Fact. Fact. Bullsh*t! Read online

  Frogs are biological wonders: They have no external ears, a great many are able to breathe and drink through their skin, and most frogs actually have teeth.

  Bullsh*t! Taxonomy makes no distinction between frogs and toads. In fact, contrary to widely held belief, all toads are frogs. This explains why they resemble one another so closely! All frogs and toads are amphibians of the order Anura, and many species of frog and toad come from the same family.

  Fact. A pacman frog will sometimes even try to swallow things it can’t get its mouth around, such as rodents twice its size. Unfortunately, this practice typically causes the frog to suffocate and die. Such frogs are fearless and some will actually leap at and attack anything that threatens them, even if vastly overmatched, such as a human.

  Pacman frogs will even try to swallow other pacman frogs, including their mates. For this reason, pet stores helpfully suggest you keep them in separate tanks.

  Fact. Rather than ears, frogs have tympanums, a structure similar to a drumhead. Frogs do have inner ears.

  Frog skin is water-permeable, which means water can be absorbed through the skin. Many frogs absorb oxygen in the same way. The permeable skin does leave frogs vulnerable to drying out, which is why we often observe frogs crouching in water.

  Most frogs actually do have teeth, generally in the form of one row of upper teeth, or maxillary teeth. They often have teeth further back on the roof of their mouths as well, or vomerine teeth. Frogs never have lower teeth. The teeth aren’t used to chew–frogs generally swallow their food whole.

  THE SKUNK!

  Keeping skunks as pets is illegal in many states, and in all of Canada. Still, there is a major underground movement advocating the little stinkers as excellent companion animals. Much like declawing, pet skunks are routinely de-scented by a veterinarian-performed surgical procedure.

  The word “skunk” comes from the Algonquian word segonku, which literally means “one who squirts.” The German word for skunk is Stinktier.

  The skunk’s powerful scent is emitted from a single small gland at the base of the tail. The skunk only has enough juice for one healthy spray before it needs to “recharge,” but it is a doozy: It can spray up to 9 feet!

  Fact. Once the scent gland is removed, skunks make excellent pets. Domesticated skunks are intelligent, curious, and can be very loving and cuddly. At press time, about 30 percent of states allow skunk ownership. There are many activists in other states and Canada pressing for legalization.

  Some qualified vets can perform an operation to remove the scent gland. In the U.K., owning skunks as pets is perfectly legal, but the operation is not, making the idea thoroughly impractical. (Unless you have no sense of smell and hate houseguests.)

  Fact. “Skunk” is a corruption of the Abenaki word segonku or segongw. The Abenaki people are a subdivision of the Algonquian nation.

  Bullsh*t! The skunk has two anal scent glands, one on either side. The skunk can blast a full spray five or six times before it needs to let the chemicals build up again, which can take over a week. The skunk can spray with great accuracy, and up to 16 feet!

  Anything that can spray you with its butt up to six times from across the room is something worth avoiding at all costs.

  THE COCKROACH!

  The cockroach is so hardy that some species can survive without food for a month, can be submerged for forty-five minutes or more without drowning, can regenerate lost limbs, and can even walk away after being nuked in a microwave.

  The green banana cockroach is a popular pet because of its bright green color and ability to fly, while the Florida woods cockroach is not because of its ability to emit a very persistent, very foul odor.

  The Central American giant cockroach is the heaviest insect in the world: It routinely grows to lengths of 5 inches or more, and can weigh in at nearly 60 grams, or about as much as eleven U.S. quarters.

  Fact. Cockroaches truly are incredible little creatures. Perhaps most shocking is their ability to sometimes survive a microwave oven at full blast. There are two main explanations for the phenomenon:

  First, roaches have very little water in their physical makeup. Microwave radiation causes water molecules in our TV dinners to vibrate, which causes friction, and, consequently, heat.

  Second, microwave ovens do not spread their heating power uniformly throughout the chamber. Many have carousels to keep the food moving through the most intense focus points of the heat. A savvy cockroach can actually flee to the coolest parts of the oven.

