Love’s Unselfish Gift Read online

  * * * *

  I fell asleep after he carried me to bed. A few hours later, I was wide awake.

  “Alanzo?” I shook him but couldn’t awaken him right away. Alarmed, I tried again, this time with a little more effort. “Alanzo? Get up!”

  Sitting abruptly, his wide eyes blinked rapidly, proving I put him in a state of panic. “What’s wrong?”

  “You weren’t breathing.” Obviously, he was very much alive. My lips quivered uncontrollably and I tried to hide my mouth, cupping my hand under my chin.

  He pressed his forehead against mine. “Suzy, honey, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I’d heard similar words before, and I didn’t believe in false promises. Didn’t I already have one deceased husband to prove men didn’t always stick around? Didn’t I have a few exes to corroborate my belief system? Men left whenever they found a better deal, and if they didn’t have another opportunity, they died when their women needed them the most.

  “I couldn’t wake you.”

  “What do you need, sweetheart?” He glanced at his gold watch. “It’s four o’clock in the morning.”

  “Your mother will wonder where we are.”

  “I don’t care,” he stated flatly, biting at my lips and then kissing his way to my ear. “What do you say we pick up where we left off?”

  “No, Alanzo. We need to go back to the cottage.”

  Alanzo fell against the pillows. “We’re not going back, Suzy.”

  I swallowed hard and then digested the way he’d spoken to me. “I’m going. You can stay but…”

  “But what? You’re going back to the home you shared with Marco. Then what are your plans? You’ll have breakfast with Mom. She’ll serve bacon, eggs, and maybe some dry toast along with black coffee, and then you’ll make small talk, maybe argue about the house.” He cradled me in his arms and smoothed my hair away from my face. “And then you’ll wish a thousand times over you were right here with me, Suzy.”

  “No,” I insisted, shaking my head. “I won’t.”

  “So you’re back to this? After what we’ve shared, you’re back to denying what you feel.”

  “Yes,” I said. No. No. No. I didn’t want to fight my feelings, but I needed time alone to think about what I was doing. If I knew Alanzo, he wouldn’t allow it. He’d move faster than Marco. Making a quick decision was what he did best.

  Alanzo always took what he wanted and never considered the consequences. I had always been the exception. Alanzo and I had battled a mutual attraction because he loved his brother and Marco was my husband, the love of my life.

  “At least you’re honest,” he said, giving me a quick peck.

  “Where are you going?” I asked when he eased his way to the side of the bed.

  “Don’t worry,” he replied. “I’m just getting comfortable.” He took a deep breath and then narrowed his gaze. In a stern voice, he said, “If you leave here, Suzy, I won’t come back when you’ve grieved all you can grieve. I won’t hold you in my arms and then watch you run back to the memories you can’t salvage at my brother’s cottage. Now, either curl up behind me and go to sleep or come on over here and love me again. That’s exactly what you need and want to do.”

  Maybe he was right.

  * * * *

  Thirty minutes later, I found more pleasure in Alanzo’s body.

  “Oh, God, Alanzo,” I whispered, riding his cock and letting him work my legs the way he wanted them moved.

  His dick locked into the very place a woman needs a man to stroke, hitting that special spot with each and every timed erotic punch. “Good God, woman, that’s it. Let me make you hot, baby. Drown my cock with your heat.”

  Possessing a positively wicked smile, he must’ve known his actions guaranteed an addiction. He hammered into my pussy, working toward his first release while allowing me to take a few more. Multiple orgasms were overrated. I climaxed on demand and damn near perfected the concept.

  “Don’t stop,” he choked out. “Keep working those sexy legs, hon. Oh yeah, Suzy. Damn. I’m coming.”

  His strokes turned wild. He drove into me with the solid strength of one red-hot man. Then, he rolled over me, tucking my body under his while he fucked like he finally lost all control.

  The animalistic sounds leaving his throat and the quick way he shifted my body here or there to accompany his, lit something inside me. Nerve endings pulsed in convulsing fervor and still, he didn’t stop. His hot sperm jetted into my body and spilled onto my thighs, and he pounded more.

