Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1) Read online

  I soak it in.

  “I’ll never leave you, Cara. I can’t walk away from a piece of myself and that’s what you are. You’re a piece of my soul, the best piece. I’ll never walk away from you. Never,” he states firmly against my skin, raising goosebumps all over my body.

  “Take me with you,” I plead. “Please Jake, take me back with you. I love my family, but you’re the place I feel the safest. Please don’t leave me.”

  Jake stands up and gazes into my eyes intensely. There’s heat and desire in the brown and gold flecks that I’ve never seen. It makes my stomach flip and my palms sweat.

  He’s going to kiss me.

  I brace myself for my first real kiss, leaning in a little as my eyes drift shut.

  Jake’s warm breath tickles my lips, the heat warming my soul. My poor heart is pounding an erratic beat as the song comes to a close. Our bodies stop moving as I feel Jake leaning in closer.

  Then his lips are on me.

  On my forehead.

  “Bye, sweetheart,” he mutters against my skin and then he’s gone.

  He left me.

  Again.

  Riley, Mitch and I are finishing a massive pancake breakfast in our suite when there’s a knock at the door. Sawyer said he’d swing by in the morning so we could shop. But when I look out the peephole, my brother’s not there.

  “Hey,” I greet her.

  Cara pushes her auburn hair behind her ear as she locks her big green eyes on mine, rolling those plump lips between her teeth.

  “Hey,” she replies softly.

  I push the door open for her to pass and take a deep lungful of her fresh scent. Fuck, she smells good. Looks good too. My eyes land on her ass as she pulls her coat off. Cara’s just like her sister. They could be twins with how much they look alike. But neither one of them ever considers their beauty important. They don’t wear make-up and are usually in jeans and comfortable shirts.

  Stunning.

  “Princess Cara!” Riley squeals, jumping out of her chair and colliding with Cara’s legs.

  I don’t know Cara anymore. The girl I once knew hated to be touched by anyone but me. The girl I met six years ago couldn’t stand anyone to have their hands on her after the torture she’d been through. But she effortlessly swings Riley into her arms as she chatters brightly.

  Cara’s better.

  It’s inspiring to witness.

  “I hear you need some clothes,” Cara says, sitting in a chair with Riley in her lap.

  “Daddy hates shopping,” Riley pouts.

  “How about I help?” Cara suggests, eyeing me for approval.

  I mouth, “Thank you,” as Riley happily agrees.

  “You wanna have a bath first?” I ask Riley as I retake my seat at the table. “After you finish your breakfast.”

  “I’m full,” she groans.

  I may have overfed her since we’ve been here. I eat a lot. I’m a big guy and so is Mitch. We like food and Riley’s always on board for a good meal. She hasn’t been eating well since the shit with Smith. Yet another thing to report to the psych unit.

  “Okay,” I relent, shoveling a mouthful of pancakes in my mouth.

  “I brought some bubble bath,” Cara announces and Riley hits her with the dimples.

  Gently, Cara rubs her thumbs over the pinched in cheeks. I see sadness in her eyes as she studies Riley’s face. The dimples aren’t working their magic on Cara. They almost seem to be causing her pain.

  Cara sighs and climbs to her feet with Riley on her hip. They disappear into the bathroom and Riley’s sweet voice is drown out by the running of water.

  “Good call on Cara doin’ the bath,” Mitch compliments with bacon hanging from his lips.

  Bath time was hard for us in the beginning. I didn’t want to do anything wrong. But Riley was just a baby. My baby. I got over that shit pretty quickly. Mitch is still weird about it. I don’t know all the details of what he experienced in foster care, but his worries with Riley tell me they’re fucked up.

  “You should do a bath someday,” I respond.

  “Fuck that shit. I only get women naked to put them in a bed or against a wall or on the floor or…you get the point,” he says through a smirk.

  “Yeah,” I scoff.

  “How’s this gonna work? We can’t take her with us on ops without an agent with us. I’m guessin’ the DCA’s gonna be less likely to offer that after the way Gage went out. Are you gonna ask your parents to take her?”

