Never Just a Memory Read online

  As the Tremore people drifted away and Perry went off to hoe the garden, Tom fronted Lottie and Jill. His expression was implacable. ‘Do you girls think you can manage with Granddad and Midge for the rest of the day? I need to see Louisa.’

  ‘I suppose.’ Lottie shrugged amiably. ‘It’s about time you and her came to a firm decision together.’

  ‘I don’t mind,’ Jill said. Tom was her second best friend, she hated seeing him so downcast, and it was a little disconcerting, as if her security here was being threatened.

  ‘Why the rush, Tom? Can’t you ring her?’ Emilia said. ‘We’re a bit pressed for time now.’

  ‘Mum, I really need to see her.’

  Tom looked as if he was going anyway. It was rare for him to be this stubborn. ‘Go along then. I’ll feed Paul, then help out too. Tilda can watch over him.’

  He shot away to the back stairs to wash and change.

  ‘What’s got into him?’ Emilia said. ‘You don’t think he’s put out because Perry’s going to give you away, do you, Lottie? Your granddad is happy for him to do it. I never thought about Tom.’

  ‘It can’t be that,’ Lottie replied. ‘He’s always taken it for granted that Perry would walk me down the aisle.’

  ‘He was all right until Faye mentioned Louisa’s guest, Mr Ash,’ Jill observed.

  ‘Oh, yes,’ Emilia recalled Tom’s earlier discomfort. ‘I wonder what it’s all about. Not trouble, I hope.’

  Tom flew along the lanes on his bicycle and was on Louisa’s doorstep within twenty minutes. He was puffing and sweat was trickling down his back. He wiped moisture off his brow. The house was quiet. There was no sign of his intended fiancée in the downstairs rooms and he crept up the stairs. He found her sitting at Mr Ash’s bedside, watching him sleep. She didn’t know he was there. She was looking down at the sick man so tenderly, she was even holding his hand. Tom watched from narrowed eyes.

  ‘Has he taken a turn for the worse?’

  ‘Oh! Tom! I had no idea you were there. He’s very tired. Is something wrong? You look so serious.’

  ‘Come downstairs, Lou. We need to talk.’

  He stood back so she could lead the way, then he kept close to her heels, breathing down her neck.

  Louisa was unnerved. She knew what this was about. Faye had mentioned Bruce’s presence and Tom wanted to confront her about it, to be told the whole truth. Still she hedged, putting the kettle on for tea. ‘Have you come about the wedding?’

  ‘I think you know why I’m here,’ he said in a grave tone. ‘Faye asked me about Mr Ash. Why I was keeping him a secret. Now I want to know why you’re keeping him a secret. I won’t be fobbed off any more. Who the hell is he? Were you once involved with him?’

  ‘Don’t be silly! What exactly did Faye tell you?’

  ‘Nothing. She was interrupted. Well?’

  She swallowed the constriction in her throat. ‘You aren’t going to like it.’

  ‘I’ve already worked that out.’

  His sarcasm made Louisa flinch. ‘Please don’t glare at me, Tom. This isn’t going to be easy. I took a poor suffering man into my house knowing who he was and that I could not reveal his true identity. After I fell in love with you, I wanted to tell you who he was but I couldn’t.’

  ‘Why on earth not? There should have been no secrets between us. I’ve had enough, Louisa. Tell me who the bloody man is.’

  Louisa looked him straight in the eye. ‘I’m going to, but first let me warn you that I will not let you challenge or upset him in any way. In a sense it’s really none of your business, and I’m only going to tell you the truth because we’ve been so close and we might have a future together. His real name is Bruce Ashley.’

  Tom had heard the name only a few times over the years when family history was being discussed. It was a name that brought hurt and shame, quickly followed by silent tongues. ‘Bruce Ashley?’ He stormed about the room. ‘The man who ripped my Uncle Tristan’s life apart, who took Jonny’s mother away from him, as good as killed her? No wonder you didn’t want to tell me.’

  He bore down on her in quick, hefty steps, forcing her to move back until she was trapped between him and the larder cupboard. ‘Well, thank you very bloody much, Louisa! This shows exactly where your loyalty lies. You’ve admitted you even took that bastard in knowing full well who he was. It’s not as if he tricked you and then you couldn’t find the heart to throw him out. How dare you be so sly! How dare you keep this from me!’