  Fact. The green banana cockroach is lime green and generally not regarded as a pest since they prefer to remain outdoors. They are very strong flyers.

  The Florida woods cockroach is often called a palmetto bug or a skunk roach.

  Bullsh*t! The heaviest insect in the world is the goliath beetle, native to Africa, which can grow to more than 4 inches long and weigh in at 100 grams or more, which is about the weight of a newborn kitten.

  The heaviest cockroach is the Australian burrowing cockroach, which can reach 3.5 inches in length, and weigh in at 30 grams. The Central American giant cockroach routinely grows to the same length, but is nowhere near as heavy.

  THE BABOON!

  Baboons are large terrestrial monkeys with a dog-like muzzle. Unlike many monkeys, they do not have a prehensile tail. There are five species of baboon, and they are some of the largest examples of non-hominid primates.

  The reason that many baboons have bright red butts is because of their accretion disc, a large, sensitive gland that regulates hormones in the primate’s body. It serves a dual purpose–a baboon flashing its crimson rear end is a signal of aggression and a warning to potential predators.

  In Egyptian mythology, Babi was a baboon god. Babi was bloodthirsty and a consumer of souls, and one of the gods of the underworld. Babi was also believed to be the god of the virility of the dead. Ancient Egyptians would pray to Babi in order to avoid impotence in the afterlife.

  Fact. Baboons are Old World monkeys. New World monkeys are known for their prehensile tails, which are tails that have adapted to gripping, grasping, and manipulating objects. Baboons have tails, but cannot grip anything with them.

  The five species of baboon are the chacma baboon, the guinea baboon, the olive baboon, the yellow baboon, and the hamadryas baboon.

  Bullsh*t! When a baboon displays its backside, it is a sign of submission, not aggression. When females are ready to mate, their bums will get pinker and more swollen, and she will display it. Males will even present their butts to other males when they want to capitulate.

  Baboon rear ends are protruding because of ischial callosities, which is a fancy name for calluses. They make the baboon’s bum less sensitive, so they can sit for long periods of time and even sleep while sitting in a tree.

  Accretion discs are structures formed by diffuse material in orbit around a central body, such as a star or black hole. They are space phenomena and have absolutely nothing to do with baboon butts.

  Fact. Babi or Baba, roughly translated, means “Bull of the Baboons.” Babi was the son of Osiris, god of the dead, and was said to stand next to a lake of fire in the underworld and devour the souls of the unrighteous.

  Many ancient Egyptians believed that living baboons were actually dead ancestors.

  THE HUMMINGBIRD!

  The world’s smallest living bird is the bee hummingbird, native to Cuba. The bee hummingbird grows to the same length as the short side of a standard business card and weighs less than one.

  Hummingbirds have the highest metabolism of any living animal. The fastest heart rate ever measured in a hummingbird is 450 beats per minute. Fast living means fast dying: Hummingbirds have a lifespan of about a year.

  Hummingbirds hover by beating their wings at an extremely high velocity–often as fast as 100 beats per second. Hummingbirds routinely fly at 30 miles per hour, and can dive at 60 miles per hour. They are the only species of bird that can fly backward.

  Fact. The bee hummingbird gr
ows to slightly less than 2 inches, and weighs less than 2 grams. That’s less than the weight of a dime, and less than the combined weight of two one-dollar bills! (It’s less than two hundred-dollar bills as well, for that matter.)

  A bee hummingbird nest is about 1 inch wide, and bee hummingbird eggs are about the size of a pea.

  Bullsh*t! You could only claim that hummingbirds have the highest metabolism of any animal if you exclude insects. A blue-throated hummingbird was once measured to have a heart rate of 1,260 beats per minute.

  Such a high metabolism means hummingbirds have to consume several times their weight in nectar per day, and are constantly only hours away from death by starvation.

  Still, they soldier on, and are longevity wonders when you take into account their incredible metabolic rate. Average American hummingbirds live for three to five years, and several species routinely live for longer than a decade. One hummingbird in captivity lived for seventeen years.