  “Spread ‘em,” he growled when his knee bumped mine.

  He didn’t wait for compliance. Instead, he held me open, holding fast to my legs. He prodded with a damning dick, locking his cock like a loaded weapon while pushing himself deeper into my chamber. All I could do was welcome him, milk him, and buck against and with every thrust.

  “Let me see you, Suzy.” He sighed, glancing down at the joining of our bodies.

  My hands slapped against his shoulders, sliding along his biceps and forearms. I held on tight, tossing my hair back and enjoying the feel of him while he rooted himself higher, pumping his seed straight into my pussy. The sensation was indescribable, and in that specific moment, my fate was determined.

  Alanzo felt strangely familiar and safe. I felt right at home with his arms around me, his cock leading the way into one orgasm before guiding me straight for another.

  “Good,” I whispered. “It’s so good,” I chanted. “Oh, God, Marco. You promised not to stop!”

  And that’s when everything came to an abrupt halt.

  Chapter Five

  I watched him dress. There wasn’t anything I could say to change his mind. One minute, he buried himself inside my body and the next, he rolled away from me. His feet hit the floor in one fluid motion while he snatched his clothes and tripped into his slacks.

  At first he didn’t look at me. I bowed my head in sudden shame. Yes, I had reason to feel regret and cursed myself for the lack of control. How could I let an illusion from the past tarnish what I’d managed to find in the present? How could I hurt Alanzo when I had such strong feelings for him?

  When he stormed across the room to retrieve his shoes, his anger turned explosive. “I. Am. Not. My. Brother.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “I didn’t mean to call out his name.”

  “I can’t change who I am, and you have no idea what you’re missing if you let me walk out that door. Do you understand me?”

  Yes, I easily translated that memo. It was scribbled across his face and etched in his bulging neck veins.

  Alanzo was Marco’s twin for crying out loud. A man I knew well, a person I respected and wanted to care for and if things were different, if he hadn’t been Marco’s brother, I would’ve welcomed him into my life, even now.

  “I can’t say anything to change what you’re feeling,” I pointed out.

  “No. You can’t.” He opened the bedroom door. “And the fact that you didn’t even try tells me I’ve wasted my time here.”

  I gasped when the door slammed behind him. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and I clutched one of the musty-smelling pillows to my chest. Staring across the room, I remembered how many times I’d slept in this room truly alone in this world. Did I really want to return to that life?

  Hell no.

  Did I want to wake up with empty arms in the middle of the night, pour a drink to ease the pain, and try to forget the love I once shared?

  Absolutely not.

  I grabbed my robe, flung open the door, and barreled down the stairs, almost losing my balance. I rushed the front door. Once I made it to the porch, I was home free.

  So was Alanzo.

  I saw the taillights of Marco’s SUV. Alanzo drove toward the main road with tires squealing. Then, he disappeared into the night.

  I stood there sobbing. I had a remarkable experience, fantastic sex, with someone I knew on a personal level long before we were intimate. We cared for one another. Th
e compassion and the passion existed between us. Then, in the blink of an eye, I ruined everything.

  Walking inside, I reached for the phone without considering the repercussions. Listening to the distant ringing, I waited for someone to answer. Cassie, Corby, their housekeeper, Steve, Mark, one of their kids, anyone would do.

  “Hello?”

  “Mark,” I cried. “I need you.”

  * * * *

  Mark had his flaws but we’d been through a lot together. We’d shared more bad times than good, and, somehow, we’d developed a friendship, no thanks to Marco.

  Marco had insisted on forming alliances with his teammates. Corby and Mark were part of his team and through him, I established a mutual respect for the men who’d once shared my bed but ultimately ended up with my best friend.

  I wasn’t surprised when Mark pulled into the driveway a few minutes later. With his curly hair tousled, he rushed inside and immediately hugged me. “I’m here, Suzy,” he said. “I’m right here.”

  I bawled into his shirt and the whiff of his spicy cologne filled my senses. Startled by the way I reacted to his arms fastened around my body, I glanced up to see if his expression relayed anything more than friendship.