  Louisa was angry too, and indignant. ‘I was afraid what your uncle would do. Don’t forget that I owe Tristan Harvey nothing. He treats me like an outcast. He frightened me the last time he was here but you didn’t even care!’

  ‘Fair enough.’ Then Tom started to shout. ‘But Jonny’s your friend. According to you a very special friend, yet you thought nothing about betraying him. Have you no idea just how vile that man is? He pulled a gun on Uncle Tris, Jonny and Aunt Em. He could have killed them.’

  ‘The gun wasn’t loaded. I know the whole story and he’s genuinely sorry. He’s eaten up with remorse. The reason he came back was to visit Ursula’s grave because he still loves her. He’s trying to make amends.’

  ‘He’s left it years too late for that. He deserves to die in the gutter. That’s where you should have left him.’

  ‘I thought you loved me for the very reason I couldn’t ever do such a thing.’

  Tom looked at her with pure distaste. ‘I don’t think I know what I fell in love with. I don’t think I know you at all.’

  ‘And I can say the same about you. You may not approve of what I’ve done but you haven’t got the right to attack me so viciously over it. Are the Harveys the only people who matter in this world? Have you never heard of forgiveness and letting go of the past? Your family isn’t perfect. I could throw a long list of scandals about them in your face, but I choose to overlook others’ shortcomings. I think you’d better go.’

  ‘You’ve got very fond of that old cad, haven’t you?’ Tom sneered.

  ‘Yes, Tom,’ she hissed. ‘Very much so.’

  He pulled back from her. ‘I can only thank God that I’ve been saved from making the biggest mistake in my life.’

  ‘And I too! Get out. I never want to see you again.’

  Tom hurtled out of the house. He made to mount his bicycle but he was so frantic he let the handlebars drop and fell down on the doorstep. For several long moments he had no control over his limbs and felt sick and dizzy. How could this happen? In a few short hours, his life had fallen apart. And to the woman he had so admired and thought he’d loved, had banked his future on, he had said the most terrible, unforgiveable things.

  When Bruce needed attention he rang a little china bell. He was ringing it urgently now. Louisa went up to him, forcing her watery legs to work. ‘My dear, what’s happened?’ he croaked, trying to sit up. ‘Who were you quarrelling with?’

  She sat on the bed, close to him. ‘It was Tom. It was terrible, Bruce. We’re finished.’ The shock and numbness left her and she started to cry, the huge, bitter tears of the heartbroken.

  Bruce lifted his weak arms to her. She leaned forward and carefully laid her head against his shoulder. ‘Was it because of me? Does he know who I really am?’

  ‘Yes, he knows all about you, but the way he reacted… I never thought Tom could be so beastly,’ she sobbed. ‘He was hateful. He turned, it was as if he hated me.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’ Bruce found the strength to stroke her hair. ‘You didn’t deserve that.’

  After a few moments of his comfort, she whispered, ‘Bruce, don’t leave me yet. I need you.’

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  The sun was golden, dazzling and bright, as if paying homage to her wedding finery when Lottie stepped down from the trap, which was decorated, like the iron lychgate of the church, with wild flowers and ribbon. Perry had scraped enough blooms from the garden to make bouquets for her, and for Jill, in her new hat and frock, and Adele
Harvey, fair and prepossessing in WRENS uniform.

  ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this, darling?’ Perry couldn’t help a twinge of disappointment at seeing the verges packed with ribbon-bedecked American vehicles.

  ‘Pappa…’ She laughed blissfully. ‘I hope Tom won’t be too miserable and Louisa will come.’

  ‘Never mind them,’ Jill said, unfolding her long veil. ‘It’s your day. Enjoy every minute of it.’ Repeating for the umpteenth time, ‘You look so beautiful.’

  Lottie felt herself floating through the church towards Nate, so handsome in his dress uniform. The small stone building was packed to bursting, with family, friends, and GIs, a couple of American officers, and ooing and aahing villagers in the back pews, many on their feet.