  I rub my head vigorously, trying to push away my muddled thoughts.

  “I’m not leavin’ her with my parents. We’ve got too much shit to figure out. I need to get to the bottom of where she comes from. Nothin’ about this makes sense,” I say with an agitated sigh.

  Mitch stares at me with his deep grey eyes, trying to understand.

  “So you’re done with the DCA,” he states instead of asking.

  “No…I don’t know. I’m fuckin’ lost here, man.” I shove to my feet and pace. The water’s off now. I know Riley will hear us so I nod at the terrace and Mitch follows me out into the brisk winter air.

  “I walked away from my family once. I can’t walk away from my girl. But you know me, I need what the DCA gives me,” I explain. “How do I do both? How the fuck do I keep her safe and still work?”

  “You get a wife,” he says nonchalantly like we can walk into a store and pick one up.

  “Mitch,” I groan, needing actual advice.

  He crosses his defined arms across his broad chest and scowls at me.

  “Roman gave us three months off. We get to the bottom of Riley’s past and then you spend that time finding ‘the one’. We can take a few jobs a year like we’re supposed to after that. I could use a break, man. We spend all our time in the field. I need it like you do, but it’s starting to wear on me. Roots would be good.”

  “So I’m supposed to go wife hunting instead of target hunting?”

  “We’re good at it. I’m awesome at findin’ pussy. This’ll be a piece of cake,” he assures me. “What about Cara?”

  “What about Cara?” I sneer.

  “Give me a break. She’s here givin’ the princess a bath. She’s single. You’ve been waitin’ for her for six fuckin’ years. Take the plunge. There’s no way she’ll stay on the market. The only reason I’m not makin’ a move is because I don’t feel like ending up in your crosshairs.”

  “You touch her and it won’t be my fuckin’ gun you have to worry about,” I warn.

  “Like I said. What about Cara?”

  “I’ve done too much damage there,” I mutter dejectedly.

  “Don’t be a pussy,” he scoffs. “Man up. Get your woman back. Put a ring on it. Be one big happy family and then we’ll get back to work.”

  “That easy, huh?”

  “People are so stupid sometimes. Relationships are easy. People and their games fuck that shit up.”

  “Says the man who can’t get beyond a one night stand,” I point out in a dry laugh.

  “I know the difference. A one-nighter is all I want right now. When I find somethin’ worth keepin’, I won’t walk away from that shit. Grew up with nothin’, Jake. No family. Barely a friend. Nothin’. I’ll know when it’s time. And when that day comes, I won’t be hidin’ on a terrace, freezin’ my balls off like a scared little bitch.”

  “Poetic,” I snark.

  We chuckle a bit at that before I level him with the truth.

  “You can leave if you need to. I don’t know how this is gonna end up. But I’ve gotta make some changes that you didn’t sign up for. The wife plan is a long shot. I need to give Riley stability now. I can’t drag her around to our ops anymore. She deserves more. I can’t ask you to put your career on hold because of us.”

  “Fuck you, Coop!” he roars, slamming his chest into mine. “I’m at your side. In the trenches. In the desert. In the snow. In a watery fuckin’ grave. In a hotel. In a safe house four years ago where you stepped the fuck up for somethin’
no one in my life ever had the balls to do. I’m. At. Your. Side.”

  I nod as he steps out of my face, relaxing his balled fists.

  “Even for bath time?” I question lightly.

  “I’m at your side,” he whispers.

  I wrap him in a rough hug and slap his back hard.

  “And I’m at yours,” I reply quietly, letting him go.

  “Don’t go gettin’ soft on me now that you’re gettin’ wifed,” he says through a chuff as I roll my eyes at him. “Go shopping with Cara. I’ll hang around here and get into some trouble.”

  “You mean someone’s pants,” I joke.

  “I mean some hot chick’s pussy.”

  We saunter back into the suite, chuckling as we go. Once our breakfast is loaded up, Mitch takes the tray into the hall on his way back to his room.

  I love the man. Whorish ways and all.

