Fact. Fact. Bullsh*t! Read online

  Like small cats, snow leopards purr but cannot roar.

  Fact. Snow leopard tails are extremely flexible and can grow to more than a meter long, nearly as long as the cat itself! They are stocky with stores of fat. The mass of the tail makes it even more effective for balancing, and for face-warming at night.

  Fact. Snow leopards carry a lot of symbolic meaning in Central Asia, where you’ll find them on many coats of arms, badges, emblems, and even some currency.

  THE ELEPHANT!

  Elephants are the only surviving members of the scientific order Proboscidea, which once included the 26-foot-long Stegodon, the Platybelodon with its huge shovel-shaped tusks, the Cuvieronius with its long spiral-shaped tusks, the Anancus with tusks as long as its body, the huge and shaggy wooly mammoth, and the similarly hairy American mastodon.

  We often see elephants as gentle giants, but in truth, they are often very aggressive, violent, and dangerous. Recently, in India, elephants have mounted raids against human villages, killing hundreds of people.

  While the human body contains approximately 2,000 major muscles, there are nearly 10,000 muscles in an elephant’s trunk alone!

  Fact. Asian and African elephants are the only members left of what was a big, diverse family of enormous mammals.

  In English, we often facetiously use the term “proboscis” to mean nose, but it actually means “an elongated appendage on the head of an animal.” A butterfly has a proboscis, as does an elephant, and you could make a case that my Uncle Mort does as well.

  Fact. Elephants have been killing people and destroying villages in India, and, scarily, the incidents appear to be increasing in frequency. Many experts believe that the attacks are actually vindictive–a response to poaching and destruction of their habitat.

  Elephant violence and aggression aren’t new, though. Trained war elephants were used in battle by the Greek general Pyrrhus of Epirus, and the Carthaginian military commander Hannibal.

  Bullsh*t! In terms of major muscles, an elephant’s trunk has 40,000, and broken up into the individual muscle units, it has more than 100,000!

  The human body only has between 600 and 900 major muscles, depending on your criteria.

  A full-sized elephant, with its trunk alone, can lift objects in the neighborhood of 500 pounds. The trunk is also dexterous and sensitive enough to pick a single blade of grass or take a coin from the ground.

  THE MANATEE!

  Manatees belong to the order Sirenia, which comes from the Latin syreni, meaning “mermaid.” The name “manatee” is believed to be derived from the Carib word manati, which means “breast.”

  A manatee can grow as long as 12 feet and can weigh nearly 4,000 pounds! It makes sense that they can be so large–their closest living relative is the elephant.

  While Florida manatees typically swim too deep to be threatened by recreational boat traffic, there have been a handful of cases where manatees have been injured by collisions with hulls and propellers. Recently, an individual manatee was discovered with scar patterns from a record three separate boat collisions.

  Fact. It’s a common theory that the mermaid sightings of Christopher Columbus’s day were, in fact, sea cow sightings. Manatees do have mammary glands near their armpits.

  Fact. Manatees are mammals, and are believed to have evolved from four-legged land creatures some 60 million years ago. They are closely related to the order Proboscidea (the elephants) as well as the order Hyracoidea (the hyraxes). Manatees have a prehensile upper lip that shows similar properties to an elephant trunk, though it’s not nearly as long!

  Though manatees can grow to be 12 feet long and weigh nearly 4,000 pounds, an average one would be a little over 9 feet long and weight around 1,000 pounds.

  Bullsh*t! Manatees typically graze at a depth of 3 to 6 feet, and are frequently mutilated, maimed, and occasionally killed by collisions with boats and boat propellers.

  It is common to discover manatees bearing the scar patterns of more than ten separate boat or propeller collisions, and one was discovered with evidence of more than fifty separate collisions.

  Many individuals have been observed with gruesome disfigurements due to the slicing-and-dicing of motorboat propellers, including gaping wounds, severed tails, and exposed lungs.

  The manatees are tough, however, and, amazingly, often survive.

  THE TYRANNOSAURUS!

