All I Ever Wanted Read online

  I was assaulted by memories so vivid it was like being transported back in time. I was stupid, so damn stupid. I’d given myself to Kennedy Hale because I was dumb enough to believe he actually liked me. He’d been flirting with me relentlessly every time I hung out with Bree at his house. It wasn’t until afterwards that I’d noticed all the little comments, the small touches, and the teasing had been done in private. Where there weren’t any witnesses.

  When he’d asked me to take a walk down by the lake last year at Winterfest, I thought he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend—or at the very least, out on a real date.

  I couldn’t have been more wrong. Once we were out of view of the festivalgoers, we sat by the lake and started making out. Kissing led to his hands under my skirt as he tugged my black fishnets down and thrust his fingers inside me. It was kind of uncomfortable, but it was the first time anyone had ever done that to me so I had nothing to compare it to.

  “You feel so good, Pinky,” he grunted into my ear.

  “Mm,” I mumbled against the stubble on his cheek. He smelled like expensive cologne and beer. I still hated that smell. Like rubbing alcohol and old bread.

  “You on the pill?” he asked, unbuttoning his jeans.

  “Um, no.”

  He frowned like I’d disappointed him somehow. Pulling a condom out of his wallet, he grinned like an evil villain in one of my mom’s old movies. I watched, suddenly feeling like a spectator in my own life, and tried to grasp a coherent thought about whether or not I actually wanted this.

  “Easy, Hale. Ow,” I’d complained at the unexpected pinching feeling when he tried to enter me.

  His handsome face contorted in pain and what I convinced myself was concern. “You okay? Want me to stop?”

  “No, I’m good. Promise.” I didn’t want to be a tease or a chicken. But I was scared shitless. The sick thing was, what finally convinced me to go through with it was the thought of what would happen after. All the bitches from high school—the ones who’d called me a freak and a dyke—would have to eat crow when I walked through town on the arm of Kennedy Hale. They’d all wanted him, but he’d chosen me. Or so I thought.

  Thankfully it didn’t last long. It hurt like hell but nothing like what he did after.

  “Hey, this was fun, Pink. But I should get going.”

  When he stood to leave and didn’t kiss me or hug me or even offer to walk or drive me home, reality hit me so hard I saw black spots in my vision.

  Afterwards he didn’t even have the decency to ignore me like a normal asshole would’ve done. No, he just continued on as if nothing had happened. Still teasing me about my pink streaks in my hair and pretending he hadn’t taken something I could never get back. Well, he didn’t take it so much as I gave it to him, but under false pretenses because I’d been barely nineteen and extremely stupid. We’d fought at the bonfire the last night of Winterfest.

  “So what, Hale? You just hit it and quit it?” I’d overheard his friend Craig say to him.

  I dropped my marshmallow mid-roast.

  “None of your—”

  “Do the drapes match the curtains?” Craig snickered, and my blood scorched my veins. My fists clenched with the desire to punch both of their cocky asses right in the face.

  I turned to where they were standing right beside me. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Outraged did not being to describe how I felt. “You told Craig? Nice. Especially considering you’ve been pretending like you’ve developed severe amnesia every time you get near me.”

  “Don’t be dramatic. Jesus. This isn’t high school,” he said low in my ear.

  The prickles that broke out over my flesh pissed me off. “Grow the hell up, Hale. You are such an ass. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe your bullshit.” I stood, prepared to give him a good telling off and make my exit, but he grabbed my arm.

  “Take it down a notch, Everly. My parents are here.”

  “God forbid Mommy and Daddy find out what a condescending dick you are. Wait, knowing your parents, they’d be proud.”

  A brief smirk crossed his face as if he agreed with me, and then his douche of a friend broke in. “Hey, Hale, if you’re all done, can I take a crack at her? I got a thing for the feisty ones.” He smacked his lips at me, and I lunged.

  “Easy,” Kennedy said, holding me back by my arms.

  “Dude, she’s standing right there,” Craig chimed in, his attempt at being funny.

  “Get your damn hands off of me,” I growled at him. “Right now. And do not ever come near me again.”

  He released his grip on my arm and started to walk off, mumbling something about “immaturity,” and I lost my shit.