  Riley’s giggling and squealing as she splashes around in her bubbles. I listen at the door and close my eyes as Cara’s sultry laugh echoes around. I can feel the vibrations in my heart, my soul soaking in the happy sound.

  Cara’s happy.

  Maybe I can be too.

  I head into the bedroom and peel out of my clothes before moving into the bathroom. I can hear Riley and Cara on the other side of the wall until I turn on a scalding shower.

  Resting my palms on the stone tile, I dip my head forward and let the water flow down my back. My muscles are sore. I haven’t worked out since everything in Chicago. I’m used to putting a few hours in at a gym every day or working myself to exhaustion.

  I stayed awake all night after Sawyer left. I laid in bed next to Riley and watched her face, illuminated by the moonlight streaming in the windows. I thought about what her life’s been like up to this point. What she’s seen. What she’s been through. What haunts her.

  I whispered promises to her. The same promises Kat made to me years ago as she held me after yet another crippling nightmare. I don’t have nightmares anymore. Mom cured me of that. Her love chased away the demons of my sleep.

  You’ll never be alone again. I’ll watch over you, protecting you even as you sleep. I’ll love you as much as you deserve to be loved. You’re safe. You’re safe.

  I kept saying those words last night. I’ve said them since I got Riley. But last night, I could hear Mom’s voice even though my lips were producing the sounds. I can do this for Riley. I can be her father without craving blood. She deserves that father. I owe her that father.

  I scrub my skin with hotel soap, lathering myself as I think. My right hand skims over the scar on my left shoulder, stabbed on an op a few years ago. I run my fingers over the scar below my ribs. My Riley scar. It falls between the edges of my eight-pack, but I can feel it. My memories of that day are jagged. I remember the day and Riley clearly, but the rest is like an unfocused image beneath the surface of my mind. Something more was going on that day.

  I force my mind back there.

  Agent Cash was so eager for me to take Smith out. The days leading up to the hit, he seemed stressed, nervous almost. I figured he was worried about securing the slaves so I could get my shot off. But the more I think about it, something was off.

  I rinse myself quickly and hop out of the shower, slinging a towel around my hips. I stride to the hotel phone and dial Mitch’s room.

  “Yeah,” he answers irritated as a woman’s moan sounds in the background.

  “I think Cash has somethin’ to do with Riley,” I growl.

  “What?” he hisses, telling his conquest to hold on. “What are you talkin’ about?”

  “He was a nervous fuckin’ wreck before the op. How the fuck did Smith get the drop on him and his partner? Now his partner’s in a wheelchair, riding a desk. Cash is still in the field. Still on the human trafficking team. I’m tellin’ you, he was in on it.”

  “You don’t have shit to prove that theory, Coop. You can’t accuse an agent of somethin’ like that based on a gut feeling four years after the fact.”

  “I just fuckin’ did.”

  “Okay, let’s say Cash is dirty. Why would he wait four years to make a move?”

  “I don’t know.”

  He pauses for a moment, considering my words.

  “You think Cash set us up?” he questions in an irritated tone.

  “I think someone in the DCA is a rat. I think someone in the DCA helped get Riley out of a fuckin’ safe house in Chicago. I think only Shane, Roman, you and me know about Riley. Cash is the only one who makes sense, Mitch. Think about it.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Yeah. I’ll call Roman once we’re back. I’m tellin’ you, this is all about the Palo Alto op and the agents involved.”

  “Let me know when you get back. I wanna be there for this conversation.”

  “I’ll call. Try to have your dick put away by then,” I tease.

  “Give me a few hours then,” he purrs, but it’s not at me as female laughter filters in the phone before the line goes dead.

  There’s a soft knock on the bedroom door as I hang up. I pull it open expecting to find Riley, but instead I’m graced with the beauty of Cara.

  “Sorry,” she gasps at the sight of me, turning her head away.

  I chuckle at her reaction, but make no move to shield my body from her.

  “I just wanted to let you know Riley’s outta the bath and ready to go,” she murmurs at the floor.

  “Eyes up here, sweetheart,” I say gently, tipping her chin up with my finger.