  Tyrannosaurus rex was a coelurosaur of the Saurischian order, and of the suborder Theropod, from which all modern birds evolved. Cousins to the Tyrannosaurus, all modern birds (including my pet parakeet, Stanley) are dinosaurs.

  The Tyrannosaurus was one of the largest land carnivores ever, and could grow to over 40 feet long and 13 feet tall at the hip. There were larger bipedal carnivores, however, including the Spinosaurus and the Gigantosaurus, both of which looked very similar to T. rex.

  T. rex was dominant during the Jurassic period, which lasted from about 250 million to 200 million years ago and saw the dawn of dinosaurs.

  Fact. Although there is still some token scientific dissent to the idea, most paleontologists now agree that birds are avian dinosaurs. The evidence is strong enough now that we feel confident calling it truth.

  T. rex was a member of Coelurosauria, which is a group (“clade”) of theropod dinosaurs closely related to birds. T. rex was a saurischian, which means “lizard-hipped.” All carnivorous dinosaurs were saurischians.

  Finally, Tyrannosaurus was a theropod, which describes both a suborder of carnivorous saurischian dinosaurs, and the clade of those dinosaurs and their descendents, including birds.

  Fact. The Gigantosaurus was slightly larger than Tyrannosaurus, but its brain was half as big. Spinosaurus was bigger than both Tyrannosaurus and Gigantosaurus, and had a big, scary “sail” of elongated spinal bones.

  Bullsh*t! Although the movie Jurassic Park implies otherwise, Tyrannosaurus did not live during the Jurassic period. It came much later, in the Cretaceous period.

  The Triassic period, not the Jurassic, was 200 to 350 million years ago, and the first dinosaurs appeared then. The Jurassic (or the Age of Reptiles) was about 200 to 145 million years ago, and the Cretaceous was about 145 to 65 million years ago. All three periods make up the Mesozoic era.

  T. rex existed during the tail end of the Cretaceous, in the vicinity of 67 million years ago, and was one of the last non-avian dinosaurs to walk the earth before the major extinction event.

  THE SWAN!

  The largest native North American bird (by weight and length) is the trumpeter swan, which can tip the scales at 38 pounds, can grow to be 6 feet long, and have a nearly 10-foot wingspan. It is the largest waterfowl on earth.

  Swans may look pure, but they are actually quite promiscuous, mating often and with many partners. Most species of swan are polygamous: During a breeding season, a female will mate with several males, with the result that a single clutch of eggs could have several fathers.

  In England, all unmarked mute swans are technically property of the Crown. There is an annual ceremonial swan census on the River Thames called “Swan Upping.” A crew of Royal Swan Uppers in scarlet uniforms row for five days, all the while counting swans, and are led by a man with the prestigious title of “the Queen’s Swan Marker.”

  Fact. Turkeys can be heavier, and the California condor can have a wider wingspan, but the trumpeter swan is larger than both when you count all factors.

  The largest bird in the world is the ostrich, which can grow to 9 feet tall and weigh 400 pounds. The largest bird ever was the elephant bird of Madagascar, now extinct, that could have weighed up to 900 pounds and was regularly more than 10 feet tall.

  Bullsh*t! Swans have long been one of the shining examples of monogamy in the animal kingdom. A swan will form a bond with one partner that can last for many years, and sometimes for life. This is one of the main reasons that swans are a symbol of love.

  Our cherished view of the sanctity of swan “marriage” is under attack, however, as rec
ent studies have shown swan “divorce” to be more common than previously thought, and mute swans have been documented to form same-sex bonds.

  Fact. The tradition began in the twelfth century, when swans were a rare and royal delicacy for the dinner table. Today, the tradition is upheld for the sake of conservation.

  When the Royal Swan Uppers pass Windsor Castle, the rowers stand at attention in the boat and salute “Her Majesty the Queen, Seigneur of the Swans.”

  THE OTTER!

  Otters are in the same biological family as badgers, polecats, weasels, stoats, minks, and wolverines.