  “Immature is sleeping with someone and then being too much of a coward to deal with the aftermath. Immature is gossiping with your tool of a friend about it.”

  “You made your point,” he said, turning to give me a look like I was lucky to even be permitted to address him in public. And he wished I’d stop.

  “I don’t care whose son you are. You can fuck right off, Kennedy Hale,” I screamed at his retreating figure.

  Yeah, he was right. I was a screamer.

  For the rest of that night, Bree and Jubb had both tried their best to comfort me. But I waved them off. I’d been an idiot and I deserved the pain that followed. How I’d ever convinced myself that a guy like Kennedy Hale would be genuinely interested in a girl like me was beyond me. Too much of Sami’s spiked hot chocolate, I guess. I sat alone by the lake, crying until the sun came up.

  “Cohen!” I heard someone shout, pulling me out from under my painful memory. Dax was running toward us. It took me a few seconds to figure out why.

  Jubb had Kennedy pinned on the ground and his fist raised above his face.

  “Jesus! Jubb, don’t!” I reached them at the same time Dax did and we both worked to yank Jubb off of Hale.

  My mind swam, past and present swirling around me as I tried to figure out what in the hell was going on.

  Justin

  I couldn’t even see straight for how badly I wanted to mangle his goddamn face. “She’s a screamer,” he’d said. Because he knew what it was like to be inside Everly. And I didn’t. The bastard had taken her virginity last year and treated her like garbage afterward. I’d been pretty damned desperate to break his pretty boy face ever since.

  I almost wanted to thank him for giving me an excuse. Except I saw it. How deeply his words cut her. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t give to keep her from having to feel that type of pain. Ever.

  Her voice pulled me from the depths of my rage, and I looked up after only managing a glancing blow to his jaw. It was a mistake, because I could see that she really was upset about me wanting to drill my fist through the pathetic fucker’s face.

  But her hazel eyes, blazing into mine, pleading with me not to, were enough to stop me. This time.

  “Get up. While you still can,” I said to Hale. A few adults made their way toward us, and Everly’s grandpa eyed me hard.

  “What’s the trouble, boys?” he asked, making me feel eight years old again.

  Fighting the urge to shove my hands in my pockets and stare at the ground, I kept my glare on Golden Boy. “No trouble, Pops. Same old, same old.”

  Hale stood and bowed his shoulders out, like that intimidated me. He must’ve been completely fucking mental not to realize how close he’d been to spending the night in the hospital.

  I’d lain awake for the past year, dreaming of ways to make him pay for hurting the girl I cared about more than anyone. Ways involving my fist, his face, and a whole lot of blood. I’d back off just before beating him unconscious so he could beg Everly for forgiveness in front of the entire town.

  “All right, well, clear out. Festivities are about to start.” Pops put his hand on my shoulder and gave a slight shake of his head as Hale backed away, glaring at me. “Mayor’s son, Jubb,” he reminded me under his breath. “Cool it.”

  “Yes, sir,” I
said through gritted teeth. Yeah, I fucking knew who he was. I also knew that she didn’t write a single song lyric after he blew her off last year. The light in her eyes had dimmed and she’d put a wall up after that. I didn’t blame her for it, but I’d been trying my damnedest to knock it down ever since.

  Everly’s sweet voice broke in. “It was a misunderstanding.” She wrapped her arm around my waist and tugged me toward the parking lot.

  “I’ll get things set up here,” Dax told us as we left. “I’ve got Alex to help out. Don’t worry about little ol’ me.”

  I should’ve thanked him or something, but I couldn’t. My head was still buzzing from the adrenaline rush. Testosterone pulsed through me hard and fast, making my head throb. My fist clenched in pain at not getting to sink it into Hale’s face. When I glanced over at Everly as we drove three blocks to her house in silence, I was afraid of myself. I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer.

  Her full lips begged to be kissed. The pain she still carried around needed to be soothed. With my mouth. I wanted to kiss every inch of her, whisper in her ear that she was beautiful and amazing and that I needed her so badly it hurt. My tongue ached to lick that thin strip of skin I saw peeking out at me from under her shirt in the van. And a whole bunch of other places. Taste her, bite her, claim her.