  Thank God, I didn’t find lust in his eyes. Since I was on a mission to self destruct, fucking Mark wasn’t out of the question. Then again, I’d tried before and failed.

  Framing my face, he said, “Let me fix you something to drink. We’ll stay up late, like we used to, and talk for a while.”

  Leave it to Mark to work his charm. Sometimes, I missed our late-night talks, those that once carried over until the wee morning hours.

  I followed him into the kitchen, fully expecting the hot cup of steamy cocoa he seemed to think cured all ills. Instead, he looked under the sink and said, “Where’s the scotch?”

  Swallowing tightly, I said, “Mark, you know I don’t need a drink.”

  “Maybe you don’t, but I do.”

  Reluctantly, I said, “The liquor is in the basement.”

  He studied me for a long time, weighing options and the best of all evils. Then, he disappeared downstairs, returning with a bottle of Jack Daniels instead of one of my favorite single malt scotch selections. He retrieved two shot glasses out of the cupboard and filled them.

  Nearly paralyzed, I watched the brown fluid tap the rim and said, “Why are you pouring an alcoholic a drink?”

  “Don’t act surprised, Suzy. You obviously wanted to drown your sorrows in liquor yesterday. What’s changed?”

  His eyes followed mine. I looked toward the stairs. “I’m not sure. I’m vulnerable right now. I’m just numb.”

  “Of course you are. Alanzo shouldn’t have pushed you.”

  I frowned. “He didn’t. I swear it was mutual consent.”

  “You fucked him.”

  I glanced down at my trembling hands, folded across my lap. Then I eyed the shot glass. Damn, I wanted that drink.

  More persistent than before, he asked again. “Did you?”

  “Yes, of course I did, and I’m not sorry I slept with him, only upset things ended the way they did.”

  “So he left right after you gave him what he wanted?”

  “No, it wasn’t like that.”

  “Then why don’t you tell me what it was like, Suzy, because, God help me, I can’t understand why you’d go to bed with a man who looks and acts like your dead husband!”

  “I have needs, too, Mark!”

  “I never said you don’t,” he snapped, pouring another drink. “We all know about you and your overactive sex drive. I’m sure that hasn’t changed just because you’ve buried your husband. Your desires for the opposite sex didn’t die right along with Marco.”

  Detecting sarcasm, I said, “Maybe inviting you over here wasn’t such a good idea.”

  He took another drink and then handed over my glass. “Drink. Forget. We’ll deal with sobriety another day, Suzy.”

  Maybe he was right. I turned up the scotch and gulped down the first shot, pushing the glass in his direction while the fluid burned all the way down.

  With the refill, he said, “Cassie told me to stay.”

  “We’ve already been there and done that, Mark.”

  “Yeah, we have.” His gaze drifted over my body, and he added, “Marco got you in real good shape, Suz. Love looked good on you.”

  I took a deep breath and probably copped a half-smile. “Yeah, I think it did.”

  Shooting more liquor straight down his throat, he asked, “So, what are you going to do about Alanzo?”

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “Considering how I feel right now, I imagine I’ll love him.”

  Chapter Six

  Mark slept on the sofa. I woke up around ten o’clock with a pounding headache and an easy reminder of what I didn’t miss about drinking binges. The hangovers lingered longer than they used to, and I also had another reminder right between my legs.

  I’d been loved hard, sexed one way and then another, and left with an ache I didn’t think just anyone could heal. Tossing the bed sheets away from my body, I inhaled the air, catching Alanzo’s masculine fragrance before moving to the nightstand. I vaguely remembered the scent in the comforter when I’d pulled the thick blanket around me the night before.

  Mark had left a note nearby with a tall glass of water. Drink this and take this. An arrow pointed to three pills, undoubtedly something for a hangover.

  After I showered, I slipped into a short knit black dress with a turtleneck collar. Determined to look casual but sexy, I planned to drive over to the cottage and make my apologies while hinting at a reconciliation of sorts. Alanzo and I were close. We didn’t need to part ways as enemies, bitter at one another because a shared night turned into a catastrophic event.