  While the vows were being exchanged, Jill glanced at Tom. Sometimes he stared ahead, sometimes he looked at Lottie and forced a smile. Sometimes he kept his head down, sometimes he turned round and gazed through the crowds, no doubt looking to see if Louisa had turned up. He wouldn’t tell anyone why he and Louisa had finished. Everyone was dying to know who her mystery house guest was, surmising Tom’s misery could only be something to do with him. Faye had been questioned, but her description of the man wasn’t that of a love rival. ‘I’ve phoned Louisa but all she’d say was that she doesn’t want to talk about it.’ Poor Tom. He was so miserable. What was it all about? Louisa didn’t seem the sort to simply throw him over, particularly as she had been sleeping with him.

  Tristan was wondering about Tom too. When he had asked him if there was anything he could do, Tom had snapped, ‘You’ve done enough already!’ What did he have to do with Tom’s and Louisa’s broken romance?

  Pearl tugged on his jacket. ‘Do I give it now, Uncle Tris?’ With Faye’s help she had made a cardboard, tinsel-covered horseshoe to give to the bride.

  ‘Not yet, poppet. When we go back outside.’

  Faye was next to them, with Simon. She had thought to leave him with Agnes, knowing that otherwise she would be in for a lot of whispers behind raised hands from the gossips and the righteous, but she was proud of her son and refused to hide him away. Some people were kind, assuming her sweetheart had been lost in battle before they could marry. I’m happy enough for now, she thought. I don’t envy Lottie the possibility that she might soon lose Nate.

  It was hot and stuffy in the church and the doors had been left open. Excited gasps broke out as someone came in. Everyone looked round, including Lottie and Nate, hoping it was Louisa. The person coming up to the front, full of smiles, was Jonny. ‘Sorry I’m late,’ he said gaily. ‘Do carry on.’ To Tristan’s delight, he squeezed in beside him. ‘Brilliant to see Adele here.’

  Lottie thought she would die with joy. Perhaps Louisa would arrive and run up to Tom and they’d make it up here and now. She wasn’t given to romantic fancies but today she’d believe in anything.

  Mr and Mrs Nate Harmon left the church under an American guard of honour.

  Sidney Eathorne stood aside with the crowd when the family photographs were taken. Inclining his head here and there, he let forth exclamations of loud admiration and stage whispers. ‘Doesn’t the bride look a picture? It’s the dress her mother wore when she married the squire. What do you call that colour? Pink? Coral? Course, her mother was two months gone… I wonder… Understandable why Mrs Em’s so weepy, she must be thinking that Will should be here taking the pictures. God rest him.’

  With Edwin driving the pair of ponies, Lottie and Nate entwined their fingers and kissed all the way to the Methodist rooms for the reception, only stopping to wave to well-wishers. Nate jumped down and lifted Lottie off the trap and kept her in his arms. ‘Are you thinking what I’m thinking, honey?’

  ‘That it’s here where we first met.’ She kissed his lips.

  ‘I love this place. We’ll have a party here for the baptism of our first baby.’

  ‘Hey, mate!’ A lorry load of squaddies drew up. The driver leaned out of the window. ‘We don’t like you stealing our women.’

  Nate grinned back at the frosty face. ‘Sorry about that. You and the rest of the guys want to come inside for a drink?’

  ‘You’ve twisted me arm,’ the driver called back. There was hoots of cheerful agreement from the others.

  Lottie gasped as over a dozen young men in khaki birthed from the canvas at the back of the lorry and landed on the scrap of pavement. The driver drove the lorry off out of the way. ‘Nate, we won’t have enough food and drink to go round.’

  ‘Don’t you worry, Mrs Harmon. Herv and I dropped off a few things before we went to the church.’

  The squaddies hurried to the social rooms’ doors and raised their arms to form a guard of honour. Lottie was thrilled to enter the reception with her husband in this way. The soldiers stayed there until everyone had filed in to be greeted by the bride and groom.

  ‘You all right, Mum?’ Lottie asked Emilia. ‘I wish Will was here too.’

  ‘I’m fine. At least we’ve got Jonny.’

  Jonny was badgering his father. ‘What’s all this about Tom and Louisa? I couldn’t believe it when Sidney told me. What went wrong?’

  ‘I don’t know, son. Perhaps they realized they just weren’t suited.’