  “You okay, Jubb?” Her eyes were full of concern when she looked up at me from under her thick, dark lashes. The kind of concern no one had ever had for me. Just her. Always her.

  I gave her a quick nod and smirked as if it were a silly question. It wasn’t. My need for her had built to a dangerous level, and Hale had thrown gasoline on my fire.

  We reached her house and she took out her keys.

  I was good until we made it to her door and I caught a whiff of her sweet strawberry scent. She’d used that same shampoo forever, and it had been driving me crazy since we were kids. But we weren’t kids anymore. So I let go. Gave up my death grip on keeping my distance. Stepping into her space, I pressed her up against the door without actually touching her.

  “Jubb, what the hell are y—”

  “Feel that, Ev?” I grabbed her hand and sliding it under my shirt. Her slender fingers grazed my stomach. I pressed her hand against me more firmly. Made her trace the hard ridges of my abdomen.

  “Yeah,” she breathed out, gaping up at me with eyes glinting with heat and panic. “I feel it.”

  “No more Jubb,” I told her. “No more Jubb, or Jubby, or any other childhood nickname you might have had for me. Call me Justin or Cohen. Take your pick. Got it?”

  My face was so close to hers I could hear the sound of her licking her sweet lips. And swallowing. Hard. “Um, okay. W-why not?”

  This was it. Go big or go home. Shit, I was already home. Everly was my home. “Because,” I began, releasing her hand to brace both arms on either side of her head, “Jubby won’t sound as hot when you’re screaming it out later. And if I have anything to say about it, you will damn sure be moaning my name in the very near future.”

  Her eyes widened, and mine drifted down from her burning ones to her mouth then to her heaving chest. This was a start. I had her breathing more heavily at least.

  “Did I miss something?” She stared at me like I’d lost my mind, but strangely enough her hand was still under my shirt. Resting just above my waistband. My dick twitched toward it in anticipation.

  “Yeah, Ev, you did. You missed us not being in the sixth fucking grade anymore. You missed me wanting you so badly I can barely see straight half the time.”

  “Y-you want me?”

  Now I was confused. She appeared to be genuinely shocked. I couldn’t figure out how she could seriously not know.

  I had to reign in every ounce of self-control I had to keep from showing her what she couldn’t seem to see. “I’ve always wanted you. The only thing that’s changed is I’m done fighting it. Done hiding it for some greater good. Because I can’t figure out anything that would be worth not having you.”

  I wasn’t sure exactly what had triggered the urgency, but suddenly I was a burning man.

  Her eyes met mine as she bit her full bottom lip. I ran my thumb over it, tugging until her teeth released it.

  “Jubb—er, Justin. I don’t… We can’t…” she began, giving a slight shake of her head.

  My ego flinched at the rejection in her words. But I could see it, that hungry need in her gaze. She just wasn’t ready for it yet. I’d thrown too much at her too fast. Well that could be corrected.

  “We can, and we will,” I promised low in her ear before stepping back. I shrugged, a vital part of my diabolical plan to play it cool. “But for now, we need to ice that ankle and get you some shoes to wear for tonight. So feel free to open the door.” Jerking my head toward her door, I gave her a wink.

  I probably needed a moment to process as badly as she did. Even though I hadn’t planned on making my move at that particular time and place, I didn’t regret it. Not one damn bit.

  Everly

  My best friend had lost his mind. Or maybe I’d lost mine and had the mother of all hallucinations.

  My hand trembled as I struggled to jam the key into the deadbolt. When the lock finally bent to my will, I opened the door and entered my house on unsteady legs. My body was hyperaware of his every move as he came in behind me.

  I was still struggling to comprehend what I’d just learned.

  Jubby wanted me.

  And he didn’t want me to call him Jubby.

  And he had every intention of making me scream his name. While he was… What the hell was he planning to do to make me scream?

  My mind raced with possibilities.

  “You might want to breathe, Ev. Can’t have you passing out right before the show.” The deep timbre of his voice sent a chill up my spine, and I shivered. He laughed low and soft as I released the breath my lungs had been holding hostage. Jesus. Since when did he have this effect on me?