  She blushes. She fucking blushes just like she did all those years ago. I hold her green eyes for a long while in silence, soaking in every fleck and shimmer.

  “I missed you,” I whisper.

  “I missed you too,” she whispers back.

  I brush my thumb across her cheek and she leans into my touch. My dick stirs. That’s all it takes. Cara moving toward me is all I need to get hard. It’s pathetic and true.

  I press my lips to her forehead, leaving my mouth there for longer than I should as I breathe her in.

  “I’ll be out in a minute,” I mutter into her soft skin.

  When I pull back, she has tears in her eyes. Cara doesn’t cry. Another badass trait she gets from her sister. But she’s allowing me to see her vulnerable side. She’s always shown me that part of her.

  After another moment, she locks down her emotions, tears never spilling. And when she walks away from me, her shoulders heave with a shaky exhale.

  I shut the door and rest my head against the cool wood, forcing my dick to calm down. It would appear Cara and I need to have a conversation. Because if she looks at me like that again, I can’t be held accountable for my actions.

  I tug on my boxer briefs and some jeans before yanking a navy thermal Henley over my head. I should shave the stubble off my face, but we need to get going. I have the feeling this is going to be a long day.

  Once I have my boots on my feet, I shove my wallet in my pocket, retrieve my 1911 from the bedside table, settle it in the back of my jeans and then pull on my brown leather coat.

  Good to go.

  I stride out of the bedroom and stop in my tracks as Riley and Cara steal my breath. They’re swinging each other around singing that fucking song from Frozen, very off key with smiles on their faces.

  My girl’s in a dress. She has black spandex shit on her legs and a charcoal sweater dress on over them. The color makes her light grey eyes pop more than they already do. Her hair has another braid in it, running across her hairline and laying on her shoulder.

  She’s beautiful.

  “Hey,” I call out and they stop in their tracks, Riley hopping over to me.

  “Princess Cara brought me clothes. And she fixed my hair. And she sang with me!”

  I pick her up and nuzzle her neck with my stubble, dissolving her into unrestrained laughter.

  “You look beautiful,” I whisper into her skin.

  She hits me with the dimples when I look at her. Cara beams a full mouth smi
le at us and I feel my chest grow.

  This is what love should feel like.

  Shopping sucks.

  How can something so mundane be this intense? When I shop, it’s simple. I walk into a store. I pick some shit. I pay for that shit. Then I leave with my shit. That’s not how girls do it. I never knew that’s not how Riley wanted to do it. I’m at a loss in the father department, yet again.

  “What do you think?” Cara asks me for the millionth time today.

  “Whatever she wants,” I respond the same way I have every time she’s asked.

  “You’re spoiling her,” she says sweetly.

  “She deserves to be spoiled.”

  “Yeah, she does.”

  Riley’s currently trying on her sixth pair of shoes. She can have a hundred for all I care. The smile on her face is worth it.

  “Anything else, Mom?” the salesman asks Cara.

  “I think we’re good,” she croaks.

  I rub her spine to ease the tension. There’s no point correcting the guy. We look like a family. He’s just being polite. Riley didn’t hear him because she’s standing on the other side of the store looking at herself in the mirror. No harm done, yet it’s making Mitch’s wife plan pop in my head.

  “Are we done yet?” I whisper in Cara’s ear. “I need a nap.”

  She snorts at me, pushing against my abs. I don’t budge, instead I pull her close to me with an arm around her shoulders. When she wraps an arm around my waist, it feels right. This is where she should be. Always.

  We gaze into each other’s eyes for a while, soaking in the comfort. We still need to talk, but some things are better expressed without words. I have to show Cara I’m not a flight risk. I can say it until I’m blue in the face, but she won’t believe me. I lied last time. I didn’t mean to, but it doesn’t change the outcome.

  “I’ll get Riley while you check out,” Cara says, pulling away from me.

  I walk a few feet to the counter to pay a ridiculous amount of money for tiny shoes.

  “Riley!” Cara shouts as I pass cash over.

  I shoot my gaze in her direction and see panic covering her features. I scan the store, my eyes darting to the door at the other end. Fuck!