  Fact. There is actually quite a range in wing beats per second–the giant hummingbird’s wings beat about nine times per second, medium-sized species beat around twenty times per second, and the smallest species can get up to a hundred.

  Hummingbirds can rotate their wings and actually get power from both the upstroke and the downstroke. As a consequence, they can hover and fly side to side, as well as forward and backward. No other birds can do this; physicists are actively studying hummingbirds in hopes of improving our own understanding of aerodynamics.

  THE PANDA!

  Pandas are by far the most expensive animal to keep in American zoos. They are five times more costly than the elephant, which is the second most expensive.

  Pandas, like all bears, are members of the scientific family Muridae. Their closest evolutionary relatives are dogs, of the family Canidae. The panda’s closest living relative is Ailurus fulgens, or the red panda, which is extremely dog-like.

  Pandas are notoriously reluctant to mate in captivity. Many outside-the-box methods to encourage reproduction have been attempted, including showing the lazy bears “panda porn” and even dosing them with Viagra.

  Fact. The biggest culprit is the Chinese government, which regularly charges foreign zoos $1 million per year per panda on loan. If cubs are born, then China increases the price, by another $500,000 or so.

  Pandas require upwards of eighty pounds of bamboo per day for their diet, which only adds to the price tag.

  Bullsh*t! Pandas, like all bears, are members of the scientific family Ursidae. (Muridae are mice.) Ursidae’s closest relatives are the superfamily Pinnipedia, which, believe it or not, are comprised of seals, walruses, and sea lions.

  The panda’s closest living relative is the South American spectacled bear.

  Dogs, walruses, bears, and skunks are all members of the suborder Caniformia, which means that bears and dogs are more closely related to each other than they are to other mammals such as rodents, cats, kangaroos, and humans.

  Red pandas are not bears at all, and they are extremely cat-like.

  Fact. Panda breeders in China have all but torn their hair out in search of ways to encourage copulation. Among the many things they have tried are artificial insemination, special herbs, Viagra, and showing videos of pandas mating, popularly referred to as “panda porn.”

  THE COW!

  The sport of cow-tipping has been debunked as being largely myth. It would be impossible for one or two people to tip over a full-sized, healthy cow. Five people could conceivably do it, but only if the cow were rigid and completely unresponsive, which is unlikely, since cows do not sleep standing up.

  Cows have four stomachs, each of which perform a unique digestive function. They are called the triclinium, the caldarium, the apodyterium, and the puteus. The triclinium is the largest.

  Cattle use 30 percent of the world’s land surface (there is one cow for every five people on the planet), and are one of the very biggest contributors to harmful greenhouse gases in our atmosphere, even ahead of cars! The majority of the gas released comes from cow burps, farts, and poop.

  Fact. Cows do not sleep standing up, but they can doze while chewing their cud. Still, cows are wary and easily disturbed, so sneaking up on one would be particularly difficult.

  According to a 2005 study by zoologists, tipping over a cow would require 2,910 newtons of force, or the equivalent of 4.43 people. This would require the cow to be as still as a statue. Cows, like most animals on legs, would brace themselves against the force, which would make them even more difficult to tip.

  Bullsh*t! Technically, cows have one stomach with four compartments. They are called the rumen, the reticulum, the omasum, and the abomasum. The rumen is the largest.

  Triclinium, caldarium, apodyterium, and puteus are all architectural features of ancient Roman bathhouses.

  Fact. There are an estimated 1.3 billion cattle in the world, and roughly 6.77 billion people.

  The automotive industry produces rawer CO2 than livestock, but if you measure CO2-equivalent gases, cattle production as a whole produces 18 percent of human-related greenhouse gases released into our atmosphere, which is more than cars. The livestock sector produces 37 percent of anthropogenic methane (which has twenty-three times the global warming potential of CO2), 65 percent of anthropogenic nitrous oxide (296 times the global warming potential of CO2), and 64 percent of anthropogenic ammonia emissions (which causes acid rain).

