Pretending to be Normal Read online

  • writer

  • animal trainer

  • engineer

  • computer programmer

  • horticulturist

  • university instructor in the field you most enjoy

  • research analyst

  • artist or craftsman

  • musician

  • assembly line factory worker

  • architect

  • police or security officer

  • fire safety officer

  • scientist

  • electronic, auto, television, etc. repair person

  • carpenter

  • librarian

  • historian

  • antique or special items collector and trader

  • and anything else that captures your interest, builds on your strengths and affords you the kind of environment you need.

  Making your job a success

  1. Special accommodation requests

  Whether or not you decide to tell your employer and/or your fellow employees about your AS, you might ask if you can rely on any of the following services or accommodations which might help you to control the AS traits that could interfere with your job performance. And keep in mind it is important for the employer to realize you are not asking for special compensations that will release you from work responsibilities, but rather special concessions that will help you to do your absolute best work for the company.

  (a) ear plugs or stereo headset

  (b) sun glasses

  (c) word processors

  (d) calculators

  (e) an office or work space in the most quiet place possible

  (f) advanced knowledge of any changes in routine as soon as possible

  (g) a mentor or co-worker you can train with or work along side of

  (h) a flexible break schedule should you need to quickly find a quiet zone

  (i) assistance in filling out your employment forms and contracts

  (j) a regular parking space close to the building you will be working in

  (k) the opportunity to request which people you work with on group assignments

  (l) continued career and job skill training.

  2. Your responsibilities

  (a) Never assume your employer or co-worker should accept anything less than your best efforts. In other words, always do your best.

  (b) Always let your employer know if you cannot make it to work or if you will be late or leave early. It is not fair simply to assume that co-workers will cover for you without your having made the effort to explain your absence.

  (c) Never underestimate your own potential.

  (d) Do everything you can to improve your skills or widen your knowledge.

  (e) Try to be patient with people who seem to ignore your needs, they might simply need time to adjust to your differences or more education in order really to understand the AS world.

  (f) Try very hard to find employment that holds your interest. If you do, you will be far more likely to control any of the AS behaviors that might otherwise make it difficult for you to do your job.

  (g) Try not to quit a job without first giving at least two weeks notice. This implies you will be honest with yourself about how the job is going, so that you can judge whether or not you are beginning to feel overwhelmed, overloaded or too frustrated by the demands. The moment you feel any of these sensations, you need to talk to your employer or mentor and either find a way to deal with the situation or prepare to leave the job.

  (h) Tell your employer and co-workers what you think they need to know about your AS, if you decide that this will help them to better accommodate you, understand you, and help you to find the kind of work you are best suited for.

  (i) Let your employer and co-workers know you appreciate their friendships and their guidance by sending them a thank you note once or twice a year or by simply telling them how you feel about their association with you.

  Appendix IV

  Organizing Your Home Life

  I like household routines as much as I like professional sumo wrestling — which is to say I do not like them in the least. I used to feel a tug of guilt when I allowed myself to admit I did not enjoy all that comes with caring for my family and home, but that was before I came to view homemaking as a quasi-academic major worthy of a stack of certifications and degrees. Those who tell you homemaking is easy or that it is enticing only to simpletons, are woefully misinformed. In my view, homemaking is a science that has to be studied, researched, analyzed, learned and memorized. Not because it requires a great deal of intellect, rather because it requires a well-organized and deliberately attentive mind. A mind that can shuffle, sort, file, retrieve, and re-route with only a moment’s notice.

  I, like many of my AS friends, do not have a mind like that. My mind wanders about like a golden retriever let loose near several reed-lined ponds and an open field, knee high in native grass and wildlife. I never know quite what I am looking for, exactly what needs my attention first, precisely where I want to go, or how I want to approach that which lies before me. I marvel at those I know who are able to handle their home with any measure of efficiency or ease. To me, homemaking is an intricate blend of peculiar demands, random fundamentals, chaotic compromises and irksome annoyances; it is a skilled trade I have no plans of mastering. Still, it is something I try to train myself to do with at least a certain measure of proficiency and a degree of resignation that I would not have been able to offer just ten years ago. After much trial and error, here are the lessons I have managed to learn about homemaking with AS.

  Color coding: A foolproof way of keeping everyone and most everything organized

  1. The people

  Assign each member of the family a color, then try to purchase as many personal items as you can in those colors letting everyone know their things are the blue or yellow or pink or whatever color they have selected. Items you might be able to include in this system include: toothbrushes, hairbrushes, laundry baskets, bedding supplies, towels and wash cloths, various school supplies, key rings, glass cases, lunch boxes, gloves and hats, backpacks and briefcases and toy boxes. Continue the theme by purchasing colored pens and note paper that match each person’s color, a note on blue paper is for the person who chose blue, an activity written on the calendar with red ink is an activity for the person who chose red, and so on.