  ‘We’re not,’ Tom blurted out over Jonny’s shoulder. He was unsteady on his feet. He had got hold of some black-market single malt and had already drunk half the bottle. ‘She’s not what she seems to be.’

  ‘What does that mean, old chap?’ Jonny demanded.

  ‘Don’t “old chap” me. I’m not a bloody Brylcreem boy.’ Tom lurched and Jonny grabbed him and held him upright.

  ‘I’m not going to allow you to wallow in bitterness like Uncle Ben over a lost love. Outside. Now. No arguments. You’re not going to spoil Lottie’s day or upset Aunt Em.’ Jonny dragged him out of the back door.

  The field at the back of the social rooms was where the village held most of its annual events. Owned by Ben, it had been ploughed up, currently planted with turnips, but there was enough grass left for those at the reception to spill outside, to lay down picnic rugs and eat and drink in the sunshine. Jonny frogmarched Tom to a quiet corner. ‘What the hell’s going on? You might be my cousin but I swear if you’ve done anything to hurt Louisa I’ll give you a bloody good thrashing.’

  Tom had not struggled against the humiliating ejection from inside. He fell back against the hedge, ignoring the hawthorn bushes scratching his back and ripping his suit; defeated, utterly wretched. ‘I said a few harsh things to her, out of jealousy, I admit, but because she hurt me. God, Jonny, she’s been keeping secrets from me. She left me out of one of the most important things to her. How can I ever trust her again?’

  ‘What secrets? Damn it, Tom, I can’t believe Louisa could ever do anything to cause you this much misery. She’s too good, too pure. You’re not saying she’s got another bloke?’

  Tom fought to clear his vision, then stared at the man so directly involved in the mess. ‘I can’t tell you. I won’t, not even if you beat me into the ground. You must ask her. It’s up to her if she tells you the truth.’

  ‘It’s that serious?’

  ‘It should never have happened. I’m sorry for you, Jonny.’

  ‘For me? This is getting silly.’ Jonny chewed his lip. ‘I’m going to see her. Do you promise to sober up and behave?’

  ‘You have the Harvey oath. Now bugger off!’

  ‘I’m beginning to wish I’d never got leave.’ Jonny strode away.

  Left alone, Tom straightened up and saw to his askew tie. Someone was gazing at him. Jill. She was about the only one he could tolerate right now. ‘You look lovely,’ he said, making the effort not to slur his words.

  ‘Do you want me to keep you company?’

  ‘Yeh. Thanks. Better get some food or something. Don’t want to put a dampener on things for the happy couple, or Mum making a fuss.’

  ‘I’m sorry about you and Louisa,’ she said, as she strolled inside on his a
rm.

  ‘Typical Jill.’ He found a real smile at last. ‘This is the first time you’ve mentioned it. You never pry. You’re just… you. A really good friend. Perhaps I ought to snap you up. Take you and this lot back to the church in double quick time.’

  ‘It’s not me you’re in love with, Tom.’

  ‘Perhaps I never really was with Louisa. Well, I’ve blown it with her now.’

  ‘You don’t know that. Perhaps when you’ve both had a little time and space everything will work out.’

  ‘It’s not as simple as that.’

  Jill was burning to know more but as always stayed discreet. ‘The band’s warming up. There will be some music and singing soon. Let’s try to enjoy ourselves today. We don’t want to give Sidney Eathorne anything else to talk about.’

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  ‘Surely we’re close enough friends for you to tell me what went wrong between you and Tom,’ Jonny urged Louisa. ‘It’s upset you so badly you’ve even stayed away from the wedding.’

  ‘It’s personal.’ She was in the kitchen, sorting out used clothing into piles for washing and reuse or unsalvageable stuff for the rag and bone. It made the room smell musty and seem Dickensian bleak.

  ‘So you keep saying, Lou, but I don’t buy it.’ He didn’t like seeing her so pale and fragile, as if a single unkind word would snap her in two. There was no doubt she was very tired, but it was as if her youth had been drained out of her, as if the vital ingredient that made her so ineffably lovely and gentle was in danger of being all used up. ‘Tom was a ladies’ man and my first thought would have been that you’d caught him out with someone else, if not for this business with your lodger. What’s the deal? Are you going to tell me who this Mr Ash is?’