  The methane comes from “enteric fermentation,” which is science speak for burps and farts, and the nitrous oxide comes from manure, a.k.a. poop.

  THE SQUIRREL!

  The Himalayan mole, the Florida water rat, and the pygmy beaver are not moles, rats, or beavers at all: They are actually each a species of squirrel.

  A flying squirrel doesn’t in fact fly, but glides from tree to tree. It does so with help from its patagium, a furry membrane that stretches between its limbs to form a kind of wing. It can use its tail as an airfoil, increasing drag when it needs to brake and land on a tree branch.

  While most squirrels are known for eating seeds and nuts, the

  thirteen-lined ground squirrel, native to North America, is much more vicious: In addition to seeds and nuts, it is known to eat insects, birds, mice, snakes, and even other thirteen-lined ground squirrels.

  Bullsh*t! The Himalayan mole is a mole, the Florida water rat is a muskrat, and the pygmy beaver does not exist.

  But, believe it or not, the chipmunk, the marmot, and the prairie dog are all squirrels.

  Fact. Flying squirrels have been recorded gliding as far as 295 feet!

  Another good name for a flying squirrel is “bird food,” since they are heavily preyed upon by nocturnal owls.

  Fact. Thirteen-lined ground squirrels are omnivorous, and around 50 percent of their diet is meat.

  As the name suggests, these squirrels have thirteen alternating brown and white lines running the length of their bodies. They are also sometimes known as the leopard squirrel, the striped gopher, or the squinney.

  THE EARTHWORM!

  Earthworms are hermaphrodites, and have both testes and ovaries. However, an earthworm cannot fertilize itself.

  A study by Rothamsted Research suggests that rich farmland can have as many as 1,750,000 earthworms per acre, which means, on a dairy farm, the worms below can easily outweigh the livestock above.

  The giant Palouse earthworm from Washington State is the world’s longest species of earthworm, regularly growing to lengths of up to 7 feet.

  Fact. Earthworms do copulate with each other to reproduce. When they do, both individuals release sperm to fertilize the other’s eggs. Earthworms have a thick band, called a clitellum, which oozes a thick fluid sometime after copulation to make a cocoon. The earthworm deposits its own eggs and the other worm’s sperm into the cocoon.

  Some types of earthworm can reproduce by themselves via parthenogenesis. But this process is asexual and produces a clone.

  Fact. Darwin, in his time, was a great student of the ear
thworm. He suggested that each acre of garden land contained 53,000 worms, a figure that Rothamsted Research has significantly increased with their recent findings.

  According to Rothamsted, even poor soil can have as many as 250,000 worms per acre.

  Bullsh*t! The world’s longest earthworms are African giant earthworms, which have been recorded to grow as long as 22 feet and can weigh in at more than 3 pounds.

  The giant Palouse earthworm is still a shocking specimen–they are albino, sometimes more than an inch thick, and can grow up to 3½ feet long.

  THE SNOW LEOPARD!

  Classified as “small” cats, snow leopards make up for their diminutive size with a powerful jump: A snow leopard can leap 20 feet in a single bound.

  Snow leopard tails are thicker and longer in proportion to their body than other big cats. These chunky tails are very useful in helping the snow leopard balance on steep slopes, and are wrapped around the body and face of the cat at night, acting effectively as a blanket.

  The snow leopard is the symbol of the Girl Scouts Association of Kyrgyzstan.

  Bullsh*t! Snow leopards are sometimes classified as medium cats, and sometimes as large. They can leap as far as 45 feet in a single bound (3 feet shy of the length between half court and a basketball net). This incredible bound is useful for the ambush, which is the preferred method of hunting for the snow leopard.

  Snow leopards are typically between 31 and 50 inches long, making them, mathematically, medium-sized. Other mediums are cougars, ocelots, lynxes, and mountain lions. Big cats such as lions and tigers are much larger than the snow leopard, and small cats, such as the Andean mountain cat and the margay, are much smaller.