Emotions Series 01 Silent Emotions Read online
SILENT EMOTIONS
SUMMARY: Torres and Harry become engaged which leaves
Tom feeling a terrible sense of loss and despair. After an
unfortunate 'accident.' Torres feelings for the pilot change
dramatically. In the meantime, Harry finds a soul mate in
Betazoid Alera Lerise. Rated R for violence, sexual situations,
and mature themes.
ASSUMPTIONS: Story takes place approximately four years after
Voyager's entry into the Delta Quadrant and assumes Tom wasn't
able to significantly demonstrate his interest for B'Elanna
before. Also we assume that Seven of Nine hasn't showed up yet,
and to be honest probably won't, and that Kes is still on
Voyager.
DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns Voyager and its characters. We've only
borrowed the characters to satisfy our own creative urges. Alera
Lerise and a few assorted other minor characters though are ours
and ours alone (that is unless someone else wants to borrow them
and give us credit). Archiving is okay, just e-mail us. Please
keep disclaimer and our names attached.
RECOGNITION OF APPRECIATION: A very special thanks goes out to
our beta reader Donna Thelen for not only beta reading our text
but for providing input, encouragement, and allowing us to use
her chat room while writing this story.
SILENT EMOTIONS
Rated R 7/98 (P/T, K/f)
by: Marleena ([email protected])
PJ in NH ([email protected])
Chapter 1
"As it comes with one of the privileges of being the Captain, I
am proud to offer the first toast," Janeway said with a smile on
her face as she held a fluted glass of champagne up towards the
couple. "Congratulations B'Elanna and Harry on your engagement,"
murmurs of concurrence could be heard around the room. "May your
pending marriage be happy, fulfilling, and...productive?" she
concluded with an un-captain-like giggle as many of the guests
joined her in laughter including the future bride and groom as
they all raised their glasses to the couple before all the
guests sipped the champagne.
Everyone seemed to be enjoying celebrating the impending
marriage, smiles were worn on every face, every face save for
Voyager's Chief Pilot who lingered toward the back of the room
with a still untouched glass of champagne in his hand. He had
been thankful that the Captain insisted on making the toast. He
doubted even if he wore his best mask that he could have pulled
it off successfully, for there before him the only woman he had
ever truly loved and his best friend had just announced their
engagement. He couldn't figure out how he hadn't noticed how
serious the relationship between the two of them had become. It
had always seemed to him that they acted more like friends around
each rather than lovers.
Several people had talked to him and commented on how happy the
pair seemed to be and how beautiful B'Elanna looked, not noticing
how quiet the normally gregarious pilot was. Tom had to agree
with them, as he looked at the couple, they seemed happy and
B'Elanna certainly was beautiful. He always knew she was
beautiful but she was absolutely ravishing when she allowed her
Klingon half to express itself, which looking at her now, seemed
to be completely hidden.
It was as if someone were calling her name though no one spoke, but
as B'Elanna lifted her head towards the imagined voice her dark
eyes encountered the penetrating blue eyes of Tom Paris.
Seeing B'Elanna look at him he raised his own glass in
acknowledgment and tried unsuccessfully to put a grin on his
face. She returned the gesture by saluting him with her glass.
make you the perfect husband. Perfect in every way, but one. I
can't imagine him being able to bring you the excitement that I
know you crave, that you deserve, but I could have my dear and
would have done it most willingly and lovingly. God, B'Elanna,
it should have been me up there with you. What went wrong?>
B'Elanna turned her head toward Harry's to show him that Tom had
finally shown up to attend the celebration. Harry bestowed a
chaste kiss on her cheek. As they both turned back to where the
pilot had been standing, they found that space was now empty --
empty that is except for one untouched, unnoticed glass of
champagne that had been left on a nearby table.
"You're relieved Carmichael," Paris said as he approached the
helm.
"Sir?" the young pilot asked surprised to see the Lieutenant
return to the helm during the middle of the engagement party.
"Don't you want to attend the party, Mick?" Tom asked trying to
keep the pain he felt hidden.
"Of course, but . . ."
"But nothing, you've been working very hard lately and you
deserve to have some fun. Now go!" Paris ordered with a
pasted-on smile.