  Giant otters, also known as river dogs, are native to the Gulf of San Jorge, off the coast of Argentina. A fully grown male giant otter is typically between 7 and 8 feet long, and will weigh upwards of 300 pounds!

  Sea otters have the thickest fur of any animal in the world, boasting between 600,000 and 1 million hairs per square inch. Altogether, each sea otter has around 800 million hairs on its body.

  Fact. Otters and the others are members of the family Mustelidae, from the Latin mustela, for “weasel.”

  Although they all share the same family, biologists believe otters are most closely related to minks and weasels.

  Bullsh*t! Don’t be ridiculous. Giant otters, also known as water dogs, and in South America as river wolfs, aren’t that giant. They’re native to the Amazon River, in the northern half of South America. Males are about 5 feet long and weigh about 80 pounds.

  There are reports of giant otter skins measuring over 7 feet, but this size is not typical, and has not been seen in quite some time, likely a result of the big guys being poached.

  Sea otters often weigh more than giant otters, tipping the scales at up to 100 pounds.

  Fact. If you’re wondering just how hairy that really is, we typically have about 100,000 to 150,000 hairs on our whole head. (Unless you’re bald as a doorknob, like me.)

  Sea otters’ fur is so thick that their skin doesn’t get wet when they swim. This makes up for the fact that they have no blubber to keep them warm as seals do.

  Sea otters are one of the only non-primate species of mammal in the world that uses tools. They use rocks to break open the shells of clams, mussels, snails, and crabs to get to the tasty morsels inside.

  THE SHARK!

  The smallest species of shark is the dwarf lanternshark, which is typically between 6 and 7 inches long. The largest is the whale shark, which can grow longer than 40 feet, and is also the largest existing species of fish.

  Sharks have the hardest bones of any fish. Recovered shark ribs, naturally pointed, were believed to be among the first tools used by our prehuman ancestors.

  One of the rarest species of fish in the sea is the megamouth shark, which was only discovered in 1976. In the decades since then, there have been fewer than 100 sightings or specimens reported. Scientists still know very little about the big, flabby bottom-feeder.

  Fact. The longest known dwarf lanternshark was 8.3 inches. The little guys have only been spotted in a relatively small area of the Caribbean, off the coasts of Colombia and Venezuela.

  The longest known whale shark was measured at 41.5 feet. The heaviest recorded weighed in at more than 79,000 pounds!

  Bullsh*t! Sharks, like rays and skates, are cartilaginous fish–a shark skeleton has no bone, and is made up of cartilage and connective tissue, roughly half the density of bone. Sharks are very unique in this way: The vast majority of fish are Osteichthyes, which do have bony skeletons.

  On top of that, sharks have no rib cage at all. Because of this, a shark on land would be in great danger of being crushed by its own body weight.

  Fact. The megamouth is aptly named, since it is characterized by its large head and big rubbery lips. By 2010, only fifty sightings or specimens had been reported of the megamouth, making it a rare fish indeed.

  In 2009, Philippine fishermen accidentally caught one of these monsters of the deep in their nets. They promptly sautéed it in coconut milk and declared it delicious.

  THE KOALA!

  Koalas are herbaceous omnivores, native to Western Australia and Tasmania. Dependent on the rainforest for survival, they are a critically endangered species.

  The male koala has a bifurcated penis (two for the price of one!), and female koalas have two lateral vaginas and two uteri.

  Koalas sleep between sixteen and twenty-two hours per day, because of their incredibly slow metabolism and their poor diet. They spend between two and five hours a day eating.

  Bullsh*t! Koalas live in woodlands, not rainforests. They are native to eastern and southern Australia, and are not found in Western Australia or Tasmania. Koalas are not herbaceous (the word describes plants), and they are not omnivores, but herbivores.

  They are also not critically endangered, but there may be fewer than 100,000 individuals in the wild.

  Fact. Strange but true. Most male marsupials have some version of this “double” penis. Female koalas have a “vaginal apparatus” that consists of two lateral vaginas, each connected to a separate uterus.