  Making my way downstairs, I heard the earth-shattering announcement of what sounded like several fists slamming against my front door.

  “Don’t answer it,” Mark said from the living room sofa while trying to bury his head under a large patchwork quilt. “So help me, somebody better be dead or dying to show up here this early.”

  “Get up, sunshine,” I said in passing. “I’m sure Cassie is probably worried sick since you spent the night with the known town tramp.”

  “Yeah, well, I guess Marco worked on more than your body while he was alive, huh? Somewhere along the way, you found some morals.”

  I glanced toward the door and saw Corby and Cassie with their faces framed against the beveled glass panel. Snickering, because it was worth taking a few extra seconds just to devil Cassie some, I said, “If the age thing hadn’t made it nearly impossible, I wish I’d saved myself for him, if you want to know the truth.”

  “Ouch!” Mark exclaimed, sitting up. “That hurt, Suz.”

  “I’ll bet,” I said, releasing a ragged sigh and opening the door to welcome our early-morning guests. Cassie glanced over my shoulder and then to my surprise, she said, “I kind of figured I owed you.”

  Swiftly, I turned around. Mark stood, stretched, and shrugged. “I told you she said ‘spend the night’ but you didn’t want to believe me.” Adding with a wink, he eyed Cassie like she was the only woman in the world. “Hell, baby, if I’d known you wanted me to slide into bed with my ex, I might have gone for a random stranger last night.”

  Cassie narrowed her gaze. “Don’t push it, handsome. My men share, but I don’t return the favor, and Suzy knows better.” She didn’t look as certain as her words suggested.

  “Cassie, I didn’t—”

  She hugged me tightly, cupped her hand over my ear, and said, “To tell you the truth, I’d send them all to you on a loaner if you’d promise to send them back.”

  Laughing, I pointed at Mark and then Corby. “Been there and done these, remember?”

  Mark hugged Cassie good morning and lifted her against his body, allowing her to slide down his torso before he rubbed his cock against her middle. Mark always had a morning problem. When she laughed an
d blushed, I didn’t have to ask.

  Snickering, Cassie said, “Well if you didn’t fuck him, you missed out on something pretty stout.”

  Corby suddenly looked uncomfortable, like he had something on his mind. Nodding toward Mark, he said, “Suzy, why don’t you let him stay here until you’re settled again? Marco’s mother informed us they plan to sell the cottage. You need to move back over here and Mark can help you. We’ve all discussed it.”

  I turned to Cassie. “So you want Mark to stay…here with me?”

  “If you need him here, I understand.”

  “And you’re actually loaning him to me?” I borrowed her words.

  “Will you give him back?” she asked, giving him a squeeze.

  “Don’t act like you’re opposed to it,” Mark said, slapping my thigh. “You might hurt my feelings.”

  “What feelings?” I asked, nudging him.

  “Let Mark and Corby handle your affairs, Suzy. Otherwise, you’re going to make the biggest mistake of your life.”

  Obviously, the Teller camp didn’t want me chasing after Alanzo. Besides, where errors were concerned, I’d already started to collect a few. I called Alanzo by his brother’s name, and then I allowed him to walk out my door. He was the only man who appealed to me on any level, and most women would consider the act of letting him get away…quite stupid.

  I glared at the kitchen bar visible from the door. Could I blame it on the booze? No, but I could credit myself with one more error in judgment. Everyone was entitled to a few mistakes, right? The three people standing in front of me were hardly strangers to bad decisions. Then again, my friends looked pretty content. Regardless of their choices, everything worked out okay for them.

  “Suzy, look at it this way,” Cassie began. “Mark is safe. He’s not going to hurt you.”

  “Oh, no?”

  “You once trusted Mark,” Cassie reminded.

  “We were obsessed with one another, but I don’t remember trust existing in our marriage. Our relationship was based on sex,” I blurted out all at once.

  Cassie would’ve been well served to remember some of the things I once shared with her about our sex life prior to her relationship with Mark. If she recalled some of our late-night talks back in the good old days, then she probably wouldn’t push him in my direction.