having the memories displayed to remind me of the love I have in my life now.

  “You gonna tell me what happened with Jake?” Cole finally asks when I finish perusing the walls.