  Fact. Koalas subsist entirely on leaves, their favorite being eucalyptus leaves. It is an odd choice, since eucalyptus leaves are low in protein and high in toxins and indigestible fibrous matter. Having a low metabolism and sleeping quite a bit help koalas conserve the massive amount of energy they need to digest and process such difficult food.

  THE LIGER!

  Hybrid cats such as the liger, a cross between a male tiger and a lioness, are completely infertile. In the wild, a liger could never happen: It takes human intervention, veterinary attention, and careful planning in captivity to create the delicate conditions appropriate for a lion and tiger to successfully mate.

  Ligers are the largest cats in the world. Hercules, a 900-plus pound, 12-foot-long liger from South Carolina, holds the Guinness World Record for biggest living cat and is larger than both his parents combined.

  Ligers are far from alone in the hybrid big-cat animal kingdom. There have been confirmed cases of jaglions, liguars, leoliguars, jagupards, leguars, lijaguleps, leopons, lipards, leoligulors, and tigards.

  Bullsh*t! Ligers and their counterparts, tiglons, were long thought to be infertile, but this turns out to be incorrect. Male ligers and tiglons are sterile, but females are often fertile. In one example, a 1975 pairing between a lion and a female liger resulted in a cub (referred to as a li-liger) that was successfully raised to adulthood.

  The liger, by the way, is a hybrid cross between a male lion and a tigress. When a male tiger and a lioness mate, the result is a tiglon. Ligers are much more common in zoos and parks today than tiglons.

  It does not take human intervention or careful planning for ligers to be produced. In fact, most of the ligers in captivity were produced by accident. In the wild, lion and tiger mating is extremely unlikely, mainly because lion and tiger habitats, in general, don’t overlap. But it could happen, and many biologists think it has.

  Fact. Ligers’ huge size is a result of hybrid vigor, which means Hercules inherited the best traits from both species. Hercules is said to be able to run at 50 miles per hour and to eat more than 25 pounds of meat a day.

  Fact. All are very real. My favorites are the lijagulep, the result of a male lion mating with a female jagupard or leguar, and the leoligulor, the result of a male leopon (which is actually fertile) mating with a liguar.

  Zebroids (zebra and horse), pizzlies (polar bear and grizzly bear), and wholpins (dolphin and false killer whale) are all real too.

  THE UNICORN!

  While the mythical unicorn never existed, the single-horned monoceros did. Last observed by Dutch biologist Petrus Plancius in 1613, sightings of the monoceros, a nomadic antilocaprid most closely related to the giraffe, were extremely rare, and usually at night.

  In 1663, in Germany’s Harz Mountains, a fossilized skeleton was constructed that appeared to be a unicorn. It was assembled by scientist and inventor Otto von Guericke, and later examined by philosopher and mathe
matician Gottfried Leibniz, both of whom concluded that it was, in fact, a unicorn.

  A “unicorn bull,” with a large single horn growing out of the middle of its head, was the wonder of a 1933 cow herd. The “unicorn” was the undisputed leader of all the other bulls, and it had the same gentle, docile temperament that is often attributed to the mythical unicorn.

  Bullsh*t! Monoceros, first observed by Dutch cartographer Petrus Plancius in 1612 or 1613, is a constellation on the celestial equator. Monoceros is Greek for “unicorn.”

  Antilocaprids were real horned mammals related to giraffes, and the only existing one today is the North American pronghorn. The pronghorn has two horns.

  Fact. The skeleton had no hindquarters and was missing part of its spine. Still, spectators flocked to the ridiculous-looking thing.

  Modern analysis revealed the skeleton to be a combination of mammoth and rhinoceros bones.

  Fact. The “unicorn bull” existed, but was not a product of nature. Dr. W. Franklin Dove of Maine University actually used surgery to produce the unicorn effect. When the bull was a calf, Dove removed the two horn buds and replaced them in the center of the skull. As the horns grew, they fused together, making a single large, straight horn.

  The spear on the bull’s head was a very effective weapon, and the other bulls quickly learned not to challenge the unicorn. As a result of being secure in his power, the bull developed a very gentle manner.