  Oh yeah. Since he’d pinned me to my front door and promised to make me scream his name.

  “Um, I’m going to grab some other boots and um…” Something. My scrambled brain couldn’t even form a complete sentence. I glanced up at him helplessly.

  “You do that,” he said. “I’ll grab some ice in the kitchen. So we can get it on that ankle.”

  Somehow he’d regained his usual demeanor. Like nothing out of the ordinary had happened up against my front door. I couldn’t seem to get a grip on myself. Once I’d made it to the safety of my bedroom, I gripped my closet door and leaned into it.

  What the hell?

  My entire body vibrated with rattled nerves.

  I caught my reflection in my mirror. Dear God, I looked like death on legs. Apparently driving all over Ohio in a van the day after a show and no sleep did not a vixen version of Everly make. And yet Jubb, shit, Justin Cohen had come at me like…like he had plans of making me scream his name. Which apparently he did.

  Without giving too much thought to why, I darted into my bathroom to wash my face. And brush my teeth.

  After scouring my closet and hating everything in it, I slipped into my mom’s room and nabbed her favorite black strapless cocktail dress. It was tighter and shorter on me than it was on her, but it was sexy and yet it covered my ass, so it won. My ankle still hurt a little, so I grabbed some heels and decided to just carry them until performance time.

  Oh, hell. Performance time. My best friend’s freaking alpha male move had scrambled my brain. I damn near forgot about the show I’ve been dreading like it was my job.

  I was pretty much never home and when I was, all I did was shower, sleep, and do laundry—so my makeup selection wasn’t great. After lining my eyes in smoky gray and dabbing some red gloss on my lips, I tossed my head over and did my best to give my hair some oomph.

  Another glance in the mirror said I wasn’t ready for the runways, but for a stage in Abbott Springs, I’d do.

  I walked out into the living room, and my best friend’s
face told a different story. He stood there with a Ziploc bag full of ice. Both of his brows rose at the sight of me.

  “Damn, Ev. You got a hot date after the show?”

  I scoffed. “No. Shut up.” I tugged at the skirt to make sure all the goods were covered. “That my ice?” I nodded at the bag he held.

  He let his eyes roam over me just long enough to make me nervous. “It is.” He turned toward the kitchen, so I walked into it. Once again, the closer he got, the more my body registered his presence. How broad his chest was. How thick his neck and arms were. The way he smelled. Like soap and dryer sheets and…something a little less innocent. Cologne, probably. An intoxicating scent that probably had some ridiculous name. Whatever it was, they should rename it Everly’s Undoing.

  I hopped up onto the counter and presented him with my swollen ankle. His darkening eyes locked on mine before dropping to my legs. Every muscle in my body tensed as his warm hand wrapped around my calf.

  “Too cold? Want me to wrap it in a towel or something?”

  “Okay,” I responded weakly. The ice might’ve been cold. I wasn’t sure. What I did know was that his hand seared into my flesh and stole my ability to think straight.

  Once the bag of ice was wrapped in a towel, he pressed it against my ankle. He lifted his head and pinned me with those damn eyes. He’d always had the sweetest, most boyish face. Even with a chiseled jaw, he still had a dimple when he grinned. For the first time ever, I allowed myself to admit that I was a fan of his mouth. His lips were thick, the kind of lips women wished they had. And they always looked soft. Kissable.

  Air vacated my lungs as if it had received an eviction notice. Effective immediately. My mind was dead set on imagining what it would be like to kiss my best friend. To be kissed by him. I could only imagine the things he could do with that mouth. And imagine I did.

  “I have an idea,” he announced.

  Me too. I was having several ideas as a matter of fact. His eyes held the type of gleam that made me wonder if he could read my mind.

  “About?” I squeaked. For fuck’s sakes. I was not this girl. Ever since Kennedy Hale had discarded me like yesterday’s garbage, I’d stopped letting people affect me like this. Stopped getting all flustered any time a guy flirted or winked or made some suggestive comments. It had been like flipping a switch. And yet the guy I’d spent nearly every waking second with had flipped it back. Without my permission.