"You're sure sir? I would have thought that you would want to
stay, after all Ensign Kim and Lt. Torres are friends of yours.
I don't really don't mind staying at the helm."
"You got me Mick, so I'll tell you the truth," he said as he
lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper and dropped his
head down next to the junior pilot's ear. "I noticed that Nanine
Harris was at the party all by herself. Seemed to me that she
could use a little company and you know me, I'm not one to stand
in the way of romance
"Na . . Nanine?" Carmichael stuttered.
was attracted to Nanine?> he wondered.
"You're not going to tell me that you're not interested in her
are you?"
"No, sir," Mick confessed as he willingly relinquished the helm
to Paris.
"Then have a good time, and if anyone wants to know why your not
on duty, just tell them that the controls were giving you a
little bit of trouble and I relieved you."
"Yes, sir!"
The young pilot hurried for the turbolift as Tom reviewed the
current status of the helm with a grim expression on his face.
Fortunately where he sat up in the front of the bridge, no one
could see the sorrow and regret etched on his face.
Ensign Alera Lerise watched the couple stare at the untouched
champagne glass. She could sense their dismay at the owner of the
glass leaving. She was half-Betazoid, so sensing someone's
emotions came easy to her. What was not easy was talking to those
people whose feelings she could sense.
Lerise ran a hand through he dark blonde hair as she remembered
the emotions she received from the young man that had quickly
left a moment ago. She had nev
er felt such powerful emotions from
anyone before. It had touched her so deeply, she almost cried
when she felt them. She wanted so much to reach out to him, but
her shyness prevented her from following him. She turned back to the
couple, and walked closer to them. She could now hear their
conversation.
"Maybe he had something to do on the bridge, Harry," Torres
suggested, "You know how he is when he knows that someone else is
piloting the ship."
Harry nodded, but he was still concerned about the untouched
glass of champagne.
B'Elanna though understood. She was the same way with her
engines.
Speaking of which,"Look, Harry," Torres began, "I hate to do
this, but I have something in Engineering that I left Vorick to
look at. I want to see if he made any progress."
Kim nodded, and Torres left for Engineering. Kim continued to
stare at the glass and wondered.
Lerise felt Kim's worried emotions, and she decided to take
action. She walked over to Kim and spoke in a voice she never
knew she had.
"Hello, Ensign Kim," she said, "I wanted to congratulate you."
"Thanks, Ensign...?"
"Lerise. Alera Lerise. I **usually the Gamma shift."
Kim nodded, "Thanks, Ensign Lerise."
Lerise could feel his sorrow, so she asked what was wrong.
"Tom left so quickly. It's unlike him to leave a party this
early," Kim answered as if he was remembering a
dream, "He didn't even touch his champagne."
Lerise looked at the glass, "I felt powerful emotions from him.
He felt so lonely and isolated."
Kim nodded, "Ever since the Captain had him pretend to be an
insubordinate, the crew has had a hard time trying to trust him
again. A lot have accepted him, but others, like Chakotay,
still think he will revert again. It's like they're waiting for
him to screw up again."
Lerise stared at the doors to Sandrine's. She believed it was a
lot more than just feeling people distrusted him. It was almost
as if he had lost something that was very important to him.
"Listen, Lerise," Kim interrupted her thoughts, "I have to get
back to the Bridge. I'm sure Tom will be better tomorrow. I'll
see you later."
Lerise watched him as he wove his way through the crowd to the
exit. She could still sense the confusion flowing off of Kim. She
also felt his concern for his friend.
"I hope Tom will feel better tomorrow," Lerise whispered to
herself, "If not, I feel he may never be himself again."
* * * * * *
Paris sat on the floor of his cabin with a bottle of synthenol in
one hand and his back to the wall gazing out the view port as a
myriad of thoughts and emotions coursed their way through his
brain. He thought about what had happened that evening when the
engagement had been announced and how he felt, like a molten lump
of lava rested in his stomach. Sometime after he returned to his
cabin in the early hours of the morning, the molten lump had been
replaced with a cold empty feeling -- a feeling of despair and
loneliness. Normally the movement of the stars streaking by the
ship was comforting to the pilot, but it brought no solace
tonight. He hadn't realized until he had lost her to another man
just how much he loved the half-Klingon, how much his hopes and
aspirations had been centered on B'Elanna Torres and a hope of a
future together. If only he had had the courage to voice his
feelings to her maybe they would have had a chance. Some chance,
he mused, how could someone whose Klingon half, which places
such emphasis on honor, love and commit to a future to someone
like him?