  2. Mail

  Keep a collection of differently colored bins for the various mail your family receives. One color for bills, one for personal correspondence, one for junk mail you might want to read like shopping ads and coupons, and one for mail you are ready to stamp and mail.

  3. Record keeping

  Buy different colored filing folders for each main category of information you need to file. Try to select colors that remind you of the category.

  (a) Automobile information — warranties, the rental or purchase contracts, repair records, and payment books kept in a color-coded file that matches the color of your favorite car.

  (b) Credit card and checkbook records — credit card information including photocopies of your payment agreements, and the names, addresses and telephone numbers you need should your credit cards or checks get lost or stolen; other general financial contract payment agreements; copies of paid bills and receipts; checkbook information, including your bank account number and the name, addresses and telephone numbers of your bank kept in a color-coded file that matches the color of your favorite currency.

  (c) Family documents — wills; birth, marriage, baptism and death certificates; divorce papers; diplomas and any other personal information numbers or licenses kept in a color-coded file that matches the color of your eyes.

  (d) Financial records — insurance policy papers; investment papers; the names, telephone numbers and addresses of the people who broker or maintain your accounts kept in a color-coded file that matches the color of your checks or checkbook.

  (e) Health records — immunization records, hospitalization records, me
dical procedure records, histories of family illnesses, allergy records and lists of medications you have taken kept in a color coded file that matches the color of the red cross found on most first aid kits.

  (f) Household products information — warranties, proper care and handling instructions, and authorized service centers kept in a color coded file that matches the color of your refrigerator.

  How to avoid shopping centers and other crowded places that typically contribute to sensory overload

  1. Catalog shopping

  These days, most shopping, including everything from groceries sold in bulk, to memorabilia, art work, hobby supplies and home maintenance items, can be done by mail order. What’s more, if you live in an area that does not require sales tax on those items purchased by mail, you can even save money when you catalog shop. If you are not already receiving a variety of catalogs, ask your neighbors and extended family members for their old catalogs. Or you can search the last few pages of most hobby or specific interest magazines (home decorating, garden, automobile repair, etc.) for catalog advertisements and address information.

  2. Gifts

  Next time you need a gift, consider sending something that requires no out-of-the-home shopping such as a subscription to a magazine, a donation to a special organization made in the recipient’s name, tickets to an event, an IOU for some service you can provide them, or an item you were able to find through your catalog shopping.

  3. Home delivery services

  Many stores will deliver their products to your door, or at least arrange to have them mailed to you, if you simply tell them you have a disability that makes it difficult for you to drive, face crowds or leave the home. If it is difficult for you to ask the store personnel for this assistance, write a letter instead asking if they can provide this service.

  4. Take turns shopping with a friend

  Work out a partnership with a friend to take turns doing each other’s errands. Or if you find you are better able to function at one store than another, ask the friend if you could take care of the general shopping needs at the location you are most comfortable visiting, while the friend faces the crowds at the stores you need to avoid.

  5. Personal shopper

  If nothing else, you can always try to arrange for someone to do your shopping for you. If you cannot afford to pay someone, perhaps you could barter a good or service instead. You might offer help with homework to a high school student, a homemade craft you are particularly good at creating, help on tax forms, gardening services or any other number of services you enjoy and do well, in exchange for weekly grocery shopping or small errand running.

  Making your way through the day without stressing yourself out

  1. Divide and conquer

  Make a list of assignments: Write down everything you think you need to do to keep your household running. Include all kinds of responsibilities such as: cleaning, gardening, auto care and repair, volunteer commitments, shopping, and any other activity you will need to engage in on a regular basis — things like getting your hair cut or visiting the doctor. Then, assign each activity a specific day of the week. Keep track of your schedule by writing everything on a large monthly or yearly wall calendar, or in a notebook you have designated for home-making routines. Record the weekly items first. For example, you might decide to grocery shop on Mondays, vacuum on Tuesdays, wash clothes on Wednesdays, dust on Thursdays and care for the yard on Fridays. Then go back and assign a time for your monthly routines such as, for example: hair and doctor appointments on the first Monday of every month and car maintenance on the last Friday of every month.

  2. Visual reminders

  Get in the habit of carrying small note papers with you where ever you go. Write yourself reminders on the paper that you can tape to spots you are certain not to miss. You might keep reminders of the day’s schedule changes posted on your bathroom mirror; reminders to exercise, eating right, read to the kids, etc., posted near your refrigerator; and reminders of things you wanted to tell your family or friends posted near your computer or the phone.

  3. Auditory reminders

  Record your thoughts, reminders of things you want to accomplish, and appointment times and dates on a pocket-sized tape recorder you can carry with you where ever you go. Listen to it several times during the day to keep your memory jarred, or write the entire transcript down when you have the time so you can have a visual reminder, as well.

  4. Fashion sense reminders

  If you find you cannot design a nice looking or comfortable wardrobe without distressing yourself, turn to your favorite clothes catalog for help. Simply cut out pictures of models wearing outfits you think you would like and then either order those clothes from the catalog, or take the photos with you to a store you feel comfortable in and ask a salesclerk to help you find a similar outfit. When you get the clothes home, hang them together in the closet with the picture of the model pinned to one of the pieces, to remind you how the outfit should be put together.

  Appendix V

  Coping Strategies for Sensory Perception Problems

  Although extended research is needed to explore the relationship between sensory perception problems and Asperger’s Syndrome fully, experts in the field have begun to conclude there is a correlation between the two (Attwood, 1998, p. 19; Rimland 1990). If you are easily upset or overwhelmed by the everyday kinds of sensory information that exist in your life, for example, if everyday lighting can appear intensely bright, quiet music can sound painfully loud, a whiff of perfume can bring on nausea, or certain food textures and tastes produce a gag reflex, chances are you are affected by sensory perception problems. If that is the case, consider engaging the help of a trained occupational therapist who will assist you in designing a formal sensory integration therapy program. In the meantime, the following suggestions might help you manage some of the more common situations. On a cautionary note, please keep in mind some of these coping strategies can look unusual to the general public. Therefore, it might be in your best interest to use the therapies you select in as private a place as possible. If you cannot find privacy, it would be a good idea to tell your close associates a few things about sensory perception problems and how you try to deal with them, so that they will be able to empathize with you when you do your therapy.

  Tactile sensitivity

  1. If you dislike being touched, politely ask those around you to warn you before they touch you or ask them not to touch you at all. If you decide someone can touch you, let them know which you prefer, light or firm pressure.

  2. If even the slightest sensation aggravates your nerves, try to move your work, study and other personal spaces as far away as you can from air vent currents, window treatments and any other obstacles that might inadvertently brush against your body.

  3. If you enjoy the sensation of deep pressure, you might put light weights (store bought or some you have made yourself from sacks of small coins, pebbles, marbles, etc.) in the pockets of your jackets, sweaters and vests, even if this means you have to sew pockets in your clothing. Or you could get in the habit of carrying a heavy purse or backpack.

  4. Find which kinds of fabric feel best on your skin and try to buy clothing, gloves, hats, towels, blankets, sheets, cooking mits and pot holders, scarves and so on, that are made from that material.

  5. If washing your hair is a terrible issue for you, wear a very short hair cut that can be quickly washed in a few seconds. Do a dry shampoo by sprinkling corn starch or scent-free powder in your hair (if you can tolerate the tactile sensation of those textures) leaving it in for a few minutes, then brushing it out. Or consider wearing hats and scarves to cover your hair when it becomes unruly, but not quite desperate enough for a washing. Remember though, that you will have to wash your hair at least once a week or you risk getting lice, scalp ailments and social rejections.

  6. If you need to stimulate the sensitive nerve endings around your mouth, do not chew pencils and pens which might break and splinter
into your mouth, instead chew hard substances like paraffin wax, thick rubber tubing, gum or heavy plastic straws.

  7. If you like to squish and scrunch things, fill balloons with flour, flour and rice, cornstarch, or some other pleasing substance, then squish away (only after the balloon has been tied shut with a knot); play with shaving cream before you use it; play with modeling clay; learn to bake bread the old fashioned way; garden; squeeze a small rubber ball; hold a small vibrating toy; or fiddle with a prepackaged bag of rice or beans. And do not worry if you need to do these things in public, they are easy to conceal. Just put them in small containers you can hide in your pockets or put them in your shoes to squish with your toes.

  8. Use your personal hygiene routine as a sensory input center. Either very firmly or very lightly (depending on your preference) scrub your body with differently textured bath brushes and wash cloths until you find the combination of force and texture you enjoy.

  Visual sensitivity

  1. Wear sunglasses, visors or hats to protect yourself from the sun and overhead lights, but do not allow these to block or interfere with your vision.

  2. Experiment with different colored light bulbs and different levels of bulb wattage to see which you like the best.

  3. Surround yourself with colors that appeal to you.

  4. If you are overwhelmed in large crowded areas, try putting your hands around your face and focus on things just in front of you, not those things in your peripheral vision. I often do this and have discovered that if I pretend to be rubbing my temples, as if I am warding off a headache, people do not react oddly when they see me.

  5. Look down at the floor directly ahead of you, but only try this if you are with someone who can guide you around obstacles.