* * * * * * *
In the darkness of Kim's cabin, B'Elanna nestled her head against
Harry's shoulder as he drifted off to sleep, his arm encircled
around her waist. She wished she could drift off to sleep like
he had after their lovemaking but she was still unfulfilled, she
needed more. Normally after they had sex, Harry would roll over
on his side and immediately go to sleep which afforded her the
opportunity to slip out of bed, grab her gear and head to the
gym. If only he had done that tonight, she thought, she really
needed to work off some excess energy that their lovemaking
hadn't provided.
you found someone that wanted you -- that
cared enough to ask you to marry him. If you hadn't grabbed the
opportunity then, you would have always been alone. You might
never have found anyone else. It could be worse after all,
you're friends, you love him, he loves you, and anything else is
just superfluous.>
But no matter how much she tried to convince herself that it
didn't matter, a part of her yearned for more, wanted to
experience the Klingon blood fever that she had always heard
about and had always written off as an exaggerated, boastful
tale. Every time she and Harry made love she became ever more
convinced that it was all a myth or something that only full-
blooded Klingons experienced.
After a long while her breathing slowed and became more shallow
and she too drifted off to sleep. A sleep that was accompanied
by dreams, dreams of the engagement party and the strange look on
Tom Paris' face and the solitary glass of champagne.
Chapter 2
Walking into the mess hall the next morning had been difficult,
but Tom was determined to try his best, try to pretend that
nothing had happened yesterday.
winning smile that says 'I'm Tom Paris don't you wish you were
me.' You can do it ol' boy, you've had a lot of practice over
the years.>
"Hey, Tom," Harry said as he slapped him on the back. "Come and
join me, B'Elanna's running late."
"Ah . . . sure, just let me get something to eat," he said and
joined him at a table towards the rear of the mess hall."
"So did you have a good time last night?" Harry asked with a grin
on his face reaching from ear to ear.
"Yeah, great," Tom said trying to be cheerful, "Sorry, I had to
go to the helm, but Carmichael needed some help."
"No problem, I know you would have stayed around if you could."
Tom proceeded to push the food around his plate, taking only tiny
bites. Even a full stack of pancakes with real maple syrup
wouldn't have tasted good this morning, he mused.
"I can't wait for the wedding it's really going to be something,
just wish my parents could be here," the ensign gushed.
"Ah, huh. Sounds like you have it all figured out?"
"Yep, B'Elanna going to be dressed in a white lace gown, we'll
say my family's traditional vows, rice will be thrown, and before
you know it we'll be husband and wife," Kim explained not
noticing that Paris did not share his joy.
"Dressed in white lace you say? What does B'Elanna say about
that?" he asked not quite being able to picture the engineer
dressed in such a manner.
say about it. White's traditional, all the brides in my family
wear white."
"But not for Klingon's, Harry, I believe they favor red leather,
and their vows are quite moving from what I've been told."
"Red leather?" Harry questioned. "Not for MY wedding."
Tom raised his eyebrows "I thought is was yours AND B'Elanna's
wedding?"
"Oh it is, but red leather for a wedding? You've got to be
kidding?" Harry asked incredulously.
"But it's part of her heritage, Harry."
"Yeah, but every time that heritage comes out she regrets it,
look at Carey when she broke his nose and there have been other
occasions," he said trying to defend his statement.
"She regrets it? Or do you regret it Harry? Be honest with
yourself. Don't forget she's half-Klingon and it's a very
important part of B'Elanna. I've seen both halves -- each one is
unique, and you're marrying all of B'Elanna not just the human
half. I hope you can handle it." Tom said passionately and more
forcefully than he normally would speak to his friend.
"Don't you think I know all that Tom?" Harry said trying not to
draw attention by raising his voice. "After all she's going to
be my wife and I . . . I just know what's best for her."
"What's best for her or for you?" Seeing how upset Harry was Tom
decided he had said a lot more than he had intended. "Look,